She literally refuses to provide food, doesn't buy it, doesn't cook it, and she ignores us. She throws tamper tantrums and blames us for everything.

We're not even doing anything, we eat What's given, but a small disagreement over food options made her now refuse to let food into the house.

Edit: I'm underage, We live in a shared house, she basically doesn't allow us to go for groceries, my dad doesn't support her actions

I HATE MY PARENTS I HATE THEM FUCKING SO MUCH I WISH I NEVER WAS BORN I DON'T WANT PARENTS I DON'T WANNA BE ALIVE !!!!!!!

Edit: thank you guys for support 😭🫂

Edit: unnatural colors I meant

Look I understand it's their roof their rules but my hair too? Come the fuck on. They threw multiple insults at me and said how retarded and slutty I looked with the ends of my hair dyed pink. Fuck my life I can't take this shit anymore and don't even have money to move out or any friends to move in with.

It was 1989, and Coleman was a household name. My dad saw an article in the newspaper, about his parents plowing through his $18 million fortune and leaving him with like $200k. Any rational person would have seen that this article was about a lawsuit. But my dad actually announced that this is what my sister and I needed to do: “get famous” and support him with our money. Let him plow through it.

Sure, it seemed like a joke. We all laughed. Except my dad. He was serious. My sister and I were naturally inspired by celebrities we liked and did what kids did, before the internet or affordable camera equipment existed. We just did a bunch of skits with a pretend camera. It was fun, but obviously never went anywhere.

Every so often, when my sister, our friends and I, we’re on a roll with something that seemed like talent, my dad would repeat his line and tell us to get rich and famous. Which was treated like his running joke, even though at one point, a relative even told my dad that he was putting too much pressure on us kids.

As I got older, I developed hobbies. He was instantly on my case, if he didn’t see something I was doing, could ‘turn a profit’. Hell, one time I made French fries as part of dinner but accidentally cooked them well-done. They were actually better that way. My dad tried to convince us that we invented a new snack. But got frustrated when we couldn’t come up with a compelling name for a product. These were freaking overcooked fries.

I was really still convinced that he was kidding. That was until the day I built something that was actually pretty cool. I won’t get into exactly what it was, but I made a whole fleet of battle vehicles, after seeing The Road Warrior. I’ve written a story here, about that one incident. In brief, my dad actually got big-mad because I didn’t want to brainstorm about marketing my idea. Yes, he thought I could go to toy companies, with a Lego vehicle and convince them to build their own version of something made of legos.

He really latched onto my idea. Thought it was a brilliant one and you could see dollar signs practically flashing in his eyes. Eventually he lost his composure and yelled at me like I was blowing a whole career as a designer. I was eleven years old. Being screamed at over not wanting to try and sell companies my Lego vehicle.

After standing my ground and pushing back enough, my dad actually yelled at me like I was a deadbeat. From then on, he openly hated on other hobbies I had. Typical boomers seemed to think it was cool to hate everything their kids enjoy. Like it was just fun at his expense.

My dad even tried, three times, to derail a candle making hobby I had as a teenager. Though he kept calling it my “candle business”. As in, shouting “you’re out of the candle business!” and threatened me with throwing everything about the hobby, in some dumpster I couldn’t find. He even tried to flex that he was paying for all of my supplies, so it was really HIS hobby.

Also, when my candles started getting good enough to give as gifts, he started mocking me over it. In fact, my mom was trying to find a green candle for a centerpiece, but actually hadn’t thought about using any of mine. So I made her one and it went perfectly in the centerpiece. My mom even told everyone, who complimented it, that I made the candle and convinced me to show everyone candles I’d made.

My dad was furious that I started being known as a candlemaker. I gave them away as gifts and people loved them. Someone I know, still has one, 30 years later.

