u/Street-Grand-9820

I'm not sure if my take on this is correct, but it's something I noticed with many people that say they're "under the non-binary umbrella". These people genuinely confuse feeling masculine with "feeling like a guy" and vice versa. There are cis guys that feel feminine and don't act nor "feel" like the typical cis man. Instead of thinking that this is okay and you can be/feel feminine as a guy, they come to the conclusion that "they're not 100% cis" and that they must be a demiguy/non-binary/genderfluid or whatever bullshit gender that was made up. The same thing for cis girls that are tomboys, that fall down the wrong internet rabbit hole and suddenly identify as a "genderqueer masc enby", without understanding that it's actually completely fine if you're a girl/woman who's masculine.

And I'm actually someone who likes the societal idea of men being masculine and women being feminine, as it makes it easier to pass and I just like that societal norm and I will conform, because I like being seen as just a normal guy. But I don't have a problem with people being masculine/feminine, no matter their sex. But it's important for me that these people don't get confused by some trans activist and gender fanatics and end up going down the medical transition route and regretting it, becoming detrans and start hating on all transsexuals. Or they never transition medically because of a lack of dysphoria, but start preaching gender identity and that you can identify as everything, which also hurts actual trans people and cis people as well, because even more of them then get confused. The mistake in thinking that the title implies harms both cis people and trans people and we should stop it.

I recently turned 17. My home life is horrible, I have a verbally abusive mom and my dad just can't do anything about it. It's been like that since I was 13, when she found out I was trans. I got no support from anyone, it was just screaming all the time, which really fucked me up mentally. She tried controlling me, forcing me to show my body to her to prove that I'm not secretly taking medication. She wanted to control what I wear, how my hair was cut and stuff like that and she got mad at me, because the mom of a classmate confronted her with that, after I told that classmate what was going on. In the beginning of this year, I finally got support from my dad and there's a high chance I can finally start hormone treatment.

About a month ago, I got arrested (I'm not sure if I can write that here, since the court decision wasn't made yet). My mom got extremely angry (which was fair). She, my dad and my sister went away for holidays and now she's back since two days and it's been horrible for me. She's screaming and trying to break my door in. She says that I myself am the reason for everything that's bad in my life and that she never did anything wrong, that I'm a liar and trying to hurt her. She told me that I'm the reason my dad and her have a fucked up relationship. She said that we have to have "The talk", but I talked to her multiple times, trying to explain that I'm actually not a psychopath and that I just want to transition and be treated like a normal human being. But she had big issues with that and tried to diagnose me with mental disorders, tried to talk it out of me by telling my how ugly I am and that no one will ever love me when I'm like that, and the arrest is now just a new argument against me.

She said that we need to talk now every day, but every one of her talks end in screaming or her trying to take something away from me (aka my privacy or internet). There's a chance that I'll be kicked out of school because of the arrest, which makes my whole situation a lot worse. I feel unsafe at home, it just feels like I'm in constant danger and I'm scared to leave my room, because she could break something in there or hide it from me. I don't have any close friends I could go to. I'm not sure of she's actually abusive, no one I told ever tried to do anything to help me and I'm scared that if I told youth protection services, they would just laugh and send me back home and then my mom would be even more angry.

I played with the thought of running away, but I need to stay here because of the court and because I don't want to delay my transition anymore. I don't know what to do. Should I quit school? Does anyone have any idea on what to do?

I'm 17 and I pass most of the time (with a few exceptions), but I look and sound like I'm 12-13.

It's a big issue for me and I feel extremely self conscious because of it, especially because all the people around me look their age, or even older. I've tried a lot of things to look older, for example experimenting with clothes and hair or fixing my posture to be taller (I'm now around 171cm or 5'7''). I just feel kinda uncomfortable when I go outside and I'm just seen as a little kid. And I kinda want a girlfriend, but I know no girl will want me if I look that young. I'll probably go on testosterone in around half a year to a year, but I'm not sure what to do until then

I just turned 17, I'm legally male but I'll have to wait a couple months before I can get on testosterone and I have to wait until I'm 18 to get surgeries.

I look really young, I sound really young and nothing I do can change that. It's frustrating to see all the cis guys my age, looking and sounding their age. Not just that, also the differences in strength are making me feel like I can't keep up with them, no matter how much I train. It seems like everyone has/had a girlfriend or a situationship of some sort, while I never had anyone interested in me, because no girl my age will fall for a guy that looks about 13. Also, I'm really short, all the guys around me are so tall (even the ones younger than me) and it makes me feel so much younger and less like I'm actually one of them and their age group. I don't feel respected or like I belong with them because of the reasons listed above (and also because they knew me pre social transition). But I don't fit in with the cis girls my age, so everyone around me just sees me as a weird thing in between, which actually fucking hurts.

