r/makemychoice

Hi everyone,
I am honestly going through one of the toughest periods of my life. I am considering leaving a 10-year relationship with someone I love and who still loves me.
We met in college shortly after I had gotten out of another relationship. At first, I didn’t like him romantically, but he tried again and again to win me over. He was always there for me. He spent hours talking to me and getting to know me. He was incredibly attentive, unlike anyone I had ever known.
The relationship had struggles from the beginning because I wasn’t sure about him and often thought I could find someone better. We broke up many times over the years, sometimes over small things. Our longest breakup lasted about a month. However, we would somehow always end up back together. He would consistently come back, and we would reconcile. Eventually, it became extremely difficult for either of us to leave. We both tried seeing other people, but we still came back to each other because we couldn’t stay apart.
Fast-forward to now: we finally decided to tell our parents. I waited a long time to tell mine because I wasn’t ready, and in my culture, once the parents know about a relationship, marriage is typically expected.
When my parents found out, they were completely devastated. They did not accept his cultural background because we come from different cultures, although we share the same religion. My parents felt that we were a poor match because my boyfriend came to Canada from his home country at age 14, while I was born and raised here. They believe we have very different mindsets and lifestyles. I did some research of my own and found many people expressing similar concerns.
In addition, my boyfriend is not financially stable. He is completing his master’s degree in architecture, but at age 30, he has no savings because he has spent most of his adult life studying. I have always worked, so I have accumulated quite a lot of savings. My family is also wealthy, whereas his family has significantly fewer financial resources.
My boyfriend also mentioned that he wants us to have one of our wedding celebrations in his home country. My dad was very worried about the thought of me travelling to a developing country for my wedding and about my boyfriend potentially expecting me to visit more frequently in the future. My boyfriend has promised that he would never expect me to stay there for longer than two weeks at a time.
Because of all of this, I have been receiving lectures from my parents every day. They cry and tell me they have a strong feeling that marrying him would be a very bad decision for me. My friends have said that their concerns make sense, especially because our relationship has been on and off for so many years.
However, despite all of these concerns, ending the relationship feels almost impossible. It feels as though a piece of me is being ripped away. I am having an extremely difficult time detaching from him. Every day, I decide that I am going to end the relationship, but then I wake up the next morning and change my mind.
At this point, I genuinely don’t know what to do or which decision to make. I am suffering deeply and would appreciate any honest advice.

TL;DR: I’m considering ending a loving but frequently on-and-off 10-year relationship. My family strongly disapproves because of our cultural and financial differences, his lack of savings at age 30, and his expectation of having part of our wedding in his home country. Although my boyfriend is loving and attentive, my parents and friends believe marrying him would be a mistake. I keep deciding to leave but changing my mind because losing him feels unbearable. Based on these concerns, would you stay or end the relationship?

So I got a call last week offering me a one year student internship beginning on September 1st, which I agreed to.

Just yesterday I was made aware of plans to go on a group vacation from September 3rd-9th, and it seems like an experience I don’t want to miss.

However, I don’t want my first impression to be that of a skiver. Am I setting myself up to be unfavored by taking this holiday on such short notice and so soon into the job?

TL;DR - I’ve been offered to go on a group vacation just a couple days after I start my new job. Should I decline to avoid a bad first impression?

I got invited to a wedding of a coworker who I became friends with over the years. We only see each other 1-2 times a year now and are no longer close but he has been a good friend in the past. I would be required to fly, book a hotel, and rent a car which would cost around $600 for one night. It’s not in a terribly exciting area so I don’t plan on making a whole trip out of it. I don’t know anyone at this wedding except for the groom and also did not receive a plus one. Should I go or decline the invitation?

TL;DR: Should I travel to a wedding where I don’t know anyone except for the groom?

I am a single 23 yr old dude who lives in a city I DESPISE. Its ugly, the weather is awful (its a desert) and I struggle to enjoy any outdoor time due to the immense heat.

I want to move to a different city about 5 hours away which is much greener and has mountains and the kind of nature I love. The city is a little bit bigger too which would help with potential dating life. It seems like a no brainer but the problem is all of my family lives here.

I am quite close with my siblings and their children as well as my own parents. I often visit them multiple times a month. They have roots here so they arent leaving anytime soon. I dont have any real friends in this city so they are all I have honestly.

