r/LDR

idk if he is just comftable with me and feeling ehhh and being nice or does he really love me, specially that he works a lot , most of the time he's unexpressive , play video games while talking to me ,because it's his only way to release stress , his love language isn't compliments, he's a non expressive person, so actions are his love language but we're far from each others.

there's an issue in his work that might delay our meeting together.

also i want to ask the guys, how do u behave with a guy that dosen't tell u what hurts him if it's minor or if u say sth they might stop sharing or if u tease them they might shut down more and more , even if it's unitentional.

My boyfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for almost a year. I know we love each other deeply and even though we’ve never met in person, what we have feels very real and meaningful to both of us. But lately I’ve been struggling with the *longing*.

I want the things that are impossible for us right now like as simply as holding his hand, going on actual dates, watching movies together on the same couch, being physically close, having intimacy and just being able to exist beside the person I love.

The hardest part is that neither of us is in a position financially to make the distance disappear. We’re both broke, so plane tickets aren’t realistic at least right now and we also can’t just take a long break from work. There’s no clear certainty about when we’ll finally be able to meet.

I love him and I genuinely cannot bear the thought of losing him. We’ve had our own share of problems but we have managed to keep our relationship going because we both trust that what we have is real and genuine. But at the same time, I’m starting to wonder how long I can keep being okay with a relationship where I don’t know when I’ll ever get to experience those ordinary things with him. I don’t want to leave just because I’m lonely. But I also don’t want to ignore what I’m feeling and eventually become resentful.

For people who have been in LDRs especially relationships where you haven’t met yet—how did you deal with this kind of longing when there was no realistic end date to the distance?

What would you do in my situation? :(

I've been in a long-distance relationship with someone for the past four months. We work at the same company, both fully remote, but we live in different cities. He's leaving for his master's in Ireland in early September, and before he goes, we've been trying so hard to actually meet in person. The first attempt was in June — he wanted me to come to him in Bangalore, but things between us were still new, and I wasn't ready, so I canceled. The second attempt was on his end: after a lot of planning, he booked tickets to come to my city on the 19th of August. Everything was set. But my mother sensed something was going on and told me she didn't want me leaving the house during that time. I told him, and he canceled everything without hesitation. After that, I finally opened up to my mom about him, and she came around — she understood. I was ready to go to Bangalore this time to see him for a few days. But now his parents want him back home before he leaves, and the timeline is just too short for me to make the trip work. I don't understand what's happening. It's not that we don't want to meet — we want this so badly. I told my mother the truth for him. He booked tickets and lost them for me. And somehow we still haven't managed to be in the same place. I keep wondering if this is some kind of sign that we're not meant to be together, like something is actively working against us meeting. I'm confused and heartbroken, and I just don't understand why this keeps happening.

Yeah I used claude to type and rephrase everything.

In search of some advice…am currently (24, F, USA) in an LDR with my boyfriend of 4 years (24, M, Japan) He’s working full time along with completing his grad program (a few weeks left) which is an enormous stress to begin with. His time abroad working hasn’t been peachy - he’s extremely stressed with school work (finishing up a GIS masters), his health, his job, everything. He tells me about it every single day - sometimes, a text about how much he hates his life or how sad he is sometimes the first thing I read when I wake up. I’ve been supporting him in any way I can - encouraging texts, phone calls, space for him to vent or complain, trying to solve the problem with him. That isn’t to say I’m fine and dandy here, too, as I’ve been in a pretty crummy place for a few months, and needing to keep both of us afloat is impossible. I love him dearly and we’ve both discussed engagement and moving in when he comes back in January of 2027. I am continuing to support him by being encouraging and giving him space to vent, but barely have any energy for myself. It’s been hard for him to find the time to listen to me when I need space.

Thinking of breaking things off when there’s so little time left in our distance makes me feel so guilty. I want to be there, but when every other text I get is about how much he hates his life or how bad everything is, it doesn’t make my dark life any better. Have you done anything special with an LDR when they need support? When is (if there even is?) the right time to know when to call quits? I feel so alone in this situation- I’ve never loved someone quite like him, and the thought of even stepping away makes my heart break. I have less than 4 months of this, but this isn’t what things were like before he left.

