r/cutting

uh so i struggle with sh and so does my friend, i barely ever mention it but they know ive done it at some point. i go through periods where i dont cut for a long time and then eventually relapse but during that time i distract myself with shows or games or videos or smth and try not to think about sh for as long as i can (which is what im trying to do right now). both of us kinda have bad depression and stuff and they talk to me alot about it and i try to help them but i dont think i rlly do enough cuz i never know what to say to help, i just try my hardest to be a good friend. recently they relapsed and ever since then they constantly talk about cutting and send pictures of cuts without giving me a heads up or anything. at first i tried to stay supportive and positive (though it did put me off a bit) but its been about 2 months and its rlly started to affect me, its been rlly triggering and genuinely ruins my day. i dont want to ask them to stop because i feel like an asshole already for not knowing how to help/ what to say and i dont want them to feel like they cant talk to me. ik its rlly dumb but 90% of the things they takl to me about is vent/ sh related and i rlly care abt them and dont want them to leave me or be scared to tlak to me cuz it already feels like theyve become more dry with me. idk what to do cuz i seriously cant handle the mention of sh literally multiple times a day. im so tired but too scared to communicate. they just sent me 5 pictures in a row and i fel so nauseous. i cant do this anymore but i want to help and be a good friend

i just wanna know how dangerous would it be to do styro on the side of your finger. like are there veins or arteries or anything. not the knuckle part, but like the long part. also like is there a lot of skin there? if i were to get to the fat layer do i need stitches there too??

Not talking bout where on u like where were u.

For me: hotel bathroom 🫪

My friend moved in with me and she's been a pretty great support in the past but since moving in, it's like I can't breathe. She's a bit of a perfectionist and likes things a certain and organized and having stuff dealt with immediately and everything seems to be her way which is very triggery. I feel like a small child again. I grew up in a very different home that did things very differenty than her and I have trauma from being controlled.
I don't have energy or motivation to do things so perfectly and so quickly and sometimes doing anything at all is too much and I feel so much shame and shut down because I know I should be doing more and doing what she says and the fear of her being upset with me makes me shut down even more and the anger of feeling controlled makes me shut down even more. I feel like I'm in a lose lose situation in every solution or option I think of. I've been trying so hard since I moved out of the abusive home I was living in to function properly and DO things because I can't seem to even get out of bed most days. And I was starting to get a bit better by being patient, gentle, and kinder to myself but since she moved in it feels like all that progress has been deleted and I've been self harming just control myself into doing things.

Her ways are more practical than mine and more effienct but it makes my nervous system so upset and I can barely function as it is, so adding all those steps and changing everything is just taking more than I have to give.

I got sick for four weeks and could barely get out of bed. Part of it was sickness but the other part was my nervous system just having enough. The bare minimum became like pushing a boulder up a hill. I was sobbing and breaking down because I couldn't get myself to do anything and I was drowning in shame and grief. I felt angry with her because she had said some things that made all of this seem like it was nothing. My aunt, who was like a mother to me, took her life a couple years ago and her death anniversary passed while I was sick. My friend knew this but didn't talk to me at all other than asking how I was doing physically. I was avoiding her because I was so hurt by her and it was aplified by poor mental health and poor health. Only to find out that she was actually avoiding me and had a breakdown with a friend about how I was not helping with anything around the house. And she tells me that she's trying so hard not to blow up at me. Which felt like a punch in the gut because she knows my struggle. She said that she goes into shutdown to but still does things. Which to me meant, "I can do it, you can't because you're just too weak-willed and you need to man-up." And it triggered so much anger and shame. She could've just waited for me to do my dishes but because she likes having things done right away, she'd do them and then get mad that I didn't do them on her timing.
But I understand where she's coming from and I want to be a good team member in tackling things and getting things done. I just feel more invisible and more shame because I struggle so much with doing things and no matter what it never seems to be enough. And she has a support system to talk to about all this and I don't anymore. I don't know maybe I'm just selfish and crazy, I'm trying to figure it out and I feel like my brain and body are at war with eachother and me and I wish I could be perfect and more helpful for her. I don't know if I'm making any sense.

A metaphor would be, I was raised in a place where people didn't know what legs were and crawled to get places. Since moving out, very very very slowly I've learned how to use my legs but they are broken and bruised and it's painful to use them for longer than a couple minutes. Over the years I've slowly been able to use them for longer periods of time but the progress isn't linear. But now, I live with someone who requires me to run a marathon because she's been running marathons all her life and it hurts her when I don't.

Does anyone have any tips for getting better at doing things that doesnt include selfharm or have any encouragement or tips?

Ever since he was told about it, its all he talks to me about, every day I get lectured about "how I hide it because im ashamed" listen, my arms are genuinely fine and im clean rn, but whenever I show my arms even though there is nothing on them I just feel vulnerable. Im so uncomfortable with these daily talks. I fucking hate that my brother who fucking PROMISED ME he wouldn't tell anyone told my fucking dad. This is why I don't open up anymore.