r/AskLGBT

I’m an aromantic cis male, but I wish I was gay. In recent years, I’ve found myself getting very acquainted with the queer community, getting to know people from different avenues of life, reading queer fiction, and involving queer themes in my writing. I’d say I’m technically an ally (idk the extent to which aromantic counts), but I don’t want to be JUST an ally.
Being an Aromantic (but not asexual) person I think has given me a slightly different perspective on the separation between physical and romantic attraction. Though I am straight and experience sexual attraction to women, I don’t really like being straight, it’s something I don’t decide for myself. I feel if I was gay, then I would be more willing to attempt to develop a lasting relationship, but now it feels like I have to rely on my sexual attraction that I don’t feel like I align with. I don’t really like calling myself straight. It doesn’t sit right with me.
Is this weird? Or is this a normal thing for certain people? Is there anything I might be able to do?

I'm a straight 15y.o guy. My friend once told me that she had a crush on a guy when she was younger, but at the same time she is lesbian dating a girl. So is it normal that LGBTQ+ people change sexuality when they grow up?

For context, I'm good friends with this person. They recently came out as nonbinary to me right before this school year started and I've respected their identity. They're not culturally queer, though, and know little to nothing about any etiquette.

We just got back to highschool less than three weeks ago, and I've found out that they forced me out to all of my current close friends without asking me first, which I found out from one of them asking me if I "really was a trans". On top of that, they seem to have outed me to a large number of their close friends since their friends keep on coming up to me and asking me about my transness.

I'm very frustrated since I had already told them that I'm trying to go stealth this year, but still trying to be respectful to them since they hopefully don't understand what they did wrong. I'd prefer to talk to them about it over text since drawing them away from the friend group at lunch might make them feel too self-conscious. Any advice will be greatly appreciated, thank you!

Ive been extremely confused for the past few months and have had these thoughts years back too, but recently this has been only bothering me more and more.

Im a cis female and have been questioning if this is who I am. Ever since I was young I've always dressed up more masculine and wasn't that fond of dressing feminine much, and would rather do what the boys were doing instead of the girls. I would only be friends with guys since I had trouble being friends with girls

When I got to high school and needed a uniform I would only wear baggy clothes and just pants or shorts. I started disliking how I looked and how high my voice was too and would sometimes look at my male friends and think I wish I could be like them and would even sometimes be jealous of them and how they looked. Sometimes I'd even think about what it would be like having male body parts instead of female. I would cut my hair short like wolf cuts and would wear sports bras to hide my chest since I started hating how it looked and wanted a more flatter chest. I would also try to talk in a deeper tone which I still do till this day. I've also been nicknamed Chris at times to shorten my name which I remember not minding and liked the name. I would also be called a tomboy by my family and peers too.

I've tried wearing skirts and dresses (which I don't wear often) since I've seen my female friends and peers dressing more feminine and I've been told to act more feminine or dress more feminine. It didn't really feel off but it also didnt feel normal in a way I was more just indifferent and I still would rather wear pants or dress more masculine.

I also do cosplay and have mostly dressed up as male characters with some female ones and realized how much I liked dressing up as the male characters instead of female characters and preferred the male cosplays more, it felt natural in a way idk how to put it into words. I would also look at male characters in anime, games, manga, and manhwa, and would sometimes think it would be nice to be like them or have their bodytype. I started thinking about this more when I got introduced to yaoi manhwa and mangas, where when I'd read those stories I would think how I'd want to be them or look like them instead of me and only made me question myself more and more.

Sorry if this turned into a bit of a rant and all over the place but I've just been really confused and wanted some input and/or help with this since it has bothered me off and on for years now. I don't really know who to talk to about this and came here for advice to try and make since of things.

I'm looking for gay media suggestions, specifically something that portrays closeted homophobia well. movies, comics, books, animated content, anything will do

I hope this sub wasn't a mistake...

I'm 15. I've been battling on and off gender dysphoria. Even when I was 8, before I knew what transgender was, I got happy when my hair was cut short like a boy's. I wanted to do what boys my age did and even wear boyish clothing. I didn't like dresses. Being called a "girl" always made me uncomfortable.

People tell me I'm just genderfluid, a tomboy, or anything other than something man or masc-aligned, but I don't know. I can't tell if I have gender fluidity or just repression and convincing myself I'm a girl to fit in.

