Is it just me or is everyone such in a big hurry. Like walking for me is scary as hell. People are such in a huge hurry. Ive almost died like 3 times. Like are they so inconsiderate nowadays or just me. Utah is the weirdest inconsiderate state ive ever been to.
So to start off my whole relationship of three years went down the drain bc my partner couldn’t muster up being an adult to communicate with me. Like hey I don’t see us working …. But no they had to dragged it on for a whole year . Keep in mind this person was so called obsessed with me through out high school, and only after graduation they confessed to me.
The fact that I opened my whole life to them hurts at a degree. I also even came out to my own mother which for me was very nerve racking. Meanwhile because my parents are very religious, but still my mom did respect my decision. Another thing is that really bugged me was … they were very distant at times which I took it as ohhh they are probably working . Since they had long hour shifts through out the week, but to basically ghost me through weeks really hurts.
In addition, I was also going through health issues and family issues , and yet I always replied back to them. There so called excuse would always be ohh sorry it’s been busy lately. Yet they would post on a daily on other platforms and interact with others while completely ignoring me. Another thing that pissed me off was their excuse saying sorry I was playing … we played the same game … and more so I’m a very mega nerd and gamer and still find time to talk to people.
I still remember I send a whole paragraph expressing my feelings over and over . They would also give the most bs of responses. There was also no change , so I called it a quits and wrapped it up. It’s been 2 months since I broke up with them and they are dating someone new. To be fairly honest I still feel hurt but when I saw their post … I felt even more disgusted.. they are posting like cringy stuff and pet names …. Which I’m like yuck … maybe it was for the best to break up. I’m currently also a college student so I have to really finish my degree plan.
Along with to sum it up while I was suffering…. They did no effort to take me out or get me some stuff or just be there . Instead they partied with their so called friends and went to places . I saw that as micro cheating, but nahh it’s cheating at the end of the day bc I was never told anything.
I’m still recovering while trying out new things and even went back to yoga classes
. Anyways … that’s my rant (;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`)
So, the southern US is going to be hit by a pretty nasty hurricane this weekend and we named it hurricane Isaias. This hurricane is expected to do some pretty nasty damage to us, even where I'm at despite my city not being in the direct path of said hurricane. Still, people are pretty much bracing for impact and preparing for the worst. Even right now, I've heard so many fire trucks and ambulances go off that I'm starting to wonder if we're already about to experience some damage.
The issue, however, is that I am homeless. As in out on the street homeless. I sleep outside every night and have done so since November of last year. So I'm kind of in a situation where I am very vulnerable to this hurricane and if damage is bad enough and the storm is strong enough, I'll likely die from it. It's already pretty cold out here. The library that I go to ended up closing early and will be closed tomorrow as well due to the inclement weather. I'm going to be right outside during this hurricane, it's even supposed to rain like hell tonight apparently. Not only tonight but this weekend is supposed to be really rainy.
I am totally anticipating and to an extent expecting to pass away this weekend to the hurricane. Honestly? I'm surprisingly not that bothered by it. You would think that I would, considering that being out in the middle of a hurricane is really dangerous but to be honest I haven't been happy in life since 2019 back when I was in high school. Had a lot going for me back then but all the sudden my mom passed away from an out of nowhere heart attack and my wife has just fallen apart since. I've gone through so much mental turmoil in the past 7 and 1/2 years that honestly I'm not too upset about potentially die due to the fact that if it happens then I'll finally be free from all of this despair and depression.
I've been hurting for so long a lot of people won't understand and will probably never understand, but when you're like me and have no purpose in life then it's hard to really be happy with life at all. And if what happens ends up happening then I won't have to worry about that anymore. It'll be a relief. And I think it helps typing this out so that I can process my emotions and mentally prepare myself.
But I still stay online because I want to overcome this suspected social anxiety and socialize with fellow people.
Don't feel bad to text to me unless you legit just called me something I'm not, said a slur, or said I should die. (that's surprisingly rare)
I'm ok now just want to vent again, is that ok?
This is why I reassurance seek. I'm sorry.
I'm a weakling?
Anybody wants to chit chat. I am really scared about life right now. Want to talk to older folks only - 30 year olds
Absolutely no flirtatious chat
I'm tired of life being this way.
