r/internetparents

I know looks isn’t everything when it comes to romance but at the same time it does play a role in having people approach you or people being open to your approach. I’m 25M and I like how my body looks since I’m an athlete (gymnast). However I don’t have any tattoos or piercings and I just look basic without those. I dress in regular t shirts and cargo pants for and sometimes I wear crop tops as well. I just don’t know how to be approachable and I see men and women getting approached by just existing and I just feel invisible lowkey. I always try my best to be kind and respectful too so idk what to do. Should I get a piercing or tattoo to look better?

I (22) have been staying at home for the holiday weekend and my parents have been out of town. Yesterday, I swam a bit in their pool and got out to cool down. They have a decently big umbrella in an outdoor table that I had up to provide some shade once I got out of the pool.

When I was done swimming I had moved it back down since where I live is incredibly windy, but I had totally forgotten to tie the fabric part shut. Later that night a giant thunderstorm blew through. I woke up this morning to get the water off the pool cover and saw that the umbrella had blown open again and completely bent over. It’s totally destroyed and the rod is in two separate pieces. There‘s absolutely zero way to fix it (I‘ve already tried).

I feel like my parents are already irritated with me in general for being forgetful. There’s been talks of kicking me out and we agreed instead that I will be out of the house by the end of the year. I’m trying to save every penny I can since I only graduated from college in May, but this broken umbrella is fully my responsibility and I’m already going to volunteer to pay for it. My biggest thing is I don’t know how to tell them it’s broken.

My mom comes back to town in a couple days while my dad is gone until mid-month. Do I call them? Send them a text? Should I wait to tell my step mom in person instead? I fear them coming home before I get home from work and seeing it broken and getting mad that I didn’t tell them sooner. I don’t know what to do and I’m not sure if I can handle them getting irritated or disappointed at me further than they already are.

For some context, both of my parents have had a very hard teen years, both with parents who didn’t really care about them or what they did. So since I became a teen they have been on my case about everything I see as ‘normal teen experience’.

Anyway, I’m 17, and I got invited to a bonfire ‘party’, my friend did tell me that there will definitely be drinks and weed, I particularly don’t really don’t drink or smoke and don’t plan too.

I told my mum about it and she immediately turned it down because there won’t be any adults at the party, even tho I’m 17 and feel like I don’t need a adult or a chaperone (which my mom offered to chaperone me at the party)

But now I kinda feel like I’m missing out, my friends went out to parties and I feel like I’m the only one in the group who always has to decline and I’m afraid they will stop inviting me because I’m always not able to go.

I don’t have the energy to even type.. I am exhausted literally.. maybe i will edit the issues whenever i feel alright but for now that’s it.
Idk what’s wrong with my stomach ( i usually have different kinda constant pain.. that’s another story) but for now idk what’s wrong with me and yes going out for the checkup isn’t the option for now..

A kid .

He was obviously dejected when he saw it and it’s actually a truly horrendous cut. He has like a random bald spot where I tried to give him a fade and we just kept shaving shit off when it started to look like shit in hopes that it could be salvaged. He’s gonna go to a professional barbershop soon but he venmo’ed me back when I tried to send him money for the cut. Gaaahh I feel so awful

I lowkey just wanna cut off all my hair in solidarity or something like he’s a cancer patient but I know what’s done is done and I can do nothing to fix it now. I’m hoping it’ll sort itself out quicker because he’s a guy but idk…. I feel evil

Good evening Reddit. Typically I’m not the type of person to ask the internet for advice but I’m desperate. For first time in years I feel lost and like a failure; As the title suggests. I’m from the United States, and this is my first Fourth of July begging single in almost 4 years. I broke up with my ex about six months ago because we couldn’t work out or future without her going to her brother and friends and making fun of me behind my back. This evening, after the fire works, my youngest brother (8M) was being a typical eight year old in the car when I told him to sit back so his belt won’t lock up, in a very calm voice (I’m disabled so my family rides together 90% of the time for this next part to make sense) my mother shoots me a line of “when I was your age, I had you. A complete child for me to take care of” and that hit like a stack of bricks. The whole ride home I was silent. Those words hitting me like a cannon ball. We got home, my parents went and shot bottle rockets with him and I went to my room. Then for the first time in years, broke down and cried. Thinking “I’m almost 22, not s/o, two college degrees, and no ft job. I’m a failure compared to my family.” It was one of those that cut deep.

In long, any advice on what I do from here?

TLDR: family went nuclear and now feel insecure. Not knowing what to think or do.