I want to live in a place where I can enjoy the outdoors and the city more but I dont know if its worth being all alone and missing my family.

A part of me feels like I need to get out of this shithole city and move where ill be happy but a part of me thinks its not worth distancing myself from my family who I am very close to.

What do I do? Move or dont move?

TL;DR - Do I move to a city I love away from a city I hate but all of my family lives here?

TL;DR - Move to my uni city or stay home?

Currently living at my boyfriends after an argument with my mum.
I’m in 3rd year uni. I commuted my second year.
I don’t know whether to move back to my uni city for my third year.

My commute was 1hr 40. But i feel guilty about moving away. I’m worried that if i move out now I won’t be able to ever afford a house or my own place that’s not a house share.

My boyfriend will be moving to london in 3 years. I’m also learning how to drive.

What should I do?

i have some extra money saved and i'm trying to decide what to do with it. paying down my loan would reduce the balance faster, but keeping the money would give me a bigger emergency cushion.

option 1 is to make a larger payment. option 2 is to keep the money in savings and pay the loan normally.

tl;dr: pay down the loan faster or keep the cash available?

My parents own a house we really like about 20 min away and are offering us a very great deal to buy it (real estate contract, and sale price that is 125k under what it is worth— easily). I lived there years ago, and it’s peaceful and is double the living living space we currently have (3,000 square feet!)

The catch: it’s more suburban than our current home, which is in a location we really love. lots more nature here, and walking distance to lots cool things. (think charming trendy rural village type vibes). Our current home isn't our dream home by any means, but we are comfortable.

considerations: we currently have a very unsettling neighbor situation. He has screamed obscenely at my husband and flipped us off for no reason (with our kids around). He mostly keeps to himself, but ya know.... kinda scary and unpredictable.

We have three kids under 5, so we’re trying to decide whether the move would genuinely improve our family’s life—or whether we’d be giving up a home that’s already pretty special just because the deal is hard to pass up.

regarding schools the districts are about the same.

What would you do??!

TL;DR: My parents are offering us a great deal on a house we really like, but we already own a home we love on ½ acre. With three kids under 5, do we take the opportunity to move into the more suburban house, or stay in our current home and avoid moving just because it’s a great deal?

Hi everyone,

My boyfriend this past Christmas surprised me with a trip to Europe. It’s both of us and a few of ours friends for this October. I was super excited, but I remembered that my friend was talking about getting married in the fall. I texted her and asked if she had a date picked yet and she said yes, it was going to be one of the weekends we are away. She didn’t send out the save the dates yet at this point, and it is a small wedding (50 people including her and her fiance). I told her I would try my best to attend, explained we’re going to Europe, and she said she hopes I can make it but understands if I can’t. My plan was to take a flight from Europe, attend her wedding for the day, fly back to Europe for the remainder of my trip. (Her wedding is in the middle of our trip)
The wedding is a few states away from where we live, and a pretty rural state. After looking more into this and with recent skyrocketed airline prices, it will cost me $2500 total with a hotel, a rental car (I’d have to drive 4 hours to the venue from the nearest international airport), and the flights in and out of Europe. I’ve been friends with her for 10 years with a few years in the middle we didn’t talk, but we have always been friendly. She does not have a bridal party.

The pros are that I love her and I want to attend her wedding and see her get married. I feel so sad at the option I might have to skip out and I desperately want to make both work. Also, we tried to move our trip dates, but we are traveling to 4 different countries with the flights were already paid for. So, they could not be moved without basically doubling the cost of each flight.

TLDR; one of my close friends is getting married in the middle of my pre-planned Europe trip. It will cost me $2500 total to leave the trip, attend her wedding, and fly back

TL;DR: I'm burned out in a remote IT consulting role while living abroad with nothing else lined up. Do I reduce my hours, try to transition into different responsibilities, or give notice and take a break before finding something else?

I work remotely as an IT consultant/contractor. I was originally an employee, but when my work visa expired and the company couldn't sponsor me, they offered to keep me on as a contractor with the flexibility to work from almost anywhere. I'm genuinely grateful for that, which makes this harder.

The role has changed quite a bit over the last several months and I'm struggling with where it's heading.

