r/questioning

Im so confused

I (18M) have been questioning for years.

i used to think i was straight, but then people started calling me gay, which made me question it.

I THINK i have the potential to be attracted to women. I sexted a girl and got hard when the convo became more sexual. This is why i believe i have at least some interest in women. Although i did later learn the actual account was in fact not a girl, i still got hard under the impression that it was. I think it was really only her words (like "are you freaky", "have you played sexy games before" and asking me to send) But i dont think her pictures did much for me. This was all a few months ago, and obviously it was stressful from being a scam, but im not sure. Ive been told that some men who are into women dont get hard at pics because its not interactive/static, does this sound like that or am i just trying to cope?

I know of terms like arousal non corcondance. Does this sound like it? Or is it genuine attraction? Ive been told it could be either, like a gay guy with internal homophobia doing it to try and convince himself hes straight, but i dont think i was doing that, but what if im jist saying that?

I was obsessed for the lack of a better word for it with a guy. I'd get upset when he wouldn't be in school, and i'd want to work with and be near him in class. He would also be on my mind a lot, and according to my friend, i would blush when his name was mentioned.

I think i'd be fine with ending up with either a man or a woman, but idk if im just lying to myself. Im not sure if i am being genuine. Sometimes i feel i am, but what if im just lying to myself?

Additionally, i'm obsessed and fixated on bisexual male characters (Tim Drake and Jon Kent), which according to my friend may be because i see two guys confident in their sexuality, and i see myself in them, and can relate with the sexuality.

staying busy and getting out of the house helps me clear my mind and feel myself.

I’m experimenting with stuff and I think I only find women attractive when it comes to romance and intimacy. When it comes to thinking about dating someone I feel myself being with a woman and having a girlfriend and having a boyfriend feels a bit not comfy to me as I don’t think I want to spend the rest of my life with a man or as a man. I suppressed my attraction to women for so many years as I felt uncomfortable liking them in the male body and role and being a father; those things just don’t feel “me” and frankly never did. Id like being a parent figure but not a dad.

At the same time Ive been researching some feminine names. I looked through all the femme and unisex names that start with T and some that start with other letters like Heather but none of them feel comfy to me and fit like a slipper. At the same time I don’t feel comfortable being in a male body or male gender role but I don’t have any problems with my name Thomas aside from it being a “male” name. Since gender is a construct and what you make of it I’ve been open minded and considered the possibility that I may be a lesbian that has a male name. Since cis lesbian women can have a male name and be seen as valid why not me? I remember in the past enjoying Pokémon games as Thomas the girl but felt shame as it wasn’t “normal” to enjoy things that way.

I feel most of my discomfort is my body and the parts and testosterone that it had including some social stuff like being called a man or a boy regardless of presentation. Frankly unless I get the surgery and have my own breasts I don’t want any intimacy with others at all and I don’t feel I’m really living life to the fullest and being true to myself. Ever since I was younger I would imagine my parts not being down there and didn’t know why but things are more clear now.

Hey everybody, I’ve always considered myself to be straight, and I’ve never really had any question about it. Recently, I’ve been experiencing all sorts of strange feelings and internal questions because I’ve made a really good friend who I’ve started to catch feelings for. They are pansexual and Genderfluid, and despite any of that, my heart longs to be with them. We have so much in common, they have a beautiful soul, and a beautiful face. I’m really confused and I’m just looking for advice. Thank you for your time.

I was drying myself from a shower and I wore my towel like a dress covering up my breasts and it felt so carefree and myself and calm. For once I didn’t see a man looking back at me in the mirror. I feel whatever gender and pronoun and name I ultimately wind up with id feel more myself in a female body. I would be very unhappy if I was on my death bed in the male body I am in now typing this message with and feel a lot of regret. I don’t want to be remembered as a man in memory after I die and I don’t want Thomas written on my gravestone once my time comes. I’d rather be buried at sea than to suffer a fate like that. This is why I came out to my parents so impulsively three years ago and why I persevere even in all this mental turmoil. I’d rather fight and live as a woman than perish as a man.