I can't accept myself as feminine or bi unless I see myself as a guy for some reason. I don't like my birth name, never had, but I dunno if that has anything to do with anything at all. Being feminine as a girl, or being straight/bi or in a straight relationship with a guy just makes me feel wrong for some reason, but if I'm in a straight relationship with a girl as a guy, it feels okay. Also, being in a gay relationship with a guy is okay, too.

My family is unaccepting and uses feminine terms on me, "baby girl", "beautiful", "she", "miss", "[birth name]" and my birth name is a very feminine Biblical name, too. I don't know why, but when they do that, I feel angry, bad, or weird. But why? If I'm a cis girl, then why??

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look, i know it may sound silly because these seem like the opposites of each other, but to me it's very similar - you feel the same towards people no matter their gender. i guess what it really comes down to is asking what actually is a sexual attraction? how do you ,,feel" it? I once asked my boyfriend about it (i basically asked how did they know they were gay, what did they feel towards men that they didn't towards women), and they answered by saying they get ,,excited" when they hear a male voice or see traits that appear as masculine to them. Is this correct? Does attraction feel like excitement?

So for context for my summer job I (18M) worked at a summer camp that takes kids 6-13 and I run one of the activities so I get all the ages groups (the kids are separated by gender and grade). I wear a necklace with pride flag on it.

The elementary aged kids are sweet and either don't know what it is and ask and I explain it to them as tastefully and innocently as humanely possible or have seen it and are really cute about it (idk how to describe it but they're like awe-stricken by seeing a real queer person like seeing a mythical creature) and either way they don't care and go on with their day.

But the middle school age kids (mostly boys) are such assholes towards me, it got to a point where I stopped wearing it in front of them because anytime they see me interacting with anyone male they get in the way and try and make it sexual. One even called me the slur that sounds like forgot but thankfully he was punished (a stern talking to).

But what's even weirder is that once they enter high school they just stop being homophobic??? At my work I'd say 80% of the work force are high school volunteers and they don't care. Like at most they'd ask if I was queer, I'd say yes, and they'd just say ok cool and move on with their day (with the sole exception of one guy but he got fired for hating everyone, he was basically neo Nazi and they found a bunch of his old posts).

My work isn't the only experience I have with middle school kids, as a former middle school student myself I can testify my own middle school experience and it's awful. I have two stories I tell when someone asks about my middle school experience. The first is when a couple of wannabe Nazi students went into the "gay" teacher's room (he was just an ally and his crime was wanting to hang a pride flag in the main hallway which contained a flag from every country) and threw metal water bottles at him while yelling HH and doing the salute, resulting in him quitting the school which sucks because I really liked him (shoutout to all male history teachers). The other story is when a 200 signature petition was handed to the principal requesting that 2 male students who were dating should be expelled because they were dating each other. Resulting in an assembly about inclusion and every time our principal mentioned queer people everyone would start booing.

Another story I have is pretty recent, I was at spirit because it had just opened and I wanted to see Freddy Fazbear, also I was wearing my pride necklace that day. There were these 3 middle school aged boys acting like idiots in the furry section, which sucks cause I wanted a pair of cat paws because they were cute, one of them put on a head and asked the other's if he should wear it to school. One of them responded "no you look like a (bad word that sounds like forgot) only someone gay would wear that" and I got in the way of them to grab the paws because they were there for a while and I got impatient and they just started staring like I was walking around naked and one even said "see I told you, only "that word but shortened to the first 3 letters" like wearing that stuff".
So when straight men enter 6th grade do they get a homophobic chip inside them? And does it get removed when they enter high school because the change is so drastic from 5th to 6th and from 8th to 9th

Ive never had any problems with affection or physical intimacy, but for some reason I can never be content in a relationship. Ive never been in any super toxic relationships so I know im not traumatized or anything. Relationships for me have typically ended badly or just dont last very long, and more often then not im the one ending it. Its almost like I look for reasons to leave, I get bored of it, or just overall tired of the person. Like the more time I spend with them, the more unbearable they become. If it only happened once or twice, id think maybe its just the person, but its almost every time. Ive been in open relationships, and I tend to be better in those, but at the same time it feels...wrong, like im missing something. I want to be in a relationship, but I want to figure out myself to avoid hurting someone else. Ive been wondering if im aromantic for like the past 3 or 4 years, i keep trying to make relationships work but its always the same result.

My biggest question is, if you're aromantic, what led you to that conclusion?

I’m a 28-year-old cis lesbian and my girlfriend is 22, also a cis lesbian.

