r/internetparents

hi guys im 18 and getting ready to go to a university thats on the other side of the country. im chronically ill and i was pretty bedridden for a couple weeks in july (im feeling better now). since then, my mom has been wanting me to apply for this community college in our city instead for my health, but this is my dream uni and i really didnt want to. i figured it was just advice and a suggestion, and now im supposed to leave in a week and a half, but today my mom told me this:

“if you dont attend this community college, you can either not go to school at all or go to your uni. if you go to uni, you will no longer be my daughter.” she seemed very serious.

we had tickets and everything prepared, and my dad (who is estranged from us/divorced but still is required to pay for my college) was going to pay for my tuition. but now i dont know if any of that is happening.

she said if i go then she will no longer associate herself with me, basically disown me but without the legal work i guess? i dont want to lose my relationship with her but i dont want to compromise my dreams for this. i also feel like if i managed to push through high school and get into my dream university its a testament to my capabilities, but maybe uni is just super hard and different from high school?

a part of why i applied for this uni was to get away from my mom because of her overbearing and toxic nature too.

i know that community college can be just as if not greater than prestigious ones, but it just feels wrong to throw away my dream to fulfill my mom’s demands.

since this was a bit out of the blue, im not really financially prepared because it was going to be my parents who would deal with all the finances. i do have a job (one that i would have to quit when i leave) but only $1000 in my account.

i also have to bring my cat with me because she told me she wont take care of him anymore, meaning that i can no longer live in a dorm and have to rent someplace instead.

any advice? thanks guys :)

Need help dealing with a breakup.

Hello there, I (20F) am going through a breakup. It’s really bad for me. Basically, ex boyfriend wasn’t putting in effort and cheated on me in the relationship, and i kept coming back to him, so i broke up with him and blocked him. This was yesterday.

A friend suggested I give him clarity and so I did, on an app he wasn’t blocked on. Just learned today, he’s now in another relationship and I’m trying to not cry. I just feel heartbroken because it feels I meant nothing to him. I told him how he made me feel and he doubled down to tell me that I never cared for him, it wasn’t even true, I was there for him
through thick and thin. Hearing and reading his messages hurt me terribly, even the fact that he’s with someone else is hurting me.

I have had multiple relationships before, but I’m trying to tell myself I’ll be fine. I don’t have much friends so I can’t really distract myself as much as I really would like to, it’s hard. I would like some comfort and advice please.

I got back into a bad mental health period (depression) and have slowly started to recover, but my hair got the worst of it. Since I'm always wearing a ponytail, my hair became this one big and hard matted clump. And since I had trouble washing it, my scalp is very sensitive. My mom has been brushing it since this afternoon with little progress after hours, but I can't take it anymore. This isn't the first time this has happened, and since we're already thinking of getting me a haircut that will help in case another relapse happens, I thought "why not just shave the whole thing off?" The thing is, my mom disagrees because I'll likely look bald. But I don't care how I look, I can't take another round of hours of brushing and pain. She says I only want to shave it because I feel discouraged, which she isn't completely wrong about. But I've been having a mental breakdown since about 30 minutes ago (she told me to take a break while she went to get something she needs at the store, I think paint for the house) and I can't stop crying. I just want it all off, I really don't care how I'll look after because it's better than the hair I have right now.

I've seen this sub a few times and it's nice to see many kind people here. I just don't know what to do and needed to vent somewhere nice. Thank you for reading.❤️

Edit : Back to brushing.. She won't do it. The way my hair is matted means we'll have to shave everything completely, not like a buzz cut, which I knew beforehand. She's convinced that I'll hate looking bald more than I do with this hair. Even my father agrees with her. What does she know about what I like? I'd shave it myself, but it'll cause an argument. I don't have the time or energy for it, college classes are starting soon (which is partially why I wanted to shave it).

Hi internet parents.

Today I had the opportunity to meet with an old mentor whom I had not seen in years. I was very excited, wrote it on me calendar and was responsive to them leading up to the meeting. However, I wrote the time o my calendar wrong, and they texted me as i was leaving to go to the meeting location (I was 15 minutes late) that they were leaving. They are a very busy person so I understand that they had to leave, and I was wrong about the time.