Truth is I am wishy washy about my gender identity as I love my parents and cannot afford to live without them. They spoiled me materially and gave me a lot growing up so I cannot disrespect them by putting estrogen in my body and changing my name. Without my family I have no reason to keep on living as Thomas and I wish I was just born a girl and live a normal life. I put so much stock and money on my parents feelings and my sister and my physical safety outside my room that I don’t know who I am deep inside. This was like when I was younger when I submerged my desire to like girly things and have a girlhood liking my little pony and shojo anime but I felt like I had to like boy things due to the parts I was born with. At the same time I HATE being seen as a feminine man and do not feel happy being a man with another man or a woman. I am also afraid of angering my parents and jeopardizing my living space by being myself and feeling their wrath like the time I wore a skirt outside two and a half years ago.

i dont know who i am. i think im depressed and i think i have OCD. ive felt myself slipping for the past year.

junior year really took it out of me. i did my best. to get good grades. to participate in extracurriculars. to be the student and son i wasn't before. what do i get for it? suicidal thoughts. a gender crisis. feeling little to nothing. feeling like im not worthy of anything. feeling constantly stressed, yet being unable to actually get things done.

i overthink everything. to the point that i dont think i can even trust myself.

am i really trans? i dont think so. but what if im so repressed that i cant even recognize the fact that i might be trans? i really dont want to be trans though. but what if i am?

i dont feel like me. i dont know who "me" is. whenever i look in the mirror, i dont think "oh hey, its me," i just think its my physical representation looking back at me. "me" in my head is different.

i dont think i really feel like anyone when im alone. at least when there's others around, i have some point of reference and a facade to put up.

i dont even know if i like guys anymore. i used to be pretty certain about it. but nowadays nothing is really certain for me.

i tried to stop watching p*rn. i think it really messed with me. sometimes i watch straight p*rn, to see if maybe im bi or something. but i don't really think it does it for me. gay p*rn just seems kinda bland to me at this point. guys do too to be honest.

i dont feel worthy of anything. maybe im not even worthy of knowing who i am.

i dont know what to do. how do i know if im not the gender i was assigned at birth? especially in my current state? how do i get out of my current state?

how do i know if i really like guys? i've been able to crush on guys before, but never girls. but girls just call to me. i dont know how to explain it.

how do i know anything is certain?

I've been looking into labels for my identities, specifically my romantic ones. I've found a few labels that I think work for me: gyneromantic and cupioromantic.

Incase you don't know, gyneromanticism is attraction to femininity, but not specifically women (women, feminine men, feminine enby people, etc.) (also sapphic would not work for me as I am a cis man)

Cupioromanticism is someone who identifies on the aromantic spectrum, but still desires a romantic relationship.

I'm a bit afraid that when I eventually decide to come out to people, I'm gonna have to explain my romantic orientation to everyone because of the fact that these are much lesser-known microlabels.

If anyone has gone through a similar experience or has any possible advice to share, I would greatly appreciate it!

(I'm a bit new to the lgbtqia+ community if you couldn't tell already)

To some, I might seem like a complete fool, but others might actually understand where I'm coming from. Honestly, I'm not here to tell anyone what to think my life and experiences are just very different from yours. If you know you're not going to like what I have to say, feel free to stop reading now. But if you choose to keep going, at least read with an open mind instead of spreading hate.

I haven't said this to anyone before, but I think I might be gay or somewhere along those lines. This is something I’ve wrestled with for years. I was raised Christian and spent my life trying to follow God, but looking at the world around me now, I feel confused about my faith and what I truly believe.

​The one thing I know for sure is that I get a nervous, heart-pounding feeling around men that I constantly try to hide. I’m comfortable in my own skin I like dressing as a guy I just genuinely find men attractive and want to build connections with them, whereas I feel very little emotional connection to women. It’s just how I feel, and I’m coming to accept that it’s my nature.

​I'm sharing this because I’m stuck and mentally drained keeping it inside. I’m a Black guy with a single mom and siblings who are all devout Christians, and almost everyone in my community holds strong beliefs against being attracted to men. I even subtly tested the waters with my brother, whom I trust, but his reaction showed me it isn't safe to share this with him right now. I feel completely trapped and isolated. I needed to get this out, so if you’ve read this far, I’m hoping for some open-minded advice on what to do and who I can safely talk to.