I manage multiple client projects and I'm expected to keep them within budget while delivering the agreed scope. Some of the targets don't account well for the complexity of the work. A relatively minor deliverable can effectively have the same time expectation as something much more involved.

At the same time, the admin and tracking have increased significantly. I have to account for basically my entire day task by task, alongside forecasting, reporting and client work. Expectations and categories haven't always been clear or consistent, and I've sometimes been asked weeks later to go back and explain how time was spent.

The extra admin hasn't come with reduced delivery targets, and I'm at the point where it's affecting my wellbeing and motivation.

Normally I'd just do the minimum for a while and look for another job. That's difficult here because I have daily deliverables, a lot of client work is recorded, and almost everything I do is time tracked. If I mentally check out, it'll become obvious pretty quickly.

I also recently got frustrated and handled a conversation with my manager badly. I sent too much at once and was more confrontational than I should have been. I regret how I handled that and want to repair the relationship.

There aren't performance concerns and my manager has said they want me to stay. I'd also like to leave on good terms and hopefully use them as a reference in the future.

The other complication is that I'm living in a foreign country on the other side of the world with no job lined up. I'm drained enough that continuing full time while seriously job hunting doesn't feel very realistic.

So I see three options:

A) Ask to reduce my hours, keep some income and give myself enough headspace to recover and figure out what's next.

B) Ask to transition some of my responsibilities and focus more on work that better fits my skills, to see if the role can become sustainable again.

C) Accept that I'm done, give notice, hand my projects over professionally, take a proper break and then start looking for something else.

What would you do?

so, I'm moving abroad for a few months for my studies. of course I had an amazing connection I would've taken but I took too long to book it that now there's no seats left on that train. and yes of course I feel terrible but now I've moved on to the next stage which is: planning how to get to the new city instead!

so far I have found 3 options:

1. same night, different night train, everything sold out except for the shared sleeping department for the price of a private one aka very expensive!

pros: almost the same as original planned

cons: a lot more expensive than originally planned

2. day train, I would arrive too late to check into my accommodation

pros: pretty cheap

cons: would have to pay for a night's accommodation - expensive, was planning to meet a friend in the city I had a changeover, would not work with night train

3. some connection with up to 9 changeovers to get there

pros: rather cheap, would arrive in the morning and could get to my accommodation

cons: I have a lot of luggage and if there's one delay it would throw the entire plan, stress level would be off the roof

those are all of the connections I found. I could've checked the flights but it is not categorised as a long distance flight so I'd have to pay a lot for my luggage, too expensive

TL:DR: should I take the very expensive train, the cheap one where I'd have to pay extra for accommodation or the cheap one with lots of changes and risk delays and stress?

TL;DR: Is living in my apartment holding me back? Should I move? I feel like I have a NYC gem.

My (28f) lease renews December 1st

The apartment pros:

-huge 1 bedroom in prime location in Queens. Elevator building, close to train.

-I manage to live by myself

-I live a 10 minute bike ride from my job, <25 min by bus and <30 min by walking. my work location may change in the next few years unfortunately

-2 year renewal is a moderate increase and I may be able to negotiate

-these pros feel impossible to replicate by moving out of my apartment

-no pests, responsive super

-Cat friendly (I have 1)

-I'm comfortable

cons:

-roughly 55% of my monthly income goes to rent. This is after transit, pension and retirement contributions though, and i save in an investment account monthly. I have savings. I don't currently put additional money aside. I don't have debt and I pay my credit card in full. I don't want to have kids or own a house.

⁃ sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live with roommates. I haven't done this since college and I am nervous to start now

- sometimes I want to live in Brooklyn. I don't like the nightlife in my neighborhood and frequently go out elsewhere

- Far from greenspace

- no frills, pre-war apartment but the laundromat is across the street.

⁃ this is the apartment my ex and I lived in for over 4 years.

- I keep my spending tight but don't feel like I'm turning down on much in life. If I had more disposable income I'm sure I would enjoy spending it.

misc.

Lease renewal lines up with a potential turning point at my job. I've waited it out to hit 5 years and become vested in my pension. I don't have my next career move lined up and I could ride out my role for a very long time. Taking a chance on a new living situation is scary. But I can't help but feel like these are all coming to a head at the same time for a reason. That if I continue to choose being comfortable in my life, I'll never be happy. Maybe taking a leap of faith into nothing is just a movie trope when in reality I need a roof over my head, food for my cat, and my electricity bill paid. My heart, mind, and spirit are conflicted.

