r/FTMMen

Wasn't sure what flair to use or how to title this post. I'm going to start this off by saying I'm a trans man. I came out a very long time ago and have been on testosterone for a very long time. I've been binding when out of my house for about 20 years and it's been okay.

I'm somebody who struggles with recognizing feelings and taking care of myself. This shows up in not really knowing how I'm feeling. It shows up in struggling with relationships. And I generally don't know what I want or need when it comes to big emotional topics.

Recently I've been asked by my therapist more questions about surgery. I've never had a surgery of any kind including oral surgery. One thing I've been struggling with and I'm searching for opinions and personal experiences is surgery. I'm slowly learning that a hysto or fallopian tube removal would be good for my mental health. I've been thinking about my body and I'm not sure what I want when it comes to transition related surgery outside of some kind of permanent pregnancy prevention.

For those who have had top surgery, how did you know it was what you wanted/needed?

My girlfriend just said that I’m the fem one in our relationship, and just compared me to a bi femme girl and also she said that out of the two of us she’s more masc.

I don’t know why but this has hit me really hard.
I know there’s nothing wrong with being more femme or what not.
But she knows I have lots of dysphoria around being “femme”, not passing and how others see me.

We do have lots of discussions/arguments about the things she says which upset me. So I know exactly how it will go down if I mentioned this to her. And I don’t know if I want another argument about the same shit.

Her response (if I mention this, or her previous comments) would be along the lines of…
“oh I didn’t mean it like that”
“why are you so sensitive about it”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it”
“Why are you being so grumpy about it”
“It was a joke”

Why is it that her comments hit me so deep and I can’t just get over them and move forward.

Just out of curiosity how unorthodox is it to get a hysterectomy before top surgery.
My T levels + RBC and hematocrit got way too high after a few months on 50mg of gel a day so they lowered it 12.5mg. My cycle came back and I was given norethindrone to stop it and it worked but the side effects have been so horrendous and having to take it in general just makes me feel icky and dysphoric. So once I finish this script Im not taking it anymore. idk if there’s any alternatives (Im straight so I don’t need a BC)itd be purely for stopping my cycle if it persists.
My cycle stopped the 2nd month on T. My levels were in the mid to high 200s on 12.5mg. But my new prescription is 1.62% as thats what my new Dr uses, so one pump is 20.25mg so that may or may not be enough to stop my cycle. But the stress of either dealing with a cycle or being paranoid it’ll come back is just so much Id rather get a hysterectomy first so I wouldn’t have to worry about it if there are any future complications and dose adjustments yk.

I have tried to donate blood but I’m too anxious with needles so my pulse is never low enough. I was gonna do therapeutic phlebotomy but my levels were actually normal so I didn’t need to and that was around when I just started using 1.62% so it may go back up and Ill have to it later. Regardless I can deal with my chest for a bit longer but this god forsaken organ has caused me more stress and discomfort lately and I’d rather do away with that first. I haven’t heard of anyone else doing this so I’m curious to see if it’s even possible or anyone has experience with it

🙄 i knew this day would come and u know what i would be fine with it if i would have a beard and my hipps would get less. but no.

i already reduced my testo Gel as my doc suggested.
And i went to donate blood as i read this could also
help. didnt go as well (only donated 100ml) but whatever.

My question is, how fast did reducing T help with that? and were i able to go higher again?

Will this be forever now?

Ok so, long story short but this year has been absolute dog shit, but also not? The first five months of the year, my former boss and coworkers intentionally used PTSD triggers against me despite me trying to set boundaries (just asking for a warning before certain conversations were going to start so I could move away or even just being allowed to do so since I’d gotten in trouble for leaving the area, or to please not have them right next to me; not going to/teaching certain classes due to the triggers being present to the point I got a reasonable accommodation from HR due to it, etc). I ended up in the hospital (which made it all much much worse), and then in an intensive outpatient program for the past two months. I’ve been scrambling for a new job lately and finally got one! It’s a pay cut but at this point I literally don’t care. I’ll take it and keep looking for better opportunities or working toward something better. My sister (chosen) has helped me A LOT the past couple months and I could not be more grateful for her. She even gifted me a kitten since she does rescue work and it was a perfect match 🥹. So now it’s like I have a little piece of my sister with me, since she lives a couple hours away and I don’t have a car right now.

Anyway, it hit me. All my documents say I’m a guy, except my social security card but employers don’t see that part. My name is legally my name. I’m far enough along on TRT that I could pass as a guy with the right attitude. Or I could at least act confused if they call me a girl, but I’ve been told I read more “gay” these days, which I’m fine with. I can finally just be… average. No asterisk beside my name in people’s heads. No weird comments or side eyes. No one suddenly struggling to call me he/him when they find out. The people in my life that know need to know for context reasons (my roommates and best friend, my sister, my therapist, etc). But it’s sinking in that I could finally just vibe in this job and not have to worry about that part of it.