Edit: I have my A.S and B.S degrees.

Juat finnished with my mental breakdoen, by best friend decided to befriend someone who activly chooses to make me feel bad, deadnames me and direspects me in other ways just cuz they dont like me, and my ex eho was toxic as hell, my best friend knoes what they both did to me but still chooses to hang out with them and it doesent seem like they even understand why it hurts me. I dont know what to do, I dont want to be ftiends with them if they ate like this, but I dont have anyone else and their birthday is tomorow and I habe a gift for them that I need to give them. Please help me its kind off urgent

I (24M) admittedly said a thing I shouldn't have said that touched a deep wound. I regret saying it but it didn't come from nothing. I was angry at her for trying to control my life and giving basic advice to me like I'm still a child. I feel like she doesn't respect my intelligence. And I was tired of her calling me every single day. But what I said was too far and I want to apologise to her.

When I said it she sounded like she was about to cry and hung up. I have called her 58 times over and over for two days straight and she hasn't answered. She's 75 years old and I worry that she has cut me off completely and the last thing I have said to her caused a rift between her and me.

I thought of texting her but she has never been good with technology and can't text at all. She uses her phone to just call people, watch videos, and check Google recommendations from the home page.

What can I do?

So, I need advice... Alright. I guess I'll start off from yesterday and go into how we got to this point? I'm 16, my mother is an amputee and is missing a leg from years of diabetes and blind in her left eye. Yesterday for the fourth we cooked and my mom was already mad and pissed off that I procrastinated cooking and got mad because I hate cooking and shes bed ridden right now and not allowed up and I didnt wanna cook all that she wanted it with it just being me, my girlfriend, and her. Well.. I cooked everything. I had procrastinated the day before in marinating the ribs and she wanted me to cook a sweet potato casserole, macaroni and cheese, and baked beans which I did. I had already ran to the store at 6 o clock that morning to get to our walmart by 7 so the food was ready by 11-12 and had been kept up the night before till 1 AM because I tried to go get the stuff from walmart before they closed (I didnt make it on time) after I got off of work, went and got her fast food from taco bell and didnt get home till 12 AM in the morning. Fast forward she had been nagging about me procrastinating that it ruined the food after the ribs were a bit salty and not as good as she wanted because I brought the stuff to her to season.. so anyways my girlfriend comes over and as soon as she walks in my mom starts telling my girlfriend "The foods not gonna be as good because someone procrastinated doing everything I asked this week" she then proceeds to go into detail about everything she feels like I screwed up on this week.. I'm gonna stop for a minute and explain that I'm a pretty forgetful person, I usually procrastinate and dont have the energy to do everything I want to. Continuing she went into detail #1. I had went to the store about 7 minutes away from our house got the stuff she wanted and forgot the card and had to turn back #2. I procrastinated earlier this week to go to the store before work which caused me to have to go to walmart after work which I missed in the previous part #3. I left a watermelon in the car because I kept forgetting to bring it up. #4. She brought up to my girlfriend everytime we argue I turn things back on her and called me a narccisist.. that statement really hurt me.. its eating at me and I was almost at the verge of tears infront of my girlfriend because she had pretty much ridiculed me and shared so much of our private information to someone who had just walked through the door. The person I've allowed into my life. She smiled throughout the entire thing though my mom did and I fixed my girlfriend and mom's plate, didnt feel like eating after that and we left afterwards for my girlfriends family.

This morning I wake up and she has to use the restroom and to do so she has to use pads, we were out of adult pads so I run to the store spend 14$ on em and get home and throw em to her on the couch because thats where she sleeps on and stays on, well hours later when shes actually able to use the restroom, part of the stuff gets on her blanket, I get frustrated and moody because to me its just so gross.. having to touch it and I'm kind of irritable about it and make it notable which I then had brought up yesterday and she said she knows she was wrong for it that she was sorry but I told her it hurt me really bad. To which she replied that she was sorry again and that I havent really been loving towards her in awhile.. I feel bad for it but I lashed back "Well how can I be when you go back and tell people stuff about me when I'm taking care of you.. and trying.." theres so much to uncover.. and all of it feels awful to me. I wanna cry while writing this.

I'm gonna kind of go into earlier in my life to give more context? I hope I can remember details correctly. That worries me most- Okay. So, at 7 years old my mom lost her leg, at that time my grandma lived with us to actually take care of the house and deal with everything I have to now which I didnt know was so much.. I always remember the two of them getting into arguments, my mom's room was filthy and she'd sneak cigarettes and they'd smell horrible... she'd yell at my grandma but my grandma would somewhat say stuff and make remarks about her using the restroom on herself and I'd be in the middle of it all distressed- i'm so worried of the fact I may just be an awful person. At this point in time I feel so detached from my mom.