Hello everyone!
TL;DR: Should I go to an international festival during the academic year and skip a few days of university?
I’m in the following situation: I passed the selection for an international youth festival. Only two people from my university passed — me and one other person; all the others are in the reserve (so it’s a shame to have to turn it down). But the festival lasts for a week, and the region also pays for train tickets (so 2 more days for travel to and from the festival). I’m worried that I’ll miss too many classes (although we’re given a letter of invitation for the festival, and I might not have classes on Wednesday/Saturday). Also, I’ve already bought tickets to a show with my family for one of the days; it was hard to get those tickets.
On the other hand, what if, by not going to the festival, I miss out on opportunities?
What do you think is better — to decline participation or to go?

Hi guys, I’m in a tough position. My friend gets married this Saturday and my job has declined my request. This is a sales job and it’s such a good job for me. It’s a small family owned business so it’s about 10 employees and everyone is just so amazing. I told my boss if I could get this specific weekend off and I got declined since she said “ we’re going into our busy season I can’t accept that request “ now I’m stuck on what do I do.

TL;DR best fiends getting married do I go and possibly get released or stay and regret the decision for the rest of my life.

* EDIT: I’m also his best man.

UPDATE: I got told no, and I got told if I don’t show up on Saturday I’m released.

TLDR; my young son caught my apartment on fire, there were no.detectors in my apt and the fire suppression system failed to activate, since then my life has been slowly falling apart. Do I sue him for the warrant of habitability or.just leave it alone and find somewhere else to live?

On may 22, my family’s apartment caught fire while we were sleeping. We lost our home and basically everything we had. We’ve been displaced ever since and it has turned into an absolute nightmare trying to find somewhere to stay for my family and i, as well as navigate insurance which has hardly helpedat all, all while trying to just do life with 2 young kids.

What makes me really angry is that there were no working smoke detectors in the apartment. There were literally no detectors there. The hookups were taped over. Like they painted the apartment and just left the tape over the detector hookups and never put them back up. That paired with my 15 ft tall ceilings and me not owning a ladder they never got put up. I mentioned it in person to the property manager person on at least one other occasion when mentioning no vents for the dryer. Nothing was done.

The fire itself was started when my son was playing with a lighter while the rest of my family and I were asleep in the other room. We woke up to raging flames in the room next to ours. There was also a built in fire suppression system in this old building but it failed to activate even though the bulb broke.

What I am questioning is whether my landlord was negligent for renting us a home without functioning smoke detectors and whether that negligence made the situation worse or put my family in unnecessary danger.

Since the fire, we've been displaced, we've had to stay in hotels, a tent, and our car at times. I even ended up having to drive my truck I don't normally drive because I was forced to live in it and ended up in an accident. In which my truck was impounded and much of everything I had left was in my truck and much of it was stolen while it was in impound. I have also been contacted by DHS over reports made that I was living in my truck with my kids and dog. I've spent every dime of my savings on just trying to stay afloat and insurance has been a fucking nightmare. As of today it's been 12 days since I submitted loss of use receipts and my insurance company doesn't even want to return my call. Worse company I've ever dealt with, making mention of no names it's named after a citrusy yellow drink!

My husband was also briefly incarcerated because he missed a court date while we were sleeping in the truck and slept through the alarm on his phone. And I spent money to bail him out. To top it off the uncertainty about where our family is going to go daily has made it really hard for my husband to maintain working because we are all just trying to figure out where we will sleep each night which wound up with us about 45 min away in the bigger city in our area for cheaper hotel prices. So he's lost a lot of wages since this as well

At this point I'm seriously considering talking to an attorney about suing my landlord.

But here's where I'm conflicted.

I know the fire was accidentally caused by my child. I'm not trying to blame the landlord for the fire itself. I'm asking whether the lack of smoke detectors and failure of the fire suppression system is something completely separate that could make the landlord responsible for part of what happened.

Would I be the asshole for pursuing legal action against my landlord over this?

I don't know whether I'm just angry and trying to place blame or if I actually have a legal standing here.