Everyone around me calls me by my name and sometimes male pronouns (they mostly try to use my name as a replacement for pronouns which i hate), but I know that when I'm not around, they probably call me by female pronouns (at least I heard it one time). It just seems like everyone around me suddenly sees me as very female, even tho before I came out, a lot of people told me that they thought i was male. When I was socially a girl, I felt too masculine and I felt too masculine to got into the girls bathroom. But since I socially transitioned, I don't feel masculine enough and feel like I'm to feminine to go to the guys bathroom. It just feels like I don't belong anywhere, even tho I'm trying my hardest to pass and keeping up with guys my age. At places where no one knows me, I feel like I fit in a lot better with the guys, so maybe it's that they knew me pre social transition.

I also feel like I pass less and less, the older I get, because my looks and voice don't align with my real age. At 15, having a high voice was fine because I could get seen as a late bloomer. Now that excuse doesn't work. I know that I just have to wait until I get on testosterone, but that's still months away from me and even then, I'm afraid that it's too late to catch up. If someone knows what I could do to feel less helpless and shitty, please drop some tips

It just feels like wherever people know I'm trans, I'm reduced to my body and natal sex. When I need to explain to people what being trans is, they answer "Oh, so you're a girl/woman and who wants to be a man" or "So you have the body of a girl/woman and you want to be a man/you identify as a man" and so on. Even an official statement listet that I was born female and identify as a man (the subject of the document didn't have anything to do with me being trans and wasn't medically relevant, they just threw it in as a little fun fact). That's also the reason that words like FTM or AFAB really annoy me. We have a word: Trans man. Or just man, if the trans part isn't relevant for the situation. It just feels like people do everything to tell me I'm not a real man, and for that reason don't use trans man and instead say "born female/has a female body, identifies as male." I just fucking hate it, it reminds me of a body that feels extremely wrong and that I hate so much. I know it's the truth about my body and sex, but I don't want to be reminded of it.

And I know it's important for certain medical stuff, but all those situations weren't medical in any way. And the "identifies as" thing is a whole other issue, that I'm not focusing on here

In the last few years, I've seen a lot of really young "transmasc's" that obviously don't have dysphoria get on T or getting it in a few months. It's just frustrating to me. I've been diagnosed with gender dysphoria at 14 years old. That's 3 years back and hormone treatment is still 6 months to 2 years away from me, because everything takes so long and every appointment in the near future is occupied.

I don't get how teens that don't have dysphoria get so easily on hormones while I have to wait for years, it just doesn't make any sense

I recently had to explain being trans to different people (police, teachers, parents, etc.), that knew little to nothing about being trans. I had a hard time trying to explain it, without landing in the "born in the wrong body" and "identifying as something" territory. And the medical way was too complicated to explain in a short amount of time, and even there, I'm not sure how I should phrase it best.

Is there any easy and short way to explain being trans to someone, without it sounding weird?

This kind of post has probably been posted multiple times on here, but I just wanted to share my thoughts.

Recently, I watched a youtube video about someone disscussing trans people and the comments were full of people on the right, who believe that all trans people have the same beliefs as tucutes, and just "identify" as a gender, don't pass at all and are just trying to invade certain gendered spaces. The tucutes literally made real trans people into a joke. Now, anyone can make jokes about "I identify as a washing machine" because they believe that's how it works. They believe, now that anyone can just choose to change their "gender", like a man waking up one morning and deciding to be a woman. And that whole pronoun shit also makes us seem like a joke (especially neopronouns or people who are he/him lesbians). They make it seem like actual trans people don't have dysphoria, so in conclusion we don't need medical intervention. And because they make it seem like you don't need dysphoria to be trans, a bunch of teenage cisgirls are taking up resources from actual trans people, just because "they don't feel like a girl", they "think they would be attractive as a guy", they "want to break gender norms", they "want to be in a gay relationship" or are just trying to escape misogony. Tucutes also change how we are perceived in daily life. I sadly can't be stealth currently, but I pass. Everyone who knows that I'm trans treats me like I just identify as trans and don't actually have dysphoria. During a political discussion with my friends, I tried to talk about tucutes, I said : "There are some women online that just walk around in bras and look like women but they want to be called a man." And my friend said "But isn't that what you're doing?". And that shit hurt, because it just shows me how people around just view me as someone who "identifies as a guy", not someone who has actual dysphoria.