My mom continued having health scares, multiple strokes, times where I'd be alone with her and her sugar drops slurring her words and i'd be the one to have to shoot it up and forcing something like penutbutter in her mouth because she wouldn't allow an ambulance to take her. Mornings where its time for my grandma to bring me to school and my mom is fainting and has to be rushed to the hospital.

My grandma died when I was 12, was the only stable parental figure I would say because my mom pretty much had to be treated like a child with the mind of an adult to an extent. I found my grandma dead on her bed, my mom had no access to her room so I had to call 911 because she was sobbing in the living room, the house was a wreck and unclean and I lifted my grandma off the bed like the operative told me to and put her on the carpet and tried to bring her back as instructed, family showed soon after the paramedics and fire department and they took jewelery out of her room and my great aunt brought up how filthy the house was and told me to sweep, my mom stayed in her room sobbing and wouldn't come out.. I couldn't cry about it or didnt feel anything about it, It made me feel terrible at the time because I never got to cry over my grandma, I feel remorse now and terrible for how my grandma was treated by everyone because that situation was so terrible..

I've lived with my mom by myself for almost 4-5 years now, I feed her, change her blankets and clean up her accidents, she feels terrible about having to have me take care of her but I'm fine with it.. its just how I've acted and shes acted the past few months that are scaring me. I have no patience with her, I'll be in the middle of something interesting to me and I'll ask for her to hold on (procrastinating) she'll tell me again because she wants it done right then and I get mad and walk in stomping my feet pissed.. I feel wrong for it- I think? I dont know. the past few months I've realized that I wanna do things outside of the house, I got a job from my family at their buisness after my grandma died and since 12 I've worked 5-6 days a week bussing tables at a restaurant. I also take up honors classes and have a nice friend group I hang out with and my girlfriend of 3 months currently, I've been very rude here lately and I guess lazy. Everyone at work says I'm not as productive as what I once was and I feel exhausted always and they've told me I need to grow up, I keep hearing my mom telling her friends about me not doing certain stuff for her like, forgetting something at the store or procrastinating cleaning the house and that she doesnt know what's gotten into me because my grades started to drop last school year. Her and the family got into a bad arguement while she was in the hospital 2 months ago over my grandma's wedding band which my mom wanted for me, ( I didnt care anything about it because in my mind shes gone. Materials dont matter..) I called my mom childish for bringing it up and yelled at my family for telling my mom the stuff they did. My aunt told me she wished that my mother was dead- and it hurts so bad.. i dont understand.. why everyone is so hateful to eachother and I think I've been trying my hardest, so why doesnt my mom understand that? I came clean to my mom about the fact I feel resentful, and that she can't keep acting like shes the parent and i'm the child but also want me to be the adult paying bills and giving her my weekly earnings because of how fucking poor we are. I've also- lied alot more.. about where I go and who i'm with.. shes very strict about that- she has a tracker on the car, on my phone and tells me where I can and cannot go. Like I wanted to hangout with friends but she wouldn't let me so I told her I was going to the gym and turned off my location and went to hangout with friends- I feel like I have to though to actually have a life... I feel like I'm constantly defensive but at the same time I'm a compulsive liar now- the only person I tell the whole truth of everything is my girlfriend because I dont wanna hurt her.. I dont wanna hurt anyone but thats all I feel like I'm doing.. my mom threw up in my face yesterday that it hurt her when I told her I was beginning to resent her. But I was just trying to be truthful and tell her how I feel. For god sakes I feel spoiled for this but the school had a trip to Europe with EF tours next summer and we had payed 1.5k on it over the past 2 years, and she promised for Christmas to put money on it.. and she never did. We completely stopped paying for it. So I called the company and pulled the money we put in and got 1.4k back.. I asked my mom if I could keep 400$ to spend on whatever I wanted, take my girlfriend out on dates and get my car deep cleaned. She asked why I needed that much and took the full check which pissed me off and I brought up the fact I give her all my money and just wanted a small amount for the money that was already meant to be mine and for a trip I was going on and she could have the rest for bills.. am I a terrible person.. I feel so awful.. I just wanna cry because god... what the fuck do I do?...

