r/internetparents

Hi guys, this is gonna be a mouthful so please stay with me, but I am starting to think my mom is seriously a problem. I am 19F and live with my dad, my mom, and my 11 year old sister. We live in California and are struggling financially. My dad and I have jobs but my mom chooses to not have a job. Why? There is no reason. It is not my sister, my sister has built amazing skills and can mostly take care of herself but even with things she can't understand, my job is only part time and I am home often and can absolutely take care of her and I have many times, and on top of that, shes in a homeschooling program. It is not that my mom busy taking care of our house either, our house is always extremely dirty. It is not because she has any other general kind of big responsibility. Infact, she just makes crafts and watches Tiktok all day.

You may wonder why doesn't she sell her crafts online? Well, because mailing stuff is apparently too much of a hassle for her. The only reason I can possibly think of as to why she doesn't want to get a job is because about 15 or so years ago, which was the last time she had a job, she was there when the store got robbed and had to go to extensive therapy because her and her coworker were held at gunpoint. It is terrible, yes, and I can understand why she wouldn't want a job for a long time after that, but it has been 15 years and we are struggling and she has said herself shes made so much progress since then.

You may wonder why don't I get a fulltime job? Well, because my mom told me to not make too much money because if I do we will lose our free health insurance and I will be compromising the family by making them pay for health insurance. She has also gotten mad at me for getting good hours every now and then before, claiming that I am compromising them because if our health insurance sees that they will kick us off.

My parents have stolen money from me multiple times, even before I got a job and was an adult. When I was 17, I had $200 and they claimed they'd keep my money safe. They then proceeded to spend it and later tried to convince me I never had that much money to begin with. One christmas I got a christmas card from family friends and it included an Amazon gift card. My mom stole the card and was about to use it, only stopping because I caught her. Recently, she tricked me into buying her crafts on Amazon and also will sometimes ask me if I have cash for starbucks

These days, she will guilt trip me into buying things for her and will refer to me as 'rich' when I am not. She also makes me feel bad for some of the purchases I make for myself. Heres where I may be wrong, I dont help pay for our rent or bills. I admit, I may be terrible for that and maybe this whole thing is just me being selfish. I do buy groceries for everyone to eat and I do buy things for our house when we run out (soaps, shampoos, toothepaste, etc) but I can see how that wouldnt be enough and how I should be doing more.

My parents are in constant financial stress, so much so that they are claiming they need to savor every penny they can get. As shameful as I am to say this, I cannot drive. I can't drive because my parents do not want me on the road and would rather I rely on my grandparents for transportation to work. When my parents have to take me to work, they will claim its 'Not a big deal' but then later on will make me feel bad about it in some way. So why not let me drive? I do not know. Too much anxiety. I have always offered to pay for gas money however I dont really like the feeling of always having to worry about them asking me for a certain amount. This past week I was broke because of groceries and they asked me if I had any money in my account. I said I did, I had $19. They took it for gas and left me with $1.33 in my bank account. Later that night, they went out and got pizza to bring back. I think maybe they used some of the gas to go deposit a check or something, but the fact they go out to get fast food after claiming to be super broke is crazy to me.

Most of our familys financial struggles wouldn't be here if my mom got a job. Maybe I am just being a jerk and I dont understand adulting, but im really tired of worrying theyll need money from me and I cant enjoy my money. I know how awful that sounds

hi all I’m 21f and don’t pay rent so I have no part in controlling what they do. My mom and her bf BOTH chain smoke in our 800 sq ft apartment. I’ve asked plenty of times nicely to stop smoking and neither one listens to me. She smokes in the living room and he smokes in the bedroom, and my room is right in between them!!! We have 1 cat and 1 dog and I feel terrible for them. my mom is a hoarder and has depression as well so on top of this the house is crowded and dirty. I’ve tried cleaning but she somehow makes it dirty again and just puts her stuff anywhere she first sees, she never puts anything back where the found it. EVERYTHING smells like cigarettes. my school bag, my work clothes, my shoes, etc. I will pet my dog and after my hand will smell like old smoke!!! its disgusting and animal abuse!!! sometimes my window is open and if they smoke it comes right into my window! Its so irritating. The house has barely any ventilation so it all smells like stale smoke.My nose is so sensitive, I don’t know what to do

I (24F) have always been really really bad at trying new things. I don’t like looking like an idiot and I feel like trying new things and not immediately being able to pick up the skill makes me look like an idiot.

