r/LDR

Ina long distance relationship and we’ve been together 2 years this August. In the beginning once we became long distance we would talk every night for a long time before bed usually an hour and during the day we would keep each other updated and have lighthearted banter. We also see each other every few months in person. Lately though the past month or so the relationship has been bringing me so down. I feel really unwanted by him, he stopped making time to call me, the communication overall has died a lot and when we do have it, it feels like im forcing it/ he’s in a bad mood. Im a very upbeat positive person and love to share that with a partner, I put a lot of effort into my relationships- it makes me feel like shit anytime he shoots me down. For example: I could call him in the morning and wish him a good day and say sweet things and hell be in a bad mood, reciprocate no love just bad vibes and say he’s busy and hangup?For context we’ve been through a lot in the short span of the relationship and it’s not a casual dating scenario. Anytime i express my concerns ( which is constantly now ) he always gets defensive and claims he loves me a ton and wants to be with me and i need to calm down. That confuses me even more.. not sure whats going on? is this gaslighting or was i love bombed ? Im at a loss because i care a lot about this person but now time keeps going on and i feel under valued. I feel sad that i wake up everyday looking to have a connection with my boyfriend and he cant even make time for me. Id also like to mention nothing about either of our routines has changed and nothing crazy is happening in personal lives either it’s just.. strange and i keep feeling that he’s just lost feelings for me but anytime i explain myself he denies that. Im not shy to say how i feel either its just he says he gets what im saying but changes nothing

Just wanted to share might be helpful for some people, it has cute virtual flowers and some other things the name of the website is www.sendlove.io

Hi. I am looking for a remote sextoy and Im assuming I can't just get cheap one off amazon because probably it's shitty and won't last long or it might just not come with the safest material for your body. If you have bought one before, could you share which brand and model was satisfactory for you?

HEYYY

so my 23M BF is graduating soon, since we're ldr I can't get him any physical gifts unfortunately and won't assist to his graduation either:(.

But I still want to do smtg meaningful for him, does anyone have any ideas what could that be? Any digital thing whether a letter (I don't know if that's enough tho)or anything I could do, should I just send a supportive message ? even with the distance I want smtg that would mean a lot to him.

I’m in a relationship with someone whose emotional style is very different from mine, and I genuinely can’t tell if I’m asking for too much or if we just have different emotional needs. I’m someone who values reassurance a lot. Small things matter to me, initiating calls/texts, checking in after conflict, remembering things. I tend to feel emotionally connected through effort and initiative.

My partner is much more detached when it comes to phone.calls. They’ve told me multiple times that when they go home, they barely check their phone or contact people much in general. And to be fair, they have called me before, spent time with me, stayed on late calls, said they miss me, etc. So it’s not like they never put effort in.

But recently we went around 10 days without properly talking. They texted a couple times, I replied coldly because I was already hurt, and at one point they said they’d start calling more frequently after going home. But they still never actually called. That really hurt me.

Before going ldr, they said you can text me anytime that u want to call but it'll be difficult for me to call. But, my view is that if someone really wants to talk to u they would at least in three days no matter how strict their parents are. If i was there I'd find a way. But then saying they don't pick up their phone at home...idk. For me, if my partner goes days without talking me i start to think they don't even remember me

(I took help of ai as I didn't have the energy to write)

I've been with this girl for over 6 months, we've had calls almost every day, she sends me pictures and I send her pictures. She's indeed a girl, she laughs like one, screams like one and gets jealous like one. She's japanese and I'm mexican, she's 20 and I'm 28. I know the age gap is huge but she's still 20 so I have no issue. We've talked about having a future and getting married. Everything was going smoothly until I started having second thoughts, I have no idea why but this intuition in me felt like she was lying to me about something. So like 2 months ago, I asked her to start doing video calls so we can get more used to seeing each other face to face. She immediately denied that idea, she said she was camera shy and didn't wanna show me her face. Which at the time I thought it was normal. Until we got to a point where we started sexting and sending nudes to each other. However I noticed her breasta size and vagina kept changing on every picture, some skin marks kept also appearing and disappearing then I went back to her old pictures and notice her face also changes. Like her nose size changes and so does her eyes. So this entire week I've been asking for a sexy video but she kept denying it and said I only think about sex, so I asked her to send me a regular video just a video saying hi with specific hand gestures infront of her face. She got so upset and angry at me and started bringing stuff from the past, then I went and use Google ai to see if her pictures were altered with ai and according to gemini they are. All of the pictures she has sent me are altered by ai. I confronted her and she said "who are you going to believe, an ai app or me" and I told her I'd believe her if she send me that 20 second video. Then she sent me one last message and said she deserves better. She blocked me from every app and blocked my phone number. I honestly feel like I avoided something serious, I know she's a girl but I just don't understand why use ai pictures to trick me. I also wanna clarify. I'm not handsome at all, I'm very average. So is not because she was trying too hard. I need advices, was it ok fot me to question her? Should have I approached the situation differently?