Every time after I wear a t shirt or any top clothing that has direct contact with my armpit area skin, they get a strong sweat smell. Because of this, I end up having to wash all my t shirts after every single use and this causes them to break or go old really fast so I end up losing clothes because of this dumb reason. I dont like losing brand new tshirts because I have to wash them after every use, and I dont like smelling like sweat every time I go out hello!!!

Also when I wash my tshirts, the smell doesn't go away ever and it builds up after each use. This is a HUGE problem for me, because I wash my shirts, they get dry, I put them on and they smell like sweat still??? And its stronger every time??

I dont know what to do, Im 19 so plz dont hate me and call me dirty this is literally the first time in my life this happens to me. Im a girl also so I run on estrogen so WHY DO I SMELL LIKE SWEAT?!?! Its a STRONG smell too and I do use deodorant obviously and antiperspirant too so idk whats going on. I also noticed that the antiperspirant smell doesn't go away when I wash my shirts, so its sweat smell and antiperspirant smell build up. Im TWEAKIN. Im literally losing good shirts just because the armpit area is all messed up smell wise and I smell like SHIT. This has been going on for some time now, I previously posted about it here too but none of the tips worked. I think its been going on for 1-2 years?

hi!

i 22F have a somewhat odd dynamic with my parents so i’m not sure how to go about this.

for context, my parents are quite (kind of??) involved in my life and have strong opinions about relationships and what they think is “appropriate” (meaning they’re both kind of religious and hold views that i don’t always agree with). they argue quite literally everyday and i don’t remember a single day that they haven’t. my parents are also two VERY different types of people. my mom is very emotional, asks a lot of questions, sometimes interprets my boundaries as rejection, and has a very “velcro-like” attachment to me and my appearance (i think this is because i don’t have any siblings). on the other hand, my dad is more stoic and not interested in anything i say or do unless it has to do with him or benefits him in some way. it was literally my birthday recently and he didn’t even wish me a happy birthday nor talk to me that day lol and on top of that he went out and bought a dinner he knows i’m allergic too. that was genuinely the last straw for me. he rarely initiates personal conversations, but when big life events do come up for me (e.g., me getting accepted to something or getting some type of award), he turns it into a lesson or an argument, and nothing positive ever comes from it and he always talks about connections and how beneficial they are and blah blah blah like why can’t we just appreciate me for once????. he usually tends to offer minimal responses that honestly feel heavier than words and his attitude is just cold and hard to constantly put up with and i’m sick of everything i say being taken the wrong way all the time because i’m not trying to argue. because of this dynamic, i’ve learned overtime to just keep certain things to myself and then when i do he gets mad but i honestly do not feel like i can tell them anything and i just feel uncomfortable in general.

it sort of feels like i’m living 2 separate lives. with my friends and bf i feel happy, safe, and like myself. on the other hand, living with my parents makes me feel constantly on edge. i also struggle sometimes with mental health (obviously my parents don’t believe in mental health/disorders). i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and depression at a young age. i graduated college last month and am starting another program in the fall. my bf 22m told me he’s looking to move out next year and wants me to move in with him (we’ve been together 3 years). i love my bf and im so insanely happy with him and id love to move in with him. he makes me feel seen and i feel so appreciated by him.

i genuinely don’t know what to do. i think what im struggling with is HOW to tell them. i worry that with my mom, it’ll turn into nonstop questions and anxiety. with my dad, i genuinely think it’ll turn into disapproval or him yelling at me for something. every time he yells at me he tries to make me feel small by saying i’m “just a kid” but like im 22???? he always says i have no experience doing anything and that im immature but he never TAUGHT me how to do anything. i really don’t know what his problem is with me but ever since i was a kid i always thought he had some sort of problem or vendetta against me and i always thought he hated me. he doesn’t ask me anything about my personal life and whenever i talk it doesn’t seem like he truly listens to anything i say. it’s kinda like he just wants the conversation to be over so i just stop talking. i don’t even think he knows what my favourite colour is lol. i think that he likes to have control over people and makes them feel small when they show the slightest bit of disagreement with him (im not sure how else to explain it). the way he acts with his friends is completely different to how to acts with my
mom and i.

i’m not sure how to approach this and the dynamic i currently live in makes it difficult. i’d really appreciate any type of advice. i’m also really sorry for the lengthy post

I’m 24 and have never dated anyone…I’ve never even really been approached by men. I had 1 talking stage when I was 21 that lasted 2 weeks before he ghosted me and then lied about it.

I did graduate college last month, and I’m not even excited about that. I didn’t learn much, I didn’t make any helpful career connections. I didn’t make a single, useful connection my entire 5 years there. I also graduated high school during Covid, so I had to do my first 2/3 years of college online…didn’t make any friends. I had a part-time job so I could do my homework and work.

