u/The_Lesbian_Lunatic

Sorry this post hasn't come sooner, but this is the official baguetteism discord!

hi angels!!! ama bc it is Monday

(ooc: I cant think of any pictures to add sorry 😔 also ik its lowk only 22 mins into monday but trust it counts)

I love her so much, and I know she isnt in the right mental place yk, so maybe she's just taking a break from talking to people? Idk. I feel so stupid. The other day, she hadn't sent one singular text all day, and no responses to like 2 of my messages, so I messaged her again asking if she were alright, and she said she was, and that she had spent the day painting.

Then the next day, she texted like one message I think? I cant remember. All I know is we used to text a lot, and now I'm lucky if she even responds to me.

I dont know what to do. She may be in some sort of little episode? This happens sometimes; we text a lot, she slowly starts acting different, a little upset, a little tired, and super sad, and then stops texting.

I dont want to stop texting her and just wait for her to randomly return, because what if she's going through something and starts to think i don't care because I haven't texted in days??? But I also dont want to be spamming her phone like some desperate freak.

I hate how stupid I am. Maybe she's perfectly fine and just over talking to me. Maybe she's finally bored of me. I shouldve known this day would come ig, I've never been someone important in our friendgroup anyways lmao, shes like the only one who even acknowledged my existence; the rest never even LOOKS at me :/

ANRKEKWK I could just be overthinking. Shes probably fine. Maybe she's super busy. She did just return from her dad who lives a few states away. She probably is catching up with family. Im such a clod

I want to wait until we're in-person, but my friend said if she rejects me it'll be sooo awkward, and said it'll be better if I tell her over text or during a call.

Idk. i feel like telling someone you like them over text is like as bad as telling someone you wanna break up over text.

PLEASE give me advice </3

I love my scars when theyre only mine to see, but I hate others seeing them. I cant wear shorts, or tank tops, or even shirts with sleeves what're too short, or go swimming, its like i robbed the myself the rest of my childhood and im so fucking ashamed of myself for it.

Why did I have to get addicted. Why did I have to try to kms so many times, and why do I still want to cut. Why do I still want to attempt to kms even though I know how horrible it is when I fail and have to clean up the pool of blood and hide the evidence. What is wrong with me. Why am I so fucking wrong. Why.

I cant do this anymore. I gave my mom all my weapons and I regret it so bad bc now when I find something to use I try to go so much deeper so it hurts more, because the deeper ones give me more satisfaction. Im so fucking weird. I hate me.

Yk those days where you just wanna cry? And theres tears just sitting in your eyes all day, a acidy lump in your throat, and overall just a shitty feeling in your chest? Yeah :[

I started choking up earlier. Tried to push past it but now i feel shittier. And I cant take my antidepressants bc i keep puking them up 💔ive spent 7 hours just making bracelets. 7 hours, 7 bracelets. Idk why its taking me so long.

I'm so tired. I want to cry, im hungry but cant eat for some stupid reason, and everything feels crappy today 🙁

I've found a hairless cat. I love it. I'm knitting her a sweater. I need name recommendations though because I dont want to keep referring to her as it or just her 🙃 so if any of you angels have any good names for a kitten, lmk :D

(Ooc: i think Selene needs a pet so I gave her a hairless cat, but idk what to name it so like... GIVE ME NAME RECOMMENDATIONS PLEASE!)

Edit- Penelope said Luna, and now i wanna name my cat Luella, but im still open to ther name recommendations:D