u/ReagsGotCash

There’s a woman on tiktok whose daughter recently came out as trans. I don’t follow her but her videos keep popping up.
She seems really sweet and is doing her best to support her daughter and sharing that online.

I can’t watch them. I get so upset and angry
because i know ill never have the same kind of parent. I’m happy for her daughter and im glad she has support, but why not me?

I feel like an asshole for how upset it makes me.

My parents have 4 kids including me (18.) They’re 8, 10 and 13. I do love my siblings, but they made me decide a long time ago that i will never have children.

For context-
Our house is filthy. They don’t clean up after themselves despite being old enough to know better. Our upstairs constantly STINKS of piss because the 10 year old wets the bed and wears pull ups. (Overnight diapers, not sure if other countries use the same word) She doesn’t throw them out, she either leaves them on her bedroom floor or in the bathroom.

There’s so much stuff everywhere and it’s all their toys and clothes. You genuinely would not believe me if i told you how bad it is. You can’t move for stuff. I’m constantly stepping on things or tripping over because there’s just so much STUFF.
Our house is too small for us and yet they keep buying more.

They’re old enough to clean up after themselves but don’t. No amount of punishing them or telling them changes anything. The house does get cleaned but literally 30 minutes later it’s back to how it was.

Back to what i was talking about,

I have plans to move out next year to live with my partner. It’s just the two of us and we are both childfree, so we want a 2 bedroom place. One bedroom for us and another as an office area.

My mum disagrees. She wants us to purchase a 4 bedroom home for her and my siblings to come stay whenever they like. She’s offered to pay to decorate ‘their’ rooms so she can have them how she likes. She didn’t offer to pay the difference for the house mind, just to decorate her new place.

I’ve tried telling her no, this is not happening. I wouldn’t mind my family coming to visit, but not staying here for a week at a time, whenever they feel like it. If they all have their own rooms they’ll be less inclined to leave.

I can’t deal with kids despite having been around them my whole life. I can’t handle the yelling and mess. Maybe when they’re older, but i’m certainly not purchasing a home for them.

She’s tried showing me large homes and telling me what bedrooms we can all have and how she’ll decorate the kids room, and her room. She literally does not believe me when i tell her it’s not happening. She thinks im joking.

I had to move back in with my parents last week.
It was my absolute last resort because i knew i couldn’t handle living with my dad.

He doesn’t hit us anymore because when i was 14 i told my counsellor at the time what was happening and police got involved. I’m 18 now.

He still screams, shouts, rages and throws stuff. He doesn’t care.

I can’t be in this house at the same time as him. I feel like i’m constantly in fight or flight. Every sound is making me jump. I can’t breathe properly because of the stress.

When i was living alone i would hallucinate the sound of his yelling still. It got less and less the longer i lived away, but now im back and im fully living the nightmare again.

I have plans to move in with my partner in 2027, but im struggling to find another job and they’ve just been fired. Im worried we might not be able to. We cant move in together now because we live in different countries.

I don’t really have anyone i can talk to about this. I feel so sick and scared i don’t know what to do.

I’m working on some NSFW YCH slots right now, but obviously i only want to sell to adults.

I’ve done commissions in the past but it’s all been SFW. Is it just an honour system? I’m worried about being lied to and accidentally selling to a minor.

This is relevant to the sub i promise.

I moved out in August last year for a two year college course. I fucking HATED the course so badly but i kept at it. I’m living over 100 miles away from home and in a city instead of a tiny village with very little healthcare options, i could start T. That was why i left.

I have plans to move in with my boyfriend next August (long distance rn) So i wasn’t worried about my parents knowing i was starting T.

I didn’t want to do it through the NHS because it’s incredibly difficult and with a long waiting list so i decided i wanted to go with private HRT which costs money.

It’s about £30 a month or something with a £250 startup. Rough prices i can’t remember.

I had a good bit of money saved to pay for rent and planned to wait for a job so i knew i’d always be able to afford T.

