u/meamoeniea

I pass consistently and it's never really bothered me. But now that I entered a new job and wear suit pants every day I'm super anxious. They don't hide it as well as jeans do.

Two women at my workplace have already very obviously checked out my crotch and idk if that's out of interest or if they notice the lack of male genitals. I've never experienced that before.

I'm wondering, is it actually noticeable that nothings there or does it just look like my dick may be super small? I'd prefer the latter tbh.

I've been thinking about wearing a packer but it's weird to me. I tried with a stuffed sock, made it small so it won't be too obvious. But all I can think is 'this isn't real' and all I feel is something in my pants that doesn't belong to me. On top of that I'm scared that it looks wrong or shifts into a weird position or even falls out.

Does anyone have any advise on how to approach things, or how you yourself got over these feelings? I'd appreciate that so much.

I asked this here before but I've not gotten any better at it at all.

I am just not interested in people. But I'm having a hard time being 'dismissive', if I can call it that. I don't like seeing people sad or anxious cause they think I hate them or something. That makes me anxious. So I am overly friendly and attentive. That's definitely a learned behaviour because of my emotionally immature family who reacted badly when I wasn't pretending to be chipper and happy.

I'm 28 now. I need to change, it's stressing me out. I give the exact opposite impression of what I want, which is to be left alone. Instead many people show strong interest because I'm chill and friendly.

Do you have some pointers? Just stuff I can say would be a start. Stuff I can tell myself or idk, something you've learned in therapy maybe? I am currently on the waitlist for a spot but it's taking forever and life still happens.

I'm hesitant to straight up tell people that I'm not interested because I've made experience that either they don't believe me and push harder or they're offended. I'm doing okay in short encounters but it leads to problems at the workplace and other people that I need to interact with regularly.

Hallo zusammen,
Ich hatte eben mein Vorgespräch für die GaOP. Ich muss die Haare auf meinem Arm entfernen lassen und habe von der Ärztin direkt ein Dokument für die Kostenübernahme bekommen.

Wie gehe ich nun vor? Was muss ich berücksichtigen bei dem Behandler und der Behandlungswahl? Hat zufällig jemand Erfahrungen und kann einen Behandler in Düsseldorf und Umgebung empfehlen?

Lieben Dank.

Title is a bit misleading. What I mean is that I can't accept stuff like food, money and the likes from anyone. Even with my friend, it's very hard to say yes. I only do it when I realise it's hurting their feelings.

Recently I found a phone and the owner came over to pick it up. At this time I had exactly zero money and needed it bad. The owner of the phone wanted to give me some money as a thank you, but I denied. I just wanted them gone.

That's when I realised this shit goes deeper than I thought. Something in my brain is very, very against accepting anything from anyone ever.

I can't do this anymore. My life is a lie. I just want to be myself but I can't see people feeling anxious or sad, it's devastating.

I'm currently using a mobile router with an unlimited data plan. I have no DSL, cable, fibre, whatever in my flat. It's better than nothing, but every now and then it's shitty af for no reason and I'm about to be perma banned from my favourite game.

Is switching to Starlink worth it?

I got the diagnosis about a year ago. The fact that I knew about szpd before and that the psychiatric tests are based on self report makes me doubt if it's even real.

I meet almost all criteria, the test put me in the top 2% of some chart thingy. Don't really know what to call it. The only criteria that I did not meet at all is emotional expression.

I am not only absolutely capable of expressing emotions but also incapable of not doing it. Took me a while to understand that most are not really my own, they are guesstimates to fake a cheery personality.

I feel a lot of guilt when I'm around others. I avoid talking to others but when I do, I want their emotions to be validated, otherwise I will feel sad for them and I don't want to feel sad.

I believe that's because my father was an emotionally immature person who chose to manipulate me with sadness. And because my mother and siblings were *genuinely* sad because my fathers a pos.

He loved me, despite not loving anyone else, because I am moderately gifted. But more so, I think, because I didn't show any emotional expression at a young age. I didn't react defensively and 'weak' to his narcissistic bullying, like my sisters did. So he spend most of his time with me. Took me fishing and to the pub and all that stuff he likes to do.

When I wasn't excited and happy with the things he did with me, he would be extremely sad and disappointed. Back when I was really young I genuinely thought he could die from sadness. No idea why, but I was constantly scared he might die. So I turned into this chipper yes-man.

