I would like to know if anyone has advice for knowing or gauging how durable their changes are. My boyfriend is medicated and going to therapy weekly. He has scared me beyond repair and is trying to mend things. I don’t know that I am safe and I don’t know that this won’t be fleeting and that he’ll scare me again.
I have moved into a new country to join my boyfriend recently and this has caused a lot of friction. Over two weeks ago, my boyfriend made me feel very scared at home, as he threatened his own safety, didn’t allow me to leave the house and kept hold of my phone. This has made our relationship quite fragmented.
My boyfriend’s mother has been told about the extent of it and has assured me I could reach out to her if needed. My boyfriend went to his parents’ house so I could get some relief. Things have been difficult since this incident as I didn’t feel safe in this house, and my boyfriend feels rejected because I am not extremely affectionate. He knows I’m not back to normal and his behaviour scared me. He threatened himself graphically if I were to leave.
A few days back, I texted my boyfriend’s mother saying I wanted to go back to my country for a bit because her son was making me feel guilty about being scared by being very apologetic but also told me how there was not a single thing he could do and that he was so horrible. It made me feel like I needed to comfort him for something he’s done to me and that’s why I texted his mother.
My boyfriend completely lost it and it lasted for hours. His mother picked me up and my boyfriend was extremely distraught from being told I was leaving. After three hours of back and forths because I needed my ID, he managed to get me to have a conversation with him at his parents’ house.
It wasn’t going anywhere because he keeps begging and begging me to stay, and his mother just came in the room to tell us that we needed a break and he completely lost it.
He has told them everything he’s been holding on to years, how unfit parents they were, how much they messed him up, how much they didn’t help him get help. He was very cruel and he’s admitted to me that he was in so much pain that he wanted other people to feel it. This has made everything so difficult and I was the cause of it all, I made him feel bad by leaving and he was horrible to the very same (only) people I have if things go sour.
I’m very anxious to see my in-laws and I’m supposed to see them this week. I feel so horrible, his mother just wanted to help me and I made her feel bad. His father cried today and it’s almost been a week, and I feel like it’s so unfair.
I also feel like I’ve ruined the only people that could help me, I have no one here.
My partner is depressed and I am the one dealing with it. He is not as involved in the house as I am, and I thought it was a direct consequence of me not working for the moment but he’s a teacher on summer break and his habits haven’t changed.
He doesn’t cook, eats ready-meals, leaves the plastic boxes outside for the next person to deal with. He doesn’t do the dishes EVER, even though he knows I hate it, sometimes he dries them as if he’s done a massive thing. He doesn’t do the laundry, except for him sometimes, I deal with everything shared. He doesn’t even throw away empty toilet rolls.
He doesn’t vacuum or wipe down surfaces. He leaves his dirty clothes on the floor CONSTANTLY. His clean clothes live in our shared areas. He has never taken the initiative of washing the bedding. I am growing very resentful about all of this. Also leaves the trash overflowing instead of taking it out which would literally take 30 mins. Also when he needs a plate to eat something, he just leaves it out for days. I said explicitly I wouldn’t wash his plates because he puts sauce often and it sticks to the cutlery. That yucks me out. I am so angry because he claims the house is dirty because of the both of us, and completely overlooks my efforts.
Any time I get him to do chores, he needs indication of everything. If I dare to say how tiring this is, I’m not understanding and I need to be more empathetic. I have given up on doing a lot because being all alone in sorting things is draining.
I am left traumatised after something that happened yesterday. I said I would leave to stay in a hotel to clear my mind and my spouse lost it. It’s been multiple times they pushed me so I stay in the same room as them.
I was making a bag with things while they were just screaming at me and I tried to leave the room but they follow me all around the house.
It is a blur but they threatened explicitly that IF I left the house, they would stab themselves. I am left utterly traumatised, they kept yanking my phone out of my hands because they don’t want to get in trouble with work and they beg me not to and I feel absolutely horrible.
I felt so helpless that I tried to leave by the window but they grabbed me back (they’re taller and bigger than me) and I’m feeling so traumatised. I can’t get out the state of shock. Now they’ve calmed and they’re not panicking but I’m in such a state and I would like it to stop.
I’ve spoken about it with them and they never remember being violent and reminded me that I sometimes scream and throw pillows out of frustration. I am autistic and I can go mute in situations and I feel frustrated because I am bullied for it. I never threw pillows at them but they’ve restrained me in rooms before and keep grabbing my phone. I wish I just left through that window faster
I am left traumatised after something that happened yesterday. I said I would leave to stay in a hotel to clear my mind and my spouse lost it. It’s been multiple times they pushed me so I stay in the same room as them.
I was making a bag with things while they were just screaming at me and I tried to leave the room but they follow me all around the house.
It is a blur but they threatened explicitly that IF I left the house, they would stab themselves. I am left utterly traumatised, they kept yanking my phone out of my hands because they don’t want to get in trouble with work and they beg me not to and I feel absolutely horrible.
I felt so helpless that I tried to leave by the window but they grabbed me back (they’re taller and bigger than me) and I’m feeling so traumatised. I can’t get out the state of shock. Now they’ve calmed and they’re not panicking but I’m in such a state and I would like it to stop.
I’ve spoken about it with them and they never remember being violent and reminded me that I sometimes scream and throw pillows out of frustration. I am autistic and I can go mute in situations and I feel frustrated because I am bullied for it. I never threw pillows at them but they’ve restrained me in rooms before and keep grabbing my phone. I wish I just left through that window faster
I know it is ridiculous but this has been causing issues in my relationship. I am always rejecting my partner as they never initiate when I’m ready. I can’t shave everyday because my skin is incredibly sensitive and I’m all itchy for a lot of days afterwards.
I can’t get a full bikini wax because I’m terrified. I get my legs waxed when I have the money but I always get ingrowns.
It’s so depressing that this is affecting me this much, I know realistically it is a very small issue. I don’t believe my partner when they say they don’t care because they’ve never seen me unshaved.
I tried trimming but I can’t get enough of a close shave for me to feel secure enough. This is affecting me and our sex life a lot and I’m tired of myself. It is so much of a problem that we haven’t had any intimate moments in the past four months and when it happened, I didn’t let them touch me as I wasn’t shaved. I wish I could disappear :(