Also, political discussions would be so much easier if everyone saw the truscum side of trans people instead of the tucute side. Instead of saying the whole "I identify" and "I use these pronouns" shit that aren't real arguments and just make us look ridiculous, we could actually argue that we have a medical condition thats proven to exist with science. It would be so much harder to take right of trans people away, if we could just argue that it's dypshoria and not simply an identity. I don't even get how the tucute side "won" and became popular in the media. Now trans people just seem like dyed hair, pierced, alternative freaks, who are extremly loud, obnoxious and annoying and can't understand reality or biology.

I came out at school a few months ago and got misgendered by some classmates today, who thought I couldn't hear them. The worst thing is that the guy who misgendered me, actually was very nice to me a few months ago and corrected people when they called me "she", even tho I don't really know him (at least that's what I've been told). I'm doing everything I can so that I pass and I think I pass well enough to most people (there are still a few that saw me as a girl but that happens really rarely), that I even had big trouble on a train because the train operator didn't believe that my ticket with my legal name was actually me. Mind you, I'm not on T yet, but can probably start in a few months. Sadly not sooner because there are issues because I'm underage (turning 17 in less than a month). Also, my parents obviously know that I'm trans but my mom goes out of her way to call me her daughter or say she to me. It makes me depressed, but I don't want to play the pronoun police and correct people because I want that people call me a guy, because they actually see me as one. But that classmate thing and my mom just shows me, that people with never see me as a actual guy and it also makes me scared that everyone around me just calls me male out of respect, not because they see me as a guy. I'm also scared that this will never change, even when I go on T and get all of the operations done.

Completly unreleated but it's just been on my mind: Where I live, everyone who has M as their legal sex needs to go to the army. And I'll be changing my documents in 2 weeks, so I also have to serve. But I'm not sure if I can fit every operation (I'm opting for a mastectomy, hysterectomy and full metoidioplasty) in before I need to do basic training. A 2-3 day test is done (with medical examenation and stuff like that, which I'm scared of doing without any operations) while I'm around 19-20 and after that, I have can choose to do basic training whenever I want, but I have to get it done before between the ages 19-24. I want to go to the military because it's the normal thing for most guys here to do and i would just feel lesser of a man if I would just do civil service, even tho some guys do that. I think a part of it is also the fear of missing out.

I'm a trans guy and I'll be changing my gender marker to male in less than a month (and I'll change my name as well). I'll turn 17 soon after I changed the gender marker and I was wondering how the whole military process works. I actually want to join the military, but I'm not sure if I'm automatically unfit for service. If I'm lucky, I'll start Testosterone in a few months and when I turn 18, I'll try to get a mastectomy as soon as possible.

A few of my peers have already received a letter for the Musterung (I'm not sure of the word in english, maybe recruitment?). So if I change my gender marker, will I get a letter too?

I also want to complete my transition before I go to the military (hrt, mastectomy and metoidioplasty, but for the military just hrt and mastectomy would be fine I guess), so is there a way to postpone the recruitment process to like 21 or something like that, instead of 18/19.

And how does it look with the medical examination? Can I postpone that too? Because it would be extremly uncomfortable for me to do that before the mastectomy. Do they look at the genitals there? Or does that not matter?

Another question: Is it possible to stay stealth while in the military? I don't like people knowing I'm trans.

And if thats relevant, I'm from Kanton Fribourg. And sorry if I said anything wrong, I'm not really familiar with the whole process.

I'm feeling extremly shitty right now. I'm in a clinic to be treated for my gender dysphoria for about 7 months. In the beginning, they told me that I need a certain amount of appointments with the phychiatrist there so that they can give me letter and another appointment in a hospital nearby, so I can finally start testosterone. I only have to do around two more appointments but for about a month and a half, the next appointment is keep getting pushed forward. And even if I have all of them, I'll still need to do extra stuff and wait an extra amount of time, so I can consent independent from my parents to the procedure, because my mom isn't really to happy about it. And even if that all gets through, I'll probably have to wait a few weeks to months to get an appointment at the hospital and even if I get that, they'll start giving me hormone blockers for months before I can get testosterone. In conclusion: I'll have to wait a very long time and this time is currently getting even longer because the appointment is keep getting pushed forward.