My dad made one last bid, to try and get rich off of me. When I was 20, we went to a casino and he tried to convince me, to pick winning slot machines. Finally even giving me a token and telling me to pick a machine. I walked up to one, dropped the coin in and won $10. His eyes got to the size of hard boiled eggs. But I refused to participate any further.

My dad has always resented me, for not bringing home millions, for him to mow through. He has zero appreciation for anything creative I do and won’t even react to photography of mine, when I post it on his Facebook. He doesn’t give a damn about me and won’t even return my phone calls.

For what it’s worth, I sold a truck I owned and gave my mom the money, to help pay for the divorce. Never even drove the damned thing. Wanted the divorce more than the truck and haven’t wanted a vehicle since.

My dad remarried. The woman he left my mom for, is just as bad as he is. I refer to their marriage as ‘Two black holes merging’, which gets a laugh out of anyone who knows at least one of them.

Many people post about wanting to move but they don't get practical advice. And if they do it is vague and generic. Even though many members here are living on their own, especially older ones. Some are very successful too and thriving. It could be a better place if people shared resources about jobs, studies and housing depending on the area. I get that it's rightfully more of a venting subreddit, maybe an automod tool could help with giving practical resources.

they are sadistic energy vampires

It took me a while to realize that the whole world revolved around my Nparent and their skewed sense of self.

I recently decided to apply grey rocking, and dramatically reduce contact. Needless to say they flipped the fuck out, out of nowhere they asked / said « You don’t find me interesting at all.» and « You don’t give a fuck about me or this family »

It dramatically reframed all the years of thinking they loved me, but didn’t know how to express it. I think they just love how we make them feel when we do good.

I wonder if they’re aware of their own narcissism (in the medical sense)

Something finally clicked for me and I want to put it somewhere.

Narcissism gets called "too much ego." I think it's the opposite. Underneath is shame so unbearable the whole person is organized around never feeling it. Denial is the tool — never wrong, never sorry, never their fault.

But denied shame doesn't vanish. It gets offloaded onto whoever can't fight back. That's the scapegoat. That's why the shame you carried never felt like it fit — it wasn't yours. It was theirs, put on you because the whole thing runs on someone else holding it.

And the arrogance isn't separate from that. To deny your own shame by pure verdict, your word has to override reality itself — your memory, the facts, everything. That's what gaslighting is. That's why they can't apologize (admitting wrong means touching the shame the whole system exists to avoid). That's why challenging them triggers rage that makes no sense — you're not threatening their feelings, you're threatening the denial that's holding back something they experience as annihilating.

They will never see it. Not by choice — the disorder exists to prevent that exact moment.

So stop waiting for the apology. It's structurally impossible. You don't need their confession to put the shame down.

It was never yours to carry.

It’s easy to communicate and face people when you know they will not: shout at you, belittle you, make fun of you, tell on you, ignore you and will understand and love you. Being raised by my nmom i realised that, communicating and confronting her leads to nothing, which made me gave up communicating with other people when in conflict (unless they show me they are kind).

My parents and siblings are narcissistic. I currently a 33F realizing how badly the narccasism has impacted me in my jobs and friendship. In the past I havent been able to hold on to friends or jobs. I would attract friends with toxic or negative tendencies.I get burnt out easily. My narcissistic parents pressured me heavily into an accounting career. I left after being too depressed and started working in HR and man when I tell you the negative experiences I had in my past 5 jobs I can actually write a book. My last HR job really impacted my mental health that I walked out and been sitting at home for a year. Im married and my family is supportive but im getting pressure to do something. Honestly I dont know what to do. Living with narcissistic family means being in survival mode my whole entire life.

I do feel drawn to help people in coaching like nervous system regulation or somatics or rewiring their brains. But I feel like mentally im not in a place to provide support.

What have you done in careers and friendships to find stability.

This one almost feels like my Mom tried to finally do me in.

It was 4th of July, we were planning to have a BBQ per usual.

We get to the house and my Mom says "your Dad wants to see you out by the grill so you can tell him how to cook your hamburger."