25M dating 22F for 1.5 years. We met online and still haven’t met in person, even though we don’t live that far apart. Everything else feels normal. We talk daily, watch movies together, and act like a real couple.

The problem is she refuses video calls and keeps postponing meeting up. She says she’s camera conscious, and whenever I bring it up, she gets upset or says I’m pressuring her. She also avoids sharing much about her personal life, old photos, friends, etc.

At this point, I know these are red flags, but apart from that she feels genuine and knows everything about me.

Am I overthinking this, or ignoring something obvious? And how do I confront this without sounding accusatory?

My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship, and I’ve been struggling with overthinking something that happened in the past. I want honest advice on how to move forward mentally and emotionally.

About a year ago, we went through a really rough patch. He was entering a completely new chapter in his life and felt overwhelmed, and I was supposed to visit him, but my parents didn’t feel it was safe for me to travel at the time, so I couldn’t go. Around that time, I started noticing changes in him emotionally. We stopped talking as much, he stopped doing the little things, and he eventually admitted that he had started struggling to see a future with me anymore. That’s basically what led to the break in the first place.

During the break, we both agreed that we could talk to other people. Deep down, though, I didn’t actually want him talking to anyone else, but I listened to advice from coworkers who told me I should just let him and not try to control what he did during the break. So I agreed to it even though emotionally I wasn’t fully okay with it.

The thing is, even though we technically agreed we could talk to other people, I personally didn’t talk to anyone because I still only wanted him. Part of my thinking at the time was that maybe if he did talk to or go out with other girls, it would help him realize whether he truly saw a future with me or not. Like maybe he’d compare the connection and realize he still wanted me. But looking back, I think that mindset hurt me emotionally more than I expected.

The day after the break started, he asked out a girl I had always worried about. They never actually dated because she rejected him, but it still hurt me deeply. Now that we’ve been back together for almost a year, he explained that part of the reason he liked her was because she reminded him of me. He said we had similar personalities and that she was kind of the closest thing to me while he was struggling emotionally. He also said she was more of a distraction during a time where he felt emotionally lost, and one of his classmates heavily encouraged him to ask her out because he was depressed.

Since getting back together, he’s genuinely been reassuring and understanding whenever I overthink. He puts effort into making me feel loved and secure. But sometimes when I spiral about the past or about him “wanting” to be with other girls he gets frustrated because he feels like nothing he does is enough to help me feel secure again.

I really do love him, and I know he loves me too, but I still struggle with fears that one day he’ll lose feelings, want someone else, or find someone “better.” I don’t want to keep living in the past or letting anxiety ruin our relationship, but I don’t know how to fully let go of what happened.

Has anyone else gone through something similar after getting back together with someone? How do you stop overthinking and rebuild trust in your mind after a painful situation like this?

I've been a very supportive and patient wife (F21) to my husband (M30) throughout our long-distance relationship, which has been almost 10 years together and 3 years of marriage. I'm also not a controlling person until my husband lied to me about seeing a friend alone. This friend isn't even the friend I'm having problems with. He has another friend I always see with him, even before we got married in 2023. I didn't notice until he went to parties with them almost every week 3 years ago and I saw videos of them together, so I told him. I told him I wasn't comfortable seeing them together all the time. As a wife, I wanted to make sure, so I tried asking him not to check Instagram, but I just wanted to know if he would actually give me his account, and he did. Then I couldn't resist checking his messages and searching their conversation, only to find out he'd deleted it. We had another argument about it. This friend has been single since they met. His group of friends are all young, around 25, and they love to party. I'm not the party type because that's not how I was raised in my home country. I also noticed they like to invite him out, and once he was invited, it was a couples' dinner. It was like this friend of his who is single, and there are like three couples there, including his brother. He sent a photo of them sitting at a table with this single girl. It hurt me so much that I had to tell him again to set boundaries and show me some respect. He said he would, and for months, he didn't go out with them, until recently, when he was invited to her birthday party and they went out together. He told me about it, and I started to worry and feel very uncomfortable. He sent the photos, and again I saw them sitting next to each other, so I invited him. He said it was just a coincidence, so I just brushed it off and tried to understand.

But this morning he was invited to brunch again for her sister's birthday, and before he left, I told him not to sit next to her because it made me uncomfortable, and he agreed. A few hours later, he sent photos and I asked who was sitting next to him, and he said it was her and explained why. I froze and burst into tears, not because he was next to her. It hurt so much because I told him once and he didn't listen. I blocked him and I just need space. I'm at work now, and the moment I got to the office, I felt sick and threw up. I just want to go home and cry.

