r/AskLGBT

I'm a sober alcoholic and don't attend meetings, but I know a lot of people do.

In AA (and similar programs) it is HIGHLY discouraged to find a sponsor of the opposite sex. One of the reasons (I've heard) is you don't want any romantic feelings developing on either side on what is essentially a very personal and trusting relationship.

So what are non straight people expected to do? Make sure one of them is straight? Does the sexual preference over ride the gender recommendation?

This came up when one of my friends who is gay made comments about developing a crush on his sponsor and that's (AFAIK) a really big no-no when it comes to this.

I've only fallen in love once in my life, and it was with a girl. However, I'm not particularly attracted to lesbian sex, unlike heterosexual sex. I can imagine a future with guys, as well as with girls, but I've always felt more attraction towards girls than towards any man. I like almost everything about girls, but there are certain standards for men, and for some reason, the sight of a man in his underwear makes me feel disgusted.

A lot of queer stories all have a real tragic undertone which makes sense given the stories are meant to reflect real experience but like, sometimes when I'm sad I just want to watch something funny and non serious.

I first met her at 13. She was dressing like a boy then with short hair but I didn't ask too many personal questions. In high school by the age of 17 she had a girlfriend. Her style also evolved to become increasingly more masculine. We lost touch by age 22 but I used to follow her Instagram and she was still dating girls, getting tattoos and keeping her hair short well into 2016. Then she stopped posting.

By 2022 she contacted me on her new Instagram and told me to follow her new account. She had changed her style, grown her out long and got married to a man and now had a two year old child. The tattoos have all been removed or she's concealed them with makeup or clothing based on the pictures I'm seeing.

It was one word... shocking.

Can anyone explain this to me?

It's still totally shocking. She also acted like she hated men by her old Instagram posts from before. She claimed to be a RadFem too. Well at least back then. This is all so... it's such a departure.

I mean something along the lines of “ma’am” and “sir”, but for people who do not identify as a man or woman.

I never thought that I would write this, but I'm going to do it anyways. I'm still figuring out my sexuality. I used to date the opposite gender, I realized that I never had true feelings for that person but only forced myself to. I doubted myself liking women because I was told that I'm not allowed to say that I'm queer when I was 16 years old. Now that I'm older, I know that I like girls. The only thing is that I doubt myself bc I have been told during my teenage years that you can't decide your identity. I was wondering, if anyone knows how can you tell if your gay or not? Just for advice and I know that only I can make that decision. I wanted some insight from anyone

I'm 15, i have a best friend the same gender as me i have a huge crush on. i learned from some of her other friends she reciprocates these feelings, so for the past few weeks i've been trying to hint to her

We call each other cutesy nicknames, she calls me her wife, and sends me TikToks of her favorite ships or couples and says "us"

But i just learned she's lithoromantic (a term under the aroace umbrella where they can have a crush on someone but lose the feelings if they learn it's mutual) and it's genuinely crushing me. Obviously i don't blame her. it's not her fault this is how she feels attraction but it hurts so badly to have a mutual crush on someone you can't even tell about it because they'll stop liking you if you tell them

She's genuinely my only friend, and i'm homeschooled, so i almost never make any. I'm really scared of going back to having no friends, but i also know that this situation can't be good for my mental health. so if anybody older has advice for me i would really, really appreciate it

Especially for lesbians but ofc open to everybody, have you ever had a person stunned or in disbelief when you came out because you didnt “look” the part?

Has anyone been forcefully outed by literally everyone? Whether it’s repeatedly asking what you are, people casually telling other people, or literally just screaming it out…?

What is the term for people who are romantically attracted to their own gender?

Can I just call them gay?

Also, is there any way I can refer to lgbt in conversation without saying 4 syllables that doesn't sound awkward? Non-straights?

I hope I don't come across as disrespectful to anyone. Please forgive me if I do, I'm stil trying to make sense of it all.

Some examples of what I understand as "a straight-passing queer person" would be: a bisexual person with a preference for the opposite sex and/or in a straight relationship, a nonbinary person with a binary-leaning gender expression, a heteroromantic asexual person, or someone like me - an aroace-spec person who's so far only had feelings for people of the opposite gender.