That was odd enough but okay whatever I'll go out there.

My dad is a super kind man and was so excited to show me they had made me a special hamburger out of some ground beef I had given them a while back while they were cooking pre made patties for everyone else.

I thought it was just my Dad being his usual self and thinking I'd really like that over the others. Then he said "it was your mother's idea!" all gleefully.

I ask "what did she put in it?"

He says, just salt.

I take that answer with zero trust, go inside, directly ask her and she says "Ohh just some garlic, onion, Worcestershire sauce..."

Here's the part that's important. Those ingredients, as sad as it is, will make me crazy sick and she knows it.

I'm not talking a stomach ache. I mean skin on fire, muscle pains all over, neurological speech issues for 2-3 days. It suuuuuucks.

She then pops off "oh so now you can't eat it all of the sudden?"

I have been unable to eat those things since I was in my late 20s and started having those issues due to a handful of very weird and rare genetic mutations. (My body doesn't handle plant based sulfur well)

Anyhow, I just sat there eating watermelon while my entire family had burgers because I couldn't even cook another one. She had perfectly planned it so "there would be no wasted food" so there were no more patties.

She also seemingly went out of her way to get garlic pickles, garlic mayo, the only fucking salt she "could find" was garlic salt😂

Like it's okay that others eat those things around me, it's not like a peanut allergy but it all felt insanely intentional. I full on imagine she hid the plain salt under her bed or something...

Anyways, was either going to make me sick so she could be the victim of how I'm always sick (I'm not)at her Bible study or she was going to mumble rage all night because I refused to poison myself.

The part that hurts me the most is my Dad feels like he did something wrong. She is such a master masking communal narc that I genuinely don't think he sees her for who she is.

I was just eating at me today and wanted to type it out, thanks for reading.

Adding: When my Dad passes away I will be going no contact, I just can't do it while he's alive so I genuinely only see her every other weekend/holidays.

Hello,

I wanted to give hope for the people here who are still living with their parents, for people who are still in contact with them, for the folks here who suffer a lot.

No contact is magical. At first, you dread what's going to happen. Not going to lie the moment you decide to go no contact, you're panicking. "What if" starts to become most of your thoughts. Then, something breaks and you actually go no contact. The withdrawal is awful, you miss them, you wish you had an apology, your Nparents keeps sending your texts, letters or gifts. They're trying to lure you back in. But you stay strong. So you change your number, you try to keep yourself safe but you go on with no contact. A few months later, you realize you were able to do more things on your own than you ever thought. You barely think about them anymore. You did it. You broke free.

Good luck to my friends here still stuck with their Nparents. It does get better!

I’m the eldest daughter of three.
Growing up, nothing looked “bad enough” from the outside for people to think anything was wrong. My dad wasn’t abusive, he was emotionally absent but financially provided for us, so everyone thought he was a good father. My mom wasn’t physically abusive either, but looking back as an adult, I believe many of her behaviors fit narcissistic patterns.

I was parentified from a young age. I helped raise my younger siblings, mediated my parents’ constant arguments, and became the person responsible for keeping everyone emotionally stable. I learned to walk on eggshells, anticipate everyone’s moods, and make sure the family looked okay from the outside.

I didn’t realize how unhealthy it all was until I was around 20.
Around that time, I came home from university overseas because my mom’s business was failing. It was heavily in debt and close to shutting down.

She told me the business was mine.
I became the legal owner, and I still am today.
The understanding was that I would take over everything, including the existing debt. I accepted that because I believed I was buying the opportunity to build something of my own.
The first few years were brutal.

During COVID there were months when we barely had enough money to pay employees. I took out loans in my own name to keep the business alive because I couldn’t bear the thought of people not getting paid. I’m still paying those loans back today.
Ironically, during those years my mom wanted very little to do with the business.

I spent almost my entire twenties rebuilding it.
Eight years later, the business is finally profitable and heading in the right direction.