We've been separated for years, and I'm just waiting for my visa interview. I don't know what to do.

To make a long story short, my ex was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. He was a walking piece of shit. Despite that, he was still my best friend all throughout highschool. We sat side by side in every class, hung out all the time etc. I knew him since primary school (but we officially met at 16). He died on Saturday after overdosing.

Me and my bf have been together for a year and 5 months. We're ldr because of studies but we spend a great deal of time together.

Tomorrow is the funeral. I asked my bf if he's ok with me going. He has been supportive this past week with the whole situation, so I thought he understood. He was ok with me going to the funeral and I thought all was good. Then he asked me again tonight if I'm still planning on going. He said "I hope you know me and you are over". He had packed up the gifts I made him and blocked my number and instagram. He was aggresive and angry. His mother told me he was angry all day long. He said a bunch of like manipulative and emotionally immature things.

I'm torn. I love him with all my heart but I have no intention of skipping the funeral. And if that's his reaction I don't know if I'm willing to spend a life with a person who acts like that...but I do love him

Update: I went to the funeral. It was heart wrecking. My bf went hysterical. Kept demanding for me to call him, even tho I was with okd classmates. He kept saying atuff about hiw much he is in pain. And how much I hate him. Just all hysterical

im dating this amazing guy but jesus what a bad texter and on calls too.he never texts first and when we do text it's very dry, i have to carry it. when we call he's always doing something while calling so he's so absent in calls.

i don't think it's his fault though, that's him as a person.

prolly a question for me...do i want to settle for this dynamic?

He lie to me he said he's going to other country to fix something and then when I check his location his in the other country that he never mention he will go to and that country is my country but not my region I feel so hurt and overthinking rn I don't know what to do I do love him but I want to confront him but I'm too scared that he will get angry​​​​​

just need to vent cause its lameeeeee af lol

we met online over a month ago, booked a ticket for me to come out for memorial day weekend.. yesterday he decided that me being unable to have kids naturally (long story short i had concerns for malignancy last year, but he has known this since week 1 and never expressed issue with it prior.. in fact he said it sounded like an adventure) but now 4 days before i'm supposed to fly to see him, he said it is something he isn't sure he could see himself doing (IVF) in the future & needed to pray on it and how he was torn and hasn't talked to me since ha. we have talked daily, talk on the phone usually once a day, etc.

totally valid to have concerns about potential IVF (nightmare tbh, i get it) but deciding and ghosting 4 days before im supposed to come out sucks ha

Caught my LDR girlfriend crossing emotional boundaries with an old crush for the 3rd time. Looking for advice on how to handle this cycle."M19" "F18"

Hey everyone, I need some outside perspective and advice on my long-distance relationship. "M19 " "F18" I’m feeling incredibly emotionally exhausted and could use some guidance on how to process this situation.

The Backstory: ( our relationship has been only 3 months )

Before we got into a relationship, my LDR girlfriend used to talk to an online male friend. She wanted to make things official with him back then, but he was hesitant and gave her mixed signals. Because they were just flirting and she couldn't find any emotional security with him, she chose to be with me instead.

In the past, we’ve had major arguments about her maintaining emotional boundaries with people she previously chased or liked. She promised me she understood, apologized, and said she would work to rebuild my trust. I loved her, so I stayed and slowly tried to move forward.

The Current Situation:

Here is the exact transcript:

Friend: “If you were here maybe you would be my wife hahahaha”

Friend: “But you're TOOOOOOOOO far”

Friend: “10 years of waiting”

GF: “HAHAHA”

GF: “Distance is not a problem”

GF: “YOU”( Teasing manner )

Friend: “For me it is sometimes”

GF: “It gets boring and tiring seeing each other constantly”

Friend: “It doesn't, if you love the person”

I don't think she is actively planning to pack her bags and leave me tomorrow. But emotionally, this feels like a massive punch to the gut.

This is now the third time I’ve caught a pattern of her seeking attention or entertaining romantic validation ,from guys she used to want a relationship with. I have explicitly communicated before how much this hurts me, and she explicitly promised to protect our relationship and rebuild trust after the last incident.

I still love her deeply, but I feel completely unsafe in this relationship now. It feels incredibly disrespectful to read her telling another guy "distance is not a problem" while being in an LDR with me. It makes me feel like a safety net or a second choice just because the other guy didn't commit to her back then.

Given that this is a repeated pattern despite clear conversations in the past, I am seriously considering walking away from the relationship for my own mental peace. I am looking for advice on how to handle this final conversation, and how to break this cycle of broken trust. How do I navigate this moving forward?