I still work part-time and I’m submitting multiple job applications and resumes every single day and I’m not getting any responses. I’ve even sent out emails about my availability for an interview and haven’t gotten any responses. I got 1 response to schedule and interview and when I told the hiring manager my availability for 2 weeks out, he never reached back out. I check the job listing on LinkedIn just over a week later and it was taken down because it had already been filled. I’m applying for jobs that don’t even have pay listed.

I was homeschooled since I was a kid, and I only have 1 “close” friend as a result. We’ve been friends for 11 years. We used to live about 20 minutes from each other, but my parents divorced when I was 17, and I moved all the way to the other side of the state. Now we see each other about once per year, less most of the time. She also has a boyfriend who she’s always with and she goes days without texting me. A few weeks ago, I asked her what she was doing for the 4th and she said she would check, but she never got back with me.

I haven’t done anything for July 4th for the past 4ish years. My brother is in the Military and my mom travels for work, so I can’t really celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving until a week or two later.

My father’s side of the extended family hasn’t bothered to reach out to me since they divorced. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s talking shit about my mom and I, or what the reason is for them not reaching out. My mom’s extended family doesn’t talk to us often because we have different political views and they like to argue.

…and the icing on the cake. I figured I could add to my portfolio in my free time. I recently reached out to a woman (via email) and asked if I could do a research/art project about her father for my portfolio. She found my portfolio website and looked through my work. Which is fine. But instead of saying a simple yes or no, she shit-talked my senior art project. She called my work “mundane” and diminished my research writing down to “recycled writing.” I was using some 70’s/80’s singers and actors as my inspiration and she said I was trying to “profit off of their deaths.” I didn’t make even a fraction of a cent on that art project. I put hours into that and my professor gave me an A+. I almost cried at how rude and condescending she was.

Because I work part-time, I only work about 2-3 days per week, but I’m bored out of my fucking mind at home. I still live with my mom and that’s another thing that worries me. I want to be able to afford my own living space, but everything is expensive as fuck. I feel so behind in life and lonely. Everyone is hiring, but no one is hiring. Everything is expensive for no reason. Everyone is rude. The future looks bleak.

I like being alone sometimes, but not like this. I feel like no one likes me and I don’t know why. I just go to work and come home.

I’ve known for a while that eventually I’d have to cut my parents off. I’m 19, a trans guy and I’m currently in uni. And just now is it really hitting me. I think it always felt like it would be something I would never have to actually think about but now I’m realising that I’m getting to the point where it’s inevitable.

To explain why this time next year me and my parents will probably never be in contact again. It’s partly because my parents have at times not been great, mostly because I’m trans. As much as I want to forgive my parents for how they’ve treated my mental health problems, sometimes physical health. How they’ve reacted in certain situations related to that. How my autism diagnosis is used as a threat and yet not taken seriously. How they don’t understand that I am an adult now. How they generally don’t respect me. It’s hard to forgive any of that. But the biggest reason I won’t be speaking to them in probably a few months time is they can’t accept that I’m trans, and I can’t stop putting off fully living my own life to avoid an argument. Even though part of me doesn’t want to cut off my parents, I’ll have to because if I don’t I’ll be arguing for the rest of my life. That or they’ll choose to cut contact with me.

I think the main thing that’s getting to me is realising that they won’t be there for any of my next milestones in life. I’m going to graduate uni without them, be starting a writing career without them, I’ll get married and have a family and they won’t be a part of any of it. I know that it’s for the best since even now while I’m sad about all of that, I can’t stand my parents. It’s still sad to think that they won’t be able to put aside how they feel just to be there for me. And I know for a fact they won’t. Even knowing that the last conversation that I’m going to have with my parents WILL end in an argument, and knowing that I’m going to have to tell them to not tell any other family members to harass me about it otherwise I have to cut them off too, and despite that I’ll still lose most of my family. The only bright side to it is that I have my friends, but that just isn’t the same as having my parents and my family.

If you go to the poverty finance subreddit you’ll see that I posted about me peeing blood, due to what is more than likely a kidney stone. The ER told me I have a swollen right kidney and more than likely a kidney stone. I had surgery for a kidney blockage back in 2019 when I was 18 still on Medicaid. The issue is is that I don’t even make alot of money.