But that’s when everything became complicated.
About two years ago, my mom asked me to give her part ownership of the company because my dad’s pension was running out and they were worried about money.
Not long after that, she asked me to give ownership to my younger brother because his career wasn’t going well.
I said no.

Legally, I’m still the sole owner.
Emotionally, though, it feels like she has never let go.
She calls meetings with my employees without telling me.
She published a book under the company’s branding without asking for my permission, leaving many customers thinking she’s still the owner.

She criticizes almost every decision I make—from the colors I choose for menu boards, to who I hire, to my working hours, to how I run the business.

If something succeeds, it often feels like she wants to be associated with it.

If something goes wrong, it’s my responsibility.

If I don’t follow her advice, she tells me she’s only saying these things because I’m “not doing enough.”

Nothing I do ever feels like enough.

At the same time, she isn’t a villain in my mind.

She’s incredibly talented. She built the original business from scratch. She’s an amazing cook, and without her there wouldn’t have been anything for me to rebuild in the first place.
That’s why I feel so conflicted.

Up until today, I’m still the sole income earner for my parents.
The business doesn’t just support me. It also supports my family financially. It pays for expenses that extend beyond the business itself.

Now I’m married.
For the first time in my life, I have my own family to think about.
I feel responsible in every direction.

I don’t want to abandon my parents.
I don’t want to lose the business I spent eight years rebuilding.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I have to earn the right to make decisions in a company I legally own.
And I don’t want my marriage and my mental health to become casualties of all this.

The hardest part is what this has done to me emotionally.

I dread seeing my mom.
After every interaction, I replay conversations in my head for days.

My stress has become physical. I get inflammation, psoriasis flare-ups, sinus issues, and I become emotionally drained. I notice myself becoming withdrawn, negative, and short-tempered with people I actually love.

It’s gotten to the point where my body seems to reject anything associated with her—including the business.

The business itself isn’t what I hate.
I actually love building businesses.
I love solving problems, improving systems, leading people, and watching the company grow.
What I don’t know anymore is whether I can separate the business from my relationship with my mom.

Part of me feels she deserves financial security because she created this business.

Another part of me feels like I’ve spent eight years carrying the risk, paying off debt, rebuilding everything, and I still don’t feel like I’m allowed to truly own it.

I honestly don’t know what the right answer is.

Has anyone else taken over a family business where the founder couldn’t emotionally let go?

How did you create boundaries when they still saw it as “their” business?

Did you find a way to keep the business while protecting your mental health?

Or did you eventually realize that walking away was the only way to save yourself?

I’m not really looking for people to diagnose my mom from one Reddit post.
I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve lived through something similar, because right now I feel like I’m choosing between my family, my business, and my own wellbeing, and I don’t know if it’s possible to keep all three.

(ps: i translated this with ai so if it sounds weird that’s probably why)

I (18M) used to have long hair, got it cut a year ago, and am starting to grow it again, in fact this morning it got to shoulder length. Needless to say, I value my hair more than some others. However, my mom would always say that she “wants to trim it” to clean up the “split ends” or whatever. In the past I would always be hesitant and refuse to have it trimmed because she would always trim it a tiny bit too short, but only enough to have me miffed.
Recently, however, I became more open to trimming, because I learned that trimming helps it grow longer, since I’ve been struggling with to grow it past the middle of my back.
Just today she wanted to trim it and I trusted her, repeat, trusted her to trim my hair and only trim it. Halfway through, I even said “I feel like you might be taking it off too much” and she said “no I’m not, it’s alright”. Well lo and fucking behold, after she was done, I went to look in the mirror and found she TOOK OFF HALF THE FUCKING VOLUME OF IT.
It didn’t even look the same as before! I stormed over to my mom and she explained that she wanted to trim and style it and “take the weight off my scalp”- woah woah woah… My mother didn’t say SHIT about styling or ANYTHING about this. She ONLY SAID SHE WANTED TO TRIM IT. She said she “didn’t mean to cut it short on purpose.” WELL THEN TELL MW YOU’RE GOING TO STYLE MY HAIR BEFORE I SAY YES! I started raising my voice and yelling, which I will say might have been the wrong reaction and I will take responsibility for that, but then she had the audacity to say“but I kinda like it.”

