Need help with gender identity and questioning
Ive been extremely confused for the past few months and have had these thoughts years back too, but recently this has been only bothering me more and more.
Im a cis female and have been questioning if this is who I am. Ever since I was young I've always dressed up more masculine and wasn't that fond of dressing feminine much, and would rather do what the boys were doing instead of the girls. I would only be friends with guys since I had trouble being friends with girls
When I got to high school and needed a uniform I would only wear baggy clothes and just pants or shorts. I started disliking how I looked and how high my voice was too and would sometimes look at my male friends and think I wish I could be like them and would even sometimes be jealous of them and how they looked. Sometimes I'd even think about what it would be like having male body parts instead of female. I would cut my hair short like wolf cuts and would wear sports bras to hide my chest since I started hating how it looked and wanted a more flatter chest. I would also try to talk in a deeper tone which I still do till this day. I've also been nicknamed Chris at times to shorten my name which I remember not minding and liked the name. I would also be called a tomboy by my family and peers too.
I've tried wearing skirts and dresses (which I don't wear often) since I've seen my female friends and peers dressing more feminine and I've been told to act more feminine or dress more feminine. It didn't really feel off but it also didnt feel normal in a way I was more just indifferent and I still would rather wear pants or dress more masculine.
I also do cosplay and have mostly dressed up as male characters with some female ones and realized how much I liked dressing up as the male characters instead of female characters and preferred the male cosplays more, it felt natural in a way idk how to put it into words. I would also look at male characters in anime, games, manga, and manhwa, and would sometimes think it would be nice to be like them or have their bodytype. I started thinking about this more when I got introduced to yaoi manhwa and mangas, where when I'd read those stories I would think how I'd want to be them or look like them instead of me and only made me question myself more and more.
Sorry if this turned into a bit of a rant and all over the place but I've just been really confused and wanted some input and/or help with this since it has bothered me off and on for years now. I don't really know who to talk to about this and came here for advice to try and make since of things.