u/Beginning-Pie-7433

I turned 18 today. I’m gonna be honest, I’ve been having a crisis about it for 4 months now. Although, I was an early high-school graduate and I’m entering my sophomore year of college now. I also have had a job since march.

I’m was a very compliant kid. Very quiet, anxious, barely spoke in high-school. Was generally overly respectful of authority. Considered anybody more than 4-5 years older than me as a superior. Yknow, kid and adult. I didn’t, and still don’t, consider us equals. I consider myself as below in the hierarchy I guess? I’m inexperienced, (relatively) naive and appreciate guidance. Yeah sure, I’m not 8. But I’m also hardly an adult. I don’t know shit.

Started coming out of my shell a bit more in community college towards my peers (classmates around my age), but kept the same mindset towards my boss, older coworkers (who are all a decade older than me) and professors. I was still 17 after all.

Now I guess I’m wondering if I’m supposed to change that? Am I supposed to see all other adults as “ equals” now? Looking at like, my 35 y/o co-worker, I don’t really consider us equals. And I can’t imagine considering myself an equal to them. Nor do I really consider myself an equal to my say, 27 y/o older sibling.

Idk, am I weird for this?

I’m not a parent, a teenager myself. But I can’t really talk to my own parents about this. So, I’m going here for advice. I’m 17F, about to turn 18 in two days.

I had a traumatic childhood. Abuse by both my parents and my younger sibling, neglect, called CPS on my parents at 15, hoping something would be done. Nothing ever really was. Never really got taken care of. Learned how to do it myself, but I didn’t really care enough to do it properly. Just enough to not starve to death. I was tired constantly. It felt like too much effort. I’m still tired constantly. I vividly remember a conversation I had with my schools social worker at 15 where she asked me “Well, who loves you?” And I blankly responded “Nobody.” And I didn’t really understand why she looked so sad. Because it felt normal to me.

Things got better at 16. I guess CPS was some wake-up call for my parents. My younger sibling got older and less violent towards me. It wasn’t perfect. But it was better. I reconnected with family right before I turned 17 and I went to go visit them. For the first time in my life I experienced people who didn’t despise me, and were accommodating and were at least trying to be loving. I felt kind of cared for, for the first time in my life. But the entire time, I had the voice in the back of my head “you’ll be a legal adult soon. Nobody’s going to care like this again. They aren’t going to care when you’re 18.” And I couldn’t properly enjoy it. Everything was cloaked with a blanket of sadness.

I was talking to a relative about my parent(the only one who knows about my parents treatment’), and the fact they neglected me. And I got told “well, I think they think that’s normal. They don’t really take care of themself. I think it’s because nobody cares about them.” And I realized that fuck, I don’t care about myself either. And nobody really cares about me. I’m going to end up like them.

And I think ever since I realized I was about to be a legal adult, and that I’m about to switch from “poor abused child” to “failure adult that needs to shut up and figure it out”, I started associating independence with abandonment. Which is fucking stupid. Because I’ve been independent since I was a 12-year-old. I *had* to be.

I saw a comment under a post that told an abusive parent of a 22 y/o that “you fucked up the older one too much. If you have younger ones, take care of them. But this one’s probably a lost cause.” And I guess it just fueled my fear further. I’m a lost cause. Because I’m 18 now. Nobody cares once you’re 18.

But I don’t know. I think I started self sabotaging things. I failed two college summer classes. I had a four-month-long crisis between April-July about turning 18. Because it meant I’d *have* to be alone and independent forever. Nobody will ever care about me again. I passed one of the three classes I took online with an A, at least. I got a job back in march, but I don’t know why they haven’t fired me yet. I showed up and did my work, but I was clearly tired and depressed. Doing the bare minimum. And I felt bad, because they were so nice and accommodating. But I just couldn’t care.