I texted them right away and apologized. Took accountability. They called me 20 minutes later and was joking. they seemed disappointed, but again I was apologetic and told them I felt bad about disregarding their time like that. They finished the call by saying "we can meet next time! Good bye!" and I agreed.

My mom had her own bout of anxiety over this (you see where I get it from) and instead of being reassuring, she just freaked out and yelled at me. She made me feel like this mistake that I made was life altering. Even after my mentor accepted my apology she was more focused on how this would make HER look. if that makes sense.

I know I made a mistake, I know I apologized and it was accepted, but I still feel badly. Just some reassurance would be nice.

I am about to cry because I am terrified of what’s going to happen in about an hour. I am getting surgery and I just need someone to tell me that it’s going to go fine.

update I just got out 55 minutes ago and you guys were right thank you for your support. they did have to remove the the bone in peace’s from how thin it was, it was just long and wide. and I made sure to thank the nurse cuase they ate the back bone of the heath care system. but again thank you all so much for getting me through that you guys are truly the best.

people always say that parents are usually pretty good at guessing when someone is bad for you.

i (F19) met this girl in english class in university and we became friends. it’s not a friendship where i’m like oh my gosh where have you been all my life. it’s just like chill like okay you’re nice cool let’s be friends.

but overtime i’ve just been noticing some things that have rlly rubbed me the wrong way. it gave me an ick i guess you could say. and when i think of them all compiled im really second guessing our friendship. here’s a list of things i can think of

1. we were at the mall and she was eating a snack and left her garbage on the shelf in the aisle (another similar incident also happened)

2. came to my house and took a sprite can from my roommates stash. i told her those were not mine but she said oh they won’t notice.

3. little racist comments

4. lack of empathy. i am overly sensitive and emotional sometimes. so maybe my empathy expectations are too high but i feel like she’s so logical with everything and doesn’t think emotionally alot of times

5. boy crazy. always talking about crushes and boyfriends and feel like almost puts men on a pedestal. she started dating someone and while i do think it’s important to prioritize romantic relationships, i think that comes with a limit. like put your partner first in times of need, make sure they’re feeling loved, and do whatever you can to support them etc.

but i don’t think that means to do the following:
\- me, her, her boyfriend, and the boyfriends cousin went out. me and her had planned the night out i was excited she was gonna sleepover. but then at the end she decided she wanted to go home with him just cause. may be dramatic but i felt abandoned. i had already told her that i wanted to spend more time with her. like i havent seen her as much after they got together

\- we went out to dinner. her boyfriend lived close by. she said she wanted to see him. i said okay. she went up to his room and made me sit alone in the lobby for like 40 minutes. mind you they already see eachother multiple times a week.

\-we met up with her boyfriend one night. her and i were going to go out and eat dinner. asked if he wanted to join, he said sure. she was down to go. as soon as he said he changed his mind because he was tired, suddenly she says she isn’t hungry.

6. let her boyfriend tell me that adhd is not real (after i expressed struggling with symptoms and wanting to be tested) i would’ve hoped for her to correct him and stand up for me but no. she just briefly apologized after we were alone

7. said she judges people with bright coloured hair. not in like a oh it looks bad. she said she would assume they’re mentally ill. ik lots of people think this but idk if i ever decide to dye my hair i wanna be able to be comfortable around my friends.

8. this is just a general statement that applies in many scenarios: wants a village, does not want to be a villager. there’s no reciprocation in so many aspects. one recent example is how i spent an hour listening to her rant about something school related. then when it was my turn, she listened but then got interrupted by a phone call. it was like a 2 minute call. and after she ended it, she never told me to continue. she just talked about the call and said oh i have so much homework to do we have been talking for so long (not in a rude way but like still felt inconsiderate)

another time i had a big event i was nervous for. she talked to me for a little bit and then switched the topic to rant about something her friend did.

my confusion is that i know everyone has flaws. are these a big deal? like am i doing myself a disservice?

So I was told by my Grandparents that I need to take shorter showers no longer than 10 mins which is not a problem however tonight I feel like I was lowkey bsing which basically I was just taking my time not rushing too much and i was trying my hardest to empty my soap bottle out so I think I took a bit longer and that’s when I started rushing so I just washed my armpits behind my ears and my neck my hair and ass and privates and feet and rinsed off quickly. I still feel like I didn’t wash my entire body including my legs and back but will I be fine?

