r/FTMventing

Idk any trans ppl irl, and all I see online is people saying they're scared to be a man, they don't wanna be grouped in with cis men, they think men are bad, they don't wanna lose their femininty/they feel like they see the world on a feminine view etc etc. I would really like some trans man friends (especially from the UK) but it's really hard to navigate this community sometimes. I'm extremely binary, very male , no nuisance whatsoever. Just looking for ppl like minded. The other ftm subreddit is full of what I'm assuming are younger trans ppl who domt have much experience either stealth/ irl in general so if you're anything like me please dm. I need some like minded friends that aren't gonna debate me on being male and we can just be guy friends together 😭 I have a great relationship with all my cis guy friends I just need trans men who are the same

if i get height mogged by an old lady or my younger cousins one more fucking time istg

i know 5 other trans guys and two are over 5’7 and one is like 5’2 and the other two are around 5’5 I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO BE AT LEAST 5’2 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 bro even my cis hg is 5’7/8

how to get taller yesterday no glue no borax

Wasn't sure if this counted as a vent cause I'm not super upset by it, just a little frustrated, so it's going here just cause I tend to write things in a more emotional way.

But it frustrates me when someone who thinks I'm a Cis man assumes I'm stronger than them because I'm "biologically stronger" (not always said like that but, yk).

For some possibly unneeded context, I've been transitioning for over a decade now (socially since 2015 and medically since 2019) and I'd say roughly around 2024-25 after my top surgery I started passing to 95% of people.

I know I still got this comment from people who knew me pre-transiton, I'd just started transitioning and their way of validating me was wanting me to do more physical work because "you're a guy you can lift heavy things" ... I cannot.

Well, I started a new job that involves a lot more physical labor than I'm used too. I am a very weak person. I can push through the work and sweat for sure! But by no means am I breezing through my tasks (yet!)

There's one task that requires a lot of "elbow grease" and the person I was with (love them, they are very sweet this not a judgment on them at all, they don't know I'm trans) was talking about guys like me who usually have an easier time doing this task. Ive been thinking about it now, and looking back on other times I've been told similar things, and it's never really made me feel good? I think a part of it is because I'm pretty insecure about my strength and general physical stamina, I can lift maybe 30lbs? and be on my feet for about 2 hours before my feet start screaming at me. I've tried working out and exercising, but my brain finds it boring and it always feels like a waste of time, even if in reality, for that hour I'd spend working out I'd just replace it with doom scrolling yt shorts lmao.

Anyways, I'm kinda wondering if anyone else relates to this.

How is it for other people my height it about 5”1 and transitioning. I feel weird bc of other people and there’s prescription of me but does it actually affect anyone and cause more dysmorphia?

Warning: talking about genitals and nsfw tmi shit

I’m also just not really looking for advice, this is mostly about dysphoria venting.

——

I’m getting real sick and tired of dealing with my genitals. I need at least vaginectomy so I don’t have to get wet or deal with atrophy stuff ever again. It just feels insanely gross having my bits, and it’s worse so whenever I have atrophy symptoms cause I’m just even more aware of what’s going on down there.

I’m actually just kind of done waiting it out. I was so unsure of whether I wanted to get bottom surgery (meta) because I was afraid of what would be said with my family and just how long the process can be, but I rather have a tiny functionless dick than my natal genitals. It’s funny too, cause I like bottoming, but bottoming with my bits rather than my ass is just a nightmare, I can never finish and I just feel gross. Why ass? No problem, I can finish sm faster and I feel euphoric. Anything below my tdick and above my ass is just gross, a complete turn off.

I’m thinking tomorrow I’ll make a call with a clinic and see if I can at least get a consult. Cause I’m getting sick of all this and if I don’t do anything now what difference will it make? I’ll just be as sad as I am now but older and more bitter that I didn’t do anything sooner.

facial hair is a sensory night mare. i can't stand it. and shaved hair is also terrible. swallowing is no uncomfortable sometimes because of the sharp hairs on my chin. shaving is so terrible too. it hurts and it's so uncomfortable i want to vomit. i can't do this.