1 step forward - My boyfriend quit a trades job he hated to take a job working with people he liked.
10 steps backward - He got laid off from that job and was told they didn't know when they'd have work.
1 step forward - Within a week, he took another (albeit with people he didn't like)
10 steps backward - I live with my boyfriend, we share bills. At tax time, he found out he owed almost $3,000, so he went on a payment plan with the CRA. Ergo, his paychecks were lower than usual.
1 step forward - The same week he made his last payment...
10 steps backward - ...he was laid off indefinitely from yet another job because there was not enough work in the foreseeable future.
1 step forward - Within a week, he got a new job that he loves so far. He has been there 2 weeks.
10 steps backward - He was out tonight running errands with the dog. I was at home when he called me. He got in an accident. He and dog appear to be fine, but his car is totalled. The police were there. He said he fell asleep for a moment while driving, so, he is at fault. He slept 3 hours because he babysat for his brother last night. He gets up for work at 5 a.m.
I am now sitting at home chewing my nails waiting to hear something. Anything.
I'm giving my dog lots of treats because she is panting a lot and clearly shaken up. I have a car, but I need it to get to work. His drive to his new job is an hour one way and there is no one to carpool with. He is in a probationary period and I'm unsure how he is going to get to work.
We can't afford a new car and we can't afford a spike in insurance. He just paid his car off in full 6 months ago.
It feels like life always has these tiny silver linings that are ripped away, constantly going from 100 to 0, back to 100 then back to 0. It feels hopeless.
for a little context: my dog is 11 years old. I have had her since I was 10 years old and she is my baby. she has always had pretty severe environmental allergies and her vet care has been entirely my responsibility since I was like 17. the parent who got this dog for me never took care of her medical needs properly or helped me with bills pertaining to the vet care and still doesn’t to this day.
anyways it’s just been me and my dog on our own for a long while now and as she ages her issues seem to get worse. she requires me to cook her food (randomly stopped eating and refused any food no matter what I tried which costed me $500 in blood tests) (tests came back normal and nothing was wrong) as well as a monthly allergy shot that costs about $200. if I can’t afford the shot every month, she quickly deteriorates and ends up with a uti from the immune system compromise and constant licking and biting which of course costs more at the vet and is very hard on her aging body.
I have been able to keep up with the shots monthly for years now but recently I have had many unexpected financial challenges and I wasn’t able to afford her shot for about three months.
today we went to the vet to treat the normal allergy issues and check for a uti (surprise surprise she had one) and I expected to spend just under $300 because that’s how much this situation typically costs.
she is up to date on all mandatory vaccines and like I said, had a clean bill of health blood wise just a few months back.
all of that to say, they tried to charge me $800 and shove all of this extra shit down my throat that I never asked for while desperately trying to convince me that I don’t know what is causing these issues in my dog and that it could be A, B, C severe things that they NEED to check for.
they sent me home with a dewormer I never asked for, flea and tick meds I never asked for, and I didn’t even end up getting her allergy meds because I could not afford them alongside everything else. they tried to give her a steroid shot that I had to very sternly refuse due to its risk factors which include potential kidney and liver damage and I simply wasn’t willing to risk that while she has an active UTI. they didn’t give me a clear answer as to why they even wanted to give that to her.
they also insist upon doing another blood test (same exact panel as last time) so they can “rule out a number of things for sure” and tried to claim that they do not have any blood tests on record for her when this is the only vet she has ever seen her entire life outside of emergency vets.
Her monthly vet care + food and supplement costs are more than my rent at this point. I have tried pet insurance but it’s too expensive for me right now and most of them don’t even cover chronic issues such as monthly allergy treatments so it would not even be worth the cost.
I have friends having similar issues with different vets in my city and I really just don’t know what to do at this point. obviously I will continue treating her allergies and UTI’s when/ if she gets them but holy shit. as much as I adore my puppy, I feel like the responsibility emotionally and financially has been completely offloaded to me and when I moved out at 17, she was just out of sight out of mind as far as the rest of my family goes. I work two jobs to barely maintain basic needs for us and the vets are scam artists who pull on your heart strings for their personal pocket money.
it hurts me so deeply to watch my dog suffer because there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to work enough to afford all of the shit these people INSIST is mandatory. I’m so close to taking out a credit card just to be able to make payments for her vet care when necessary.