Things are finally turning up for me 🥹.

I'm 5.5 and kind of average (maybe on the skinnier side), i'm 2 years on T and I've passed even before it, and I've noticed that a lot of people (whether they know/don't know that i'm trans) assume i'm a gay guy. Could this be because I kind of look younger and people associate that with feminity, therefore being gay? I also have very voluminous hair (I don't even know the name of the hair cut, but it's very similiar to what Joe Keery had in stranger things, i can't find a barber in my town that has a free schedule lol) and dress pretty basic, usually something like a polo shirt/hawaiian shirt/darker sweaters with shorts or jeans. I don't find that style feminine whatsoever, but I guess people generally do?

I wouldn't mind getting read as gay since I'm bi, but the men in my area ain't shit and girls usually take that first impression of assuming i'm gay and only see me as a guy friend after (but a lot of the girls I know also have a problem with dating shorter guys and in my experience men are just way more open to dating trans people, so there's that)

It doesn't make me feel insecure to be seen as gay, I like the way I dress and look and it makes me feel masculine even if people don't see it that way, but I was just wondering if this is a common experience? Even though i don't feel bad about being myself, I do have an issue with people treating me differently, usually straight men don't even talk to me because of their prejudice towards gay men.

Hey everyone,

Two years ago I said goodbye to my DDs and finally got top surgery. I feel amazing, I absolutely love my results, and I have zero regrets!

However, I'm moving soon, and I'm worried it might take me a while to find a new doctor.
While there's no immediate risk of me running out of testosterone, I am curious about the "worst-case scenario."

If I suddenly had to stop HRT for a few months, would my chest start to grow back?

I know trans women grow breasts on estrogen, but since my original breast tissue was entirely removed and my nipples were grafted back on, my chest isn't the same as an intact, pre-op chest.
If I'm off T for a bit, will fat start redistributing back to that area, or does the total removal of the breast tissue prevent that?

I believe I’m starting to get symptoms of atrophy, so I got my doctor to prescribe estrogen suppositories. I am also getting top surgery in a few days. I don’t want to mess anything up, so I’m thinking I should wait to start the suppositories. But I’m worried still that if I start taking them even a month or 2 after the surgery, I will have breast regrowth and my surgery will be for nothing. Has anyone experienced breast growth or enlargement from taking vaginal estrogen suppositories for atrophy?

Has anyone else been diagnosed with a brain tumor suspected to be caused by your T shots?

In 2023(after 11 years on T) I was diagnosed with a brain meningioma, a hormonally sensitive tumor, in which certain hormone medications also increase growth risk.

This may be controversial but I really hate the fact that there are trans men being talked about more in media. I feel like all of our secrets are being exposed. I’m stealth and pursuing RFF phallo and the fact that people know what that scar looks like is terrifying to me. Especially in this political climate (I’m in the southern US). I felt the same way when top surgery scars were being shown on family television in Meet the Fosters. I felt betrayed in a way.
I understand that representation is important to help those who are struggling to be like “hey this is maybe who I am” but i just struggle with the con of it.

Due to certain health goals, I'm thinking of stopping T for 6 months to a year. I'm a bit nervous to do so, especially since I had a hysterectomy earlier this year. The longest I've been off T in the past 10ish years is just about give or take 4 months. I know it's always best to talk to a health care provider, just was curious though.

I just tagged this as dysphoria related content because it kind of is? I‘m a younger trans guy who doesn’t have access to anything (16) and despite that, I take every possible measure to pass as a guy. I have short hair that doesn’t look like a pixie cut, I try to work out and voice train, and I dress in a very masculine fashion. However, I also have a very toxic voice in my head that goes off whenever I do something slightly feminine. I can’t accessorize - even wearing a bracelet at camp that both boys and girls had to wear made me feel dysphoric.

Its gotten to a point that it seems out in relationships with other trans guys and I tend to act like an asshole when I don’t mean to. Every trans guy I know doesnt seem to care like I do. one of they uses ‘it/it’s’ pronouns, and the other dresses hyperfeminine. (There’s more obivously but you get the idea) And somehow they have the audacity to bitch about not passing and I’m expected to listen to them? one of them asked me one day - “why does no one ever see me as a man?” And I replied with “probably because you’re wearing a fucking skintight tank top and minishorts.” Safe to say he got pissed at me :p am I blunt? Yeah, but I also just can’t get away from this toxic voice. I hate getting upset over every small thing because im not being masculine, and I wish I didn’t let my inner thoughts ruin relationships with others. Has anyone else dealt with this, or have any advice?

It’s my first time going into this so sorry if it’s TMI!

