u/FOOWHISH

That's where my ED stems from ever since I was very young. I looked at my uggo face and was like I can't afford surgery rn BUUUTT I can control my body.... so yeah, still struggling years later, even if I "recovered"... does anyone else's ED stem from this?

Genuine question, and im asking this in good faith. Just, I've seen people saying if they could choose ( in terms of being born a girl ) they wouldn't be born black in general full stop. Some say they would like to be born black, as they like their culture, as long as they were lighter skinned. Some of us feel our race itself hinders us from being approached, others, the shade of our skin. So uh, I was wondering where yall stood?

This is my first time, but I've been pretty exposed to it online but ofc doesn't make it any less weird. I was walking w my family to the bus station, its night, and a random shitbag proceeded to roll down his window, and scream n*gga at us then obviously roll up his window then drive away. Me and my sister awkwardly excused it, and I don't even think my mom and my other sister heard it cause we were rushing, but it was so just so weird?? Like the guy genuinely sounded elated (he said it so fast i had to take time processing wtf did he say), saying the slur, the only time he ever had power in his sad miserable life, bet. Imagine driving and NEEDING to, HAVING to, take the effort to role down ur window and scream a slur, all giddy and shit. A grown man too. I'm more weirded out then offended. Like obviously I am offended, but it's shallow, compared to my feelings of disgust. Like it's just so weird?? I can't even explain it, it's gross?? What a freak needing a power trip

There was this girl in my school who was fucking gorgeous and literally everything I am not. She was skinny, pretty, had straight teeth, clear skin, symmetrical face, no eye bags. She was gorgeous guys not even joking like. And because of that I HATED her so so SOO much. Like so damn much. I've never spoken to her but I took her appearnve to heart. Cause It was unfair. So unfair.

I also envied her to the same degree. I'd stare at her any chance I'd get. I'd stalk her VSCO, imagining myself to BE her, what it would look like to live HER life, and that would send me into a breakdown on how easy she'll have it. In life. In everything. What I could've have. How incredibly lucky she is to win the genetic lottery that literally NOTHING about her had flaws. Nothing? Like are you fkn fr??

Eventually, I forced myself to delete VSCO as well as to stop staring at her because it was impacting mental health to a horrible embarrassing degree, with how much I compared myself. I've graduated and yet I still can't stop thinking about her, specifically, here and there. What shes doing. Who shes with. Just to preface this, I wasn't attracted to her ( JUST In case anyone thought that ) it's just... it was like getting hit with a freight train when I first saw her and simultaneously feeling like someone gutted me

And so I just wonder if anyone else had went through smth like this. Say someone from work or school, not an online celeb you wished you looked like cause the chances of meeting them in a daily setting is incredibly low, but someone where you see them generally everyday. Someone you had looked at and feel an immense hatred / jealously towards them, probably stalked their socials, idk bruh T-T

Its currently 0.50am and I should be sleeping but I feel like I'll hardly sleep. Like the lack of sleep knowing you have to wake up later to go to the aeroport at night for holidays. Ykwim?? Like omgg it's actually here, idk what to feel genuinely so how yall feeling??