One of my teeth is hurting really bad and I want to go get it checked but I'm scared.. I heard stories of people's dentist finding out about their disorder after a check up and its making me so nervous. I know that most of those stories are from people that have been doing it for YEARS but I just can't risk anyone finding out 😭
I went to the ER the other day and as I was in triage she was just asking general questions and was opening up about my eating disorder and she’s like “wow you look really good though you look healthy” and that really stung something in me. I’ve been struggling for 5 years with anorexia and I was a lower weight and did gain some weight but I still am not healthy. I’m still underweight and restricting heavily and very miserable with my eating disorder. So to hear that is very very invalidating to me and just makes me want to get worse to prove I’m actually sick. It’s ridiculous. She even told me she had a niece who struggles with it and you’d think you’d know not to say that then. I’ve been having s really hard time since I heard her say this the other day and it’s still bothering me.
I am 5’5” and do not believe I have dysmorphia, which seems unusual compared to most of the posts I’ve seen.
I started trauma therapy (EMDR) last October. Reopening my childhood wounds reopened my coping mechanisms including >!SH!< and restriction. I was on a gradual loss from an average weight >!124!< mostly bc my appetite disappeared. I was happy about it.
Then I got really sick in February and lost >!3-4!< pounds in like a week. Ever since, I’ve been counting calories and restricting to >!+\-1000 mostly liquid calories!<. I am on my way to my lowest weight since college >!(I used to go weeks w/o real food)!<, and I don’t recognize my body anymore. I’m >!106!< now, dropping about >!1 lb/wk!< still. I was under >!100!< in college, so it’s not awful I guess?
I feel like I look unhealthy. I have two daughters. I work full time and am in grad school. I don’t want this.
But I can’t seem to stop the counting.
I can’t handle the number going up and I can’t handle it going down. I don’t know what to do or if the problem is big enough to get help bc I never have before. My therapist has stopped EMDR because I told him it was triggering restriction and now I’m scared I will lose any hope of healing my mind.
This is a trend that I’ve been noticing recently, but it seems like people who have an eating disorder nine times out of ten have the most horrible, pro-ana, shitty boyfriend ever. Like what’s up with that? The amount of times I’ve seen boyfriends encouraging their gfs/partners to starve themselves and getting upset when they choose recovery is crazy.
I've always struggled with eating a "normal" meal and feeling like I already messed up so I should binge and start again tomorrow. For example, I went to lunch with my friend, I don't see her often, and didn't want her to question why I wasn't eating or make her feel bad. Plus, I just wanted a normal moment and not think about anything else besides spending time with my friend. However, after lunch, I kept thinking I should just binge and eat whatever I want because I "messed up" during lunch. I absolutely hate it. I have those moments all the time. I eat something I think is bad and it's like "well you already ate that bad thing so just keep eating bad things" it's exhausting and a mental war. Not sure if anyone else relates.
i'm genuinely so sick of this and just want to be done. like i've lost enough weight that i'm relatively happy with the way my body looks, i'm close to my goal anyway but maybe this is the ocd side of me - i'm just not comfortable recovering UNTIL i've reached that number.
i've been restricting for the past few months and went from >!135 lbs to 110 lbs!< and i genuinely just can't be bothered to give a shit anymore. (and when i say recover i mean maintenance anyway, not like gaining back all the weight i've lost).
but i can't help thinking if i just go a LITTLE longer, imagine seeing that number on the scale!!! but in the past when i've pushed it too far, i just end up crashing out and binging it all back anyway. also i just want to enjoy the few weeks of summer i have before i have to lock in at my internship. ugh pls help
As the title says, I was going through some old pictures of mine. I used to be dead serious about it when looking at the images of myself at a "high" weight, where I was "at my rock bottom" and "one step away from becoming obese" and consider that to be a great transformation, of losing all that "extra" weight and taking my life in control.(in other words, going from normal to uw body and getting a welcome package of health problems)
Now that I looks at it, a normally-looking person looks back at me. I can no longer understand where did I see all of that, because I think I have been seeing myself much bigger than I actually was. I remember feeling and seeing myself as absolutely gigantic, to the point it looks sickly obese when I was next door from being sickly thin. And so all of that "rock bottom" was just in my head, whereas in reality, there was nothing inherently wrong, except of how I treated myself.