YOU LIKE IT???

IT’S MY HAIR.

NOT YOURS.

MY. FUCKING. HAIR.

I was that close to going supernova right then and there, and looking in the mirror, I had a theory that she probably DID do this on purpose.
See, I remember that whenever mom cut my hair or took me to the salon, she would always surf the internet for photos online of haircuts that she would ask me which one I would want so she can show the stylist, or do herself. I would always say no to almost all of them, but sometimes she would be kinda pushy with them, saying “I don’t know, this one might look good on you!” and all that jazz.

When I looked in that mirror, my hair looked exactly like one of those fucking photos.

I stormed off into my room and raged at bit, before confronting her again later and apologizing for yelling, but that I was still mad for what she did to my hair. She responded with “I already said sorry! What do you want me to do, kill myself?”. To that, I say, you don’t just go on with your day when someone knocks over and shatters the sculpture you spent months working on just because they said sowwy :(. I was tired at that point so I said “just warn me next time when you want to style my hair instead of trimming it like you said you would.” She then tried to guilt me by saying “Ohhh don’t worry, I don’t think I’ll ever think about trimming your hair again, since it made you react like that :((.”

I stormed off into my room again and haven’t come out since.

I will say again that the way I reacted by yelling was probably excessive and unnecessary, and I understand and will try not to do it again, but man… I can’t even look in the mirror anymore. It’s like looking at the remains of the model diorama you spent months working on, after your cat went berserk and tore the entire thing to shreds. Now I will have to wait weeks or even months to get back to where I was this morning, all because my mom broke my trust and showed her true colors to me in that she wanted to play dress up with my fucking hair.

​

Serious Rant incoming. My dad a few days ago asked me to clear my room, no big deal but he threatened me that if i didn't do it he could destroy my life in 2 seconds.

this probably was a mistake but i didn't do it, not because i was being lazy, rather out of spite of his constant violent threats whenever he asked anything (it became Sort of a common thing, that he would threaten me like this when my mom wasn't listening).

Yesterday he asked me if i did it with His voice already raised, i said that i did not (truth) and he asked me why, i answered that i forgot (lie, like i said, it was out of spite. if my mom asked it would be done at the moment because she never is this violent). "turn off that thing" he says pointing at my Notebook and i answer 'Hold up, why does it have to be like this?', "because i say so" while approaching me and screaming, i say 'there's no need to get violent', "SHUT THE FUCK UP", 'no, I also have the right to speak and-'.

in that moment he hits me a quite strong backhand slap, and i wasn't going to just stay there and take it so i retaliate with a punch to the face. we both get shocked for an instant and then he chokeslammed me to my bed with both hands. my whole family (grandparents from my mom's side and my mother herself) had to come to get him off me and after a heated discussion my grandpa takes me to his room so i calm down.

after that i Don't know what happened with him but i want him to leave. i Don't want my sister (10F) to see anything else like this, she literally cried that "i Don't want a violent family, i want a good family". i just wanted to get this out of my chest, I'm shaking while remembering all this that happened last night and even though i was wrong in some part because i really should've cleaned my room, this whole thing shouldn't have escalated like it did. did he really need to get so heated about this?

sorry and thanks for reading this far

I’m getting married in a few weeks, and instead of being purely excited, I’m carrying a lot of sadness I can’t shake.

My mom has never once asked how the wedding planning is going. In my culture, the bride’s mom traditionally helps plan certain events and hosts specific parties during the wedding weekend. She hasn’t asked about any of it. Not even a simple “how are you doing with everything?”