This is hopeless. I'm a year and a few months on T, several weeks post op for top surgery and I still don't pass. My voice isn't deep enough, my body isn't male enough, this was a mistake. I started too late in life and there's no hope for me anymore. Life wasn't worth living back under my parents' rule, then it became worth living because I moved out and started T, and now that hope has been ripped out of my hands as the days go by and nothing is working. There's no fucking point anymore, all I can do now is just try to help other transguys in hopes they can live the dream I can't then I'll hopefully just fade away and disappear.

[supprimé]

TW: might make you feel dysphoric and insecure or add doubts. Wanting non existence :/

Every time any kissing or sexual scene or topic is brought up or even implied I feel the intensity of pain.

I like sex though for the first time in my life even the concept of it feels disgusting. Especially straight hetronormative penetrative sex or just involving a guy's dick.

I keep thinking yeah I don't have it how boring it must be to be with me. I'm not a fantasy of someone's.. Fucking minority in ideas even or definition. Its in the wording, the media, its everywhere. Even the word foreplay just implies that it includes all other things but fun, main and best part is sucking the guy off or the PIV or PIA. That's the sex. yeah right...

is it weird to say that I don't feel the need to change my body due to sexual inadequacy? I want it changed causr it'll fit better but I'm neutral with what I have right now.

Yet I'm feeling like I lack so much. The substitute of a man and not a woman that can be liked either.

i hate it all. I wish I could stop existing. I wish I could stop pain instead of feeling like the lesser one. I feel pathetic and I feel like I don't ever wanna be sexual ever again. I don't like it. I feel like I'm going insane sometimes as there's just so many things going on in my head at once its making me crazy.

Every single day I'm more miserable. I'm unable to believe and I keep feeling undesirable. So, fucking undesirable.

hey! i don’t usually come to reddit to rant but my current situation has sort of pushed me to try and see if i get anything out of this.

im 24 and i have since i was about 15 identified as non binary. i’ve always been fairly masculine and i came out to my mum as trans at the time (i had severe dysphoria and wanted to get top surgery) but i was never sure about socially transition (my mum is accepting, but not encouraging and my dad and his family specially would have a pretty hard time with it)

the point is i haven’t been too public about it except when there has been any discussion on gender/trans people with friends/family and i have always kept it vague if i wasn’t talking to other queer folk, my partner or really good friends (my friends are all very progressive but few are queer and none are trans). i have always thought of my identity as something pragmatic and dependent on context (in some spaces i am more “woman” because i feel sorority in terms of having suffered struggles from being perceived as a woman; in others im more “man” with my partner i enjoy the feeling of using masculine pronouns; if im alone i don’t think im anything really).

but recently a friend of my girlfriend came out as trans. id talk to him before once about my own gender troubles (so to speak) and apparently he was very inspired by my gender bending behaviours and has decided to transition. he goes by another name and now uses masculine pronouns. he started the process to get on t and wants to get top surgery. and im happy for him! but i also feel jealous, as if he won a race i was not aware i was participating in.

the point is… now i think i want to transition? and finally take the steps towards top surgery? and getting on t? but im so terribly scared of socially transitioning and some of my family members reactions. im scared of choosing a name that my parents don’t like? or never feeling fully comfortable presenting as a man? (i know full well I’ve never liked being read as a woman, im just very used to it). change has always been hard for me, i also struggle with changing my given name, even though i don’t love it, i just disassociate gender from it (its a very feminine name). im scared of violence (even though my country is pretty good with lgbt rights), and not being able to find a job. im weirdly scared of my neighbours talking about me? and having to see people from my past (like teachers from highs school) and having to come out and everything. has anyone felt these same feelings? does it even make sense?

any advice from fellow trans men? fear paralyses me, but i want to enjoy my life the way i would if things were easier. i now i come from a place of privilege cause my life is not in danger and there are resources i can access to transition, but i still feel unlucky because i’m so scared to do anything.

thanks guys!

I used to be good playing the snare drum. i used to be competent at it at least. now i can barely fucking play it. even my band director told me that my ability “degraded”. i sobbed in front of my drum teacher a few minutes ago because i was so embarrassed at how bad i was. my dysphoria has completely distracted me from everything i love. i am utterly talentless now and everything i worked for went to waste. i just want to disappear.

help me please i hate this all so much

i was thinking "transphobe", "chaser", or "transphobic chaser", but idk if there's an actual term that encompasses this behavior.

this was a while ago when i was young(er) and foolish, and i've since stopped talking to people IMMEDIATELY after they start asking for sexual favors.