I know this post is super long already and this may not seem relevant but I recently had a medical emergency of my own that I cannot afford to follow up on/ receive care for outside of my er visit at the time of the emergency because I need to be able to afford meds and food for my dog. I feel like I’m working myself to the bone while myself and my dog suffer because I just don’t make enough to do all of this shit.
to be simple and clear yours scared of blood or guns ok but you shouldnt impose it on others making them not allowed to play games with those.
I’m from the Middle East but not Arab (I haven’t done a genetic test) just know that the country I’m originally from is below 18% of Arabic genetic descent (racemixing for a thousand years) I was born to a very muslim family primarily with the mother being a NEET but also extremely religious and has extreme trauma of her own, with a chiller dad but still holding extreme values and his own trauma. I was forced to attend religion classes and the such from a young age and was indoctrinated so deeply that it disgusts me now. Being American, I’m actually not against immigration, but in the sense of following the historical trend of immigration (I.e people move around peacefully, genetics slowly change over time) not the colonization kind (yes I’m referring to modern mass immigration AND British-style colonization, while acknowledging that the latter was done for resources, while also acknowledging the existence of colonization for ethnic cleansing like in failed Rhodesia). I’m transsexual and that has impacted my views a bit. I have a sincere and utter hatred towards the ideology and the religion of islam. This I have muslims, while recognizing that not all are bad, it’s important to note that most are, a 95% majority of them are. They ruin every community they arrive to that was previously not muslim, but that’s not their fault, at least not entirely, but islam’s fault. They’re the cancer patients, and the ideology is the cancer. Same thing applies to any abrahamic religion except for modern reformed Christianity (my nuance 🤓 not always) and its *values*. I believe that most of society is NPCs who do work they hate, study something they hate, all to live a life they despise, primarily because of the moral and economic system that prioritizes strict adherence and control of an individual to fit a role. I believe that most cissoids (and that refers to the ones who’re NPCs, can’t think for themselves, can’t ave a coherent thought of their own that doesn’t mirror another person’s, sheeple) are bad regardless of gender or religion, I also believe that to be true of transsexuals but to a lesser extent as even recognizing that you’re a transsexual requires a level of intelligence that the average Cissoid can never have, mind you a regular mill muslim. I truly despise Arabs, they are, as one person from the past about the English said, a mongrel people, and that unfortunately extends to me. I won’t be afraid to say I hate looking darker and looking like an uncanny valley person with a mix of white characteristics, African characteristics, and almost white skin. I can’t believe that this is my life because of these people for millennia. I can’t believe that fuckers in Southeast Asia willingly leave their culture and heritage behind for this shit. Ah yes let’s leave my culture and people behind to believe in an Arabic religion, for Arabic men, written in Arabic, that forces us to dress and behave in an Arabic fashion. So utterly disgusting and tragic to see. And 2 billion people follow this. If only islam didn’t exist who knows what the world would be like. I wish people genuinely in danger of islam in Islamic countries are the ones to receive asylum instead of these people.
Ive been with my boyfriend for a 1.5 years.. He brought up I get angry over everything and I came to realize its true. Today I made food like I typically do, I never have a problem making food. I made enough for eating today and lunches tomorrow for work; since he works 12 hours a day and I work 8 on weekends he gets the bigger portion<also since he eats alot> i had made beans, rice, egg and chicken. He kept picking at the chicken after I finished cooking it, I didnt mind the first strip he took, oh well, but he tried going for a second, ended up taking half anyway. I just kept emphasizing that its for tomorrow as well, I had all the portions planned out. I made his 2 eggs and I made mine <only 1 since it was the last in the carton> he finished his first egg because I was upset about him asking to take food from his lunch for tomorrow. I kept saying no when he joked about eating the egg I made for myself. I turn away for a moment and I notice him take maybe just 5% of the egg, just ripped a little piece off and quick ate it. I just got so.. angry for a moment. Now we're both upset at eachother.
I havent been giving him the amount of food he wants because he hasn't been buying food, we go to town once every 2 weeks when he gets paid to get food but all we buy is a single bag of beans and rice and 2 18 count eggs, including 2 packs of chicken strips<uncooked chicken, its a stip from the leg.> I put 5 in his lunch, giving him an extra that would've been my own.