And I’ve realized, I dread every birthday after this. I dread adulthood. I dread being alone and independent forever. I don’t dread working. I don’t dread cooking, cleaning or laundry. I dread never being loved or cared about again. I’m a fucking loser. And I don’t even think I care to fix it. Because fixing it would mean abandonment.

I’ll be 18F in a day, and objectively, my life for the past year has been leagues better than it ever has been before. I grew up with abusive parents and dealt with CPS at 15. I was entirely alone, and the only family I had any contact with was my abusive parents and younger sibling. I was bullied IRL and only ever made friends online. Ended up being pretty much completely isolated at 16. I lost or cut off all my friends due to a dramatic meltdown.

Now, I graduated high-school early, finally started taking ADHD meds again reconnected with my extended family that have all been amazing, started community college, got a really easy part-time job, made two IRL friends and a couple new ones online. Traveled to go see my extended family, saw two states, when Id never traveled before. Objectively, my life has been going fucking amazing this last year.

And yet, I still feel weirdly disconnected from it all. I don’t care about my current friends anywhere near as much as I cared about my old friends. Hell, a lot of the times talking to them feels like a chore, and I don’t even know why. I’ve lost interest in my art, because it all just feels pointless, I’m not young anymore. Isn’t that something I’m supposed to let go of by now? I don’t care about gaming anymore.

I don’t feel the same amount of wonder I feel like I should. I saw fucking mountains for the first time in my life, and they were gorgeous. And I still did feel awe, but it felt muted, distant. It wasn’t nearly as all-consuming as I remember it being. I still felt like I had to force myself to feel it. I dyed my hair with some friends and it was genuinely fun, but I still felt disconnected from the moment. I feel like I’ve lost the ability to just live in the moment. Everything has some degree of detachment to it now. It sucks.

Does anybody else feel like this? Did you manage to fix it? If so, how?

I’ll be 18F in a day, and objectively, my life for the past year has been leagues better than it ever has been before. I grew up with abusive parents and dealt with CPS at 15. I was entirely alone, and the only family I had any contact with was my abusive parents and younger sibling. I was bullied IRL and only ever made friends online. Ended up being pretty much completely isolated at 16. Lost or cut off all my friends due to a dramatic meltdown.

Now, I graduated high-school early, finally started taking ADHD meds again reconnected with my extended family that have all been amazing, started community college, got a really easy part-time job, made two IRL friends and a couple new ones online. Traveled to go see my extended family, saw two states, when Id never traveled before. Objectively, my life has been going fucking amazing this last year.

And yet, I still feel weirdly disconnected from it all. I don’t care about my current friends anywhere near as much as I cared about my old friends. Hell, a lot of the times talking to them feels like a chore, and I don’t even know why. I’ve lost interest in my art, because it all just feels pointless, I’m not young anymore. Isn’t that something I’m supposed to let go of by now? I don’t care about gaming anymore.

I don’t feel the same amount of wonder I feel like I should. I saw fucking mountains for the first time in my life, and they were gorgeous. And I still ***did*** feel awe, but it felt muted, distant. It wasn’t nearly as all-consuming as I remember it being. I still felt like I had to force myself to feel it. I dyed my hair with some friends and it was genuinely fun, but I still felt disconnected from the moment. I feel like I’ve lost the ability to just live in the moment. Everything has some degree of detachment to it now. It sucks.

Does anybody else feel like this? Did you manage to fix it? If so, how?

I’m recently 18. I had bad parents. Abuse, neglect, all the fun stuff. Regardless, they cut off their family when I was 8 or so, and I reconnected with them when I was 16. But they live in a different state, so I haven’t been able to visit them much. They’re all very kind and open. And I’ll be seeing them again in a couple months. But still, I’m not super close to them yet.

My grandma offered to help me pay for college, but didn’t really give me any information beyond that. I don’t know how much they’re willing to cover, if they’re are any terms and conditions for it, or even if they expect me to pay them back or something. I heard from another relative that they covered their 20k tuition, and that they’re going to pay for my cousins veterinarian school. Both of which are insane amounts of money to me, especially the latter.