I worked on and managed to reduce the guesstimates, to try and be in touch with my own feelings. But I'm having a really hard time not trying to prevent sadness in others still. It's an automated reflex that paints me in a totally different picture of who I actually am.

I feel like I'm stuck. My head is overcrowded with thoughts and theories as to what I can do to feel better and deal with all of this. But I need someone to talk to, face to face, otherwise it's just guesstimates all over again.

It's near impossible to find a suitable therapist, I am constantly searching but so far with no luck.

There's a group of people I've known for over a decade, my former school mates. I do consider them my friends, but I am not close to any one of them in particular.

They're fun to hang out with, emotionally incredibly intelligent and not demanding at all, that's why it works so well. I attend birthdays and our annual xmas party and getting drunk is the number one agenda at every meet-up. They are a really easy going, non intrusive bunch.

I've been mentally in a really bad place for the last couple of weeks. Then a few days ago we all met to hang out and drink and at some point me and two of them got talking. Courtesy of me being drunk, I even said I am going to regret this but I told them about the diagnosis and I was right. I do regret it massively.

They barely let me finish explaining what's bothering me and instantly started reassuring me that everything's going to be alright. I felt so fucking unseen.

One said 'we're all in therapy, that's totally fine', and that triggered something really bad in me. I am NOT in therapy, even though I badly need it. That's literally the problem I was talking about. But their assumption is that I am upset because I feel embarrassed for being mentally disordered? Why don't they listen to what I say? Why do they try so hard to psychoanalyse me?

When I say 'nobody understands me', this is why. All the kind words in the world are worth nothing, when nobody understands the true nature of my distress.

So that was one attempt to see if someone, anyone could understand and relate and maybe share my feelings with me. But I got so massively disappointed, I just left. Didn't even finish my last sentence. I wandered the city for hours in the middle of the night, feeling so hopeless and mad. Not for the first time in my life, probably not the last.

Edit because I forgot to add: Recently I've been wondering if I'm not actually a closeted narcissist or histrionic or something like that. Idk really know why. Mentally I'm not getting better, only worse. One reasonable explanation could be that my diagnosis is wrong and I'm too far in denial.

Ich bereue den Vornamen den ich gewählt habe. Bin halt kein Deutscher, daher einen bekannten Namen mit ausländischer Schreibweise gewählt.

Nur als Beispiel, stellt euch vor ich hätte mich Liza statt Lisa genannt. Literally kein einziger Unterschied bei der Aussprache, aber weil Leute es noch nie vorher gesehen haben, machen sie so einen Film darum den Namen bloß nie in den Mund zu nehmen.

Ich werde ausschließlich beim Spitznamen genannt. Daher möchte ich den Buchstaben ändern.

Ein Freund hat ein ähnliches Problem, er hat seinen Namen aus Versehen falsch geschrieben. Ihm haben sie gesagt eine Änderung ist unmöglich.

Ein anderer (nicht trans) Freund sagt mir jedoch Vornamensänderungen liegen bei ~3,50€ pro Buchstabe.

Hat jemand Erfahrung?

Bear with me, this is a long one. If you want, you can skip to TL,DR.

Some facts about the characters (mind that this is all vaguely from memory):

Kenny is in denial about his mother grieving, he tells himself that she's in denial about his father suffering from dementia.

Kristi doesn't want to acknowledge that she's in a toxic relationship and Marielle denies her drug addiction.

Jim brings his family on one last trip to save their marriage even though they already decided to get divorced.

Sara denies that she's feeling unwell and ends up killing her brother.

Dale refuses to believe that anything worse than living in Fromville will happen if he steps through the tree.

Julie suffers seizures trying to bring back her dead father.

The list goes on.

The only ones who aren't in denial are Ethan, Victor, Tabitha and later on also Jade. That's why they're able to see the children and other ghosts.

Tabitha is too aware to be in denial. She's experienced the consequences of Jims denial on her and her childrens well-being.

In the beginning, Jade definitely seems to be in denial. But he's exceptionally smart. He listens, he acts rationally and eventually manages to overcome it.