One example is as a kid and now I was extremely uncoordinated and unathletic so I valued school over everything. Now that I am out of school I have a couple creative outlets and I much prefer to work on those because I can be private about it. If I mess up a drawing I just throw it away and pretend it never happened. However my boyfriend of six months is more athletic and wants me to learn to ski this year. He’s offered to pay for a lesson for me while he goes off with his friends on the harder routes. I care about my bf and his interests but inside I am positively screaming with the urge to never agree to go because I will look like an idiot in front of him given that he has been doing this all his life and I haven’t gone once. I actually think I will start crying if I fall in front of him and then he will realize I am actually a loser and laugh at me.

I feel like I know this isn’t healthy but I cannot break the cycle of thinking that if I try something and am bad at it it means I’m an idiot, loser, etc. So it makes me very carefully curate my “image” but also as you can see makes me feel like I can’t even try things out of my comfort zone either.

How do I break this in a way that also doesn’t break me mentally? I cried writing this post because I want to feel like a person who’s allowed to not be good at things and still have value but I feel like if I fail at anything in anyway or am not good right away that I need to quit and never let anyone see me like that ever again.

Unfortunately, yes, it is the same Car problem girl as before.

Car is a 2015 Mitsubishi Mirage with 89k miles. I kept up will all maintenance and worked my hardest to keep her in good, healthy order. Then, last month, she stopped fully turning over. Shes a push start and her battery was fine. One day driving, the next she can't do more than turn on. Local spot said it was the engine most likely. Had her towed and taken to a more indepth shop to be diagnosed.

The shop didn't find any smaller issues that would have caused low compression in the cylinders, so it's just the motor itself that is done in my poor car. It would need to be completely replaced.

Not great news.

The only engine that they have found is located in Fredricksburg (Im in RVA) and it has 100k miles on it for around $800. Searching any further out adds another transport fee of $500-$800 dollars. Friend said even if I decided on the Fredericksburg one that the shop would probably need to change out all of the fluids and filters. The engine would only have a six months warranty. So it would certainly be at least 1.5k+ for the entire service.

Is that worth the cost or am I better off looking at other used cars?

What do I even do to start trying to sell it off within being "broken" like this?

This is very scary but Ive appreciated all of you and your help so far. Thank you.

…but am I just being a snowflake who can’t handle such things?

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Hello internet parents. I am in dire need of job/life advice.

After finishing my degree, from the point I started actively applying for jobs, I was jobless for about 5 months. I eventually secured my first full time job as a lecturer and accepted it even though it wasn’t anywhere near the top of my preferred choices.

It is just coming up to 5 weeks since I started the job but I’m already burnt out, I’ve had physical side effects, and I’ve been crying every other day. I dread going in to work. I’ve been working ~12 hours each day during the weekdays to prep for lectures, assessments, etc. Apparently, this is normal practice for the university I work at especially since my faculty is severely understaffed.

Working hard and a lot is not foreign to me. I’ve endured sleep deprived states during my degrees so it’s not about that.

Main reasons I dread my job and going in to work (just a select few of the MANY reasons…):

- Several of the subjects I am asked to teach are not my interest and they’re out of my depths (I’ve never done them before but they need lecturers to cover those subjects). I don’t find joy in the subjects I teach.

- The turnover for tasks are super quick. E.g. I am given about 3 weeks to churn out 7 sets of exam papers for the subjects I teach; all student assessments must be marked within two weeks. All these while still preparing and giving lectures.