Hi, I’m 20m and I have muscular dystrophy so usually I stay inside house and have zero irl social life. Lately my online discord friends college started and i can’t able to talk to them on my dc gc. I’m feeling lonely because of that. I don’t know what to do? I am watching anime, listening music, drawing and tracing all day. But I’m missing my friends. I know everyone gets busy and get tired after college all day. Right now it’s night 12:24 am the lonely feeling too much and also can’t able sleep.

Also I’m feet too tired and left all other discord servers too, i just can’t able to talk with people around my age if try i feel too much overwhelmed while talking with guys and girls (with girls too too much) but fine when person is older than me by two years. Sorry at this point I’m just ranting here.

I’m genuinely trying to understand my dad’s behavior because it’s driving me crazy and I don’t understand why he does this.

He will literally take used paper plates out of the garbage and reuse them instead of getting a new one. He also keeps taking dirty dishes out of the dishwasher and reusing them rather than just letting them be properly washed, and doesnt clean the dishes, his hands or his body with enough soap and water. He is very frugal in everything he does and its to the point where it drives our family insane!

It’s not like paper plates are some huge expense, and obviously reusing something that has already been in the garbage seems really unsanitary to me. I’ve told him this, but he continues doing it.

Has anyone dealt with a parent who does things like this? Why do you think someone would behave this way? Could it be extreme frugality, growing up without much money, anxiety about wasting things, hoarding tendencies, or just a habit he refuses to change?

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have seen similar behavior in their parents because I’m trying to understand what is going through his head.

It took me months to admit to my bf and be told me that he felt like I was just doing it for attention. Crushed is an understatement :/ took me at least 6 months to admit it to him, and it was a short convo since he wasn’t concerned about it despite it being concerning to me. At least now I know he looks at me as an attention seeker. Not really sure how to move on from this one.

So basically I was talking to my mom earlier and she got kind of snippy like she was annoyed with me or irritated and i tried asking her what was wrong but she just said nothing was wrong, but her tone of voice really sounded like she was annoyed about something and im afraid it was something I did or said that made her mad, she gets irritated with me sometimes and I hate it and it makes me feel terrible but she insisted she wasnt mad so I just need someone to tell me that she really isnt mad at me because I cant get it out of my head and its really worrying me like shes going to stop talking to me because we dont have the closest relationship

I used to be a incredibly good reader and writer, English is my first language and now I just feel like a fucking idiot. My dad forced me to drop out of high school and get my GED and I had a medical event that was neglected, I never got the help I needed to fully recover from it. I felt like my face was melting down and my speech was slurred for the little I could speak. My heart was pounding and I was unable to stand stand or properly use my hands.

At its worst I could not read or write, now I feel helpless. I am slowly learning but I just used to be "smart" now my English is horrible and I sound idiotic at best and make tons of grammar and spelling errors as well as struggle to read the things I used to read for fun. How do I get better again?

Along those lines; how do I slowly work on improving my memory again?

I make 16 an hour and I really want a car. I currently ride a bike, I had a traumatic experience with the bus lines so I avoid taking the bus when possible. I live in a very humid state and it feels so miserable riding to work, school, etc. I deal with a lot of lot of sensory issues and weather gets to me really badly. I’d like a reliable car without a TON of mileage but I don’t get great advice from peers since almost all my friends cars their parents pay for them.

I’m not the best with saving but if I take money out in cash it’s easier to not spend. A lot of the used cars i look at are nearing 12k even if they’re old. Is my only option to save up that amount?

Hi all,

I’m feeling overwhelmed and just needing support. I know I’m going to be looked down upon but, here I go:

I was offered a job at a place with high turnover rates. Before making my decision I would go back and forth about saying yes and no. I value my health and knew that at the job I would not have a good work/life balance. But, I knew that I needed to use my degree somewhere. I’ve been unemployed for about six months now and haven’t had an issue.

