is it normal to feel almost superficial in my desire to transition?
Hi all, before continuing I want to be clear that I'm only really early on in questioning and finding my identity. I am confident though that I'm not cis. I am MTF(probably), 17 rn
Is it normal, or I guess does anyone have a shared experience of feeling kinda surface level in their desire to transition? In the sense that I often feel that my desire to transition is almost purely at an aesthetic level.
Context:
For years I've thought vaguely about the idea of transition, and i vaguely recognised my discomfort, but I've also always had a really poor ability to visualise my self, and I've been taught to avoid thinking about my appearance since a young age, which ig has extended towards my gender.
Recently, however, I've taken the slightest interest in self expression though my physical appearance, and its kinda making me come to terms with the fact that I am uncomfortable with the way I currently am. That, and my body is further masculinising in my shoulders and face and I really don't like it.
When I read other peoples accounts of their experiences, I see discussion of a pain that seems so much deeper than my own. I've never been one to feel or express really powerful emotion.
As I write this I start to realise my deeper discomfort with the idea of being a 'man' my whole life, but I also can't shake an uncertainty about the whole ordeal.
I feel this urgency to find confidence in a firm decision and understanding of my identity, because I can see my body becoming more masculine and it scares me.
thank u for your time