Hi everyone! I (29F) recently got into my first-ever LDR with my boyfriend (33M), and we’ve been together for a couple of months. We’re over 1,000 miles apart and have a two-hour time difference.

We’re also both pretty bad at texting naturally, but we’ve both been making a conscious effort to communicate more and meet each other halfway.

Eventually, if things continue to get serious, I’d like to move to where he lives and close the gap. I just have no idea what a realistic timeline for that looks like, especially since I’ve never been in an LDR before. I've read some of the posts here and they have been a little helpful, but I wanted to dive a bit deeper.

For those of you who have successfully closed the gap:

• How long were you together before one of you moved?
• How long did you date before getting engaged, if you eventually got engaged?
• Did you have a specific timeline for closing the gap, or did it happen more organically?
• What do you wish you had known when you were only a few months into your LDR?

I also have a little bit of an internal struggle going on. I feel very strongly about him already, and I can genuinely see myself spending the rest of my life with him. At the same time, I know we’ve only been together for a couple of months, so I’m wondering if I’m getting ahead of myself.

For example, if he proposed to me today, I honestly think I’d say yes. But I also realize that doesn’t necessarily mean he is anywhere near ready to propose, and we haven’t actually talked about marriage or timelines yet. I know he loves me, but I’m still figuring out whether we’re on the same page about what our long-term future looks like.

I tend to feel things very deeply, so I’m also trying to remind myself to slow down and let the relationship develop instead of trying to figure out the entire future right now.

I know LDRs can be a little different from relationships where you see each other all the time, and I’d really appreciate advice from people who have been through this before.

How did you navigate the early stages of your LDR, and when did you start seriously discussing closing the gap?

Thanks, y’all ❤️

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months, and one thing that has increasingly bothered me is that most of the time we see each other seems to revolve around his job bringing him to my area.

He lives out of state and travels for work, so I understand that distance, work, and having other responsibilities make things more complicated. My issue isn’t that I expect him to constantly travel to see me or spend money on dates. It’s that I don’t really see much effort to intentionally create time for us outside of the times he’s already coming here for work.

When he is in town, we see each other, but lately I’ve started feeling like I’m just being fit into a schedule that already exists rather than him actually making plans specifically because he wants to see me. I would like for him to occasionally choose a day/weekend, make the trip, plan something for us, or take the initiative to create time together that has nothing to do with his work schedule.

We’ve talked about wanting more intentional dates and seeing each other more, so this isn’t something I’ve never communicated. I think that’s why it bothers me more now. I don’t want to continuously ask someone to make an effort to see me.

At the same time, I’m trying to be fair because he does have a demanding job, kids, family responsibilities, and his own expenses. He also does things to show he cares about me in other ways. I’m not questioning whether he cares at all. I’m questioning whether this particular dynamic is reasonable long-term because I want to feel like our relationship has a life outside of his work bringing him near me.

For people who have been in a somewhat long-distance relationship, would this bother you? Is it reasonable to want your partner to occasionally make the trip specifically for you rather than almost always seeing each other when work makes it convenient?

Throwaway account. AI to help with grammar. Venting/Rant

I (28m) met this girl (26f) on vacation.

I met my her on my vacation in Thailand. We met through a dating app, and she was one of the few normal girls. She lived by herself, has an office job, has 2 cats, just highly independent overall. Naturally, I was attracted, somewhat jealous of her lifestyle - simply because I've been living at home with my parents (USA) since covid. I plan on moving to Asia in the next 5 years

I first messaged her and we instantly connected. We talked about life, our cats, our dreams and goals. We decided to met up after a week of chatting. She worked in the BKK, so I asked her on a date to a pizza parlor. She was nervous, so she brought a friend so it was a bit awkward. Afterwards, we ended up at a bar, and I ended up trying to kiss in public, which is a big no-no in Thai culture. I messaged her and we laughed it off in the morning.