I don't dress like a girl, and I'm not into acting 'zesty' or flamboyant—in fact, that's just not who I am, and I prefer to present like a regular guy. I just happen to be attracted to men, and I'm trying to figure out how to navigate that. To anyone who can offer solid advice, please jump, just keep in mind that coming out to my family isn't an option for me right now because it isn't safe.

I’m a 20 year old girl. I’m going to be completely honest, I have very transgender thoughts and have had them since I went through puberty at 13.

I mostly get euphoria from using a boy’s name and he/him, dressing masculine and imagining myself with a male body. But I also get extremely uncomfortable at the same time (?) I can’t even look at myself in the mirror sometimes because it’s awkward…. with myself… but especially if i’m in public or with people around. I feel okay-ish when I’m alone, but I still have this voice saying that’s not who I really am, and in all honesty, I’ll dress masculine and tell myself I’m a dude and then forget an hour later. but it’s strange because I DESPERATELY want it. I WANT to be a dude. I see cis guys and my stomach literally turns from jealousy.

I feel almost as if I WANTED to be trans, but I’m not. It’s just not who I am. the whole time it’s like i’m trying to convince myself that I’m something I’m not. I don’t see myself as a dude, nobody else does either. I feel like a child throwing a tantrum over something they want and can’t get. It’s like i’m obsessed with men, in a different way than other straight girls.

I can’t figure my own feelings out and it’s so frustrating because it’s been seven years now of trying to figure this feeling out and repressing it too. It’s eating me alive. I cry every night. I talk to AI every night and ask it to call me a boy name, reassure me and call me a dude.

But on the other hand, even if i do figure this out, even if i can put a label on it, whats the point..? Listen I know Im not cis. but where does this leave me? I won’t transition ever, that’s not something I want either. I want to have been born a man, more than anything, or have been born a trans man that way I could transition and feel comfortable. If I transitioned now I wouldn’t be comfortable, but I’m not comfortable right now either. I don’t like any of the options available basically, which makes me very, very depressed and think that maybe I shouldn’t even be here.

I feel like I’ll live my whole life in this unsolvable whim of wanting something I just can’t ever have.

soooo like i've been questioning my sexuality for a while now. when i was like 10-13 i used to identify as bisexual cus i had a crush on my primary classmate that lasted a few years and i thought i was attracted to women, then one day when i was like 14 i realised 'oh wait i've never been attracted to women' and started identifying as straight, and. well. that didnt last long cus almost IMMEDIATELY (like one month in) after i identified as straight, i started getting gay thoughts about my female classmates like i would think they're cool cute or pretty and i'd be blushing. i dont know if this was because i was lonely as hell and REALLYYY socially awkward to the point that i only had one close friend at school, so i still kept identifying as straight cus 'hey thats not exactly proof i'm bi!!' until BAM. i got a crush on one of my classmates/ex friends. i thought that she was cute and my heart would flutter when she would talk to me. but like idk cus i would fantasise making those 'i love my girlfriend posts on tiktok' and her being my girlfriend sometimes so idk if this was a crush or admiration cus i also thought she was cool and funny. Then one day it was world book day, yk wear you go to school dressed up as characters and shit. so like, my crush(?) came in cosplaying as Misa from Death Note and i kid you not the second i saw her i started blushing IMMEDIATELY. and this would happen every time i saw her that day 😭😭 the turning point was on 5th period that day where she was sitting right behind me and i couldn't even turn my head around without blushing and i was blushing like crazy in that lesson cus all i could think about was her and her outfit cus it was so so pretty. and then thats when i realised i was bi. my crush on her lasted around 2-3 weeks, we're friends now and honestly i only really see her as a friend now, nothing else, but i occasionally imagine myself in a relationship with her, or telling her i used to have a crush on her and it turning it into some romantic moment. but heres the thing, shortly after i started identifying as bi again, my atrraction went back towards mostly men AGAIN, like tf is this 😭😭. i also often imagine scenarios of me hooking up with women when im older. im 16 now so idk if im bi, heteroflexible or bicurious. pls help. thanks.