I shared this with my boyfriend who listened and encouraged me to take the job so that I can save up, get experience, and leave after 6 months. Note, we do not live together. He was very insistent that it would be good for me. Again, I would go back and forth. And anytime it was brought up I would go in fumes. My body would react and I think it was a sign for something. Every day that passed by, I would get a email from the hiring manager “are you still interested?” This infuriated me. It would have been nice if they sent a deadline instead of pestering me.

Then I talked to my boyfriend and I decided to go through with it. I sent the email and they sent me a link to fill out during the weekend. I did not do it over the weekend because I value my time.

Next business day, another email was sent “are you still interested?” I took a deep breath and waited hours. I followed up and they said they are no longer interested as I waited too long.

I cried because I knew I was missing out on an opportunity to grow. I was also relieved because I didn’t have to risk my sanity.

But now, I feel that I have let my boyfriend down. He told his family that I got a job and they were all happy for me. I don’t know what to do. We are to see each other in a few days and this secret is eating me alive. I wish he hadn’t told his family. I wish I hadn’t waited to long. I wish I had the confidence to take any job and risk it all.

Any advice or support is appreciated.

Short story: Iffy about a job offer. Was encouraged by boyfriend to take the opportunity. Waited too long to accept offer and no longer have offer. Feel shameful that I let boyfriend and his family down.

Correct me if I am wrong but, and I'm really depressed so to put it bluntly from what I've seen in society: .

The normal thing is happy normal smart guys in families or privileged kids from again happy and financially well off parents , get jobs or move abroad with mummy and daddy's money but for those who don't, they study, their brains work so they can, they get good jobs and then work whilst living happily with their parents until they have tones of money to then meet someone they like, move out together, start a family etc... that's not my story, I am completely fked

My life = I have severe gender dysphoria thoughts every single day, they are triggered by many things and are always there to give me a deep sadness, I have deep depression due to this but also an entire life if misery, bullying, repressing things , fked up family, toxic controlking, gaslighting family, my father was manipulative, violent, my mother is now the same too, she caused me anxiety, my bloodline has diabetes, schizophrenia, bipolarism, LGBT ohh but I can't just be a normal gay guy, nope that's not difficult enough... Then my family line also has alopecia, yeah I'm balding , and it fks with my sanity, spending money on hair pills for what ? I'm unemployed living in a rural town where I was outed as gay in high school, there are no jobs here, no future here, I have no reason to wanna continue I legit wanna vanish, if I tried ending my life it might go wrong and I be paralysed physically or hurt to much for me to go through with it .. entire life has been hell.

I can only semi survive by masking as a "regular" straight guy, but my deep social anxiety and hyperhidrosis also don't help ..I felt immense sadness I repress now to feel nothing , sometimes I have psychotic moments of rage ....it all gets to much. My mother said she wished I was dead, she constantly reminds me I am a failure living under her roof, eating her food, costing her money ...great just what you need when depressed.

i havent been able to clean my room. i returned from vacation a month ago, and i have to go pack to go to back the place i stay in for college ASAP. but i literally have not even put away my clothes (or even tidied up my room) and decided what i would bring with me. my family is going through a really rough time. a few weeks ago i found out my mom might have the c word disease and i spent two weeks not doing anything whatsoever and then i found that yes she indeed does have it and i spent another three weeks just completely avoiding my room unless i sleep. the only thing i did was unpack my makeup and organize it.
she has surgery in about a day and i told myself i would get my life together before her surgery so i have more time to see her, but as you can see i still couldn’t do it.

so please help me motivate myself to get up because im spending each and every day overthinking everything and not doing anything but i really have to get myself together tomorrow. im so overwhelmed

Yall everyone told me on how i should journal bit bro. HOWS IT JUST BAD EVERYTIMEE.. i thought it was supposed to be relaxing and not end up with me crying and shaking bruh. I thought 'hey maybe id know myself better!' Wow now i think i know myself too well damn im awful lowkey hating on myself now 😭🙏

Sorry if this is a series of really dumb questions, I just don't know what insurance looks like from the perspective of someone who pays for it. I'm under my parents' policy for health insurance. I really want to start going to therapy, and have found a few therapists that take the insurance company that my parents use, and have a couple consultations set up for this next week.