- Some practices are concerning i.e. senior lecturers just asked me to use AI; I’ve seen lecture slides from previous semesters/ terms whereby the slides for each week’s lecture were completely AI-generated. And I am asked to use those slides as a guide to prep for my own lectures…

- Data privacy and confidentiality issues which were also raised by colleagues.

- Senior colleagues raised the issue of burnout due to understaffing. This tells me something of the long term workload/ culture. I’ve known a lecturer from the same faculty who left after a few months because of this issue (but at least she had secured another job).

I’ve expressed my workload struggles to my line manager, but she just said “that’s normal for new lecturers”.

In a nutshell, I just don’t think the university and the job itself are good matches for me personally.

Of course, my dad just tells me to stay with the job. I wonder if I’m just a snowflake and simply can’t handle the adult world. I feel awful for feeling this way about my job when many people are looking for jobs…

I’ve already been applying for other jobs but nothing yet. My current major financial commitment is just my rent. I could maybe sustain myself in the early months but it won’t look pretty if I don’t manage to secure another job soon-ish.

I’m so tempted to hand in my one-month notice at my current job right this moment. Would I be a complete fool to do so when I don’t have anything lined up yet? How long is one supposed to stick it out before deciding “enough is enough”?

Apologies for the long post but this is just eating me up inside 😭🫠 I’d appreciate advice from anyone.

This was the first year my (small) school has had a football team. There was a real strong push for every male student to play and I initially wasn’t but I was told with my soccer background I’d probably play kicker. I said sure. But we’ve racked up injuries and I’ve been moved to linebacker and I hate it. I’m just not a physical guy and every pay it’s tackle after tackle. I also play every defensive down. Since we have a really short bench.

We are about halfway through the season and I hate it.

I called before hand. I asked "are you busy" she said no, she had plans later so I figured I had some time. I came over to the house. The family home where our parents live. She got mad. I was intruding apparently even though it's my home too. She yelled at me. She treated me with such animosity. You'd think I had done some grave wrong but all I did was come home. Even if she doesn't want to hang out with me that day, she could've just said so. Instead she was just aggressive. She did hang out with me, cuz I was there. She agreed to watch a show with me. But was just mad at me the entire time, and being rude. It's hard to explain it. Imagine someone trying to start a fight in a bar. That's the kind of energy she was giving me. Like, exaggerated motions, loud voice, getting in your face. Like if you had just encroached on an animal's territory. I couldn't take it anymore so I said I was leaving. To which she then apologized and tried to be nice to me.

She's had anger issues for a while now. She picked that up from our father. Overreactions to small issues. It sucks watching that part of our father live on in her. And I know why she's like that too. Her entire life she's had to fight for every boundary she has. For both dad and mom. Mom would always try to put her into a box she doesn't belong in, as opposed to letting her express and explore herself. Dad just couldn't be argued with. If he wanted something, he got it. If you didn't drop everything you were doing to help him he'd yell at you, refuse to speak to you for a day & a half, call you names, threaten to break your things, threaten to kick you out, threaten to stop supporting you, or actually take and hide your stuff while doing all of the above.

Even i put her in a box sometimes. I wanted us to be Dipper & Mabel from Gravity Falls. I would just grab her all the time, pinch her cheeks, grab her legs, bite her arm, poke her belly, because it was how I showed affection. She repeatedly said she didn't like it, but I just thought she was overreacting. I think I fully stopped that behavior sometime in college.

She's had to fight to express any sort of boundary or desire. That aspect combined with our father, of course she'd grow up with anger issues.

But that doesn't make it okay for her to treat me that way. Doesn't make it okay for her to yell at me, and make me feel unwanted in my own home. My whole life, I have to give other people grace for the terrible ways in which they treat me and others. My life wasn't perfect either. But I still try to be nice to people, each and every day.

I'm depressed. I'm depressed that the sweet girl I remember is essentially almost gone. I'm depressed that we're not Dipper and Mabel like I dreamed to be.

