u/skull_shaped_candle

TW for calories, weight, mention of b/p

a few weeks ago i was eating around >!900!< calories a day and weighed >!124!< at 5’7, i started >!starving!< myself and the past two weeks i’ve been eating >!0-200!< calories at most, and i weighed myself today and the scale is up to >!128!< and i’m freaking out, i’ve been >!purging!< every single thing i eat and somehow i’ve gained >!four!< pounds?? this doesn’t make sense and it’s making me want to >!starve!< myself more and another thing is i look much more >!skinny!< than i did a few weeks ago, my >!ribs and collarbone!< are starting to be visible yet the number on the scale is higher

I’ve been on and off presenting as male for years (i’m afab for ref) and the main reason i go back to looking like a girl is because i feel like with my body and genes i could never pass as a male so there’s no use trying, i hate my body so much i’m so detached from it to the point that looking into a mirror doesnt even feel like looking at me, i feel like it’s a totally different person, i see a pretty girl in the mirror but that girl isn’t me, i don’t wanna be her.

I’m 17 ftm and I’m going to start testosterone soon but I’m scared that it’s too late to start T and that I’ll permanently be clocky since I didn’t transition at a younger age , maybe I’m just in 4tran spaces too much and it messing with my perception but I’m just worried that I’ll never pass as a cis male

please don’t just send me to the minoxidil beards subreddit they’re majority cis men so they grow facial hair differently, but if i use it twice daily should i see results within a few weeks? months? any advice would be appreciated!

Idk if this is just me but I can’t stand how I sound even with voice training (pre-t) it ruins any chance I have of passing, I’ve just started talking as little as I can, sometimes I wont speak for most of the day, also I’m terrified of going onto T and getting the typical ‘t-voice’, is there anyway to avoid that or is it guaranteed?