- naming a body part/insecurity that obviously would cause dysphoria like "you look so feminine for a guy" or "you have a big chest for a guy" (but phrased more vulgar)

- dating a trans guy and wanting him to do feminine stuff (all this happened to me, i was in a talking stage with a guy who would never tell me any info about himself and was hesitant to even do anything with me, but would be overtly sexual and want me to shave my legs and appear feminine and stuff)

- talking to a trans guy and wanting him to play out your fantasies of "seeing" him as a guy but wanting him to wear dresses, makeup, and go by "she/her" pronouns and eventually call him your "girlfriend".

Hey, I'm 16 and out for about 1½ years now, censored this post just in case. I put it in as Trabsphobia just so no one gets triggered, but I'm kinda looking for advice.

My mom recently told me that some "old person we can't cut out that easily" said something along the lines of "Oh she's not trans, maybe if a guy would f*ck her properly she wouldn't imagine having to be one".

First of all, that's messed up to say about a 14/15yo (wich I was at the time that must have happened).

But that's not what this post is about, I kinda wanted to ask for advice. My mom said she didn't really wanted to tell me who said it and I think she's trying to protect me and I get that, but now I'm really kinda curious who'd say something like that. She said she would tell me if I really wanted to know but that I was better of not knowing.

Obviously, I'm making assumptions about who might have said that (I'm currently thinking maybe my grandparents based on what my mom said, and they really weren't that supportive).

Now the question, am I really better of not knowing and just assuming and probably accusing the wrong person in my head, or should I ask my mom who it was?

My mom is totally supportive btw, just told me what someone else said to her after I came out.

(Sry if there's anything wrong with the language, English isn't my first language)

This is just a small rant because good lord I'm sick of seeing this (primarily on tiktok) of trans men complaining about the needle when needing to do their shot. I even saw a post that said "I'm 2 weeks late on my shot because I hate needles" and I just think it's the stupidest thing to complain about. I get that intramuscular needles are bigger than subq, so if you're THAT scared, talk to your doctor about subq T or tgel instead. You have the privilege of being on HRT, which a lot of trans people do not get to have, and you're whining about it just because you don't like needles. Guess what pal? Nobody is forcing you to take T. Either take the shot or don't but nobody wants to hear you complain about something you signed yourself up for

The stupidest things give me dysphoria. I used to love art and crocheting, but now I can't do it because art and crocheting are "girl hobbies." Most artists and every crocheter I see are women, and doing those things makes me feel more "girly."

It's getting so bad that I'll actively shun anything that looks good in favor of...navy blue bedsheets and shit. Because it's "too girly." I hate it, I hate that I can't enjoy what I used to, and I hate that my own insecurity about my masculinity is pushing me away from things I used to love.

The worst part? Self-proclaimed "alpha male" podcasters are starting to look REALLY appealing. I'm self-aware enough to understand that they spout nothing but lies, but I have to admit that, when you're insecure in your own identity as a man, these guys and their "being a man is X, Y, and Z" formulas start to seem like a way out of the pit of dysphoric despair. Boys do this, boys do that, boys treat women as less than them. It's terrible. I'm afraid that, in my desperate longing to make a man out of myself, I'll end up becoming those who I condemn.

I know I won't. I know I'll manage, that I'll get over or through this somehow...but it SUCKS! It sucks that masculinity is a nebulous concept that depends mostly on self-perception instead of relying on a set of easily defined and easily followed rules! It SUCKS that guidelines for how to be a man will lead me down a path of hatred and emotional repression! This sucks politician cock!!!