I like to think there's still hope. She did apologize. She truly meant it. Which is more than my father did, I rarely ever saw him apologize. Even he healed after some time. She knew how she was behaving and that it was hurtful. She did back track some of her apology, but I think she was doing that out of guilt.

She did hit me, but that wasn't today. She didn't believe me when I said she punched me a little too hard. To be fair, I was trying to bite her head (gently). She also pulled my hair rather hard. Not in the playful way either, it was like self defense. Regardless it was way too hard. And she doesn't believe me when I say that either. To be fair, once again I was trying to bite her head.

My father demonizes her a lot. He says she's a sociopath. Which is just not true. Not to mention it's a hurtful thing to say about your child. If anything, I'm more sociopathic really. I turned off my emotions, I'm very calculating when dealing with other people. Not to say I'm absent of all emotions, I just dissociate. If anything, my sister feels strongly about most things. And she does care. She just has to fight for every single boundary in her life. No wonder why she's spiky.

We each came out of my house differently. But maybe one day, we can be Dipper & Mabel.

If anyone has anger issues, or had them in the past, please share tips that helped you overcome them. I don't think my sister wants to turn into my father. I think that sweet girl is still in there somewhere.

Basically that's it, I was aiming to study medicine but my grade wasn't high enough and ended up in a bio&chem dual degree but it's exhausting and it makes me so depressed. For one, I have class both in the morning and in the evening so I barely have free time and I don't really like the subjects that much. Not connecting with people in my class because of schedules is also killing me and the overall vibes are just making me miserable. I also didn't really get any rest this summer because of personal stuff so I'm specially burnt out, and I desperately need a break.

I just got a job opportunity and I'm thinking about dropping out this year, getting some money plus doing other things like volunteering and getting a C1/C2 proficiency certificate in English (since I'm spanish) and in the meantime also study for entrance exams again and try to get into med.

Is it too drastic? On one hand it's only my first year so it wouldn't be as bad as if I was taking a gap year in between, but on the other hand I'm worrying about falling behind plus the semester already started

So I’m from the US, and I applied to a Masters degree in the UK. I’m there now… and… I kind of feel the time to study abroad was undergrad. I broadly feel super disconnected from my network in the US (job network) also I was heavily involved with some local arts events/festivals and I am continuing those from a distance but the time difference is killing me and I’m not there to see the fruits of labor.

I’m not super interested in the degree, I lost interest a few months ago and the momentum just kind of kept me going. But I’m more interested in my little creative pursuits and would rather just return to my 9-5 job that allows me to pursue those.

I’m also quite a bit older than most of the other student orgs so I don’t really fit in. My cohort is closer to my age but they are hyper engaged in a program/career path that doesn’t interest me. While I’ve put down a deposit, I keep delaying paying my first tuition installment although at some point I figure they will ask for it lol

Any advice?

Both my parents are very abusive and I don't talk to them anymore, I raised myself and I'm 19 now. I daydream all the time about having a perfect family and loving parents, a dad who cares about me who I can ring and get help from, or just hang out with. I wish my parents loved the kids they had, I wish they cared the way I see other parents care, why couldn't they? I'd hate to still be feeling this way in 10 or 20 years but I don't see how it can possible just go away :( this weeks been hard to deal with.

I'm almost 22 and this is the first time I've been single since I was 17. I was dating a guy over 10 years older than me who I'd been close friends with since I was 19, and we had a mutual breakup with lots of love but I can't deny the negative impact the relationship had on my growth as a young adult.

We didn't live together but I've never been an independent adult without him by my side, and I was really codependent with him so I feel like I've let my world view and sense of self become warped over time. Because he was jealous and I chose to use my relationship as an excuse to stay inside my comfort zone (I'm an anxious person by nature), I haven't really gone out to any bars, any friendships made at work id quickly abandon out of fear that they wanted to get into my pants (ex put this thought into my head and I struggle to trust my judgment with new people now.). I also had my last day at my job right before the breakup so I literally have no structure.