I apologize in advance for my ignorance and any potential offense I cause, I’m not trying to be an asshole and I understand that sexual orientation is way deeper than just sexual attraction but I’ve been thinking about the potential of hooking up with a guy/getting or giving head but only when I’m really horny and so I’m really not sure. My fiancée and sisters have all joked that I’m a little gay but just don’t want to admit it to myself, I always brushed it off but could they be right?

Hi I’m a male, 32 and in the US Northeast. I’ve always been curious about my sexuality but never really had a good chance to explore it. I’ve tried to explore, I’ve done some small things here and there, but feel really restricted in doing more and embarrassed when I do. It’s been hard for me to find someone romantically interested that I’m actually interested in back. There have been some sparks, but ultimately nothing more than that.

I denied myself this option for a long time, but its always lingered. Like I said, it’s not like I’ve done absolutely 0, but it’s been sparse and shallow and when it’s over pushed deep down. A few times in life I told myself that I must be bisexual. I have interest in men and women. Ive been curious about how deep I could take a relationship with a man and if I’d actually like it. Like I said, I’ve had situations with a few dates, but nothing more.

I have a religious background. I recently decided that I felt comfortable enough speaking with a parish leader about this. We had a long conversation about this topic and he’s assured me that there’s nothing wrong with me. These feelings are natural and confusing for most people that experience them. He told me I was loved by God, my family, and him no matter what. However, I’ve been sternly told to never act on it.

I’ve asked a lot about this because I have acted on it before, but not sure how I feel about it. He told me it’s a big sin, but God will forgive me, but just to never let it happen again, but if I feel tempted to let him know and he’ll get me the right help.

Since I’ve opened up about this 6 months ago, I’ve been getting lots of “check ins.” He speaks with me before and after church, usually beforehand to check in about how I’m doing (and if I’m being “good”) and then after to talk about how the service could relate to my situation and every so often “homework.” Such as, “praying once a day to shut down those ideas.”

We go out to eat 2x per month. It’s more casual chat, but he’ll ask me a lot of questions about how I’m dealing with all this. He will text me 2x per week to check in as well. Things he might ask are if I’ve been tempted this week or if I met anyone that I may have these feelings for. I’ve brought up my confusion and deeper feelings a few times but just get pushback on the topic, “it’s wrong” or “don’t act on it” or related themes, but doesn’t let me actually open up. I get a lot of emotional help that I do need related to feeling isolated and the other negative feelings that come along with all this, but never anything around the actual root of why I feel these negative feelings about myself or how to really understand how I feel.

I think I want to go out and try meeting a guy again. I’m really feeling cornered into not doing that. Not in an aggressive or sinister way, but I am really getting more into my own beliefs and I see where they’re coming from in a way, mostly from a “be less sexual” aspect of things. My counselor doesn’t really want me dating women yet, but I’m encouraged to only find one in the church when I’m ready so that we don’t have to worry about me losing “focus.” I’m not pressured into that yet, but I think within a year or so that pressure may start.

I’ve been on the apps like Grindr etc but really hate them because it’s all sex focused and not really a good app for interaction. I know that I shouldn’t judge my experiences with the community and with men in general based on those apps. I did meet one boy organically, but that relationship failed after a month because we were both unsure/worried about taking it any further. Mostly because we didn’t know what we were doing (when you’re young you don’t really know what you’re doing in love or relationships). He also has a religious background.

Like I’ve been getting at, I want to have one more honest try with something meaningful with a man. I don’t know which I fear more: liking it or disliking it. I don’t think I could hide this from my counselor if it happened. I see value in having an honest relationship with him, he’s a very nice guy and really supportive in other ways. He does encourage me to distance myself from people that know/encourage my exploring, but it’s not forced upon me, but it feels expected. I’m starting to question that distance piece of this. I also decided to open up with the counselor in a time where many of my friends withdrew socially because they have been having major life events. The distance piece seems like a bit of a red flag.