I ended up having to take the 2nd leg of the trip to Phuket, while my heart was still in BKK. I ended up leaving 2 days earlier to spend more time with her. We spent our days pretending to be a couple, doing couple things, until our last day together. She had a vacation to another island. We ended up taking a taxi together to the airport to say our goodbyes. At the gate, we said our goodbyes, and was heading to the gate, but she forgot her ticket. So she runs back to the counter, while I watch her bag. By this time, I was already tearing up, so it was awkward for me fighting back tears.

Before I went back to USA, we made our promise to stay in contact. After a month of being back home, I asked to be her boyfriend with a flower arrangement. She agreed, but we had arguments over the course of the 7 month relationship. Mostly stemming from my insecurity, to which I'd argue it was because I didn't have the assurance I needed to feel safe and secure. I wasn't the best boyfriend either, and we all make mistakes. Essentially, my problem would be: she stay out at night and I won't hear from her til the morning, she followed foreigner guys before we met online. Granted, she made efforts to change her lifestyle, and unfollow other foreigners. She would also ask me to unfollow some girls too. These problems would end up creating the rocky foundation. But I decided to give the benefit of the doubt on some occasions

Fast forward to my 2nd trip to visit her. This time I was by traveling by myself in a foreign land. She offered her place to stay, to which I am forever grateful for. We lived like any couple. I would pick her up after work and spend the night doing whatever. We travelled to an island for the weekend, rented bikes and explored places together for the first time. She drove us everywhere. We would take a day trip to see waterfalls.

One day during our trip, I see that a foreign guy send her an IG reel, to which I took a mental note. During one morning, I looked through her DMs and see she deleted and muted the conversation. I found this to be extremely shady. I had enough time to check her spam account and see she still followed her ex on there. I'm the type of person to block all my exes. To keep the peace, I opted to hold this information until I got back the States. Maybe to my own detriment.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. She sends a blindsiding texts, basically thanking me for everything for all the times we shared. That she no longer has patience, there was no plan for our future etc. I had just gotten back from a weekend trip and she blindsided me with this text. The time difference doesn't help too, I couldn't sleep that night. I felt betrayed and backstabbed. My trust was non-existent. She flipped-flopped back on her words, saying she didn't mean it, that she still wants to be together. But the crazy part is that, after I said my piece, saying to go own paths. She ends up doubling-down by DMing my sister saying she broke up with me. I found this to be extremely hurtful. I asked her why she broke up in a text, instead of video calling. Basically, she felt like she wants to see what I would do: fight for her or leave. It felt like it was a test.

Typing this all out, its so easy to remember and blame this person. But deep down, I know that we both have a lot of growing up to do and that we all make mistakes. I do feel as though we are both anxious-attachment. I'm not sure if these are just buzzwords my algorithm throws at me, but it is generally the reason why I hate social media and went on a break during our relationship.

I really hope she doesn't find this post

Edit: grammar

I’m 19M and my girlfriend is 20F. We’ve been together for 1.5 years and we’re currently in a long-distance relationship.

She took 2 drops for her studies and during those 2 years she basically didn’t have many friends. I was there for her through a lot of it. I used to motivate her to study, encourage her to go outside, try to make her feel better whenever she was feeling low, and just support her however I could.

Recently she got admission into Chandigarh University. Obviously she’s started meeting a lot of new people and has made quite a few male friends.

I never really had a problem with that. I know engineering colleges have a lot of guys, and I don’t want to be controlling or tell her who she can and can’t talk to.

The problem started a few days ago when she told me she’s started developing feelings for one of the guys.

She told me she hates that she’s feeling this way and feels guilty about it. From what I know, the guy himself hasn’t really done anything wrong. He seems pretty chill and apparently sends photos/videos to most of his friends, so that part doesn’t bother me.

What’s bothering me is that she knows she has feelings for him, but she still talks to him every day in college. They joke around, laugh together, etc. She also keeps mentioning him to me.

I know she can’t exactly control what she feels, and I’m not blaming her just for developing a crush. But I’m struggling with the fact that she’s continuing to get closer to someone she already knows she has feelings for.

I’m honestly really confused about what I should do. I don’t want to become the boyfriend who tells her to stop talking to a guy, but at the same time I don’t know how I’m supposed to just ignore this.

I also feel kind of scared because I supported her through those 2 years when she was mostly alone, and now that she’s finally in college and meeting new people, I’m worried that our relationship might start becoming less important to her.