This whole thing just destroys me mentally, because I'm slowly getting too old to pass normally, my 17th birthday is in less than a month. And I look like 14-15 years old, what would've been okay if I was still 16 because at that age, I guess it can happen that you look very young because you're a late bloomer. But I'm turning 17 and that's way too old for that whole "late bloomer" stuff. I also start to pass less and less, even if puberty is probably finished for me. My face and body just gets more feminine and I can't stop it and it makes me feel extremly shitty. Also, I see a lot of transguys that start hormone treatment at like 13-16 and I feel bad because I went to full female puberty so there are parts of me that will be permanently feminine (aka my skeleton). I know that testosterone is strong, but sometimes I can see that a guy is trans because his face is more compact, while many cis guys faces are longer. And my face (and body) will now forever be stuck in that clockable state. Back to becoming 17, the gap between me and my peers is also getting wider and they all now look so old and are so masculine while I'm stuck in a pre-puberty lookin state. I also hoped to start earlier so I can still grow a bit and maybe my shoulders could become broader, but now I'm stuck at 167cm, probably permanently

Maybe I'm not thinking clearly about this, but I feel so shitty and the thought of having to live like this for months or even years before I can start medical treatment makes me depressed

I'm feeling extremly shitty right now. I'm in a clinic to be treated for my gender dysphoria for about 7 months. In the beginning, they told me that I need a certain amount of appointments with the phychiatrist there so that they can give me letter and another appointment in a hospital nearby, so I can finally start testosterone. I only have to do around two more appointments but for about a month and a half, the next appointment is keep getting pushed forward. And even if I have all of them, I'll still need to do extra stuff and wait an extra amount of time, so I can consent indipendent from my parents to the procedure, because my mom isn't really to happy about it. And even if that all gets through, I'll probably have to wait a few weeks to months to get an appointment at the hospital and even if I get that, they'll start giving me hormone blockers for months before I can get testosterone. In conclusion: I'll have to wait a very long time and this time is currently getting even longer because the appointment is keep getting pushed forward.

This whole thing just destroys me mentally, because I'm slowly getting too old to pass normally, my 17th birthday is in less than a month. And I look like 14-15 years old, what would've been okay if I was still 16 because at that age, I guess it can happen that you look very young because you're a late bloomer. But I'm turning 17 and that's way too old for that whole "late bloomer" stuff. I also start to pass less and less, even if puberty is probably finished for me. My face and body just gets more feminine and I can't stop it and it makes me feel extremly shitty and suicidal. Also, I see a lot of transguys that start hormone treatment at like 13-16 and I feel bad because I went to full female puberty so there are parts of me that will be permanently feminine (aka my skeleton). I know that testosterone is strong, but sometimes I can see that a guy is trans because his face is more compact, while many cis guys faces are longer. And my face (and body) will now forever be stuck in that clockable state. Back to becoming 17, the gap between me and my peers is also getting wider and they all now look so old and are so masculine while I'm stuck in a pre-puberty lookin state. I also hoped to start earlier so I can still grow a bit and maybe my shoulders could become broader, but now I'm stuck at 167cm, probably permanently

Maybe I'm not thinking clearly about this, but I feel so shitty and the thought of having to live like this for months or even years before I can start medical treatment makes me depressed. And I also thought about suicide, cause if I die now, I at least don't have to live through any more suffering

(Sorry in advance for my english, it isn't my first language)

I rarely see this topic discussed online and I'm curious what other peoples thoughts on this are.

Over the years, I got to see trans men representation across media, from big movies to short movies on youtube. But across all of this, I've seen one big thing most of these representations have in common: These "trans men characters" either look like adult women with short hair or still have a visible chest or have a high voice, or all of these things combined. Most recent example of this is Scary movie 6 (which I didn't really watch, but I saw the trailer and like the first 20 minutes of the movie). The trans character is actually played by a trans actor, but they seem kinda feminine. i don't want to be mean, but they just look like a stereotypical trans man representation, where there is no value placed on making the trans character actually look like they're passing or masculine. I saw a similar thing in a short film, where the transman had a sport shirt on where you could see his sportsbra and I don't think that's good representation, because I couldn't image any transguy with actual dysphoria walking around like that, especially pre T. In the movie 3 generations, the transman is played by a female actress and again just looks like a woman with short hair and visible chest, that just plays dress-up as a man.

I'm not sure if I just watched the wrong movies, but I always see the same kind of representation. Even the trans actors in Hollywood kinda fall under that "bad representation category", for example Elliot Page, because he's just not really that masculine and is really twinkish.