title says it all.
i’ve been dealing with ana for so many years now. i’ve been stuck in this weird semi recovery thing for years before fully relapsing last year. i’ve been trying to recover for a weeks and have also been in a treatment center for a while. and i’ve gained a significant amount of weight and my body has changed a lot.
none of my jeans fit me which makes me go crazy because i genuinely do not have the money to buy new clothes and i really really liked those pairs of jeans.
but the worst is the feeling. feeling bloated, heavy, large.
i just look so wide. i’ve been trying to work on body neutrality but im really sure that i’ll actually never be happy in this body.
i can’t imagine ever being happy if im not skinny.
i hated my life while i was underweight yeah that’s true but at least my weight and how i looked like was not a worry of mine.
now i keep obsessing over if i have gained weight, if my body changed. all. the. fucking. time. every minute of every day i am so aware of my body and how it feels. i’m so fucking scared that i’ll just keep gaining and gaining because everytime i look in the mirror i see myself larger everytime, i already struggle accepting the weight i can’t imagine how it’ll be if i gain even more. i’m so tired. i want my sick body back. i want to feel safe. i want to feel beautiful again. i’m so tired of fighting.
[vent post]
i have been struggling with ed since i was >!14!<. i recovered last year and relapsed when my relatives remarked how much i gained weight.
because of that one singular comment, the year i spent redeveloping my relationship with food collapsed. I cried in my grandmother’s room and threw up from how disgusting i felt. starting that day, I fell back to my old self-destructive habits: restricting, throwing away food, self-induced vomiting, lax abuse. i was back in that hell, and to noones surprise, i dug it myself.
at first, we didnt have a scale so i would measure my progress through body checks. I’d take a picture of body and compare it every week, but my body dysmorphia couldn’t “allow” me to see the difference. so, i bought a scale with my allowance.
i thought my ed was finally paying off since the number on the scale was going down. thats what i thought when i saw the scale decrease to >!45kg!< as the days pass. as stupid as it sounds, it made me more happy and confident in myself. I began wearing clothes i liked and stopped being ashamed in my body. I still retained my habit; it made me miserable, but the feeling of satisfactions overweighed it. is that weird?
then, school ended. I had no way to continue those habits in a way i could hide since my sister is always with me. therefore, i made an excuse to exercise purge instead to compensate for the absence of starving. I thought it was working, yk? I was exercising, eating less, walking, all that stuff…. and my weight stayed the same as per my daily weigh in. I looked in the mirror and think “yeah! thats still my body!” — the same body i deemed was ‘skinny’ enough to not feel ashamed in.
until one day, we were in a restaurant and my mom took a picture of me. she zoomed in the picture and told me i gained weight. I try not to let her comment consume me, but i couldnt help but notice my mom’s lingering looks on my body as we were heading home from that restaurant. She commented how it was ironic that despite how much i exercised (>!2-4h!< a day), i gained weight instead of losing. I wanted to cry in the car so badly.
The following day, i checked my weight: it was still >!45kg!<. So i cant understand why she said that. Did i really gain weight? Did i really look like i gained weight? I thought it was impossible since BOTH of my scales said >!45kg!<. I calibrated them both with my dumb bells.
I took a picture of my body and compared it. Again, i couldnt see the difference but it?? Was?? Pretty?? Much?? The?? Same?? I dont get it. Both scale says i weigh the same, but my mom is telling me i gained. I compare and contrast my body checks, yet theyre practically similar aside from the lighting and my clothes.
Im starting to think my scales and body checks are lying to me. Maybe im one of those person who thinks they’re skinnier than they actually are… its such a curse. I want to cry so badly. I thought i was beginning to love my body and accept my wretched lifestyle, only to be faced with the truth that it was doing the opposite.