My out of pocket is 10k. I literally make only 40k a year, and only days ago moved into a new apartment. I need to see a urologist, and maybe even a kidney specialist. I’ll probably need a catscan at some point. So what do I do? Am I going to go for broke? End up homeless and evicted because of medical bills? Ignore my health issue and let my kidney fail over time? I feel so defeated. America sucks.

(please no criticism or judgemental comments)

My 4yo daughter has been extremely attached to this blanket to the point of almost nuclear meltdown level tantrum upon realizing she doesn't have it and wants it while out in public. There's been moments where just as we're about to pull away from the house that she's noticed she doesn't have it and I've had to run back inside to quickly grab it before heading off to the destination. I know my friend's wife truly means well, and she's just trying to help the mentally exhausting situation of always having to make sure my daughter has her blanket wherever we go. I've also already searched online if it's necessary to remove the blanket so abruptly....

On one hand my daughter actually has progressed to going places without thinking of needing her blanket unless I unintentionally bring it up, so if I don't acknowledge that she's left the house without her blanket it's an out of sight out of mind thing. On the other hand I've read how psychologically harmful it can be to forcibly remove a security object from their possession abruptly, in that it can end up making the situation worse not better.

WSID?

I figured it out about 4 years ago but haven't told anyone.

I feel like no one in my life would really understand or accept me. It's kind of hard to explain, but trust me when I say that nearly everyone in my life would be kind, but wouldn't believe that what I am experiencing is real. It's not that I want the whole world to know, it's just that I feel like I'm a little bit of an impostor among my friends and family who think they know me.

Over the years this is something I have personally come to terms with and have (mostly) learned to accept about myself. I no longer see it as an inherent defect, and consider it to be just how my brain is wired. At the same time, however, it can be hard to relate to others including my friends because I cannot experience what they experience, and they could not even fathom my experience.

I wish I could be open with someone about who I am, as I am someone who deeply desires to be understood. But I also know how some people feel, and so I have decided it is better to not mention it at the risk of being misunderstood or alienated. But I still feel like I need to tell someone. Not because I want to feel special, but because I want someone to see this part of me, a part of me which has made navigating life and relationships confusing and isolating. I think maybe I need someone other than myself to tell me that it's okay to be this way.

I got a speeding ticket and the cop said contact the court within 10 days. I forgot and paid it on the 11th day. I assume since it’s a holiday weekend they aren’t working so I don’t think it’s been accepted or anything yet because it still says the ticket is owed.

Should I flee the country? Am I cooked? What do you think will happen?

8 years ago I entered into a relationship and had a surprise pregnancy with someone who was not very nice to me. I ended up leaving him and taking the child with me when our child was 1 year old. After 3 years of separation I got back together with him after believing he was different, and although there were signs of him being exactly the same as what he used to be like - i continued to “see his potential” and had another child with him. Unsurprisingly he ended up just as abusive and selfish as he had always been. I finally got the courage to leave a couple of months ago, but now that I’m out of it I see how much delusion I held for this man. I can’t regret the time because I have two beautiful kids but I have such shame and embarrassment over going back only to end up in the same situation.

A lot of my family don’t know exactly what went down because they only seen the charming side of him, they didn’t see the rest of it. It’s really hard to explain the kind of abuse I went through because it was never physical. It was emotional and confusing, to the point I still look back and ask myself if I was overreacting or have some kind of victim complex. I know that isnt true, but I also don’t know that isnt true?

I’m proud of myself for leaving, however now I’m in my early 30’s with two kids, and a loss of many years to build the life I actually wanted. I put my career on hold to raise our kids and now I struggle to see how I can even get back into the work force especially with a baby. I know I don’t need to right now because I am on government assistance and can be for some time, though I don’t wish to rely on that forever. I want to build the life I want, and I know I can to some degree but it’s going to be really hard, and I feel so beaten down by everything I’ve been through and unmotivated by the shame and embarrassment I am holding.

It’s hard not to look in the mirror and see the shell of who I once was and feel like I wasted so much of my life to this terrible relationship and have brought kids into this world without the stable foundation they deserve. I know people come back from this kind of situation all the time, it’s just hard to see it for myself right now, even though I left to begin the accent into a better life I feel so stuck and sad and ashamed.

How can anyone ever love me for being so stupid? So delusional? How can anyone ever believe the things I went through went I don’t have physical scars but a scramble of stories that are hard to explain?

My mother is not in my life, and my father is mostly checked out so I don’t know who to talk to or how to go about how I’m feeling. I guess I just need reassurance and stories of people rebuilding their own lives after similar instances. Oh and a hug. Damn I could do with a parental hug.