Obviously, I’m not going to apply to a private school or something and expect them to cover several 100k in debt for an undergraduate degree. That’s insane, selfish and entitled. I’m not nearly as smart as my cousins, and I’m aware of my limitations. They deserve that kind of money, I don’t. But I do want to know at what point the debt will be on me.

I was originally planning on trying to hold off on making them pay anything for as long as possible, but I keep getting told by people to accept any help offered to me. And my friend told me they’d just take the money. But I don’t want to appear as a bad or selfish person. I’m hardly more than a stranger. What if my family think I’m taking advantage of my elderly grandma?

I turn 18 in 3 days, and honestly, I’ve been panicking about it for the past 4 months. I’m in community college and I have a part-time job, but I truly don’t feel like an adult yet. Yes, I know most people don’t feel like adults, but still. I genuinely can’t comprehend that I’m supposed to wake up in 3 days and somehow know everything.

God, why does this birthday have to be so fucking dramatic? I didn’t care when I turned 16. I was a bit sad when I turned 17, but I could still mostly ignore it. Now I can’t ignore this one. I just want to be able to go to bed again without spiraling and crying that every god damn thing in my life is going to change when that stupid legal threshold is passed.

I know most people don’t feel like adults. What I fear is the change in treatment and people suddenly becoming uncaring and unsympathetic the second I cross over that legal threshold. Adults are fucking assholes to each other. Like, I’m not trying to avoid responsibility or anything. I can cook, clean, I have a job. But holy shit I don’t want to never be able to console or rely on anybody for emotional support ever again. I don’t want any issue I have to be responded to with “you’re an adult. Figure it out.” When not even a day ago I was still 17. I’m still fucking clueless. I’m still emotional. I still want somebody to turn to for advice. Sure, I’m legally responsible for my actions. But still having guidance on what those actions should be, instead of throwing me to the wolves, would be nice.

I turn 18 in 3 days, and honestly, I’ve been panicking about it for the past 4 months. I’m in community college and I have a part-time job, but I truly don’t feel like an adult yet. Yes, I know most people don’t feel like adults, but still. I genuinely can’t comprehend that I’m supposed to wake up in 3 days and somehow know everything.

God, why does this birthday have to be so fucking dramatic? I didn’t care when I turned 16. I was a bit sad when I turned 17, but I could still mostly ignore it. Now I can’t ignore this one. I just want to be able to go to bed again without spiraling and crying that every god damn thing in my life is going to change when that stupid legal threshold is passed.

I know most people don’t feel like adults. What I fear is the change in treatment and people suddenly becoming uncaring and unsympathetic the second I cross over that legal threshold. Adults are fucking assholes to each other. Like, I’m not trying to avoid responsibility or anything. I can cook, clean, I have a job. But holy shit I don’t want to never be able to console or rely on anybody for emotional support ever again. I don’t want any issue I have to be responded to with “you’re an adult. Figure it out.” When not even a day ago I was still 17.

I turned 18 recently. My parents were abusive growing up and cut off their family when I was around 7 or 8, because they spoke out against them. Aside from one relative, I didn’t talk to any of them again until I was 16/17, and visiting, trying to reconnect and properly “”join”” the family. It went better than I expected. A lot better. So well, that despite feeling incredibly guilty for it, I started feeling suspicious. Maybe I’m just not used to kindness. Maybe I’m just being paranoid because I’m actually at the age where one stupid naive mistake can ruin my life.

When I was visiting an uncle/aunt, they mentioned that my grandparent was going to pay for their kids college, and that they want to help me with mine too. My grandparent had offered that a couple months prior, but I honestly didn’t really consider it. After all, they don’t know me. Despite being their grandkid, I’d feel incredibly bad and like I’m being horribly selfish if I made them fund my education. I reconnect, only to immediately start receiving/asking for money. That’s not a good look. Even if it was offered to me prior.

