u/Upper_Soft456

TL;DR: Is living in my apartment holding me back? Should I move? I feel like I have a NYC gem.

My (28f) lease renews December 1st

The apartment pros:

-huge 1 bedroom in prime location in Queens. Elevator building, close to train.

-I manage to live by myself

-I live a 10 minute bike ride from my job, <25 min by bus and <30 min by walking. my work location may change in the next few years unfortunately

-2 year renewal is a moderate increase and I may be able to negotiate

-these pros feel impossible to replicate by moving out of my apartment

-no pests, responsive super

-Cat friendly (I have 1)

-I'm comfortable

cons:

-roughly 55% of my monthly income goes to rent. This is after transit, pension and retirement contributions though, and i save in an investment account monthly. I have savings. I don't currently put additional money aside. I don't have debt and I pay my credit card in full. I don't want to have kids or own a house.

⁃ sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live with roommates. I haven't done this since college and I am nervous to start now

- sometimes I want to live in Brooklyn. I don't like the nightlife in my neighborhood and frequently go out elsewhere

- Far from greenspace

- no frills, pre-war apartment but the laundromat is across the street.

⁃ this is the apartment my ex and I lived in for over 4 years.

- I keep my spending tight but don't feel like I'm turning down on much in life. If I had more disposable income I'm sure I would enjoy spending it.

misc.

Lease renewal lines up with a potential turning point at my job. I've waited it out to hit 5 years and become vested in my pension. I don't have my next career move lined up and I could ride out my role for a very long time. Taking a chance on a new living situation is scary. But I can't help but feel like these are all coming to a head at the same time for a reason. That if I continue to choose being comfortable in my life, I'll never be happy. Maybe taking a leap of faith into nothing is just a movie trope when in reality I need a roof over my head, food for my cat, and my electricity bill paid. My heart, mind, and spirit are conflicted.

My best friend and I have known each other since college in 2016. We've been super close and I always felt happy and comfortable in our relationship. Until my ex and I began dating in 2020. They made a drunken comment to me "why date ex when you can date me" and I didn't know what to do so I kind of ignored it and we remained close. They never acknowledged that again.

Fast forward a bit, we both wind up in long term relationships. In that time, I end a friendship with someone who made me and my ex uncomfortable and just wasn't bringing anything to the table anymore. My friend who only met them a few times through me, went on to forge a friendship with this person. I had confided in my friend at length about how torn I was over this decision, so when they tell me this I'm hurt and confused and despite being nervous to tell me, they don't really care about how I felt about it. It takes me a long time and some conversations with them to arrive at some sort of peace.

Well, at the end of 2025 my ex and I break up. The 3 of us were all very close throughout the relationship, and my ex and best friend would text occasionally, rarely hang out without me. They wanted to stay friends with my ex, which at the time, I thought my ex and I would become friends at some point again. Well, that hasn't happened and my friend was telling me about their plans and left out that the plans were with my ex. I found out on accident and realized how much it hurt me they wanted to stay friends with them. This is the person I had been pouring my heart out to and leaning on during the breakup. Maybe I was still unsure as to why it hurt so bad, so when I told them, they didn't really care, or make them want to reconsider how that friendship might affect our friendship.

So a week later, they post my ex on their close friends story on instagram, and it feels really stupid but that felt like a last straw. I was pissed and hurt. I seriously considered ending the friendship with this person, between this and the mounting pile of hurtful things they did over the years, I wanted to blow it all up.

But I decided to not go that route, tell them how they felt, and they decided they wanted to end the friendship with my ex if it meant losing me. I hated giving an ultimatum, and i don't know if I wanted to give one. Just felt like a, what has happened can't be undone, I don't want to have to fight to be respected and chosen in my relationships. I left the convo still feeling uneasy and decided I wanted to share a little less about my personal life and to pour more time and energy into other budding friendships in my life.

We haven't hung out since, except for going to watch basketball games, so I decided to reach out to hang this weekend. I was curious to see how it would feel, and how much I would be comfortable sharing. We have a loose plan. Until tonight, I am thinking of cancelling. I realized they brought that old friend of mine to the basketball game. I was sitting in a different section and went over to say hi but when I saw the other person I just turned around. For context, these are our season tickets and I sold it to them without realizing who they were bringing. When I had asked over text the other day they just ignored it. I can't put my finger on it - do I care? am I made? do I feel like it's on principle i'm miffed? I give a friends and family rate and I wouldn't of given it to this person?!

When we met up to talk last month, I let them know they can take some time to think about their friendships with me and my ex before making any decision, but they were firm our friendship meant more. So one thing I was thinking of doing was seeing if they wanted to check in how they felt after some time passed.

Is letting go of this friendship immature? Do I have something to learn about myself, challenge myself to grow, by fighting for this friendship? Do I address to them the ex-friend they brought to the game? Do I let the friendship fade further? It's one of those that feels tough to do since we were so close. I don't know, what would you do in my situation?

TL;DR : Friend has a pattern of getting close to or keeping people in their life who hurt me or I've distanced myself from. It hurts my feelings and their actions come off shady and selfish. I don't know if I'm overreacting. Losing a 10 year long friendship with someone I love is scary

Me (28f) and my ex 30(nb) broke up earlier this year. She broke up with me. We said we would go no contact for 3 months. Well, 3 months came and went and neither of us has reached out to one another. We never said who should message first. We still follow each other on Instagram but have each other blocked from our stories. I know very little about what's going on in their life but it seems likely they've gotten more serious with this girl they were seeing when we broke up, which really hurts. Sometimes I miss her and am sad our plans to reconnect haven't happened. We were together for over 5 years, lived together, and were there for each other through tough, tough years. The break up was mostly amicable, and I think we are both better off for it. Lately the pain has been creeping in. Would you reach out? What would the circumstances have to be? I have a small bag of their things I found while cleaning out my closets but none of it seems important enough to use that to reach out.