u/sellliee

I think I've completely lost my faith in God. This past year, it's been slowly dying out. I have tried praying, but all my prayers have left me crying and questioning even more. I feel so disgusted and confused with myself.

All my life, I have been taught that a divine God exists. I have read and been told that God made everything. He made light. He built the Earth. He grew plants and animals of all kind.

Not only is He this all-powerful and mighty God, but He is also loving. He loves each of his creations deeply -- especially mankind.

This, I have been taught. For the majority of my life.

But for my whole life, I have never felt God's love. And I don't understand why.

In the stories, God speaks. God loves. God is present. So where is He? Why can't He love me? What is so wrong with me, that He won't love me?

God made me. He made me exactly who I am in His image. So why doesn't He love me?

I struggle a lot with my mental health, and when I was in middle school I was at my lowest. I remember getting on my knees and begging God for his love. His silence didn't fix anything. I think that's so fucking cruel. If my daughter was crying and begging to be loved by me, I would make it very clear that I already do love her. I wouldn't test to see how strong her love is. I wouldn't just leave her to cry and question it. How in the world is that love?

Every prayer leaves me feeling like there is a hole in my chest. His silence feels so bitter. I've asked for guidance and help from Him, but it feels like He won't even meet me halfway.

I was raised in a Christian community, so all of my friends are religious. They always pray and share stories of God talking to them. And I feel so envious. I wish I could be as close to God as they are.

The idea of not believing in God sounds terrifying. But it also sounds so relieving. I have also been questioning my sexuality lately. It just feels like I'm becoming the very person I was taught not to be. This is all so confusing, and I could really use some advice. What do I do?

I think I've completely lost my faith in God. This past year, it's been slowly dying out. I have tried praying, but all my prayers have left me crying and questioning even more. I feel so disgusted and confused with myself.

All my life, I have been taught that a divine God exists. I have read and been told that God made everything. He made light. He built the Earth. He grew plants and animals of all kind.

Not only is He this all-powerful and mighty God, but He is also loving. He loves each of his creations deeply -- especially mankind.

This, I have been taught. For the majority of my life.

But for my whole life, I have never felt God's love. And I don't understand why.

In the stories, God speaks. God loves. God is present. So where is He? Why can't He love me? What is so wrong with me, that He won't love me?

God made me. He made me exactly who I am in His image. So why doesn't He love me?

I struggle a lot with my mental health, and when I was in middle school I was at my lowest. I remember getting on my knees and begging God for his love. His silence didn't fix anything. I think that's so fucking cruel. If my daughter was crying and begging to be loved by me, I would make it very clear that I already do love her. I wouldn't test to see how strong her love is. I wouldn't just leave her to cry and question it. How in the world is that love?

Every prayer leaves me feeling like there is a hole in my chest. His silence feels so bitter. I've asked for guidance and help from Him, but it feels like He won't even meet me halfway.

I was raised in a Christian community, so all of my friends are religious. They always pray and share stories of God talking to them. And I feel so envious. I wish I could be as close to God as they are.

The idea of not believing in God sounds terrifying. But it also sounds so relieving. I have also been questioning my sexuality lately. It just feels like I'm becoming the very person I was taught not to be. This is all so confusing, and I could really use some advice. What do I do?

I need advice.

I've been questioning myself lately. I try not to think about it that much, but it feels like these feelings have grown stronger and stronger everyday. I can't really talk to anyone currently in life about this, so I'm here.

I guess this started from a dream I had a while ago. In this dream, I was sitting on my bed. My chest was bare, completely exposed. And behind me was a woman. She was bare as well, and had her arms wrapped loosely around my shoulders. We were talking, but I don’t quite remember about what. It didn’t feel sexual, just comfortable. I remember feeling so loved and I was disappointed when I woke up.

And everyone has strange dreams. Dreams aren’t prophecies.

But lately, I've been fantasizing about women a lot. Like, I think of kissing a woman, sleeping beside a woman, loving a woman, marrying a woman. And it all makes me feel happy.

So I’m just wondering… is that gay??

I’m not homophobic or transphobic -- I truly think love is beautiful. But I can’t feel like this. My family is Christian and very much conservative. I’ve heard about how they talk about the LGBTQ community. I don’t ever plan on telling them, but what if they figured out??

And I'm not Christian at all, but a part of me still feels like this is wrong. But its really fucking weird because when I look at other same-sex couples, I don't think its disgusting at all. I don't know, this is just so confusing bro

So what do I do?? Is there a way I can stop this? Or is that an insensitive question? If so, I'm sorry lmao

Advice is much appreciated!