But. There are ways to mitigate it. There are ways to cope. We are a community, and I have no doubt that other people are struggling with the same thing.
So here are some things I've found that help:

• Follow dudes that are into whatever you're into. Especially if they're other trans dudes!
  • Male fashion creators (there's this one chubby dude that styles baggy shirts and "stuff that X people can't wear" just out of spite and self-love, + he's really really fine)
  • transmasc fitness creators (i think there's this guy named Grayson or something, he's on youtube)
  • artists (coledraws is so cool)
  • Anyone can do any hobby, do not limit yourself!
• Do something physical (within your abilities.) Cardio, skateboarding, weightlifting, grip strength, even just stretching can help with the despair. Not sure why.
• "Women are cool, I just don't wanna be one." Safety net against the slippery slope of misogyny.
• find a transfem with the features that you want and swap with her, trade her excess testosterone for your excess estrogen and both of you walk away happy
  • Joking obv., but "partnering" with other trans people (incl. enbies) can actually get you some good resources. At the very least, you get solidarity in a community that understands what you're going through. That's why we're here, after all.
  • Swap clothes! Trade hair dye for jewelry or something! That's what a village does, be a villager!
• DO NOT...I repeat, DO. NOT. blame other members of the trans community for what you're going through. Sounds strange, I know, but I've been getting the urge to point fingers and say "ugh it's all these trans women making me feel bad" which is STUPID and NOT A NICE THING TO DO.
  • Yes, there's an issue with transfemininity overriding transmasculinity sometimes, but that's a separate issue to what we're going through. Transfems are not the enemy!! They are our sisters and siblings, and that means that they understand some of what we're experiencing!
• Look in the mirror and channel the spirit of Chet Manly. Flex your nonexistent muscles, put on your best frat boy voice, and say something like "bro i'm so MANLY that OTHER MEN are JEALOUS of my MANLINESS." You're gonna feel stupid, but you just have to fake it till you make it.
  • Chet Manly is a character I made up for sociology class, he embodies Positive Masculinity. He says shit like "Well if you're the man of the house, then it's your job to take care of your family. That's what alphas do, bro. Why are you making your wife take care of the whole house?" and "Wait...now that you're a chick, can I still call you 'bruh?' Or should I call you...'gruh?'" and "The manliest thing that any man can do is not care what other people say about you. Your manliness is your own, bro."
  • Eventually, he will start to drown out the dysphoria brain worms. It's really stupid but it works. He looks like the human version of a Jolteon. IT WORKS.

We got this. We shall endure, we shall survive, and we shall come out the other side as MEN (or CREATURES or GENDERLESS AMALGAMS or SOMETHING)

Hi, so I'm 18yrs old and trans ftm.

Right so once again I'm applying for jobs and I was double checking my grammar for a cover letter for a job at birds in Belper. And my dad said are you applying as you(meaning with my birth name) or as my chosen name. And I'm so fucking done, I'm more my chosen name than my birth name and it's the way he says it like it's horrible or wrong or like a disease or smth. And then I say well it didn't matter with Aldi because I still didn't get the job even with applying with my birth name and then he said that it's too much trouble to want to be called my chosen name and too confusing that employers might just not hire me to not deal with shit apparently.

I'm just so fucking tired.

I'm correct that no employer would just not hire you because you go by a different name right?

Any advice would be appreciated

I have been on testosterone for about 8 years now. I’ve tried just about all forms of it and now I’m on Jatenzo. And have been for about 2-3 years. No major issues. I had been feeling yuck the last few days. Between feeling bloated and stomach cramps, I noticed after going to the bathroom that I was bleeding. I haven’t skipped a dose in months. I haven’t had this happen unless I was switching types of T or missed doses. As a result of this spotting, I have felt nothing but dysphoria. I don’t have people to go to that are trans that understand dysphoria, or the people I have don’t reassure me in a way that is helpful for me. And for the record, I have chatted with my wife who is afab, receiving only “I’m so sorry :(“ from her. It feels like because I am a guy, and present as such, I have to “tough” it out and “be a man” about it. I’m not sure how to make myself feel better about this, as rn I keep getting that reminder that I am not TRULY a man.

I'm a trans guy and I've been HRT for a year and half now.

The first time I came out to my parents, my mom made my coming out all about herself: she complained about how hard it is for her to go through something like this and that I should have told her sooner and ended up blaming me for never telling her anything.

After this they seemed to have forgotten my coming out so I came out to them again on Christmas, we had a big fight and they "forgot" it again so I had my mum talk to my very supportive psychiatrist, who reprimanded her for using my deadname and wrong pronouns. During the appointment she seemed understanding and said she was surprised that I was hurt by her actions. She said she "had no problem whatsoever with me being trans" and said that she will use my preferred name and pronouns from now on.

Well guess what...as we went back home she seemed to have forgotten it again. As of now she ends every sentence with my deadname.