But, idk. Maybe it was the insistence, since they offered again this trip (separately.), maybe I’m just a bit older and getting more desperate, I started to actually consider it. Saying myself loans and being able to go to a nicer (public) university with better programs and connections might be good for me. But still, I’m not entirely sure yet. I don’t want to be a bad person. Nor do I want to accidentally come off like I’m expecting too much. Or “give an inch and they’ll run a mile.”, sorta deal.

Regardless, while at my relatives. They also mentioned that they also wanted to give me (and my cousins) an allowance while we study. Since the degree I chose is one you can’t really work while pursuing past the first year or so. And with my grandparent watching them almost go homeless trying to juggle work, school and raising kids, wants to make it easier on me (and by extension their other grandkids.) So I won’t have to worry about surviving while studying. An incredible offer, and the sort of thing people imagine only rich private school kids get.

They don’t want my parent having access to the money, meaning it’d be an account solely in my name. (Which is understandable I guess.), But.. this is where this all starts to sound like a scam... they want to deposit it via routing. Eg, account and routing numbers. Instead of something like Zelle. I told them about my hesitation and they just kinda laughed and said they didn’t plan on taking my money, and that they don’t use Zelle, PayPal or any of the apps they hear their younger co-workers talking about. I’d be giving my account information to this relative, I guess? Since they’re bilingual, and me and my grandparent don’t speak the same language. I always need a translator whenever I talk to them.

My grandparent never mentioned an allowance. They mentioned helping with tuition. They mentioned helping with housing if I wanted to go to college near where they live. They never mentioned this. Just a warning to not take out loans, and that they could help instead. All incredibly offer’s on their own, and I’m incredibly grateful. Which is why I’d feel really awkward if I went up to them and asked if an allowance was something they actually offered or not. Im also the oldest out of my cousins, so I can’t even legitimize the offer with that. (I have an older brother, but he went into trades.)

And I feel like I’m going to get scammed if I go along with this. I’m going to end up in some massive debt or something from check fraud. But if I don’t, then I might throw away a genuine opportunity from anxiety. Even if the anxiety seems reasonable.

Advice? Aren’t routing and account numbers something your never supposed to give anybody else?

I got invited to this server by an online friend who’s a year younger than me. I joined two weeks before turning 18. I genuinely thought it was just an art server. And for the most part, it is. Most people here are 16-17, one 19 y/o, one 20 y/o and then one 15 y/o that’s hardly online and that I don’t rlly speak to.

Issue is, people in the server make innuendos and jokes along that line all the time. Joking about hooking up, smut, shit like that. If these people were around my age, I wouldn’t be uncomfortable. But most of them aren’t. So I don’t make those jokes in the server. Issue is, sometimes I join unrelated conversations and suddenly one of them makes that kind of joke around me. I just leave afterwards. But I feel incredibly icky and uncomfortable after. Like holy shit I’m being creepy. And I was still 17 then.

But considering I’m a legal adult now.. is it actually creepy for me to stay in this server? Or worse, am I legally in jeopardy for it? (USA). At this point I’m mostly in it because I’m trying to become friends with another user 2 months younger than me. Since I follow their art account and they seem cool.

I’m 17F, about to be a 18. I grew up with abusive parents, and those parents cut off their family. Past age 8 or so, I never spoke to my extended family. I started reconnecting with them at 16/17, and they’re all very kind and warm. Since meeting them at 16, I wanted to move to the city they live in, so I can be close to my family. I didn’t have a family growing up, I want one now.

I know they’re busy, adults are busy. I’ll be busy in 4 or so years when I’m a “proper” adult. But still, living near them will probably allow for more of a relationship than living states away.

While visiting, my grandparent offered to let me live in one of their properties, if I wanted to go to college there. I kind of got conflicting information about the terms and conditions of it all. I’m not even entirely sure if I’ll be paying rent or not. (Grandparent said I wouldn’t have to, but previously said it’d be cheap rent. So I’m not really sure…)

I want to know what would be expected of me. Like, you know what you’re getting into when you sign an apartment lease. You know if pets are allowed or not, you know what will get you kicked out, etc etc.