With this: Do providers choose their rates/how much insurance covers? Is there a maximum amount for therapy sessions that insurance companies will pay? If I ask my parents this stuff, it will make them suspicious.

I don't want to tell my parents I want to go to therapy. They'd likely use it as proof to say that I'm irrational/too emotional, and I don't want to give them that material to work off of. How bad would it be if I just went to therapy without telling my parents but still put it on the insurance? Would there be any way my parents would find out information about who I saw/what we talked about (even though that's probably protected by HIPAA)?

I've considered paying out of pocket for myself, but I'm also in college and its not super sustainable for me. However, one of my parents (the higher earner) just got laid off on Thursday and I don't want to put strain on them by doing stuff on insurance, since I'm pretty sure all of our insurance has a high deductible. My parents already got a continued policy thing to keep our healthcare coverage while my parent finds a new job. I haven't been to the regular doctor (not urgent care) since I was in high school because I don't want to cause financial burden, and I especially don't want to be one now. I don't mind paying myself, I have 2 jobs and I can do it, but I've also recently found out that some therapists heavily prefer/only work with insurance (??), so that might be a limiting factor.

I'm not really sure about anything with this post, now that I think about it. I just don't want to make things harder for anyone else because I need help. I can't figure out if telling my parents, going through insurance and letting my parents find out with time, or paying myself would be the best option here considering all of them have drawbacks. Any insight/advice?

I have moved into a new country to join my boyfriend recently and this has caused a lot of friction. Over two weeks ago, my boyfriend made me feel very scared at home, as he threatened his own safety, didn’t allow me to leave the house and kept hold of my phone. This has made our relationship quite fragmented.

My boyfriend’s mother has been told about the extent of it and has assured me I could reach out to her if needed. My boyfriend went to his parents’ house so I could get some relief. Things have been difficult since this incident as I didn’t feel safe in this house, and my boyfriend feels rejected because I am not extremely affectionate. He knows I’m not back to normal and his behaviour scared me. He threatened himself graphically if I were to leave.

A few days back, I texted my boyfriend’s mother saying I wanted to go back to my country for a bit because her son was making me feel guilty about being scared by being very apologetic but also told me how there was not a single thing he could do and that he was so horrible. It made me feel like I needed to comfort him for something he’s done to me and that’s why I texted his mother.

My boyfriend completely lost it and it lasted for hours. His mother picked me up and my boyfriend was extremely distraught from being told I was leaving. After three hours of back and forths because I needed my ID, he managed to get me to have a conversation with him at his parents’ house.
It wasn’t going anywhere because he keeps begging and begging me to stay, and his mother just came in the room to tell us that we needed a break and he completely lost it.

He has told them everything he’s been holding on to years, how unfit parents they were, how much they messed him up, how much they didn’t help him get help. He was very cruel and he’s admitted to me that he was in so much pain that he wanted other people to feel it. This has made everything so difficult and I was the cause of it all, I made him feel bad by leaving and he was horrible to the very same (only) people I have if things go sour.
I’m very anxious to see my in-laws and I’m supposed to see them this week. I feel so horrible, his mother just wanted to help me and I made her feel bad. His father cried today and it’s almost been a week, and I feel like it’s so unfair.

I also feel like I’ve ruined the only people that could help me, I have no one here.

I just turned 18 in may and just went tonight to the strip club with a homie, see im a very innocent dude like i’ve kissed one girl in my life, so i don’t even know what to expect, but i get a couple lap dances, and i just feel very awkward because i felt like it was weird to yk… stare at naked women with my guy friend, like it was a very strange experience, but the women were nice as hell and hospitable towards me (i know what they want from me don’t worry). But anyway it was a very strange experience like i said before… but it genuinely made me change my view on the average woman who don’t use sexual flare and their bodies to their personal advantage, i don’t know it just freaked me out mentally.

Edit: i didn’t mean to come across as i HATED the women for what they do, i don’t hate any human being at all, like people said in the comments it’s their life, but i went to a strip club last night and i just felt bad for the women and just ashamed i was even in there, i in no way hate the women, i hate the line of work and the way that business manipulates women to do morally grey things in life. I love women, i love all people equally, but sex work is one of the things i do not like at all.