r/Transmedical

I'm 18ftm and I can't figure out a way for my girlfriend to pleasure me during sex.

She’s my first sexual partner, and I just have no idea how we’re supposed to feel good together when I don't have a penis. My flawed anatomy is killing me, and I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. The classic hand motion people with my anatomy usually use to satisfy themselves doesn't work on me (we tried a few times, and it was so discouraging that I now avoid situations where my girlfriend might touch me). I do enjoy thrusting a lot, but again—my penis isn't long enough to make any use of it.

It's very depressing, i don't know what to do about it.

Please anyone, share with me the ways that worked for you, because I have no idea what to do. I'm scared that my lack will somehow distance me and my girlfriend

I'm not even that far into my transition, I'm stealth to strangers and I have fully socially and legally transitioned. But no medical changes yet.

Still, I seem to have recurring nightmares. In which I either have long hair again, and I just can't stop it from growing and I can't cut it. And others where I'm in a social situation and I'm constantly being misgendered and I just can't do anything against it and I'm being outed by it at the same time. And others where I'm being ostracized by others and end up alone, because I don't fit in with the guys, because they know I'm trans in the dream, and I don't want to be with the girls.

The nightmares don't really have anything do to with real life, because I don't experience these things anymore, for the most part. Except my mother misgendering my on a daily basis.

Anyone else having nightmares like that? Is there anything I can do about it/ will it stop later on when I'm done with my transition?

Idk what to do

I just feel like I’m missing out because I haven’t had mtf surgery and it’s like nobody but me realizes how important it is to me. It’s like people in Arizona try to withhold it to try to make me look like I don’t want it so I be groomed into a femboy and I can’t tell anyone how much it bothers me, because nobody cares, not even previous professionals I trusted before because they just weaponized my mental health against me when not having surgery is what caused my mental health to worsen and I just wonder if I can ever be myself physically and not have to feel worse self-concealed because i havent had bottom surgery and self-concealment makes someone depressed and anxious and nobody seems to care. They just think I’m a negative attention seeker and play the victim and it just feels like I’m the only one who takes this seriously so I can be my authentic self, but people in Arizona rather try to feel better than me by keep me looking badly without surgery so other people make fun of me like they’re all in on it to make me feel bad about myself and try making me give up on surgery doing that and acting like more people regret having the surgery to try making me discouraged from getting surgery- like I’m trapped in a prison society feeling like a girl enslaved in a feminine boy’s body, because I been on feminizing hormones for over 9 years, so there’s really no excuse why i should be withheld from surgery and feel this hopeless in life, as if I’m not allowed to be happily my authentic self fully transitioned into a female with improved mental/physical health with a more fulfilling quality of life.. it’s like people in Arizona want me to end up like those freaks that say they regret transitioning!!