There’s something about our relationship that has been making me uncomfortable, but I’ve had a hard time putting it into words.

In my previous relationships with women, I simply felt like a woman dating another woman. I never felt that one of us had to occupy “the man” role.
In my current relationship, though, I increasingly feel like I’m being pushed into a masculinized role.

She rarely initiates sex or affection, so I’m usually the one who has to pursue her. I tend to pay for things. Emotionally, I feel expected to protect her, reassure her, and be the strong or stable one. But when I’m vulnerable, soft, insecure, or need care myself, I don’t feel like that side of me is really welcomed or understood.

She has mostly been in relationships where the other woman took on a more traditionally masculine role, and I sometimes wonder if she unconsciously expects that same dynamic from me.

What bothers me is not masculinity itself, and I’m not saying that certain behaviors “belong to men.” I’m talking about the social expectations that are traditionally placed on men in heterosexual relationships: being the initiator, provider, protector, and emotionally contained partner.

When all of those expectations fall on me, I start to feel disconnected from my own femininity inside the relationship. I want to feel pursued, desired, cared for, protected, and able to be vulnerable too.
I think what I’m really struggling with is the lack of reciprocity, but it feels gendered in a way that I haven’t experienced in my previous relationships with women.

Have other lesbians experienced this kind of dynamic? How would you understand it?

Same as title. Since the terms usually are interpreted as attraction towards opposite/same gender, do non-binary people use these terms? Do they use it based on their agab?

For eg, should an amab person, who identifies as non-binary, and is attracted to women, be called straight or lesbian? Will they come under the umbrella term sapphic?

I think there should be more terms so that we don't exclude people. If there are any terms that cater to envy, I'd love to know!

(No hate to anyone! I'm just a confused soul)

I swear to literally everyone I know I am cis and "normal" (everyone is normal) and all that bs but I've been feeling this pit in my stomach every time I am reminded of my birth sex and this has been an active issue for 7 years now.

It's absolutely not body dysmorphia because I think I objectively look good and I have a wonderful bf who makes sure I know of it. So why do I still feel like this? Is gender dysphoria really just that? Feeling disgusted with your body and gender? I swear there used to be so many more criteria a decade ago so I feel lost

I don't go outside or attend university lectures anymore because I don't feel good going outside the way I am, and I don't even feel like this is about what others think. I could be trapped on a lost Island and still suffer from this. I get excited thinking about the future and being 50 years old eventually but I then also remember I'd be a middle aged WOMAN, a MOM, an AUNT. And it makes me want to not make it to any age at all.

I didnt even go through any trauma I genuienly just am like this, even after waiting for puberty to end.

Me (~30M) and my partner (~30F), both bi, are considering opening up our relationship a bit.

We want to take it slow, and start without jumping straight into the deep end, and are considering visiting a dark room at a local lgbt club. Really only to hook up with each other, but not minding people seeing, or even interacting a bit.

None of us have experience in crousing culture or similar things, and have never visited a dark room, so I'm not sure if this would be against dark room etiquette.

What do you think? Are we invading Gay Men's spaces, or is it open to straight presenting couple play as well? Should we save that fantasy for a singer's club instead?

My team at work has a sort of social call every 2 weeks. Someone on the team makes a presentation on something that interests them to the rest of the team, and then we talk about it.

I got asked to talk about LGBTQ issues, since I am the only member of the rainbow community on my team.

The problem is, I'm not involved in the rainbow community in any way. I don't know what the issues are really, and I don't even know what all the letters stand for.

I have a partner that I've been with for many many years, and we just live our life like any other couple.

Mostly, I don't even think about being in the rainbow community. I just live my life. I know this is a privilege that not everyone has, but it is my reality.

But, then I get asked stuff like this and I feel like I'm a "bad gay". Like because I'm in the rainbow community, I should be involved, I should know what these letters mean, I should be..... more something.

But in truth, I just want to live my life like everyone else does.

Am i actually a "bad gay"? Does anyone else feel like this?

I don’t know how to word this. I’ve seen a lot of discussions about gender roles and how lots of people just find being in queer relationships way more comfortable because they’re usually way more free and about the person and their wants instead of what society wishes about them and engraved into them.

What are your thoughts? I personally don’t see gender as of now, so I don’t really struggle with that, I realized I also had these subconscious thoughts and got rid of them.