If you know anything about Colorado landlord/tenant law, especially requirements for smoke detectors and landlord liability when there is a fire, I'd really appreciate some advice.

What would you do if you were in my position?

Likely going to cross post this for more opinions if the rules allow. Tia

TL;DR choose between saving down payment on house or starting business.

I am 25 year old male, make around 140,000 per year. Living at home with my parents so rent is minimal. I have around 100,000 to start a RTD protein drink business. I am motivated, have spoken to formulators, and willing to take that risk. However there is the nagging feeling of “if it fails” I kind of cook what would have been a sweet down payment on a future house. Any advice is welcomed!

I repeat this every single day and mostly every year, and this year I have done it again. Its been two weeks straight of waking up, looking at my computer and sitting all day, then staying up late until finally going to bed. I dont know what I do all day and my brain hurts. I am on the verge of INSANITY because i can not I CAN NOT make a decision.

RIght now I am trying to choose housing for the 26-27 school year that literally starts MONDAY. I can not pick :

Both private bathroom. 235 sq fr room in 6/7 person house 1350K + 50-100$ utilities. 15-20 min walk to main campus, 5-7 min bike ride unfurnished. 85 sq ft room in four person 970sq ft apartment (other rooms are 104, 102, and 88 sq ft), girls and gay people, 1.8K flat fee including utilities. 3 min walk to campus, furnished, small kitchen/living room, with like girly girls who are all friends. I am emotionally attached to the people of both places and they are such different people and ultimately SUCH different lives and I do not know where I belong I am suffering, I know im really grateful for these opportunities, but they are about to go.

I CAN NOT DO THIS ANYMORE. I can not fathom how to move on and decide. After this decision, I have to choose my courses for school. It is never ending and I need help.

TL;DR: I’ve spent two weeks sitting at my computer all day, doing basically nothing, staying up late, and repeating it. My brain is fried because I CANNOT MAKE A DECISION. a huge 235 sq ft room in a 6/7-person , room unfurnished, house for ~$1,400, or a tiny 85 sq ft room in a 4-person apartment for $1,800, but 3 minutes from campus. I’m emotionally attached to the people in both places, and they represent completely different lives. I don’t know where I belong, and I cannot do this anymore. Then I have to choose my courses too. I desperately need help getting unstuck.

repost from r/advice cause I couldnt get the answers that I wanted there.

As the title shows, there is something I WANT to do over something I SHOULD do, but im figuring out the pros and cons of each and could use the opportunity to throw around some ideas.

so, heres what's going on, I have been working my ass off for the last 17 years, did school, graduated with honors, had a series of excellent jobs and worked 100 hours a week every week to climb the ladder, made some good money at the expense of everything else really, I have an excellent nest egg and solid retirement investments to look forward to.

Well, this year I turned 33 (my lucky number) and i told myself this year was going to be a good one, i resigned from a really good job that was killing me without giving notice and got a job at a "fun" company for a massive pay cut with the promise of a great work culture... well turns out they lied, the place was poison (a lot of people told me that they were, but on the outside it looked promising), so i did the thing (for the second time in my life) where I quit on the spot without a plan.

I had a multi day panic attack realizing that I had nothing to do with my time and so I reached out to a friend, a girl who has done her whole life kinda floating around aimlessly, ie still lives at home, no retirement, works as a bartender part time at a dinky little concert hall but has all of these amazing stories of world travel and is one of the most lovely and down to earth people in the world.

so obviously the first thing she tells me is that i need to get the fuck out, go do something, so we spent a night drinking beers and developing "plans" for a long European adventure where I spend a year fucking off and blowing money across europe.

well, when i sober up I naturally start reaching out to recruiters, applying to jobs, calling in favors ect.. and quickly im hired at this world class company with phenomenal pay and benefits, im talking I could retire in 15 years if I keep doing things like i have been, which is NOT an opportunity to take lightly, but I have to take the job to do that.

so, heres where I feel conflicted. OBVIOUSLY I should take the job, and OBVIOUSLY I should take the trip. but which one should I ACTUALLY do.