I just want to know what other people would do in this situation. If you’ve been through something similar, what did you do? Did you try to work through it or did you eventually leave?

My long distance boyfriend hasn’t given me his phone number. I have asked a few times but he says it’s because he’s getting a new number changed soon but it has been 10 months already. He also has posted me on his Snapchat on my birthday and he has given me gifts like teddy bears and chocolates for Valentines. It has been 10 months and he still hasn’t given it to me. We only call on Snapchat and text there and when I asked for his number it’s the same reason to get his number changed but he hasn’t done it yet. We also try to talk everyday if we can but our lives get busy and it takes sometimes 3 days or four days sometimes even a week to call because of our scheduling. I was just wondering if this is a red flag? If he is suspicious or I don’t need to worry? I need advise and clarification if Im not going insane for thinking this is weird?

I’ve never done any sort of distance relationship and I am trying for the first time. We met at school this past year and He doesn’t live very far less, than 2 hours but I haven’t been able to see him much this summer cause he has no car. The less I see him the more I start to not like him I think. School starts again soon and I am curious if things will go back to the way they originally were but is that wrong of me to do??? I just don’t know if I really don’t like him or the lack of seeing one another just made my feelings dwindle for the time being. Please help is this normal?? Or am I the problem ???

My boyfriend (33M) and I (30F) have been long distance between Boston and SF for a little over 2 years. We finally decided I’ll move to SF early next year. It made sense because he works in tech and owns his condo there, while I work in marketing and can probably find another job but now that the move is getting real, I’m realizing I’m giving up my job, apartment, and paying to move across the country while basically nothing changes financially for him. I’d also be contributing to expenses while living in a place he owns. We’re serious and have talked about getting engaged so this isn’t really about doubting us. I just didn’t realize until now how uneven the risk of closing the distance would be.

For those who moved for their partner, did you talk about this stuff beforehand? How did you make it feel fair?

Me (32 F) and my partner (33 M) have been in a long distance relationship for about a year now (today is actually our anniversary). When I was in his city on a girls trip, he found me on social media, messaged me, and we went out on a date and started dating ever since. We haven’t seen each other that often as we like to but often communicate through calls, FaceTime, and text messages every day. We both work in the same field as well.

Most recently, work has picked up for him and he was given more than he expected. A few days ago, I texted him when I could visit him in the fall, since we haven’t seen each other in a while due to work picking up on my end. He replied and said that after talking with his therapist and with work picking up, if we could pause the romantic aspect of our relationship; due to the fact that he doesn’t know if he would be able to have time to visit me/for me to visit him. He explicitly said that he doesn’t want to pause communication all together and still wants to be in my life but feels that he can’t sustain romance with me for the time being.

We did talk on the phone and I kept reassuring him that I’m willing to wait to visit him during the holidays or even next year. I also said that we can discuss communication being less frequent cause of the nature of our industry during this time period
but he insisted on stopping the romantic aspect our relationship for the time being until we can come up with a plan to sustain it. I said that I understood and we ended the call.

My neighbors saw me really upset and crying, and took me out to a local bar. I ended up getting pretty intoxicated and became enraged and sent him a text message that was harsh (something along the lines of ceasing all communication together, removing him from everything online, and that I don’t want anything to do with him forever) and asking him not to respond. He ended up responding and I explicitly reminded him that I asked him not to respond and he ended up sending a thumbs up, which infuriated me. I called him out for it and he did remove that reaction.

I saw it the next morning, read it over, and was disappointed with myself for doing that to him. I spent the morning struggling with if I should apologize or not. I ended up texting him a huge apology, owning up for doing that to him, saying that it was wrong of me and that he didn’t deserve it. I communicated what I was feeling as well, saying that I don’t think we should end the romance solely for that reason alone, that I was willing to wait and give him grace to focus on work, and that I don’t want to be demoted to a friend and be put on the back burner until he’s available to resume romance.

He did text me back, and we went back and forth stating our feelings but there is still a disconnect, as he has stated that there is a missing piece of understanding of what his overall goal was in telling me. We both agreed to wait a few days to talk and make sure our heads are clear. I really don’t want this relationship to end and want to do everything I can to salvage it. I really do love him.