It’s not like a cult situation or anything, it’s a regular church. The community is very educated with most parishioners having an advanced degree. It’s in a very liberal area of the country and the parishioners lean blue to moderate. There are people I know from outside of church that go there and they’re normal and respected people in the community. Everything appears healthy to me, but I feel restricted. I feel like this is a big commitment I’m making to just ignore these feelings. It feels like I’m getting married to someone I’ve never even met.

But again, I do see myself being with a woman long-term. It may not be worth exploring. I may dislike it again. I may like it (I have in the past but it’s been rare). It may also scare the right woman off when she comes along. But I don’t know, I just don’t know what to do. I have been deep in the “don’t act on it” mindset for many months now, but starting to wonder if this mindset is healthy. Maybe I am just confused and should ignore it. I go back and forth, but feel safe to be clear. If I did act on it and tell my counselor, it would be fine, there’s no punishment but they will probably want me to attend Bible study more and the texts/calls with the counselor will probably increase.

I’ve been thinking of brining this situation up slowly to my therapist, but I’m embarrassed about what he may think. I also want the decision to be mine and mine alone - not my therapist’s decision nor my counselor’s. Getting pressure from different perspectives will make me uncomfortable. I have enough to think about as is!

I wouldn’t be able to do another app again (for men or women) because it’s just not me. I really want to meet someone organically. I’ve been getting involved with a young adults group with my denomination from the surrounding churches. Most people are single. There are girls there that I find interesting, but not enough to pursue. I feel like after another year, my counselor is going to start encouraging me to date again, but like I said, within the church preferred. For the male side of meeting someone organically, I don’t know how that would work.

I am on the more masculine side of things and religious so people don’t really expect this from me, hence the embarrassment. Sometimes after getting to know someone they may question me, but that makes me even more embarrassed because I’m not choosing to give that information and makes me feel unsafe, even if I know this person is an ally or LGBT. I think I could turn up the flirting if I met a man I thought or knew was G or B if I met them in public. Because I’m more masculine, I feel like it’s on me to do the “asking out” because a) they may not know that I’m actually hitting on them and/or b) expecting a guy that asks them out instead.

I’m not exactly looking for a feminine guy or more masculine guy anymore. I’m just looking for that connection. I do have a few fantasies and a small understanding of what I like and don’t like. I like romance and things like that: planning dates, initiating conversations, buying flowers, etc but it feels hard for me to build that connection with a man, am I just expecting the wrong things?

Obviously physical and romantic attraction need to be there, but I also have two other things that I’d want to tick off on my list to feel like I’m giving it a “good try.” First, I want to try being with a partner that leads a bit more. I have some anxiety issues and having a guy be a bit “bossy” is very attractive because I feel like I’d get to relax a bit and take away some stress. I’m larger, strong, hairy, have a beard, and just really attract people that are expecting me to be more “dominant,” but the truth is that I just don’t want to have to live up to that expectation. It also really helps with my mental issues when I know I can just take a step back and if I need grounding rely on a partner for that.

Second, and related to the previous point, is sexual compatibility. I think I’m a bottom. The few times I have actually tried to do something with a guy, I’ve topped. Only topped because the men I attract want that. With women, obviously the active partner. But I actually prefer being the passive partner. I don’t know if that’s just because I’m lazy, but we can add this to the “reasons I’m questioning” pile. I have a terrible gag reflex so it’s hard to give oral, but I do enjoy giving it when I can. I just feel pressured into giving a grade A blowjob and I just can’t live up to that standard and a lot of guys aren’t willing to sit there and wait for me to get used to their dick, they want a good blowjob right then and there and lose interest quickly. I wonder if it’s really my gag reflex ending the blowjobs or if it’s just because I really don’t like it. I’m sorry I’m not as experienced as everyone else, but it just makes me feel bad when I’m not “doing it right.” Same with bottoming. I’ve really only had random hookups, that’s the extent of my experimentation. When I have been able to find a guy that will let me bottom, I either get nervous or it hurts too much. I’ve asked to be eased into it, but that doesn’t really work. The one time I was actually able to try it without excruciating pain, I like it, but that could have also just purely been the prostate stimulation.