I know it'll be okay but I'm alone now and don't want to descend any further into this spiral. I have one friend who lives close by but they're busy often and I really need to expand my social life. I feel like I don't have a lot to talk about and I feel like a baby deer so I don't really know how to make friends in the wild. And im not sure what to do as a substitute for having friends in the meantime. Any advice would really help.

Thank you

Hi all,

I guess I need a bit of reassurance that the following situation is fine. Or if it is not, let me know …

I have this corporate job in a field from which I want to have a career. Have been here two years and now into my 3rd year. I also run a business on a side but that is unrelated to work, and it is there poorly for money reasons. I am incredibly afraid it will sabotage my career for no reason just that career is more important. But now we have an emergency which I have to attend to and miss half a day of work for it. Including a team meeting. It is a larger team meeting on which we present including me. It’s first time I had to do such a thing. And I hate it. Is it okay if a call of due to personal reasons? I’m so worried about it …

I (26F) just had a therapy session and we were talking about something related to my family (I was CSA’d and I am going to talk with my grandparents about it with my therapist for various reasons) and she asked me if I even loved my grandparents (71).

I was kind of shocked at the question but… I don’t know if I do? How do you know if you love your (grand)parents? How do you know if you just see them ‘because they’re family’ or if it’s because you love them?

I didn’t really know how to answer it, honestly, I feel like maybe I don’t? Maybe I do? I’m not sure.

I went through a lot of trauma (related and unrelated to the CSA) and I’m not sure if I just feel sadness/anger and just don’t like them but still love them, or if I also don’t love them? I don’t know but now I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know if I love my mom and stepmom either.

I know I live my friends, my dog, my brother. But can love for family feel different? Or do I kust not love them?

i made the mistake of losing the best friend in my world. she cared for me, knew me so well in the short time I was friends with her, 1.5 years. she was such a ball of light, so loving, so funny, hilarious!! the best hugs ever, she was amazing at everything she did, so much drive. she was the safest person i had ever met, and she was the hardest person to “crack into” when I met her, so it feels like I’ll never find another her again. she was inspiring, loved me as much as I loved her. when we became friends it was like we’d known each other our entire lives. she was my soulmate, I believe we still are. and that’s why this hurts so bad.

our friendship ended 01/2025. The reason: I got off my medication (ssri that my bipolar was incompatible with) late 2024 and a few months in I became depressed and withdrew, thought she actually hated me. i told her that her doing good things for me never sat right with me. i think I basically called her good actions disingenuous. she told me she was stepping away from the friendship and I was hurt by it, I thought she would never leave. and two months later, I blocked her on her birthday because her being gone hurt me so bad.

I’m medicated and sober now, but I still miss her, she’s still gone. she changed her number, has me blocked on almost everywhere, she recently blocked me on Spotify too, which hurt me the most because over a year had already passed, it was the last place i still had her on. music was the way we bonded. i listen to music in the car now and wish she was there to have fun with me.

I’ve had several friends since, I know not one single person is the same, but I’ve met multiple archetypes of the same people so I was hoping id meet her again in someone else. and I haven’t. it’s almost two years later and I still don’t have my safe person, who loved me unconditionally and doesn’t judge me and hugs me so safely. we was supposed to be there for my wedding. i know she loved me, so much. i feel like I can’t cope and I don’t know how to continue to move on.

i knew I was wrong shortly after, and I’ve become a better person by a thousand miles since we’ve stopped being friends. I wouldn’t have been able to if we were still friends. i was meant to work through a lot of my issues alone and love myself. and now I do. but she is still not here.

i just wish I had a safe person to hug me right now, I feel so alone even with friends around me. no one feels right, and I feel genuinely the biggest void in my soul. and it’s not just about losing her, it’s the fact that I genuinely feel so alone and struggle to feel safe anywhere. she would hate to know that im in so much pain with recent events. out of everyone she would’ve been here to hug me and make me feel human and okay.