I know they’re family, but they’re also family I’ve met 3 times past being an 8-year-old. I’m not going to smoke in their house, or trash the thing with parties or anything. But I’m also not even 18 yet and I’ve never lived “”alone””. Im inexperienced as hell and might fuck up simply because I’m stupid and inexperienced.

But because I’ve met them three times. I feel really douchè and like a user if I jump on this opportunity straight away. Because like, wow, the granddaughter you barely know is already asking you for things. But also, I kind of need to know if I can even afford to live there, since I need to know if it’s worth applying to colleges there or not. And that deadlines in a couple months.

Advice?

I’m freshly 18F. Looking back at my life, I realized I haven’t really genuinely cared about my friends the same way I cared for the friends I had at 14 and younger. I had two people at 14, that I adored because they were just themselves. People I was worried about, people I platonically loved, people who I felt like I could contact now and still care about.

I don’t think I’ve cared about anybody like that since. I haven’t properly bonded to anybody. I just have people I occasionally game with. People I drag with me to events or concerts. But I don’t really feel connected to them. If I moved, I don’t think I’d feel sad we aren’t in contact anymore. I miss caring about people like that. I miss being bonded.

Am I never going to bond or care about a friend like that ever again? Is that something only kids and early teenagers can develop? Has that window been closed? Have you made any platonic bonds like that in adulthood?

I’m freshly 18F. Looking back at my life, I realized I haven’t really genuinely cared about my friends the same way I cared for the friends I had at 14 and younger. I had two people at 14, that I adored because they were just themselves. People I was worried about, people I platonically loved, people who I felt like I could contact now and still care about.

I don’t think I’ve cared about anybody like that since. I haven’t properly bonded to anybody. I just have people I occasionally game with. People I drag with me to events or concerts. But I don’t really feel connected to them. If I moved, I don’t think I’d feel sad we aren’t in contact anymore. I miss caring about people like that. I miss being bonded.

Am I never going to bond or care about a friend like that ever again? Is that something only kids and early teenagers can develop? Has that window been closed? Have you made any platonic bonds like that in adulthood?

When you’re a child and teenager, you’re the future of society. People and the media pay more attention to you by default, because you’re who will be replacing them in due time. Your development and well-being matters. I’m some ways, you’re “special” simply for being a minor.

Once you turn 18, that’s all over. Your shuffled with the rest of the adults. You’re the same as everybody else. You don’t really matter anymore. Your job is to maintain society now. You aren’t nearly as interesting.

I turned 18F about a month ago, and I find myself realizing I don’t feel any different than I did at 16. Slightly more depressed and anxious about the future, but personality wise.. still pretty much the same. I don’t really feel any different. And it’s weird to think it’s been 2 years since I’ve been 16.

I graduated high-school at 16 and spent 17 in my freshman year of community college. I have a part-time job. I still don’t feel like an adult, at all. I still feel like a teenager. I get relatively uncomfortable when somebody calls me an adult, because not even a month ago I was still a “child”. It’s hard to wrap my head my head around my status changing overnight so unceremoniously.

My brains mostly done developing. It’s just the frontal lobe now I guess. There’s no chemistry rewriting itself anymore. I’m not growing anymore. My mindset and personality is probably mostly set, right? This is mostly how I’m going to be forever, right? No major changes from here? This is it?

I turned 18 two months ago. I grew up with abusive parents and without extended family during my pre-teen and teenage years. One parent was an only child and functional orphan, and the other cut off their family for different reasons, some petty, some understandable. The reason they cut off their parents is relatively petty, and even they agree it got too complicated and they should’ve dealt with it when they were younger. Unfortunately, one of my grandparents passed away during my early teenage years. When I was 16 I started reconnecting with them myself. My parent doesn’t have an interest in reconnecting, but they’re fine with me doing it.