I just feel hate and rage right now.

It feels like no matter what I do I always end up in the same depression loop of hating myself. I barely remember anything before my surgery but it felt like there was just one thing that bothered me to focus on, only one thing to hate.

Now it feels like there's a million other things I never even thought about before, my voice, my hips and thighs, my stoamch. that will never change bc female puberty ruined my body, my acne now that I'm on t. I feel like girls will never look at me or want to date me because why on earth would a girl ever choose to date me: a guy who looks 16 when he's 19, doesn't have a dick so he can't fuck her, and has acne all over his face and neck.

I cant get over how ill probably never have a dick and it feels like ill never have a normal body. Other guys have what I want naturally.

The only girl who ever liked me was trans and she straight up looked like a dude. And I'm not saying that to be mean it's just the truth. She had facial hair, very visible adams apple, wearing man's clothes (i dont even know why I didnt stick around long enough to find out, probably closeted or some shit, not her fault but come on)

When she told me she liked me I told her I'm not gay and she said "thats ok, cuz I'm a girl" I felt sick like I wanted to throw up so I just ran away. Am I just doomed to only dating trans girls who look like men for the rest of my fucking life?

I tried so hard to gain muscle and get abs but nothing I do seems to work and I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. All the information is so confusing and nothing seems to work for me. It just feels impossible for me to have that kind of lean, muscular, aesthetic body that I want. I've been trying to lose my stomach fat and get ab muscles for fucking months and theres barely any change. I box 3 times a week, climb twice a week and du kung fu twice a week. I see people on youtube who got abs in 4 months and I just don't understand how.

I go to the boxing and climbing gyms and I just get sick with jealousy everytime I go. I feel like everyone is always staring at the parts of my body I don't like. There are 16 year olds there that look older than me, some with full fucking facial hair and six packs just casually taking their shirts off like I wish I could do. There was this one guy at boxing, we were talking and he asked how old I was and I told him I was 19 and he literally laughed in my face, said he was sure I was 15/16.

Everywhere I go people still fucking ask which highschool/grade I'm in. I had this job a while back, taking care of animals and guiding middle and highschoolers how to care for them. Most of the kids, the first time they met me thought I was one of them when I was in charge of them! It was humiliating. Will people ever take me seriously? I'm going to university next year and usually people in my country go when they're 21-25 and I'll be 19.

I don't want to be treated like a child. I've had enough of people babying me all my life because I'm autistic and because my dad died 3 years ago. now my mom want to tell the uni that im autistic so I'll get into the dorms but I just want a fresh start where people don't know all this bullshit about me.

Also its really hard not having a father figure/male role model. My mother's best friend had to teach me how to shave my face. I wanted my dad to be there to teach me. I miss him so much he and wonder everyday what he would think of who I am today.

At the boxing club i go to, today I was talking with two guys one guy asked the other guy if he was my dad bc he said we looked alike. I dont even know how I felt I just wanted my dad.

Me and my mom dont get on and its non stop fighting with her about crap . I cant wait to move out to the dorms for university, if I could i would skip to then. I dont have any siblings so all the attention is on me and if i do something she doesnt like she gets super mad even if its the tiniest damn thing. Shes a clean freak and im messy so that happens often.

For the past week and a half I didn't go climbing boxing or kung fu like I usually do because I just couldn't face it. (Today I went and realized how much I missed it, I'll try to go more and climbing too)

I stayed at home and just wasted my time all day, it just made feel worse and I started eating a lot more unhealthy food/sweets to try to cope obviously that didn't help and only made me feel worse with myself and my body (before this I was really careful about what I was eating and how much, checking nutrition lables for unhealthy stuff, obessed over protein but I just got tired of that I guess) I probably gained weight and fat in my stomach which is the area I hate the most about myself right now. To think after all I've been through I still cant stand myself shirtless.

My ex made me feel like a bad person because I didn’t want to attend protests. Mostly because I don’t wanna get caught up in a violent situations. I’d just rather not.
We both had some different views on stuff. They were very far left and I’m more in the middle. When they found out about some of my views, they just wouldn’t stop talking about politics.
They were just a tab too much and pushy and tbh cringy with all the political stuff for me.
But making someone feel guilty because they don’t want to attend protests feels no good.