I’m in a long-distance relationship with a man in Europe. I'm in New York. We’ve now spent 3 visits together (9–10 days each), and this last trip felt much deeper emotionally and sexually. We’re very attached.
The problem starts after separation. I want closeness and reassurance, while he tends to withdraw for a few days, he says the distance emotionally overwhelms him. He’s also under major financial stress and socially isolated.
He loves me deeply and misses me but when he goes quiet after visits I start feeling anxious, lonely, and responsible for his suffering. Then I feel pressure to move there faster or somehow fix everything.
Has anyone experienced this dynamic in long distance?

hi everyone!! i'm a 21F from latin america, and i developed a crush on a guy from the U.S. that i found on instagram reels ☹️ yes, this is silly, but he did a video of a videogame that i like too, so i went to his profile and i thought that he was genuienly cute and interesting. we have many things in common, such as liking some videogames, similar in humor, taste in music and also we both play guitar! he also makes music, so i've been replying to his stories with casual questions or just being friendly… he is always kind and nice, but i feel like maybe he is just answering and doesnt really care talking to me, probably he thinks i'm just a fan (and that's okay) last time i talked to him we were just joking a little but then i replied (with a normal message, not asking anything) and he just left me on seen…so i felt kinda dumb.
the problem is that i feel like this is pretty childish of me… why i suddenly like a cute guy who is faaar away from me? i dont know… he's pretty nice and funny. i like his style… and i want to know him more… i want to know many things and maybe try to first being friends? but i feel like maybe its too obvious i'm interested? i'm incredibly shy with this type of stuff and since he left me on seen i think he doesn't really care about just talking and naturally being friends? i think i overthink a lot.
i don't know what should i do :( do you think its even worth trying, or should i just let this be a silly internet crush? 🥲🥲 anyways, thanks for reading this much. i would be very grateful if someone help me, i dont really know what would a guy do if he suddenly get a girl in his dms trying to get to know you.

Same as above

So I {18F} and my so called partner {22M} talked about the situation and this is what he told me.

Him:

As for my side of the story, I really needed a good bit of time to step back. It wasn’t just for my studies or for work, but I needed mental space. Coping with the ashes of one relationship, and the trials and tribulations, and turbulence, of ours, at the same time, it’s a lot emotionally for me to handle. I want more than anything to give you the entire world, everything you could ever need, and make all of our dreams come true. When I said I couldn’t make any commitments, it’s because I don’t have the mental strength to provide a new relationship everything it needs to be stable, or healthy, at the moment. Everything was fine when we first started out, because I had an emotional anchor. I had something to keep me grounded and happy in the moment. Ever since I found out she cheated on me, I’ve been fighting war after war inside of my head. I took it out on her, day after day, after day. Remember.? You saw all of those chats. But looking back on that, it didn’t help. Revenge didn’t help. Being mad didn’t help. I’m still shaken up and not whole yet. I remember reading your chats with the guy you talked to, who said, why would it take someone this long to get over it. The thing is. The relationship was a long time, my entire soul was devoted to it even though it was destroying me slowly. I gave it 100% of my effort. But that one moment destroyed my soul. Every year of my life being a waste with it, every year being fruitless. Knowing that, knowing I can’t get my time back, knowing I’m already grown up, knowing that I could’ve done so much more with my life. It’s a lot of regret to deal with. A lot of anger to control. A lot of depression to cope with. I’m in the process of healing. I’ve wanted more than ever to have you as my emotional anchor, the thing that grounds me and brings me back to earth. The person who makes me whole. But so much that has happened between us only pushed us both apart from each other. I’ve been divided, scared, confused. I’m blind, and I don’t have a cane. None of the things that happened between us during this relationship, was ever your fault. In fact, I think the blame belongs to both of us, and there are a lot of lessons to be learned from it. A lot of ways we both could’ve done better. I know for a fact you gave it your all, I can’t be more grateful, I can’t be more appreciative. Honestly? Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me. I hope this helped to explain my side of things. Let me know what you think and how you wanna go about it from here honey. Just know I do love you, I want to find a way. It’s just… it’s hard for me. I know you have a lot more experience with break ups than I do. If anything, you’re probably the best person to come to and seek solace with. I love you dear.

And he said that he would give me check ups every now and then but he’s only done it once, ever since then I’ve been expressing how much it is effecting me and he is now brushing me off but being proud of me?? I just found about this when we had that deep talk. So I’m sorry for not bringing it up earlier to you guys I appreciate all of the comments you guys have left it’s really been helping me out throughout what ever I’m going through.

Let me know what I should do in this situation.

PS: I’ve been reassuring him ever since then being there for him when he doesn’t text me back which I know is bad but I also feel really bad in this situation.

I'm new to this set up🥺, How do you know that a guy is really into you? He said he was but he doesn't even really open up, no conversation on getting to know each other more, He mention that he's very busy due to his work and studies (which I understand) we've been talking almost a month now and the only thing I know is his first name 😞