u/J2Hoe

I’m so stressed today. I’ve been consistently stressed lately. I’ve gotten most of my work done. Just one more lecture to look over. I’m so anxious that I’m in pain. My chest really hurts. I’ve decided to take a step back and go a drive so I can relax before the big day. I’ll answer messages when I park.

My interests are Christian theology (I’m an atheist), modern US history, back to the future, stardew valley (I haven’t played in a hot minute tho), Minecraft, baking, Disney (movies and parks!), Ghost the band, and writing poetry. I’m doing my senior honours dissertation on southern Baptist vs racism during the civil rights era. I also live in Scotland.

Ask away lovely people

Currently sitting in my bathroom on a break. It’s my birthday party today (my bday is on Monday), and my friend pulled out of making my cake, so I made it myself last night whilst also trying to hand in an overdue assignment, tidy, do my washing, and eat. I only got home at 8pm, so it was a long night. I didn’t finish the assignment. I’ve been up all day finishing the cake, tidying the house, buying food (I don’t have enough so will need to order a dominoes), and figuring out who’s coming. I’m hardly getting any responses so I don’t even know who’s coming to my party. It’s in 2 hours. Im so stressed. I’m hoping my lecturer doesn’t mark my assignment until Monday so I can try and get it done tomorrow. My actual birthday is on Monday. I don’t have any food for my family coming over then either. Going to shower now and then get back to it.

Ask me anything.

Preferably to to my mind off stuff

Boyfriend is in shower. I’m in his room. I’ve lit a candle, shut the blinds, and put jazz music on. I’m wearing a super cute outfit too I didn’t get to wear over the summer. I’m very excited. Ask me anything while I wait (he takes ages in the shower)

This is just a bit of fun. Do not DM me

I've been suffering really badly with what I think is BED for the past few months, but it's taken over my life this month in particular. It's really fucking bad. Every conscious moment I have, I'm thinking about my body and how badly I hate it, but I can't. I started going to the gym, and working a physically demanding job, and all I see is the numbers go up on the scale. TW, numbers: >!I've gone up by 2kg within 2 weeks!<. How is that even possible??!!

Yesterday morning, I binged so much that>! I threw up during the night.!< I knew it wasn't a bug, but a reflection of my eating habits. I am totally out of control, and it's getting to stages it's never been at before. I've never felt so helpless with what goes in my mouth the way I do now. I know I need to see a Dr, but I only have one free day this week and it's Friday. They might not see me that day if they're all booked with appointments. >!The only treatment I would want would be GLP-1's (which I've had before) but !<it would be impossible to get if I told them I thought I had BED.

I'm so fucking stuck now. What's the point? >!I just want to be fucking skinny. !<

I only have one day off of work, and it’s tomorrow. What will I get from going to the GP? I want to access therapy through my university, so if we remove that from the scenario, what will they suggest to me? Thanks

I need to go to the doctors for help & diagnosis (which is why I put potentially), but just now I'm stacked with work, and can't make it happen. I have been struggling a lot, so I'm going to attempt to turn it into something creative to cope with it until I can mentally fix myself through therapy, counselling, whatever they throw at me. This is about binge eating disorder. I am not glorifying this, so please don't think I am. This is a personal poem, and it's been affecting me more and more recently. Please don't read if you think it'll affect u negatively. I just need an outlet to get this put into words.

Plate's empty, but I'm never full

Tried pushing, but I always pull

Something wrong, but I had no clue

That the shame was old, and my body knew

I tried the gym, I tried the drugs

I tried the gentle, tried the hugs

I tried the harsh, I tried the mean

My brain, it knew, my eyes, they seen

I can't seek help, I can't admit

I have a fault, I have a blip

Attention this, attention that

You're not that ill, you're not that fat!

And yet I leave the bar tonight

Where girls are, dressed up real tight

I just can't bear, I just can't see

My body reflected, staring back at me.

I've been in choir on and off for 10 years and have never really learned to read music. I am a great singer though! Ask me anything lol.

I never liked my body. I still don’t. I’ve finally admitted that I have BED, and even that doesn’t help. I’ve hit the gym, but I don’t know how well it’ll go.

I’ve been on for MAYBE a few months longer, but that account was lost. This is my main account. If I don’t reply immediately, I will be asleep and will answer u in the morning :)

🍰

I think the biggest reason is due to my university diagnosing me with dyslexia, and putting things into place for me. I started to enjoy uni a lot more after I had been understood, so that definitely helped too! Ask me anything!

Obviously big TW. I’m just trying to pass some time and take my mind off the thoughts. I’m twitching for some reason, and it’s annoying so surely this will be helpful. Ask away

I don’t want to go into depth about what’s going on, so please distract me before I start crying again. If I don’t respond, I might’ve fallen asleep. I have work tomorrow, and I’m sick, so I’m trying to sleep, but I can’t. This will at least help me take my mind off of it. Ask away

It took me months to admit to my bf and be told me that he felt like I was just doing it for attention. Crushed is an understatement :/ took me at least 6 months to admit it to him, and it was a short convo since he wasn’t concerned about it despite it being concerning to me. At least now I know he looks at me as an attention seeker. Not really sure how to move on from this one.

I have struggled with food for as long as I remember. I caught some strays when I was a bit younger from people that have stayed with me like a comment made by my boyfriends current friend "So you only date fat girls?". That comment has stuck with me, and I have never been able to shake it, even after an apology from the guy that said it. Up until about a month ago, when I'd eat something "unhealthy", I'd have the "I thought you were trying to lose weight" comment from my boyfriend too, and that's all I can hear whenever I eat ANYTHING. I told him to stop because I had never claimed that I was trying to lose weight, and shortly after, told him I believed I had BED (I also have ARFID which doesn't help) and his response was "What do you want me to do about it?"

This has left me feeling totally alone, and I don't know where to turn. I don't necessarily want to go to the GP because I don't want them to refer me to therapy. I just want to be skinny. I know they won't help that side of it. I'm too ashamed to go to the gym in case my bf's friend is there, and because all I see at the gym are fit, skinny girls, and I keep thinking "That could've been me", then I binge to make myself feel better, and the trend starts all over again. I genuinely can't stand it anymore.

I wake up. I think of food. I eat food. I hear the comments. I feel bad. I eat food to make myself feel better. I hear the comments. I feel bad. I eat food to make myself feel better. I HEAR THE COMMENTS. I FEEL BAD. I EAT TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER...and so on.

I can't even go on Pinterest or TikTok anymore. I start uni next month and I'm so scared to be able to see so many skinny people. I'm so ashamed. The worst part is that the scale hasn't even moved in months yet, I feel like an elephant. I have consistently sat at>! roughly 75kg!<. I have a wedding to go to in April and I'm scared I won't be skinny enough to look good at it. I should've started dieting and working out months ago because now I'll look the exact same way I look now, and I am totally ashamed of that. I'm ashamed of how others see me, I'm ashamed of how I feel, and I'm ashamed that I have barely looked in a mirror in months because it makes me feel sick.

I genuinely don't know what to do, but I can feel myself get more and more distressed as the days go on. Should I seek therapy? Will it help? Should I get myself to the gym? Should I speak to my GP? I really don't know what to do. Please help.

It’s on her appendix. She had bowel cancer before and uses a bag. They don’t know if it’s cancerous. She has a colonoscopy on Monday. I’m scared.

HOW HAS IT GOTTEN THIS FUCKING BAD