Anyway, I can see arguments being made in my head for either side. Almost like a devil on one side and the angel on the other. It’s confusing. I am reluctant to try anything else, but I also am curious about a “one last and true” shot at trying to explore my sexuality, but it is completely possible that I may try it and dislike it.

I have a lot to consider, especially with the religious aspect, but if I could meet a guy organically that would understand, I think I’d actually try it this time. Not just letting these feelings pass or going on one date just to ghost him or just having a random hookup and never speaking.

How do you make up your mind with this kind of thing? Has anyone ever regretted their “exploration” like I have/do? Is this regret from my community or is it just how I actually feel? How would experimenting look this time? Will I have my heart broken? Will this get worse or better? How do I separate my own interests from my other emotional restrictions? Is all this healthy?

I'm 33 and I've recently started seriously questioning my gender and whether I might want to feminize my body. I'm not looking for strangers to diagnose me, but I'd really like to hear from people who have experienced something similar.

This apparently isn't something that appeared out of nowhere. When I was around 14–15, I started experimenting with women's underwear and tights. At the time there was definitely a sexual component to some of it, including fantasizing about being a woman while masturbating. But I also genuinely liked the way the clothes felt.

I'm still wearing women's underwear today. Sometimes I even sleep in it. At this point it doesn't necessarily make me aroused at all — I simply find it comfortable and I feel good wearing it. The fabric and fit are also much softer than the boxers I normally wear.

What's changed recently is that I've started thinking much more seriously about my own body. The idea of having softer skin, less body hair, a more feminine fat distribution, less muscle and a generally more feminine shape sounds genuinely appealing to me.

I've tried several thought experiments with myself. If I could choose between staying exactly as I am now or becoming significantly more feminine, my gut reaction is very clearly the latter. The idea of never finding out what it would be like actually makes me feel quite sad.

What's interesting to me is that the idea isn't limited to sexuality. The thought of simply living my everyday life in a more feminine body and wearing feminine clothes makes me smile. If there were no social consequences whatsoever, I think I'd want to explore this fairly quickly.

I also don't necessarily rule out more permanent changes in the future, including HRT or even potentially gender-affirming surgery. I'm not saying I definitely want all of that — I'm still figuring things out.

At the same time, I don't feel comfortable saying "I'm definitely a woman" yet. I'm trying to understand whether this is a gender identity I've been suppressing, a desire for feminization, something that started as a sexual fantasy and evolved into something broader, or some combination of those things.

The biggest thing holding me back isn't actually the idea of becoming more feminine. It's other people. I'm especially afraid of how friends and family might react. I haven't told anyone in my real life because I'm scared that I could lose people and end up alone.

So I guess I'm asking people who have been through something similar:

Did you ever have a point where you realized that this was more than a sexual fantasy or simply liking feminine clothing?

What helped you figure out what you actually wanted?

And if you transitioned later in life, did you also have a period where the biggest obstacle was fear of losing the people around you?

I'm genuinely looking for experiences and perspectives, not someone to tell me what my identity is.

im confused with my sexuality i've always said im stright but ik that shi aint true ik I'm some kind of lgbtq I know im not straight but I don't think im gay either. I cant really imagine myself having a relationship with a dude but I can with a girl. but at the same time can't imagine myself having s*x with a woman but I can a dude. (didn't know if I could say s*x on here). Sorry for writing so little so PLEASE ASK QUESTIONS.

I need advice.

I've been questioning myself lately. I try not to think about it that much, but it feels like these feelings have grown stronger and stronger everyday. I can't really talk to anyone currently in life about this, so I'm here.

I guess this started from a dream I had a while ago. In this dream, I was sitting on my bed. My chest was bare, completely exposed. And behind me was a woman. She was bare as well, and had her arms wrapped loosely around my shoulders. We were talking, but I don’t quite remember about what. It didn’t feel sexual, just comfortable. I remember feeling so loved and I was disappointed when I woke up.

And everyone has strange dreams. Dreams aren’t prophecies.

