u/cocafuckingcola

repost from r/advice cause I couldnt get the answers that I wanted there.

As the title shows, there is something I WANT to do over something I SHOULD do, but im figuring out the pros and cons of each and could use the opportunity to throw around some ideas.

so, heres what's going on, I have been working my ass off for the last 17 years, did school, graduated with honors, had a series of excellent jobs and worked 100 hours a week every week to climb the ladder, made some good money at the expense of everything else really, I have an excellent nest egg and solid retirement investments to look forward to.

Well, this year I turned 33 (my lucky number) and i told myself this year was going to be a good one, i resigned from a really good job that was killing me without giving notice and got a job at a "fun" company for a massive pay cut with the promise of a great work culture... well turns out they lied, the place was poison (a lot of people told me that they were, but on the outside it looked promising), so i did the thing (for the second time in my life) where I quit on the spot without a plan.

I had a multi day panic attack realizing that I had nothing to do with my time and so I reached out to a friend, a girl who has done her whole life kinda floating around aimlessly, ie still lives at home, no retirement, works as a bartender part time at a dinky little concert hall but has all of these amazing stories of world travel and is one of the most lovely and down to earth people in the world.

so obviously the first thing she tells me is that i need to get the fuck out, go do something, so we spent a night drinking beers and developing "plans" for a long European adventure where I spend a year fucking off and blowing money across europe.

well, when i sober up I naturally start reaching out to recruiters, applying to jobs, calling in favors ect.. and quickly im hired at this world class company with phenomenal pay and benefits, im talking I could retire in 15 years if I keep doing things like i have been, which is NOT an opportunity to take lightly, but I have to take the job to do that.

so, heres where I feel conflicted. OBVIOUSLY I should take the job, and OBVIOUSLY I should take the trip. but which one should I ACTUALLY do.

ive never really traveled before, apart from one weeklong vacation I took to Alaska in 2022 when my company told me i was going to lose my vacation time and a few trips to meet family in midwest america, and a whole bunch of travel working corporate stuff for a company that flew me all over the country every week for work where I got to see a LOT of cool stuff (from a distance while I answered emails, generally) so im pretty inexperienced.

all of my friends are telling me to go, my therapist is telling me to go, my parents tell me to go, the only people who are telling me not to are my aunt and uncle (who i help out with some of their bills because they are disabled and living by a razors edge, they don't *really* know my financial situation and they think I am more broke than I am, in fact nobody knows how *okay* I am financially, my house is humble and I drive a crap car to keep up appearances) and lastly, me.... i cant stop my brain telling me that it will be a huge mistake and that I will never have an opportunity to relax and will spend the whole trip in a state of anxiety anyway, so i might as well work and be productive and feel that way anyway.

It should be said that I struggle with anxiety and depression, I work myself up and forget to eat or sleep for extended periods of time which causes me to have mental breakdowns. (i am seeking help, going to therapy and seeking medical advice, I am also aware of how to and ready to seek emergency help if I need to)

so basically I need you people to tell me the pros and cons of taking a soul sucking job for a shit load of money, versus fucking off for a little while and trying to "find something" for myself. I cant do both.

TL;DR im in a good spot where i can and should take some time off and adventure around, but I just got hired at a really good job that will get in the way of that opportunity.

So, this post does contain some personal honesty which i don't feel particularly confident sharing, so some some of it may come across as stilted and patchy. That is just me leaving some personal details out.

Trigger warning: mental health and suicidal thoughts.

So, have been talking and flirting and hanging out with a girl for about 6 months at this point, things have been going well, we have similar interests, click with each others friend groups and have both been comfortable expressing our physical attraction to each other through playful flirting as well as simply directly telling each other we physically like each other.

so things are going well and I muster up the courage to ask her if she wants to take things to the "next level" as they say and she says she doesnt think of me that way. this is all fine and I take it in stride, we have a talk about our feelings and agree that we should remain friends and shes not looking to date or develop feelings toward anyone which is all fair and actually comforting because we know that we can be honest with each other and still remain friends.

the cool thing is that we actually do remain friends! we hang out all the time and go to parties and such together and we grow closer by the day! honestly its wonderful having a friend like her and i don't want to give that up.

problem is that i still have a crush on her and our continued flirting and bantering does make me feel more and more for her.

so, here's where i make a mistake: i have an appolyptically bad day, i lost my job and my cat in the same day and I am devistated. For background i have ptsd, gad and a history of depression, i don't share this seeking sympathy, I am simply stating it matter-of-fact as a contributing factor. so I reach out to my friend for support, she is supportive and kind just listening and chatting while I vent, and I appreciate it so much.

through my emotional and dramatic state I, out of nowhere, admittedly, reconfess my feelings toward her and bring the conversation to a stop.... I regret this as I know how she feels about me and now im coming across as some kind of asshole who couldnt take no for an answer. I apologize profusely and she accepts and we agree to meet up a week later to talk about it.

so, we have reached today. today we met up and had a couple of drinks with each other and we did discuss our feelings in more detail, the broad strokes are that our feelings for each other have expanded a bit, but she is still not ready or looking for any kind of partnership, and we agree again to keep space and not let our feelings get in the way. Basically she let me down easy, lol, which i appreciate.

there is one thing she said today that has stuck with me, however. she said the first time she turned me down she just did so " to see what I would do"which has officially confused me, is this just another way to let me down easy or a red flag or what. or do I reeeeally just need to chill tf out

pretty basic question, I am an awkward person and, after breaking my shoulder a few years ago, my physical fitness has been declining, where's the best gym in town for someone who doesn't know what there doing to work out without judgment (and to hopefully get some guidance/instruction)?

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my cardio is okay as I am an active person, but my upper body is weak, and I'd like to self improve.