After the argument I went into the room, I was upset again after I noticed he moved my katana I had in the corner, the only one I own that costed me almost 200.. an argument all over again after he hadnt put it back..
Ive always been like this, but I didnt realize how much I did this.. I feel like such an a$$....
I don’t know how to explain this without sounding contradictory.
I have a boyfriend who I love, and there are genuinely good things about our relationship. He moved to my country so we could be together, and we now share a home.
But something happened that changed how I feel around him.
During a bad argument, he hit me in the face. I had bruises afterward.
He cried, apologized, and said he couldn’t control himself. He told me he’d understand if I wanted to leave.
I haven’t been able to forget that moment.
Sometimes we’re lying next to each other and everything seems normal, but I feel strangely distant. I don’t want physical intimacy the way I used to. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable with affection, even though I still care about him deeply.
And then I feel terrible for feeling that way.
I have BPD, so I know my emotions can be intense. I sometimes say things I regret when I’m overwhelmed. I’m working on understanding that part of myself, but I don’t believe it makes being hit acceptable.
There are other things I worry about, too. Our families don’t really get along, our political views are different, and I don’t know whether we want the same kind of future.
I want to become a tattoo artist, improve my English, see the world, and keep growing as a person. I want someone who shares that excitement about life.
But I also don’t want to abandon someone I love.
I feel stuck between remembering who we were before that argument and wondering whether I can ever feel the same again.
I don’t know whether love can survive losing that sense of safety.
I just wanted to put these feelings somewhere, because keeping them inside has been exhausting.
i love being absolutely fucked up on anything i could ever get my hands on. when i get 1 drink in i need 15+ immediately. i love the feeling of not really feeling (anything bad especially). tried opiates a few years ago and ive been longing for the warm fuzzy lovely feeling ever since, dont wanna encourage drug use, but i loved it so much. it felt like "being at home"/wanting to feel like that forever. im well off tho, studying to be an engineer, so its probably not a coping mechanism, idk & idc. felt like saying this since i feel like i have very high potential for alcoholism/drug addiction. writing while drunk ofc.
I'm 16 and I'm trans (MTF) I haven't come out yet to anyone other than my mom and a very close friend. I want to starting transitioning but I'm horrified bcuz I live in a very hostile state. I wish I had the guts to come out. I feel trapped in my own body, I look at myself in the mirror and I feel despair. I wish whatever higher power didn't curse me to be imprisoned in my own flesh. I don't feel like I will ever be able to be myself. Its driven me to the point were the only way out is death bcuz I will always feel wrong and imprisoned in my own skin, but I also don't have the guts to end it.
my friend tried to attempt today and she thankfully survived and it brokemy heart into several different pieces. i've never had someone i truly care about pass and if she did i don't know what i would do to myself honestly. she and a few other people in my life are the sole reasons as to why i keep pushing. i dont want them to spiral because of me selfishly committing. i just cant believe she'd i just cant believe she would try that?? i dont know. her year this year have been pretty shit and its not my place to say but man
i know its pretty bad that i rely on other people to actually keep me in check but i just dont want to feel shattered like that. like evr. i can feel tears brimming in my eyes as i can just imagine how i'd have fely if she did pass. i wanted to wait for her after school, walk home and talk a little. i feel like if i did wait for her she wouldnt have done it it just feels like it wad my fault i tried offering to go out with her to maybe like a library or i just go over but she js wants to relax at her house so i might go over anyways holy shit bro how do i actually overcome this shes alive and well i just cant
I finally splurged today on this pleather body con suit in hopes it would finally make me feel sexy for once but NOPE. It’s hard to look or feel sexy in any form of lingerie or naked when my body resembles a pubescent boy! Ribs sticking out further than my tits and stomach bloated past that with skinny arms and legs, it would be comical if I wasn’t so upset right now.
So I guess I’m returning it and never buying lingerie again because without work done it just won’t happen.
All my life since I was a young kid I’ve felt ugly and unwanted and never good enough and been told so countlessly by other girls. It hurt enough buying it alone after seeing a group of girls shop together for their SO’s and knowing I’d never have someone to share that shopping experience with but maybe it’s for the best I’m alone because I can’t buy lingerie anyways.