I do remember when I had them, I found it way easier to date my own gender because again, it was like being “free”from society, society had deemed it un normal so we never got told how to act or how queer relationships should work like we did hetero relationships, so we got to do whatever we wanted yk? And we understood eachother more as we had to grow up hearing the same things?

I just wonder. I also hear queer relationships seem to be doing better than hetero ones are recently and I feel like this would be a major part of why? I mean it gets so instructed that even some queer relationships run by the rule of it HAS to be a fem who does house work x masc who works (not to hate if you genuinely enjoy that, I just mean the people who think it HAS to be this way to function)

I hope I worded this right? This is just my personal experience as a bisexual who has dated both genders and had quite some experiences.

Once I dropped gender roles completely, I definitely felt way more free honestly. It’s just learning to accept that it’s okay to do so which can be tricky as it’s so taught to be this one and only way

Also I want to say this, I don’t just mean homosexual relationships. I mean queer in general. Even if it’s a qpr, I still feel like it has somewhat more freedom in it? Yk cus it’s not what society made up and gave all these standards to. Idk

Sorry to use the term gay , but please give it a more universal meaning. I'm confused and can't figure out if a friend of mine is straight and therefore nice to me, or if the signals she's sending me are those of a girl interested. Any ideas?

Ich bin eine Cis-Frau und obwohl ich Trans-Frauen voll und ganz unterstütze, ist der Gedanke, dass jemand eine Frau SEIN WOLLEN würde, für mich unbegreiflich. Deshalb wollte ich fragen, ob du einige meiner Erfahrungen als Frau teilst. Ich frage ganz spezifisch nicht nach Gefühlen, die mit der Trans-Erfahrung zusammenhängen, sondern nur nach Standarddingen.

Hassest du deinen neuen Körper immer noch, auch wenn du dafür gekämpft hast? Möchtest du weite Kleidung tragen, um weibliche Merkmale wie Kurven/Brüste zu verstecken? (auch hier, ich weiß, dass Trans-Personen das wegen Transphobie tun könnten, aber darum geht es mir nicht) Machst du dir manchmal Sorgen, dass deine Kleidung zu freizügig oder eng ist, und hast Angst, dass Männer dich anstarren oder Mädchen dich als Schlampe bezeichnen könnten?

Wünschst du dir, deine Titten wären kleiner? Das ist bei mir ein großes Thema, und es geht nicht nur um die Rückenschmerzen. Ich habe das Gefühl, ich kann kein Oberteil tragen, das meine Brüste irgendwie betont, was offensichtlich umso schwieriger ist, je größer die Brüste sind. Als meine Mutter mir sagte, dass sie die ersten waren, die kleiner wurden, als ich mit meiner Diät angefangen habe, war ich überglücklich, und wenn ich Geld hätte, würde ich wahrscheinlich eine Brustverkleinerung machen lassen. Hast du das Gefühl, dass jeder Teil von dir sexualisiert wird, obwohl es nur dein Körper ist? (auch hier weiß ich, dass das sehr spezifisch für die Trans-Erfahrung ist, darum geht es mir nicht) So, ein Männerbein ist nur ein Bein, eine Männerbrust ist nur eine Brust, eine Männerhüfte ist nur eine Hüfte, aber bei uns dreht sich alles um sexuelles Verlangen und allein die Existenz ist provokativ. (auch hier habe ich das Gefühl, mich nicht klar auszudrücken, weil Trans-Personen offensichtlich diese Erfahrung machen)

Wenn ich das alles aufschreibe, fühlt es sich an, als wäre das eine sehr dumme Frage und auch, dass es vielleicht einige Parallelen zwischen der weiblichen Erfahrung und der Trans-Erfahrung im Allgemeinen gibt (ohne die Transphobie herunterzuspielen, von der ich offensichtlich keine Ahnung habe, wie schlimm sie ist). Ich schätze, die einzige Frage, die Sinn macht, ist, ob manche Trans-Frauen sich kleinere Brüste wünschen, lol

Edit: Sorry about how I phrased it. I’m aware trans women ARE women, it’s literally in the name, they don’t just want to be women. I was just trying to put emphasis on the fact that they see having a female body as something positive I think?

Now I 20 male ass a woman out that I found attractive and before things went anywhere, she told me she was trans and I cut it off right there. I said I’m sorry for wasting your time. You were still very beautiful, but I don’t think I’m interested in that date anymore. She was disappointed, but she did understand, but I still kind of feel guilty about that because I did waste your time and possibly could have hurt her feelings and I don’t really like doing that to people