Has anyone ever been in a situation like this or have any advice? I’m really struggling and I truly don’t know where to turn to, other than talking to him. Thank you. ❤️

So me (F18) and my partner(M20) have known eachother for about 4 years and we’ve pretty much just been close friends up until may of this year we decided to take things further. This guy is literally like my best friend we never miss a day without FaceTiming and go to sleep on the phone every night. I care about him so much and he genuinely makes me so happy. We’re supposed to be meeting in October and I can’t lie I’m SO nervous. Like what if it’s awkward and he realizes he doesn’t like me in person? It’s been eating at me and I have no one to talk to about this. To any of you that met up with your partner for the first time, what was it like? (Also this is my first boyfriend lol)

Me (25F) and my boyfriend (24M) are long distance and used to call every night and go to sleep together. Sometimes it would be on the phone, sometimes we would hang up and go to sleep. It was our routine. We also usually choose one day every week where that isn’t an expectation so we can plan our own social activities for the night. Anyway.

Recently he has been calling me, but after he hangs up he gets on discord with his friends and hangs out for about 2-3 hours. It’s now a consistent part of his nights.

I try to be understanding, and I haven’t said anything about it yet, but for some reason I feel hurt when he chooses that every time. It also makes me feel very lonely and I have a hard time sleeping. I want him to have his friends and have fun nights, but sometimes I want us to end our night together. That just doesn’t happen anymore.

I want to talk to him about it, but it feels so silly. I feel like I need to just accept that him giving me a nightly phone call is what I should be grateful for. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. Especially when to be honest, I have a bad habit of constantly asking him to do certain things differently, or bring up when I felt hurt by something I did. I don’t want to nag or nitpick. I try to tell him all the time when I see good things he does and I try to show him how much I appreciate what he does for me and the sacrifices he has made for me through this LDR.

But it has been difficult for me to transition from the routine we used to have to this new one.

I’m going to see my LDR Romanian gf …I’ve waited eight months for ts…I’m from US. I feel so lucky cuz we’re both 19 and we have friends that are also doing LDR the same age and might not see each other for yrs 😭. But at the same time something in me is a quite sad bc I know the week’s gonna go by too fast and I’ll have to wait a few more months before I see her again…everyone’s warned me abt the final airport hug 😭😂

I (30F) may be wanting to leave my (23M) ldr boyfriend. I really do love him and he’s been so amazing to me. For starters, it’s exactly because of the age gap that I didn’t want this to begin with. He pursued me like no other man has and I thought why not give it a chance, but now I think that’s exactly what’s working against us. We had a trip planned for next month (would be our first time meeting in person) but ever since he told his family about me, they don’t approve of me, or well I guess my age because they never met me. They’re now saying he can’t come see me unless they go too, and honestly it’s so frustrating and a turn off that he even needs permission to fly alone or visit me. This all has got me wondering what our future even looks like. Not sure if this is wrong, but I want my future persons family to actually like and approve of me. That’s a big deal to me. I told him to just cancel the trip altogether and now it’s just been this awkward silence. I don’t know what to do , I’ve never been this happy with someone before but maybe I should’ve thought more deeply about it. I’m open to advice or positive opinions , thanks

Wut I can do

Long story short:

We have about a 2 hour window in the morning and 2 hours at night to talk due to the time difference.

She sends me snaps of her day, she replies nicely, and says goodnight every night.

But we only talk for 3 minutes a day before she has to sleep or go do something, she's active and i'm on delivered for hours, she never initiates messages, she stopped being romantic, she's always too busy to talk.

I feel like im not getting any connection despite trying to put in a load of effort, but technically she isn't cold or rude.

I don't know what to do...

She used to be excited to talk to me, she used to want to stay up until 2am just to call longer.

Now, I text her, make lunch, go to the gym, shower, and check my phone 2 hours later expecting a loving reply, but I'm still on delivered.

It's getting to the point where I wait for her reply all day, but then when I finally get it... I don't want to open it anymore.

Part of me wants to break up, but another part of me fears it's just a phase and I'm going to destroy everything.