The nipples are the only thing that sticks out of T-shirts but it drives me crazy and makes me so dysmorphic. It’s my dream just to wear a white T-shirt 😭

I’ve tried nipple guards but they leave a strange shape - I’m thinking of using a cloth (?) binder but I don’t know where to start. Can anyone offer some advice? Thank you in advance as this was a very difficult thing to write 🙂

I’m so irritated by all these trans influencers on my feed. No one gaf about you being trans just live your life. These people reinforce the idea that being trans is a personality. But whatever man I’m not the police or anything do what you want, I just wish I could clear my feed of this but the Algorithms keep pushing it.

As the title suggests I’ve been struggling with finding out if I actually want a relationship, I’m just lonely, or feeling like I should want a relationship.

I’ve been single the entire time I’ve been transitioning. I had top surgery about six months ago and I’ve been on T for three years. Overall I’m happy with the way I look, more muscle mass would be nice but I don’t have the energy or time to workout (I work on a farm). I was talking with friends recently about struggling with the dating world. Things like I can’t imagine someone finding me attractive, I don’t think im ugly but if someone called me hot or something I wouldn’t believe them. My dislike/extreme discomfort with physical touch. And my inability to make time for dating. They suggesting things like you’re probably not your own type, I may be on the Ace spectrum, or maybe it’s just not time for it.

People have told me that it sounds like I might Ace given my hatred of touch and my lack of patience with ppl (behind the scenes I maintain composure well). Ive gone through different periods of my life and I still have this desire to be with someone. Maybe it’s a desire to be desired but it’s hard to say. I’m in my early twenties and still a virgin part of me wants to have sex but another part I haven’t seen a person in real life that wasn’t a total stranger and been like yeah I’d hit that. On the one hand I want someone to share my life with cuddle with and all that, but on the other I don’t want to be constantly held accountable to someone. I don’t like the idea of someone hanging out in my room or hanging of me.

My therapist says I tend to be pretty rigid. If I were to date I’d have to loosen up my routines and structures. But I really don’t want to do that, I thrive off my rountine and doing the same thing, that way I know what to expect. I don’t know where a relationship would fit into my schedule. Do I not want a relationship badly enough? If I truly wanted one, wouldn’t I be more comfortable loosening up? What do my peers seem to have natural success finding partners in the wild (yes they are queer and trans equal playing field) but I don’t? Do I not give off a vibe that reads “datable”?

I hate that the majority of advice for trans ppl regarding data is to use dating apps, but those don’t work for me. I’ve tried consistently for four years to no success. I feel like I’m more likely to fine faults in someone through an app compared to in person.

Any advice would be appreciated! My emotions are frazzled and I don’t know what to think/ do

Have a great day

I’ve been on T for many years by now and think about getting bottom surgery. Firstly I want to hear from trans men who had it about it though. How good is sex? How is peeing? Don’t hold back I want to know as much as I can.

I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, maybe it’s just a few select friends that suck, but I just need to vent. I have these two friends that I’m close with (and before you say it, no I’m not just going to cut them off. I distance myself but they’re good people other than this one thing) they’re both nonbinary/she/they and they‘ll often point out how “weak I look for a man”.

I’m 5’9“ but very thin, it’s a struggle for me to gain weight but I’m always trying. I like sports and being active, and every time I mention that I used to play a sport, or that I bicycle or run they just look at me like I’m from mars and tell me I look like a pathetic twig. It’s really messing with my brain and I’ve gotten so much body dysmorphia just from these comments. Not to mention comments on how small my hands are or that I can’t grow facial hair (I’m only a year on T and I keep clean shaven). I don’t get these comments from my male friends or cishet female friends. And it’s always under the guise of “you’re a man so you have to have thick skin” like brother we should not be body shaming anyone regardless of gender

I had to block a subreddit the other day surrounding masculine lesbians. I just happened to come across a post from there when I searched for something relating to trans men. The post in question included a short-haired woman with a binder on.

On one hand, I think it’s great women can embrace masculinity. I have no problem with that. On the other, I’m not in the mental space to deal with it. My dysphoria gets so bad seeing butch women pass better than I do, talk about how binding makes them feel so masc, etc that I want to cry. I think it hits personally for me because I’ve had plenty of people assume I’m a lesbian with short hair, even though I’m a gay man.

Heya :)!! I’ve been pondering and I realized something.

For context, my dad has been very supportive yet a total 80s guy so most of our bonding is watching sitcoms together. I’ve felt so much envy from the guys on screen and recently, I tied my whole wardrobe into looking like those men. Honestly, it’s done me wonders— I started T less than a month ago and this change has really helped with being perceived in public.

1 year in T. Things shift left and right, guessing because the dick is growing and nerves and all that. But lately it’s getting harder to tell when I orgasm.

I get lose-my-sh*t-horny and can continue after orgasms, have several if you may, always been that way and it’s mostly the same now, except I may need some build up time before it can hit again.

But when I have sex with my gf these days it’s mostly her explaining to me “you just came”, she can tell by how sensitive my head gets. But god dammit would be nice to know this myself too like!?

So: anyone that can relate to this and please tell me about how this works for you??

Thanks!