u/Haunting-Depth4024

▲ 218 r/FTMMen

“Trans people change our genders; we know we can’t change our sexes”

I’ll start off by saying that I am a complete nerd. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been deep into biology. Evolution has always been my forte, but I consider myself reasonably educated on biology as a whole due to just how much time I’ve spent studying it throughout my life. As a man who happens to have been born without a penis, the concept of “biological sex” has also been of particular interest to me.

I recognize that the majority of people are not autistic nerds and do not necessarily fact check and research every minuscule claim that they make, and I’m not saying this to paint those people in a bad light. I just believe that the claim I’m about to discuss is very easily challenged by biological and medical reality and I hope that, someday, it will stop being spread as much as it is currently.

Time and time again, I come across the notion that sex is immutable. This comes from trans people just as much as it does cis people. Most often, I see it presented as a rebuttal towards transphobic claims. Yet, the rebuttal in itself is not only biologically incorrect but also perpetuates transphobic misinformation.

“You can’t change your sex.”
“Trans people know that. We’re changing our genders, not our sexes.”

Personally, I believe the complete opposite. I believe that sex is entirely mutable, but gender isn’t.

From my experience with myself and others in the community, many of us have tried for years to change our genders. As a child, I tried so unbelievably hard to just be a girl. I tried to trick my brain into believing that liking mermaids meant that I was a girl. I tried conflating my interests with my gender and, as I got older, I tried even harder to drown out my gender by becoming hyperfeminine.

I know that this is an experience that’s shared by almost every trans person, to some degree, as it’s a relatively inherent reflex to the things that we encounter when growing up with a sex/gender incongruence.

Based on this, as well as a plethora of other factors that I won’t go into right now, I do not believe that gender is something that somebody can change. I believe that gender can be fluid, I acknowledge that it is a social construct, and my claim applies to the specific situation in which a person tries to forcibly change their own gender based on what they personally want.

I am aware that there are always outliers, as is the nature of life. I’m sure that somebody out there has the type of relationship with gender where they can wake up in the morning and choose it like they choose an outfit. I’m confident that someone has made a conscious decision to change their gender, by one definition or another.

However, based on my knowledge and experience both with myself and other trans people, we change our sexes because we (generally) cannot change our genders. The shared experience that we have is that we cannot force ourselves to be cis, just as cis people cannot force themselves to be trans. In this way, in my opinion, gender is an immutable characteristic despite it being a construct.

I’d like to think that, to an extent, everything I’ve proposed up until this point has been relatively common knowledge among trans people. However, there is a very distinct shift when it comes to the fact that sex is not immutable. Sex can be, and is, changed. As previously mentioned, the reason that people transition is because, when it comes to a sex/gender incongruence, sex is the half of that equation that can actually be changed.

I won’t go into the side of this that pertains to species naturally transitioning sexes (clownfish, for a best-known example) because I don’t think it’s entirely applicable to a conversation that involves gender. What I will go into is the fact that, on average, people are severely misinformed about what sex is.

“Biological sex” is a combination of characteristics, not an indivisible, single, one.

We have our sex chromosomes, yes, but we also have our primary sex characteristics. Our primary sex characteristics are our internal genitalia, our external genitalia, and our gonads. We have our hormones, as well as our secondary sex characteristics. Secondary sex characteristics are often defined as those which develop during puberty, but I’ve also seen “developed sex characteristics that are not a direct part of the reproductive systems”. They are functionally the same.

Every single one of these listed sex characteristics can be changed and/or entirely removed, aside from our chromosomes.

Every. Single. One.

This is typically where you’ll run into the argument that, because of this fact, chromosomes are what determines biological sex. However, cis women can, and do, have XY chromosomes. I find that the easiest-to-explain source of this is CAIS, complete androgen insensitivity syndrome, so it’s the one that I tend to site first. However, as we all know, there are a plethora of different sex chromosome variants that present with, often “contradictory”, primary and secondary sex characteristics.

Obviously there’s much, much, more that I could add to this. This barely skims the surface of the issue and I’m coming to the realization that this might need to be my next hobby essay topic, but this post is already long.

Again, I want to make it clear that I’m aware that this is not a unique claim and that those misinformed, or under-informed, about it aren’t inherently spreading the idea maliciously. It isn’t a topic that people tend to care enough about to think very deeply on. Especially considering the fact that it is very much the general consensus, people accept it and move on without challenging it. I only made this post as a quick way to get my irritation out, because it’s something I’m still seeing at such high levels and I’m hoping that if more people talk about it, it’ll (very slowly) start to be challenged and corrected.

ETA: Not sure why there’s a couple of people taking this as meaning that your birth sex is obsolete and that lying to your medical providers is okay. It definitely is not. It just means that your sex is functionally changed and that your birth sex does not matter in conversations that don’t specifically pertain to it. Which is the vast majority of them. Different people have different levels of “completion” in their medical transitions and I’m entirely confident in the ability of an individual to decide when they need to disclose their medical information. I’m not aware of any trans person who entirely denies their transition to all medical professionals. I’m sure that they exist, but do not be them. This goes for every other medical history as well.

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u/Haunting-Depth4024 — 3 days ago

How do you even go about photocard trading?

Mostly in the context of being in line at tour. I’m a bit chronically offline and I’m not really active in fandom spaces, so I’m very unaware of how to go about trading photocards.. Despite being in the phandom for around 11 years, this is the first time I’ve bought photo cards/had time to go to any of their tours. Four out of fifteen of the cards are ones I desperately wanted, but the three I wanted most I got none of <//3

Am I better off just looking on EBay? Do I just hope that someone near me in line/seating has the cards I’m looking for and that they’ll want to trade? Is it pretty common to be trading? Do you just ask people?