I don't really care about the representation of trans men in media, but if they want to represent trans men, they should do it the right way. Because the people who watch these movies, get the idea that all trans men are just women with short hair that don't really pass and feel like they're playing an act in trying to be men (and that could lead to them treating trans men weirdly or think of trans men as just "females"). I think it's really bad representation, because nearly all binary transmen ("transmasc's" are a completly different story) that are on T, or even pre T in some cases, were masculine and basically just cis men. And Hollywood just makes trans men look like weird women or very twinkish men that aren't masculine at all

As the title says. I've been feeling pretty shitty lately and feel like there is no point is transitioning and that dying is better, because I'll never be a "real man" (from a social and biological perspective) and that neither straight women nor gay men would ever want to date me. I want to be stealth someday, but I'm scared that I come out to my partner and they will see me as female (or at least not as fully male) then. I'm currently an older teen and have gone through full female puberty and I feel like shit, cause in my mind, there is now permanent damage done to my body (for example bone structure, height...) that can never be reversed. And I'm scared that even surgeries will never be enough and that it will look fake and that my chest will forever make me be clocked by people, because of surgery scarring and how my nipples will look. So I really want to know, how do you guys feel after fully transitioning, how much dysphoria do you have, how is day-to-day life, are you happy?

For context, I'm 16 and pre-T

I was at an event yesterday, and there was also a big party. I met a lot of people trough friends. Among them, there was a girl (a bit older than me I think) and I found her really attractive and she was really nice to me. But I'm sure she wasn't into me because I have a high voice, I look really youngg, I'm short, I have a feminine face and overall just don't look like the typical cis guy my age. And even if she did find me attractive, I'm sure she wouldn't anymore after she would find out I don't have a dick.

I'm right now pretty far away from T because of my parents resistance and I feel like shit because of it. I pass fine (everyone at that event called me a guy, even after hearing my voice), but I look really young which pisses me off.

Is there any chance that a girl could like me before T? Preferably a straight one and not a lesbian? Is bottom growth enough for some girls or will I always have to use toys? Are cis girls even into trans guys? Is there anything I can do so that girls find me more attractive?

For context, I'm 16 and pre-T

I was at an event yesterday, and there was also a big party. I met a lot of people trough friends. Among them, there was a girl (a bit older than me I think) and I found her really attractive and she was really nice to me. But I'm sure she wasn't into me because I have a high voice, I look really youngg, I'm short, I have a feminine face and overall just don't look like the typical cis guy my age. And even if she did find me attractive, I'm sure she wouldn't anymore after she would find out I don't have a dick.

I'm right now pretty far away from T because of my parents resistance and I feel like shit because of it. I pass fine (everyone at that event called me a guy, even after hearing my voice), but I look really young which pisses me off.

Is there any chance that a girl could like me before T? Preferably a straight one and not a lesbian? Is bottom growth enough for some girls or will I always have to use toys? Are cis girls even into trans guys? Is there anything I can do so that girls find me more attractive?

I noticed that some trans men, even after their voice drops, sound kinda feminine. And teenage boys, even before their voice drops, sound masculine. So there has to be a way to "talk like a guy" and I tried searching for voice training videos, but all the stuff that I've found only showed you how to lower your voice. I'm pre T, but even if I try talking in a deeper voice, there is still a hint of something feminine.

What are actual tips (except your voice dropping on T), so that my voice sound more masculine? What are speech pattern men use commonly?

Everytime I look in a full body mirror, I notice how absurdly big my hips and ass are, and how small my upper body is. I tried losing weight (so that I became close to underweight, now I'm at a normal weight again) but that didn't help in reducing my hip size, I tried working out my upper body but that barely changed something because it takes a long time for me to build muscle. And I switched from cargo pants to jeans and it helped a bit in reducing how big my hips and ass look, but it's still really noticable and annoys me. A problem is also that my waist is very narrow in comparison to my hips, which just makes me look more feminine and makes my hips look bigger. I just hate how it looks and I think that it makes me seem like a girl and that I pass less because of it.

Is there anything I could do? Like anything? Can T fix that problem?

I've been feeling kinda bad and my brain always comes back to thinking "You're not a real guy, look at how different your body looks, you're just hiding it under your clothes". I'm currently pre T so I only pass like 75% of the time and only if I don't talk.

And it hurts so much and I know that "In the future, everything will be different", but the future is taking too long for me. I'm currently only 16 so still around 2 years from making my own decisions, and even tho I am currently pretty close (like 1 year away or so) from T, I feel bad because this is my current reality and it will not really change in the next few years I think

I also feel like an imposter around guys my age because I look more "soft" and my voice is high and I just feel fake and that I'll never fit in or be "a real guy"

Is there anything I can do to change that mindset?

Sometimes is helps me to think about that some guys are late bloomers or grow breast tissue or stuff like that, but it isn't helping as much anymore because I'm getting older and older

Edit: Sorry for the title, I just realised that it should say "get over" instead of "come over, english isn't my first language