Ethan is a child. He isn't socialised enough yet to fall back on denial as a coping mechanism. He sees patterns instead, connections to the Crominockle. I think they hinted at him being autistic (correct me if I'm wrong) and that might play an important part in this.

Victor has accepted his life in Fromville. He prefers putting his experiences down in crayon instead of talking to someone about it. But there's a reason why, and with that I come to my next conclusion.

TL,DR:

Victor has lived in this town for over 40 years. He's observed all those who came and went. All those people trying to get out of Fromville and meeting death. He isn't the only one in the show who's said something along the lines of 'the more you try, the more *it* pushes back'.

Newcomers have likely approached him, asked him what he knows, what he's seen. And all kinds of stuff must've happened. Maybe someone disappeared and that made it seem like they got out. Maybe they heard about tje trees. That most have died trying to escape. But very important too, that the talismans haven't always existed, which suggests that things are getting better. So they stay in denial. They think they won't die and that they will make it out. Just living with it is not an option to them, and that's their demise.

But, Victor recognised that Tabitha is capable of acknowledging this reality despite being scared. He recognised that Ethan is adapting to this place rather than rejecting it. And he recognised Jades potential when he played the violin. That's why he is willing to speak to and help them, but no one else.

Victor knows exactly what he's doing. He is being deliberately difficult with the others because he knows only that way will they actually leave him alone and stop demanding answers that will likely get them killed.

I assume Victor, his mom and his sister ended up in Fromville because of the mother. I think Henry has been an alcoholic all his life and he's done bad things to his wife and children. Perhaps she created the realm as an escape for her children.

That makes me think the MIY is the personification of guilt. She's influencing Henry now that he's met Victor and knows what happened to his wife and daughter. Sara, because she's killed people. And Julie, because she's unable to save her father.

Guilt is going to eat Fromville up. After everyone's been very emotional and irrational for long enough, after they've caused a chain of tragedies by trying to escape, guilt will eat them up.

Perhaps this is what happened back when Victor found the MIY eating his mother. Guilt ate her up, because she didn't save her children from Henry, she forced them to live in denial, in Fromville.

Victor has probably survived this long because he didn't allow himself to feel. That's why he's locked away all the memories. Not having to feel things means not having to be in denial about reality. Not having to feel guilty about his sister and mom, and about pushing people away all the time. Not feeling sad about being alone and not feeling hopeful for a world that doesn't exist to him.

He might technically be the only one able to return home, but like he said, Fromville is the only home he's ever known.

Please let me know if I misremember things, I wrote this in a rush :)

I got prescribed Bupropion. These'll be the first antidepressants for me. I haven't taken them yet. I want to start before I start my new job in three months, but I'm required to get a drivers license for the job.

Now the problem is I have these jerks. Google calls them myoclonic jerks. I don't know for sure, I never got them tested. My shoulders shoot up, head jerks to the side, my eyes turn up, eyelids flutter and I 'hiss'. Just a couple of seconds that haven't bothered me much so far.

But Bupropion supposedly lowers the seizure threshold and I'm already unsure if I'm even safe to drive. Do I need to get this tested? I'm anxious because my doc loves to call things psychosomatic and it's really just these jerk. I don't want to run there for something that turns out to be nothing.

Does anyone have experience with something like this? Is there even a serious risk?

I can't get myself out of a financial hole because I can't keep a job and it's only getting worse.

The therapist that diagnosed me with szpd in a one time consultation had me visit their psychiatrist to get antidepressants. It was just an idea to get me something, because according to them therapy for szpd doesn't really exist. But the psychiatrist has asked me to reconsider if I really want to do that, because according to her, it's a serious long term commitment. She wasn't excited by my idea to 'just try and see'. That has kept me from starting. I really don't know what to trust anymore.

I keep entering jobs because social services needs me to, and exiting because I'm overwhelmed. It's a never ending cycle. But I don't see much else I can do. I'm hoping a therapist specialised on szpd can give me actual helpful advice. Is it worth it to invest time and energy into finding a therapist that is willing to treat szpd, or is that just a waste of time?

I just wanna live life again. I wanna work and not feel existential dread while doing it. I've been living at the minimum standard for years and sure it helps keeping things from getting really bad. But it's feels like I'm stuck in exile. I can't do the things I love because everything costs money. My life is really fucking boring and hopeless.