Im sorry if this does not make any sense. Im trying to stop myself from crying. i dont have any outlet to express my emotions from my ed. I feel so alone and isolated. All i have is my body that i abuse by cutting, starving, and purging, yet my eyes are so blinded by filtering in what i want to see rather the actual truth. Its so pathetic. Im sorry
This might sound a bit rambling, but: I recently mentioned in therapy that I’d be best off not eating anything, and talked about my ‘episode’ of anorexia, how I felt at the time, and so on. And straight after the session, I had thoughts like, why did I say that, I’m overweight after all, she probably didn’t take me seriously, and now she’ll be trying to persuade me to eat healthily and so on. Or that they’ll put me in a mental hospital. On the one hand, I know I should eat, but on the other, I felt like the best person in the world back then, ‘clean’—I don’t know what to do. I think I’m a bit of a mess and broken...
i 18f had an eating disorder almost my entire life but it got reallt bad when i was 16/17 i lost >!20!< kilos in 2 months. i was super skinny and still hated myself. i had a kidney infection and that forced me to eat more which lead to my binging in less than 6 months i had gained >!10!< back and i was stuck on those >!10!< and i hated it. then my scale ran out of battery for a few months and when i fixed the battery i had gained >!10!< more on top of that. i really do try everything sometimes i even think of relapsing but now i can’t lose a single kilo. could i have ruined my metabolism or something and how do i fix it. i don’t binge anymore and i do have some self control other than when im about to get my period please someone help it’s getting so bad
My mom just started a GLP-1 and constantly talks about how she can't eat, missed a meal, or lost her appetite. I honestly do not care, and I barely respond, but it’s constant and everyday.
I’m recovered, but this lowkey makes me want to relapse just to one-up her. This has been a thing since I was growing up, but now it’s triggering me even more. I can't even talk about dinner without her mentioning weight loss and how little she ate.
How do you stop yourself from being triggered when hints aren't working? I'm exhausted.
[ you can skip to the bottom this is my background] (16F) have had numerous eating disorders since I was 12. When I was 13, I was hospitalized for a low heart rate and weight. I struggled with (emotional) binge eating after I was forced into recovery when I was 14-now. I don’t restrict anymore, but I still calorie count because if I don’t I’ll binge due to a feeling of no control. But I’m concerned for my health. I don’t want to keep purging because it strains my organs and I know it will damage my teeth. My mental health has been so terrible and this has completely controlled my high school experience. I have shut down plans with friends, dinners, going out, etc probably over 30 times. I wish I could see a way out of this, but I’ve truly tried anything. I can’t do inpatient because I have a sports season coming up I have to train for. Also, my parents dont take it seriously because I’m at a normal weight. If anyone has any resources I would be so grateful. I think I’m going to take a break from TikTok because every other post I see is a WIEIAD that is very little.
I am looking for
- hobby suggestions
- resources (not just residential promos, actual things that will help)
- ways to take my mind off food
- how to go out without feeling self conscious
This is gonna sound stupid but im going to say it anyway. I’m embarrassed to admit I have an eating disorder mainly due to edtt. They make eds sound so corny to the point it’s deadass making me think about recovery. Not to mention the amount of young girls (im talking younger than 14) giving each other tips on how to dry fast and even purge. A lot of them are also misinformed and it’s making me mad. Like no Samantha you did not lose >!20 pounds!< in one week 😭 seeing posts on edtt makes me genuinely cringe (as horrible as it sounds because Ik these people are mentally ill like me) and whenever I try to comment something like “Well starving is actually bad” or “it’s not possible to lose that much weight in a short amount of time” I’m getting hoarded by a bunch of tween-teenage girls saying how starving is better than getting fat. It’s really cringy and they make edtwt look like a safe heaven in comparison. Also the whole personification of different disorders is so weird. “BED tried to take me by Ana saved me🪽” WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUTTTT it’s so corny and edgy and weird, especially how they straight up demonize Binge eating but treat anorexia as some divine thing that makes them skinny and dainty when in reality both are very dangerous eating disorders.
It’s a very silly thing to get mad about but I still do cuz that’s just how my mind works. Genuinely hope the best for those people in the future
i was restricting for a few weeks and idk what happened yesterday i js started binging and then took some lax at the end cus i was guilty af😭 woke up today in horrible pain and dizziness. my stomach pained all fucking day and it hasn’t stopped. i still binged. i told myself i wouldn’t but i still did today even tho my stomach wqs hurting even more after eating!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cant even focus on my exam studies rn due to all of this. im so sick of it
Cuz tell me why economics is literally disordered spending bro.
Scarcity… does this one even need to be explained?