They’ve all been very warm, seem open to get to know me and let me into the family. But theres still the thought in the back of my mind that I’m an intrusion that doesn’t really belong there. It’s a very sweet, but weird feeling to go from parents who couldn’t give a shit about you, to almost strangers who’ve been significantly warmer and more caring. I’ve been a bit paranoid that I’m going to ruin it, that I’m being too pushy, or that it’s an act and they secretly hate me, etc, etc. I likely need therapy.

I was visiting them again a month ago and while there, my grandparent offered to pay for my college. Stating they’re doing the same for my 2 cousins, and that they payed off my uncles student loans. They also mentioned an allowance while I study, so I won’t have to work and could focus solely on my degree. The latter I particularly might decline, since I’d feel way too bad being sent money from somebody I hardly know, plus they’re retired, and I don’t want them draining their finances on me when I don’t 100% need it.

I work, and I agree the stress of it’s been affecting my grades, and I could probably do better if studying is all Im focusing on. But I can’t help but feel like I’m taking advantage and being lazy, if I quit my job and get an allowance that I’m not working for to replace it.

Right now, don’t really need financial assistance. I live at home, I’m doing community college, I get grants, and I work. But it’ll change when I transfer to a university. The degree I chose is rigorous and difficult. I can work during the first 2 years, but I can’t during the last 2. My plan was to just save what I can, and deal with whatever loans I needed to take out. I also may go to grad school, and again, I was just going to eat the loans.

Im also rethinking my degree, and I don’t really have a set path anymore. Assuming I accept the offer, it would only be when I’m 100% sure about what path I’m choosing.

Right now, I can fail classes or have a shitty semester, because it’s on mine, or the governments dime. I’m fucking myself over, and nobody else. If I take somebody else’s money, that’s different. If I fail, I’m dragging somebody else down with me. Thought it could also be a motivator to focus harder on my studies and future, so I won’t drag anybody else down with me. And so I won’t be embarrassed in front of the family I’m getting to know.

There’s also the thought that.. well I don’t know them. Not really. They’ve been nothing but kind to me, but I still don’t know them. I feel like I’m taking advantage of them.

Or in a more paranoid thought, I might screwing myself over. Maybe this comes with some terms and conditions I just don’t know about yet. Who gives somebody 20k+ without further monitoring? Could I get sued? I mean, I don’t think I’m signing any kind of contract. I don’t know. This feels like some fantasy scenario I’d make in my head when I was younger. It feels too good to be true.

I just don’t know what to do. This is an amazing offer. But if I take this, will my family think I’m only using them? Will i get myself into some legal trouble I didn’t foresee, because I don’t know anything about the “real world”? But what I end up turning down a genuine offer and amazing opportunity because of my paranoia?

I’m anxious as fuck.

Pretty much the title. Hyper-individualism, an increasingly isolated society, less time to hang with people, people being less willing to make close/deep friendships, people having family’s/kids, etc.

Made the mistake of taking two medical courses over a summer semester. Got a D in both of them. Was wondering if this still counts as failing for my course completion ratio. I’d assume so, but I just want to make sure.

Went from 100% completion rate to a 72% completion rate in a single semester. I cooked myself so bad lmao.

I’m newly 18F, like I turned 18 two days ago.

I met these people two months ago, made friends with the 17 y/o first and they invited over their 16 y/o friend. A year and 1.5 years younger than me. The two started making innuendos and those kinda jokes, and despite me being uncomfortable with it, I didn’t really know how to directly tell them to stop without it being weird. I never joined in myself, and just ignored it. But I’m worried me being around it at all is creepy.

Because like, I’m an adult. I really don’t want to be making sexual jokes around people that much younger than me. That’s gross, and could possibly put me in a morally reprehensible position, or even legally.

What should I do? Is it weird to just directly tell them I’m uncomfortable and to stop? Should I make it about ages, or just leave that part out?