ive never really traveled before, apart from one weeklong vacation I took to Alaska in 2022 when my company told me i was going to lose my vacation time and a few trips to meet family in midwest america, and a whole bunch of travel working corporate stuff for a company that flew me all over the country every week for work where I got to see a LOT of cool stuff (from a distance while I answered emails, generally) so im pretty inexperienced.

all of my friends are telling me to go, my therapist is telling me to go, my parents tell me to go, the only people who are telling me not to are my aunt and uncle (who i help out with some of their bills because they are disabled and living by a razors edge, they don't *really* know my financial situation and they think I am more broke than I am, in fact nobody knows how *okay* I am financially, my house is humble and I drive a crap car to keep up appearances) and lastly, me.... i cant stop my brain telling me that it will be a huge mistake and that I will never have an opportunity to relax and will spend the whole trip in a state of anxiety anyway, so i might as well work and be productive and feel that way anyway.

It should be said that I struggle with anxiety and depression, I work myself up and forget to eat or sleep for extended periods of time which causes me to have mental breakdowns. (i am seeking help, going to therapy and seeking medical advice, I am also aware of how to and ready to seek emergency help if I need to)

so basically I need you people to tell me the pros and cons of taking a soul sucking job for a shit load of money, versus fucking off for a little while and trying to "find something" for myself. I cant do both.

TL;DR im in a good spot where i can and should take some time off and adventure around, but I just got hired at a really good job that will get in the way of that opportunity.

Few weeks ago an issue happened in our friend group.

We do a weekly game night among friends and to make it a bit competitive we set it in teams and had a rule that basically stated that each team member could not play more than 2 rounds in a game.

Few weeks ago one guy had an emergency and had to skip. So to avoid just cancelling the night most of the chat said we should just play and make an exception for that team. Everyone was pretty much ok with that except one guy (John M52). John said it would break the rules, that we had to cancel. A few people said we should just play the night. I was away from my ohone whole all this was happening so i didnt see it until much later but my wife who tends to be a mediator in groups said that we should vote for it to see what most wanted. John said no, that he would not vote and even said he’d just quit the game night.

At one point he was throwing shade at multiple people with indirect jabs that were pretty obvious what he was saying. Then one of our friends (richard m45) had enough after the jabs and basically told him he was being a baby and unreasonable. To which john started cursing at people and my wife basically told him he was being childish. I didnt see this till a few hours after the chat had died down.

We havent seen john since but recently he texted my wife basically taking no accountability and saying how he was protecting the integrity of the night and that he didn’t appreciate her calling him childish when in his words richard made it personal not him.

My wife is a bit of a people pleaser so she kind of played the high road and basically said she just wanted to move on from the argument and forget about it.

This week is our next game night at my house, and honestly I’m thinking of talking to john and basically tell him he was out of line for what happened.

On the other hand im wondering since it’s been a few wweks if i ahould just let it go but my thing is also, john has a habit of throwing tantrums when he doesnt get his way. He’s a good guy and friend but he tends to just throw these tantrums.

Should i talk to john and call it out or just let it go since it’s been a few weeks?

TL;DR - john threw a tantrum over game night rules and refused to vote for it even when people were trying to meet him in the middle. He got called out and then basically texted my wife taking no accountability and blaming others for the drama. Next game night’s at my house and i was thinking of calling him out privately when he arrived about how that was not ok.

our lease ends in february, will then be two years in this rental.

upside: spacious, close to amenities, affordable, neighbours practically nonexistent, no landlord/REA disturbances.

downside: it’s a 40 minute commute each way to my husband’s work, to my work, and to my uni. i WFH 1-2 days a week, uni 2 days a week, but husband is a barber. public transport is difficult as multiple changeovers would be needed and would take 3x the time which isn’t feasible for us.

we’re considering moving somewhere more central where commute will reduce by half for literally everywhere. our works, my uni, the city, to beaches etc.

we have family and friends that can help with the moving and provide transport, so removalists or truck rentals won’t be necessary. no kids or pets either, just husband and i.

we’ll most likely be moving into a smaller, older house at either the same or slightly higher price, just based on our budget.

tbh i’m mostly worried about costs. we can’t really afford thousands to move. but unsure if that’s even a factor to be considered since we don’t need removalists.

is it worth it? what would you do?

TLDR: current rental is great except it’s super far from everything. move would be easy with family + friends help. would be downgrading, so unsure if it’s the right move.