My siblings aren’t there for me either. I’m the only one who’s gone to therapy and tried to work on myself. One of my siblings stopped speaking to me because I lent him money when he asked, but told him I couldn’t keep helping the following month and that he’d need to live within his means. My sister kept making excuses about why she hadn’t booked her flight to my wedding. When I asked if she’d still come even if her boyfriend couldn’t, she got offended and blocked me. I think that was just an excuse and she never planned on coming at all.

My parents are divorced. My dad never really cared much and rarely checks in on me. And I know that the moment I actually asked him for support, he’d disappear the way he disappeared for years when I was young.

What makes it harder is that I’m marrying into a huge, close family. They genuinely show up for each other. They helped plan and finance the wedding . Being around that love makes it impossible to keep ignoring how little of it I’ve had.

I’ve built my whole life around being independent. I’ve carried myself, gone to therapy, tried to find love and peace within myself. But I’m walking into what’s supposed to be the best day of my life feeling so alone so sad and so vulnerable and exposed.

If anyone has been through something similar, how did you get through your wedding day carrying this? How do you make peace with celebrating without the family support everyone assumes you’ll have?

Basically, in about 2 weeks my brother has a wedding. I have bought my own shirt, my mum personally doesn't like it though i have made sure with my brother that it is wedding appropriate. she has been saying "you can't wear that to the wedding" or "that's not wedding appropriate" even though i have asked the person getting married, and he has confirmed he doesn't mind if i wear it. i have made it clear to my parents that i will not be wearing a dress, i don't feel comfortable in a dress. My mum has now started saying "you're wearing a dress" or "you have to wear a dress. trousers aren't wedding appropriate". I have refused to wear a dress, so now she is saying "you're not coming" and "you're not allowed to go to the wedding then". i have told her "its not your wedding, you don't get to uninvite people" and shes still saying "well i'm saying you're not coming".

EDIT: i contacted my brother saying "mum and dad are saying i'm not allowed to come to the wedding because i'm not wearing what they want me to wear. they are saying i can't go unless i wear a dress and i don't want to wear a dress" and he responded with "{name} you are 17 years old okay you wear whatever you want to wear, you be yourself okay? You don't need to wear a dress and i can't believe they are using our wedding against you like this. You be yourself we want you there and you wear whatever the hell you want okay that's me the groom saying that. Don't be someone your not and don't wear anything you don't wanna wear. You're growing up, you're not a child anymore". I have told my mum hes fine with the clothes i picked out and she laughed at it?

I’ve been around narcissists my whole life, and one thing that seems common is their ability to start talking and go on and on and on no matter what the reaction of other people is. You can’t get a word in, they repeat stories, laugh at themselves, and you are just stuck there waiting for the audial assault to end, or for someone/something to need you so you can walk away. Anyone else notice this? Any good ways to deal with it besides just walking away?

At a very young age, my parents decided I was HUGE. I was always tall and skinny for my age but they labeled me as a “really big girl” and my golden child sister as tiny. We were less than two years apart and looking back now, we didn’t have a crazy difference in height or weight. It was just a typical narc parent lavishing all of the positive labels on the golden child and negative labels on the scape goat.

One of the most humiliating moments was when my parents decided I was so big, I needed to get my clothes from Lane Bryant. I was in the seventh grade, maybe 5’6” and 120lbs. It took three employees at Lane Bryant to get it through to my parents that nothing in the store would fit me. I had a normal preteen body and had no business being in a plus size store for adult women. I left in tears and they left so confused that I wasn’t the overweight gigantic preteen they KNEW I was.

Laughing comments like, “I’m not saying you are fat, but you are just a REALLY big girl” were almost daily. I’ve struggled with ED almost my entire life because of this and will forever feel shame over my body.

Does anyone else have parents that pick and poke at their body? Body dysmorphia by proxy?