One friend suggested that if I want to socialize in queer spaces and not be seen as "just a straight prude", I should dress more quirky. She also sometimes struggles to convince women that she is into them.

So, are there people here who are more experienced with being in queer spaces and have some advice for the newbies? I just wanna make friends who understand me.

I tried to find an ask bisexual sub specifically, but the only ones I found were either mostly dead, or just for men. My question is, how do bisexuals feel their preference for one sex? Is it that the individual finds more women (for example) attractive than men on average? Or that they think the average woman is for example 7/10 while the average man is 5/10 (I hate this number rating of attraction, but I couldn’t think of a better way to ask)? Or is it just about wanting to be in a relationship with men more than women? Or any of those reversed, doesn’t really matter if it’s a preference for men or women.

I’m not trying to be mean or anything, I just genuinely can’t imagine the feeling as a lesbian. I know the feeling is probably hard to describe, but I would really appreciate it if some bisexual tried to describe it for me so I could understand it better, at least as much as I possibly can:)

Just curious

Asking because I never saw any use in gender roles and norms and want to know what the community thinks about that! Just out of interest :)

And pls obv. no slurs, no queerphobia, no discriminatory language!

i (27F) had an argument with my (30M) partner last night.

everything was fine we were enjoying a couple drinks and chatting, when the topic of one of my friends getting top surgery came up.

i mentioned they were non-binary and that’s when he commented “i think its weird to call yourself they/them”
a bit shocked, i replied to this “why do you think it’s weird?” to which he became defensive and said things along the lines of “i have nothing against them, i don’t see them lesser than, i just think it’s weird. its a plural pronoun.”

i tried to inform him that “they” is not only a plural pronoun, that it’s been used for centuries as a singular pronoun i.e “someone left their wallet” and if someone wants to be referred to as they, i don’t see why its so confusing or offputting. it’s their identity and that should be respected and he should refrain from using that kind of language especially around me. but instead of taking this on board he just started debating with me and accused me of overreacting, and said that he’ll never “not find it weird”

for context, i have been out as bisexual since 14, and i have also had a fluid gender identity in the past and not always gone by she/her pronouns. he is aware of this.

for background on him, he is a cisgender man, not religious, neither is his family, but he did grow up in catholic school, from a country town and wasn’t around a lot of queer people. to quote what he said “there weren’t people like that where i come from”

another thing is that my friend is hosting a prom night at their house in a couple months, for people who couldn’t go to prom. i mentioned to my boyfriend how i used to go by he/him pronouns in the past and, jokingly, if i was being true to my history i’d probably be going in a suit. to which he said in a sort of disgruntled tone “i’m not going to prom with a man.”

additionally a little while ago, i asked if he wanted to watch heated rivalry with me, to which when he discovered it was about two gay hockey players, made a big thing about “the gay part” and said he’d never watch it.

all of these things he’s said honestly just make me super uncomfortable, especially since i am queer, i’m heavily involved in my community and 90% of my friends are queer and trans too. one of my close friends even mentioned to me recently she doesn’t find that he’s super invested or engaging when i bring him with me to my friend’s social events. and whats even more upsetting to me is that when i mention that i’m uncomfortable, that my friends are uncomfortable, he just gets super defensive, says “well i’m not homophobic! i like your friends and i’d never say anything bad to him or about them!” he doesn’t want his opinions to be challenged (even politely) on his internalised queer phobia, and will call me sensitive instead. there’s no ownership from his on his part, and i’m at my wits end with what to do. i told him this is making me rethink if we are truly compatible.

TL;DR: boyfriends queerphobic comments are putting a wedge between us and i’m not sure if i’m being overly sensitive.

Hey all!

I just wanted to ask some advice on how people meet other gay people. Honestly I feel a bit stupid asking about this, I live in a big city with a big lgbt population (Canada) that’s very accepting so I feel dumb for not being able to find and meet other gay ppl ever. Like it’s def a me thing but I’m hoping to try and find ways to change it!

I think part of it was I became an adult during covid (I’m 23) so a lot of my early years were quite literally shuttered.

Anyway does anyone have advice/things to do to help?

Advice please focused around my age group I know this question is very dif at dif ages ^^