I would never do to my children what my mother did to me
I remember growing up, I never saw my mom smile. She always had such a sad or irritated expression on her face and gave off this constant depressing vibe. My younger brother and I never felt like coming back home after school or college because, for most of our childhood, she was always at home with either a sad or pissed-off expression.
Living with a mother who was physically present but didn't feel warm, nurturing, or emotionally available felt incredibly lonely and hollow as a child. Home never really felt like a place where we could relax and feel emotionally safe.
What makes me think about this even more is how different I was after losing my 2-year-old daughter. I was completely devastated, but I made sure to maintain a smile and a kind, reassuring face in front of my 4-year-old, even on the second day after her death. I didn't want my child to see me completely broken and feel scared or emotionally overwhelmed.
I was grieving unimaginably, but I still wanted my child to feel that Mum was there and that the world was still safe.
And it makes me wonder how deeply our own childhood experiences shape the kind of parents we become. I know what it feels like to grow up surrounded by emotional heaviness, and I desperately don't want my children to experience that same loneliness.