I’m thinking about making stickers to pass out in line. If I do, I’m debating printing something on the backs like “trading for ANY of the sailor photocards @[Instagram handle]”. A few friends of mine told me that doing that will probably be my best bet but I’m not entirely sure of if I want to commit to making stickers or not. I am a busy man, unfortunately.

Also.. feels like a bit of an annoying thing to do, but maybe it isn’t. It just feels 50/50 super fucking smart but also super fucking excessive— which is just me, summarily, but I digress 🫠

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u/Haunting-Depth4024 — 11 days ago
▲ 13 r/FTMMen

How do I go about making sure that people aren’t outing me?

Not a great title, and not sure what to tag, so let me explain a bit.

I’ve been stealth since I started T. Surgery has made it much easier, too. I don’t tell people I’m trans. I don’t even really consider myself trans in the context of it being an identity; I’m a guy who happens to have a medical condition. It’s not my identity and, to me, there’s absolutely no reason for somebody to know my medical information unless I’m sleeping with them or under other incredibly specific circumstances.

My two best friends know I’m trans, as well as my family, but that’s it. Coworkers, friends, etc. do not know. I moved state alone when I started medically transitioning at 18 to further assist that.

My best friends, I’ve been able to have conversations with about not telling people, or even implying, that I am trans. They often forget I’m not cis, too, which helps. I’m not sure how to go about that when it comes to family.

Luckily I only have a mom and a cousin in my life, both of whom are accepting, but I don’t entirely trust them to not be telling people in passing. I don’t know why they would, but we all know how cis people tend to be when it comes to saying incriminating shit in passing, or just blatantly outing people.

There’s been situations in the past that make me question it just a bit, but I’m not sure how to bring it up. It feels weird to mention out of nowhere, and I’m not sure how to go about it. Especially considering that I don’t talk about being trans, I’m uncomfortable bringing it up even if it’s to tell people to not bring it up.

I’m also constantly uneasy because of extended family. I have step siblings, a step father, aunts, uncles, and other cousins who all knew me pre-transition. I don’t have any relationship to them, but it still unsettles me to know that they know.

But anyways, that’s not the point here. Just a semi-related side issue. I just need to figure out a way to bring this up to the family that I do see and speak to.

Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you go about bringing it up? I don’t want to seem combative or accusatory, but I need it to be said.

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u/Haunting-Depth4024 — 15 days ago
▲ 207 r/Jewish

Matzo ball soup is a panacea

I’ve not been feeling the greatest lately. The world is getting to me 🫠

Unfortunately I have lived alone my entire adult life so far and no longer have my mom immediately making me cure-all matzo balls whenever I even hint at being upset.. but I’ll be damned if I don’t make it for myself at every slight inconvenience. It helps just as much now as it did a decade ago.

u/Haunting-Depth4024 — 17 days ago

What are some of your favorite tropes and/or dynamics?

Hello hello. I’m sure that this has been mentioned before, but a lot of our community discussions tend to surround the abhorrent behavior of antis, and I’m sure that it’s hard for people looking for community as a means to escape those sorts of things. Obviously those discussions get attention for a reason, and I do enjoy them, but more variety is always good.

Also, this is the only social media that I have outside of YouTube, so I don’t really stay up to date with the anti bullshit and just want to talk to like-minded people sometimes! It would be really nice to have more posts about us rather than focusing on them.

So.. what are some of your favorite tropes and dynamics? They don’t have to be “problematic”, anything goes! I’ll start.

I love it when two characters make each other egregiously worse and absolutely should not be together. Enabling each other’s bad behavior and habits, encouraging them to do things that make it even worse— especially if they’re both completely unaware and in denial about it. Bonus points if they have the same bad habits and behaviors and they just coagulate to become one Major Problem together.

I’m also such a massive fan of age gaps. Personally I only enjoy it when it comes to adults, but the dynamic of two characters who are like 20 and 60? It makes me foam at the mouth. Especially when the younger one is the one who pursued it despite the older one’s reservations. It’s not something that really exists in any of my (very few) fandoms.. but I’m also not very online or active in fandom spaces aside from writing, so maybe that’s my problem :,)

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u/Haunting-Depth4024 — 1 month ago
▲ 5 r/FTMMen

What to do with 6 bottles of T gel?

Long story short, I switched from gel to injections around a year ago. I’d been on gel for about a year beforehand, and my doctor always prescribed me extra, so I had a pretty solid stockpile. It wasn’t an issue then and was actually pretty nice, as I’d always have at least 5-6 bottles after finishing one and would go through at least one a month so they never stuck around very long.

When I switched to injections I figured I’d just keep the gel as backup. In case I couldn’t do an injection for whatever reason, ran out of supplies, couldn’t refill my T, whatever. Now, though, half of them are already expired and the other half are nearing their expiration date.

I’m not exactly sure what to do with them. I know that they only really “expire” in terms of losing their potency but, even then, I don’t really see me needing them? They’re nice to have as backup, but would it even be beneficial at that point after losing its potency? I imagine that they’d be too unreliable, and that using them after that point would fuck with levels too much anyways.

I feel wasteful throwing them away, but they’re just taking up space. At what point do you just say “fuck it” and toss ‘em?

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u/Haunting-Depth4024 — 3 months ago