u/kate_kimber

In search of some advice…am currently (24, F, USA) in an LDR with my boyfriend of 4 years (24, M, Japan) He’s working full time along with completing his grad program (a few weeks left) which is an enormous stress to begin with. His time abroad working hasn’t been peachy - he’s extremely stressed with school work (finishing up a GIS masters), his health, his job, everything. He tells me about it every single day - sometimes, a text about how much he hates his life or how sad he is sometimes the first thing I read when I wake up. I’ve been supporting him in any way I can - encouraging texts, phone calls, space for him to vent or complain, trying to solve the problem with him. That isn’t to say I’m fine and dandy here, too, as I’ve been in a pretty crummy place for a few months, and needing to keep both of us afloat is impossible. I love him dearly and we’ve both discussed engagement and moving in when he comes back in January of 2027. I am continuing to support him by being encouraging and giving him space to vent, but barely have any energy for myself. It’s been hard for him to find the time to listen to me when I need space.

Thinking of breaking things off when there’s so little time left in our distance makes me feel so guilty. I want to be there, but when every other text I get is about how much he hates his life or how bad everything is, it doesn’t make my dark life any better. Have you done anything special with an LDR when they need support? When is (if there even is?) the right time to know when to call quits? I feel so alone in this situation- I’ve never loved someone quite like him, and the thought of even stepping away makes my heart break. I have less than 4 months of this, but this isn’t what things were like before he left.

In search of some advice…am currently (24, F, USA) in an LDR with my boyfriend of 4 years (24, M, Japan) He’s working full time along with completing his grad program (a few weeks left) which is an enormous stress to begin with. His time abroad working hasn’t been peachy - he’s extremely stressed with school work (finishing up a GIS masters), his health, his job, everything. He tells me about it every single day - sometimes, a text about how much he hates his life or how sad he is sometimes the first thing I read when I wake up. I’ve been supporting him in any way I can - encouraging texts, phone calls, space for him to vent or complain, trying to solve the problem with him. That isn’t to say I’m fine and dandy here, too, as I’ve been in a pretty crummy place for a few months, and needing to keep both of us afloat is impossible. I love him dearly and we’ve both discussed engagement and moving in when he comes back in January of 2027. I am continuing to support him by being encouraging and giving him space to vent, but barely have any energy for myself. It’s been hard for him to find the time to listen to me when I need space.

Thinking of breaking things off when there’s so little time left in our distance makes me feel so guilty. I want to be there, but when every other text I get is about how much he hates his life or how bad everything is, it doesn’t make my dark life any better. Have you done anything special with an LDR when they need support? When is (if there even is?) the right time to know when to call quits? I feel so alone in this situation- I’ve never loved someone quite like him, and the thought of even stepping away makes my heart break. I have less than 4 months of this, but this isn’t what things were like before he left.

Some context: I (24,F) have been living with two other girls (21,F and 22,F) for a year and a half. Our other roommate (22,F) moved out in May and she and the other 22 year old were best friends to start. 22 year old A started dating a guy (25,M - can’t be too sure anyways) about a year ago and he was a frequent visitor in our house last year (25-26). he’s very nice and did a lot of the “manly” jobs when he was here (taking out trash, killing bugs, moving furniture, etc) but quiet and doesn’t really talk to the other girls and me much when they aren’t together. before 22 year old B moved out in May, we tried to find another girl to take her place and had some success but we ultimately decided that it’d be easiest if 22 year old A’s boyfriend moved in with us in place. he lives upstairs with her and i have the whole first floor to myself now, including the bathroom, which i shared with 22 year old B before she left, which is awesome. i work full time over the summer bc i am a teacher, so im out 8-10 hours a day anyways. the rest of them are still in college.
however, 21 F has been home for the summer for a job, so its just been the three of us. for some
background, i’m an extremely orderly person. i clean weekly, have a place for every one of my items, and make sure im organized and in place. i don’t know who’s things it is specifically (no, i do, lol), but someone is leaving things on the counters/in boxes in corners for WEEKS at a time and not moving them in shared living spaces (living room, kitchen, sunroom and dining room). i went to japan in july to visit my bf for 2 weeks. there were letters from the MVA on the counter before i left. i got back, and they were still there. it’s august 8th and guess what? they haven’t moved, except for when i’ve cleaned the counter. there’s boxes in the corner near the basement door, an empty shoe box sitting on the sunroom couch, and dirty scrubs in the laundry room sink. all without any sign of movement. it’s really starting to bother me now, especially since putting it away takes SECONDS. how can i bring this up to the two of them in a way that doesn’t make me sound like a clean freak who can’t stand the sight of other people’s things…bc that isnt true. to me, shared living spaces shouldn’t be crowded with other people’s personal items, and in our case, with 3 other people living with you.

My boyfriend and I are currently long distance. He left for Japan in November of 2024 and won’t be back until the end of the year this year (2026) - I’m in Maryland where we went to college. We’ve seen each other a few times (summer break - I teach and Christmas), and I’m going over next week with some friends. Engagement, moving in, and marriage has on the table for quite some time, but the long distance popped up a month before I graduated college and we didn’t get a chance to even discuss anything. We spend time playing lots of video games together, facetiming, sending packages….Im getting through it.

Recently, though, it’s been point blank IMPOSSIBLE. I’m having a really rough couple of weeks and have seen some significant declines in my mental and physical health, along with him as well…we’re both rotting without one another. LOL. It’s been so hard - he’s taking a masters degree along with working a 9-5, I’m a first year teacher in a terrible county, and we’ve both been watching out conversations and our relationship get hit with rock after rock. Since Sunday, we’ve maybe sent 10 texts in total and have barely facetimed one another. We’re both not exempt from being jerks to one another and not communicating with full honesty, but I have barely 5 months left of this absolute hellhole. I love this man with all my heart of my heart - but I’m so scared. I just want this to be OVER!!!!
Does this sound familiar to anyone? What do you do? Is this a sign that maybe we aren’t supposed to be together?

My boyfriend and I have been long distance since 2024. He’s coming back at the end of this year and needless to say, it’s been ROUGH. There were a lot of things we struggled with before he left, for example, our arguments would always become so explosive and I would eventually just start crying and nothing would get solved, or our intimate life being so routine that it’s the same stuff every time. Visiting was nice and gave us a chance to see one another, but ever since January of this year after he left after visiting for Christmas, things have gotten worse.
He’s currently working and getting his masters online and I’m working full time at a job - both our work lives give us immense anxiety, and school frustrates him. We’re obviously in the transitional stage in our life and trying to figure things out, but it seems like every weekend we’re fighting about something.
Literally EVERYTHING. Texting is the worst way to communicate but it’s so hard to find time to talk because of the time distance. Has anyone else at this point in long distance experienced this? We’re SO close to this being over but every time we fight my hope just dies a bit more and more. What have you done? Is this fixable? I genuinely love this man with all of my heart and want this to be a positive experience for us, but I can’t force it. Help :(