I make excuses for her but is it too much to want to be loved by someone who's supposed to?

My bf 35M and I 28F have been in a relationship for a looong time, out of which we’ve been in a LDR for the past 2 years with me visiting him twice or thrice every year. Now he’s been left with my responsibilities as well as his to deal with after I’ve moved back home due to some family issues. He been saying he has become overwhelmed with everything and he’s been saying he is very lonely. He has given me 3 weeks to figure shit out, or leave. I have been looking for jobs but haven’t found any. Idk what I should do in order to save this relationship

Before anything I just want to apologize for my bad English and grammar as it is self taught. Also all of this is a LDR

I'm f 24 (from Asia) , my bf M26( from Europe)

For context, I met JIm (not his real name obviously) around the end of 2025. When we met he told me about his partner dying from childbirth complications and how he's trying to be better for his kid since he's now a single dad. We started off as friends with benefits ( I was recently out of my serious 3 years relationship with my first ever bf ) so I figured sure, I mean he's a single dad surely he's wiser than others.

Fast forward a few months later his 'gf' texted me out of nowhere and there was a huge drama, turns out he lied about it all, he cheated on his then gf with me and his baby mama was alive... But the miscarriage was a real thing but with his then gf.

Anyways after that we cut off contact cold turkey, I had to attend therapy for a few months straight and stayed away from men in general cuz I feel grossed out by what I've done (unknowingly)

Anyways fast forwards he went to rehab, fixed himself with his issues and then he reached out and we started talking again. The first few months were somewhat better, he was honest and he apologized for what happened and has been honest with me ever since(this when we started dating) , his bad habits of disappearing for a few days still come back here and there but I decided to just let it slide after a lil talk, no one is perfect right?

This keeps happening back and forth for a year now and it was draining but I've come to terms with the fact that this is how he is when things get tough and I should love my partners even with flaws and all. I've grown attached to my boyfriend despite his issues, I mean sure he mishandles money and often goes missing for a few days but like I said no one is perfect right ? Maybe I'm okay with it because he said that this is very normal in a relationship.

But I also think I'm not the best partner for him too , sure I support him financially and emotionally and even sexually, but I do have my flaws, I'm very clingy and constantly want to hang out with him or text him silly stuff and memes, and I guess maybe that's very annoying for him. I draw us all the time whenever I miss him and I write him poems (not the best but they rhyme ?) it's not 24/7 but just maybe once a day?...like possible 2 h a day to just hang out and talk? And maybe do stuff together. . .

We fell into a cycle of "things were good, and then he randomly disappeared and I panicked" . This happened in the past before we started dating, which I shrug off as him being busy with his kid. But we already learned that he was with his gf back then .....

Ever since he came back this thought hardly haunts me but recently it made my skin shivers and my blood boils with anxiety, he's been hot and cold since the beginning of this month and as of now it's been 15 days of this, he said it's his family issues and one of his parents is sick however I constantly see him online playing vrchat... Aka the game he cheated on his girlfriend with... So now my brain is jumping into millions of conclusions and I feel like I'm going insane, I've been trying to call him and text him asking begging him for love and affections and maybe some reassurance but every time he replies or texts back it's always because he doesn't have enough money for basic stuff and everytime I helped out he would dissapeared again... I asked him if we're still together and nothing... And 2 days ago when he did reply to ask for more money(not directly) he said he was still my boyfriend. It made me happy but as you can tell, stone cold turkey yet again. I tried texting and calling him on discord and telegram but nothing!!! And yes he's still active on that fuck ass game.

Btw if I didn't pick up his call or answer his text when hes upset he'll distract himself or act cold or lash out on me, but he always apologizes afterward and I'd be okay with it cuz he said it's normal for a couple to argue.

Am I overreacting by freaking out and sending him messages and crying begging for him to reply and give me reassurance during this time? I feel like I'm overacting by being upset and needy and wanting things between us to be okay when he's struggling with the possibility of losing one of his parents, but I don't understand how he can be active and socialize on a game without even thinking of me .

I don't want to give up on him as I still deeply love him but I feel like this is driving me crazy

This is all I could remember for now but I will add more edits for updates. Thank you so much for reading all of this.