This is why all my life I’ve sought out validation of men. Random men online of all ages who would validate my looks and while I’m the most prudish person irl and have only had sex with one guy and it was well into my adult years. More than thousands have probably seen my body online and I still feel no where closer to loving myself or feel sexy
My grandmother is staying in an awful nursing home and I've been trying to get her somewhere better. Today I found somewhere but it's $200 a month more than I can afford. I asked my cousin's for help with and they both told me no in the most hurtful and uncaring way possible. Our grandmother was really good to us. I'm so disgusted they won't help. They are both very well off and contribute nothing else to my grandmother's care. I'm disgusted by who they are.
I want to cry. I am struggling so much right now. I am having a hard time keeping a job due to mental health issues(I am too depressed to get out of bed some days, literally catatonic, non moving, non speaking, just completely checked out). I have been working a series of part time jobs for the last 5 years just to pay the bills because I have to keep a roof over myself and my sons head as well as clothe and feed us despite the mental health issues. I am the only parent and the only income. Just got a full time job and found out today on my first day that the shifts are 11 hours. 7am to 6pm. 4 days a week. Plus my 30 min bike ride there and 30 min bike ride back. So from 630am to 630pm.
I am too old for this!!!!!! I am going to do my best and last as long as I can so I can get caught up on bills but why in the world would you make shifts be 11 hours long what is the reason for this it is unsustainable and probably why they have a high turnover rate like how do they not see and understand that???? Also we finished all work at 330 today and then they said we just hang out until 6???????????? Like???????? Why would I just hang out for several hours????? I am tired!!!! I have a family!!!! I want to be at home not here!!!!!
Also yes I am on meds for the mental health stuff. I am in therapy. I am still struggling anyway. Just so tired of getting one step ahead and getting kicked in the teeth four steps back.
I'm gay (20), and I love my boyfriend (24). But since he cheated on me I feel troubled about him. I'm pretty drunk while I'm writing this, but I'm sincere. I see other men, and I find them really cute to so some stuff like being kind of just worrying about someone else well being, I feel jealous, I want to be the person they care about, I want to be cated about. I've heard "You choose the love you think you deserve". And I'm not really pretty, maybe I'm not worth of loving or maybe I'm not pretty enough to be loved. This has always been the issue, I wish to make that type of connection, but I love my boyfriend, he's the only one who has ever liked me truly before. I'm kinda petty, but I don't know what to do. Please anything that comes to you mind if you read this, I'm lost, and I'm feeling really lonely, and I have literally no one to talk about this, I'm alone at this. Help.
I found out my little sister(half sister by my mother)committed suicide in May. I'm not close to my mother or stepfather at all, when I spoke to them I asked how it happened and they just kept telling me they didn't know. I just found out last week she actually shot herself. I hadnt really grieved since I was only close to my sister when she was born, she was 23, I'm 39. I feel bad for my mother but I can't put my pride aside and be there for her. I've been a little shit most of my life due to drugs, stealing, lying. Anyone who knows an addict or been around one knows they hurt the ones they love the most. I was the addict. My daughter was born in 2017 and my mother has seen her 3 times her whole life. I've reached out to my mother so many times, other family members to ask her to contact me. I just wanted my daughter to know she has a grandmother. But nope. Nothing. I reached out to my little sister as well to see if she would like to have a relationship with my daughter. I love my little sister, I go see her every week at least once. I love my mother. I feel sympathy for my mother. When I went to the funeral I just felt so disconnected and like I put a mask on and comforted her but It felt so weird. Like I was at a funeral for someone I didn't know with people I've vaguely met. I want to be there for my mother, I just can't. I love my mother but it just feels right for her to be over there and me with my kids.. there's so much more to it.. it's just eating me up inside .. I know I'm being selfish and I don't really care.. i know a lot of people won't understand but man.. I wish i coukd explain the way a parent treats his or her kid will stick with them thru life. Even if the perspective on the kids part wasn't what it seemed.
Don't read if you have Emetophobia..
My head hurts.
My head hurts, I want mom to come home I almost threw up. I feel like throwing up.
I guess if you don't cry for long is that what's causing the headache I actually don't know crying gives me headaches. The crying was needed even if it was a false threat response. The headache man.
In a way I feel more alive because I usually feel like I'm not real but I need to get pills when mom is home.
I feel annoying honestly.