But lately, I've been fantasizing about women a lot. Like, I think of kissing a woman, sleeping beside a woman, loving a woman, marrying a woman. And it all makes me feel happy.

So I’m just wondering… is that gay??

I’m not homophobic or transphobic -- I truly think love is beautiful. But I can’t feel like this. My family is Christian and very much conservative. I’ve heard about how they talk about the LGBTQ community. I don’t ever plan on telling them, but what if they figured out??

And I'm not Christian at all, but a part of me still feels like this is wrong. But its really fucking weird because when I look at other same-sex couples, I don't think its disgusting at all. I don't know, this is just so confusing bro

So what do I do?? Is there a way I can stop this? Or is that an insensitive question? If so, I'm sorry lmao

Advice is much appreciated!

So I’m underage, F and I’ve posted on my other account asking for recommendations of like a book I’m interested in. There’s an adult girl slipping into my dm 5 minutes later and gave me a really good book recommendation but started acting really weird like insisting to post her naked form to me. I’ve rejected the offer but she sent it anyways though I don’t feel anything weird cuz I’m female myself - however I’m just asking.. is this a scam to get my information or get my money or is it just her pure fantasy of giving these pics to underage children

I (They/them (She/her tolerated), 20, afab if that matters) am dating a man (he/him,22) since a few days now. Something very new. I am queer and been opened about it and out for years now. Always preferred women but always ended up with men except one ex who was NB.

When i think of my future, i definitely see myself with a woman. When i think of love, I see a woman. I’m physically attracted to him no doubts about that. But the only person i’m actually sure i loved romantically was my nb ex… i know that sounds really bad and yes i’m over them now but would this means that i am gay romantically but like pansexual??

My current boyfriend loves me but it’s getting harder to say it back (since i’ve started questioning the whole thing). I dont see myself marrying him (He knows that). All of this is really bugging me because my bf and i agreed to stay friends and knew it was a matter of time before breaking up but it’s REALLY EARLY in the relationship and i dont want to break up for something i’ve never had so far? I know i dont come off as a good person rn but is it that greedy to want the love i’ve always wanted? Is my preference for woman too strong or is it a normal queer thing? So sorry for all those questions but dear reddit users, i need your wisdom.

[main question]
Gender
i dont really know how I would describe my gender aside from probably being uncomfortable with he/him pronouns. Am I supposed to feel more than that?
Do yall feel Gender?? I assume so because transgender people exist and obviously feel something different. What exactly is that feeling?

[additional]

Sexuality
I have 0 feelings of sexual attraction and 0 feelings of romantic attraction. I know this makes me aroace, but does it count if i could imagine myself comfortable in a relationship with somebody (preferably wlw) , without sex?
What crosses the line between a friendship and a relationship?? I dont want to live with someone else because i am particular with how I do things like organizing.

Children
I will never have kids and if I do I have been replaced by an imposter.

Religion(kinda unrelated but follows this pattern)
I also feel nothing on the religious front. I have no belief in a higher power nor do i really care if there is one or not, because if they are real then they're terrible at it. I have heard of spirituality and stuff and energies, I also don't have any preference for that. i kinda just exist ??

TLDR what is the feeling of gender

Ive been really curious about other guys lately and would like to chat if anyones interested

I 16F feel so confused about my sexuality. I’ve always thought that I liked only girls and in fact STRICTLY consume and create queer media such as drawing my favorite queer ships. However, i always feel so guilty when I find a guy cute which it’s funny because it should usually be the other way around. I’d say I’m proud of my queer identity and I admire queer relationships and culture. But I feel so impostor-y for potentially liking guys too. I’d say im bisexual for sure because I do like girls and guys, but i always feel so weird when I show interest in a man because a big part of my identity revolves around the queer community. Like what if I think I like girls when I don’t? But it wouldn’t make sense because I favor lesbian/sapphic media over anything else. Sometimes I feel too “straight” to be queer and too queer to be “straight.” It’s really frustrating but then again I’ve never dated anyone. It just feels wrong when I might like a guy because all of my friends know me as the gay friend.