Hyperbolic discounting/time preference… ie. you choose the food NOW instead of the body LATER
SUNK COST FALLACY… “oh I already ate x calories, might as well eat a shit ton more!”
Which kinda ties into high fixed costs… once u start a binge, calories that follow are less psychologically expensive
Or strategic complements 😭 like when you’re fasting u wanna keep fasting but once you’re eating you wanna keep eating
Or diminishing returns… nothing tastes as good as the first bite
Or multiple Nash equilibria… one is eating nothing and the other is eating everything…. And of course there’s the mixed NE of being normal, but that’s not a realistic outcome for us 😂
Moral hazard… telling yourself it’s okay to binge cuz ur gonna make up for it tmr 💀
Risk aversion… choosing the pre-packaged meal when ur out because it has the calories listed over the thing that could be lower calories but it’s not listed…
Loss-aversion theory… it hurts more to gain x pounds than the benefit felt from losing x pounds
List goes on LOL. Doing this instead of studying
I had anorexia for 8 years before developing BED for the last 3-4 years.
I had already accepted that I would likely have an ED for the rest of my life, considering I have now lived half of my life with one. But I always thought that would be anorexia. I never expected it to turn to BED.
There's something so painful about having BED after anorexia. I still have the same fears I had during anorexia - namely the weight gain and the issues I have with body image - but unlike when I had anorexia, those fears are no longer strong enough for me to be "in control" of food. In fact, I'm actively doing things (i.e. binge eating) that actively makes those fears a reality.
I'm just so tired, and this feels so, so heavy. When I had anorexia, people could see the physical manifestation of how much pain I was in. Now, they tell me that binge eating is "a good thing" or that it's just "what my body needs". They don't truly understand with binge eating is, and how it's destroying me more than anorexia ever did - physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, socially.
(Just to clarify, I don't mean that having BED after anorexia is more painful than developing BED without having had anorexia. One isn't more painful or harder than the other)
I was diagnosed with atypical anorexia years back, and have gone through so many cycles of recovering then relapsing again. The hardest part of staying in recovery is the fact that I’m objectively >! a bigger person!< . My >! LW !< was still >! an overweight bmi !< , and I’m nowhere near it atp. I entered recovery again a couple of months ago after struggling, and have been doing okay until the last few days. I’ve been struggling again, and just feeling crappy.
Well.. today I went into a store, and while I was walking back out to my car the people parked next to me had the windows open. And they were laughing like crazy. I didn’t think they were laughing at me at first, but I realized they were when I heard them yell >! “She’s a big back!” !< and some other crappy stuff. They were very obviously >! high !< but damn that hurt. I got into my car and they were still laughing and saying different things. I know some random strangers opinions on my appearance don’t matter. I’m married, I’m a mother.. I’m loved. But it was just a reminder as to what I look like. What other people see me as.
And it brought me back to when I was younger. I was the girl in school that people would ask out as a joke. You’d think that’s just something you see in the movies, but nope. It happened to me multiple times. I was an >! overweight emo kid !< and got bullied for my appearance constantly. And I’ve only >! gained more weight !< since then. I don’t think about those experiences very often. I have better things to focus on than jerks from when I was in highschool. But today reminded me of that, and it’s just making me feel crappy.
Just.. ugh. I was already not having a great day, and now I feel even worse. Fml.
Long story short i used to be an-r but my parents pushed me to gain weight so i became bulimic but they dont know it. But i eat alot and my mom gets mad and she told me she will give me 30$ (21 american dollar) every week for food and I have to buy my own food. She will still make one meal for me in a day but other than that i have to depend on that 30$. Mind you im still a teenager living with my mom. And i just feel so heartbroken. They never tried to get me or my eating issues. They just pushed me every damn time and made me life 10x worse. I wish i had empathetic parents.
I open up YT music - I get an ad for wegrovey
I open reddit - immediately it with an ad for monjaro
Ok maybe I'll look at cute art on Pinterest - ten different ads for PROTEIN products.
I try to watch a YouTube video - an add for ozempic
I try socializing and people are talking about their workout routine, macros, and getting a summer body.
I walk to the grocery store - they play an ad about how they have food and services supporting GLP1 journeys. Plus everything says HIGH PROTEIN or HIGH FIBER. Like pls calm down with the marketing. 😐
Like bru. WTF is happening.