I have had no luck. I didn’t expect it to be easy, but i really didn’t expect it to be this hard. I had one interview for a scam job and another interview that never showed up.

Back home i worked two jobs that i got by just asking if they were hiring. Obviously the rest of the world doesn’t operate that way. Nobody knows who you are and they have thousands of applicants.
(Note- I don’t mean that in a “don’t you know who i am?” kind of way, my village was small and everybody knows who you are. They know if you’re a good/reliable worker so easier to get jobs.)

So now i’m stuck with only a months rent left and my only option is to move home.

I really wanted this to work out for me. I was so fucking miserable being stuck back home. It was so so fucking nice to be able to introduce myself with my own name and hear it be spoken.

I was so so excited to be able to start T. I feel so behind from everyone else. My boyfriend has been on it for years and had had surgery. I look and sound like a 14 year old girl when i’m a fucking adult man. I feel so bad for him having to be with someone like me. He’s told me he sees me as a man but i can’t believe him.

I feel like my first ever opportunity for happiness in years has been ripped away from me. I feel so fucking alone and i don’t have anyone i can really talk to about this in person.

I’ve been nonstop crying the past few days. I am so fuckign depressed i just can’t keep going. Only reason i’m still here is that if i can just push through this year I’ll be living with the love of my life and actually have a safe person in my home.

Even then that’s not guaranteed, if his VISA doesn’t get accepted i don’t know what i’ll do. I’m worrying about so much constantly and i have nowhere to let it out.

I had a bad drinking problem at the start of the year and i really really don’t want to go back to that. I just feel so stuck and out of options.

I don’t even know if i want advice or not. I just want someone to hear me.

I’m pre everything, but i have a very masculine looking face. From just my face i look like a cis guy that shaves. I’m really happy about this. Cutting my hair helps a lot with this, so i usually keep it short.

When my hair is long, i just kind of look like a woman with a more masculine face, when it’s short i look fucking weird.

I pass from the shoulders up but then you see my chest and hear my voice. People don’t know what to refer to me as, i’ve seen workers stutter between a sir or a ma’am. I fucking hate being viewed as a confusing person that people raise an eyebrow at.

It happens every single time. I usually kinda let my hair get pretty long before i cut it since i hate getting haircuts, but right after im met with the same thing.

If my hair reaches my shoulders, im a woman, if it’s shorter who fucking knows.

I think some people take pride in not being shoved directly into a box of masculine or feminine, or man or woman, which is great for them, but for me it feels horrible.

I have F cups, not bindable. Tape can only do so much.

It’s SO infuriating for people to say things like “well you can make them look like pecs!” Why would i want pecs?? I want FLATNESS. I don’t give a single fuck if cis guys have pecs, i don’t want them.

Like genuinely, what part of “i want a flat chest” implies i want masculine boobs?

It’s always other trans guys spewing this at me too. I can’t fucking stand it.

I’m not a writer anymore, but i’m trying to get back into it. I dont have a full plot laid down yet but i do have some a general ideas.

There is a clan of cats that live by the sea. They have a cave system inside the base of a cliff to protect against wind and rain. The cats are generally safe from flooding, as they live a fair distance from the sea.

One night during leaf-fall, a medicine cat apprentice receives a warning from starclan. The warning tells the cats of a danger will end the life of many clan cats.
This is misinterpreted and blamed on another cat, who is driven out. (will expand more on why when writing)

The medicine cat believes her leader is wrong with this interpretation, but the leader is stubborn and refuses to listen. Her apprentice won’t listen to her either, he is thrilled to finally be receiving the messages from starclan.

She leaves with the other cat and they try to find the cause of the real danger.

They travel far and to the point of starvation/exhaustion. The warrior is used to hunting fish, and struggles to catch any birds or mice for them to eat. They’re begrudgingly accepted in by a group of rogues temporarily. Offering training to the warrior in exchange for knowledge on medicine and herbs. Though they grow to like each other.
The exiled cat and one of the rogues become mates.

While they stay, the medicine cat has a dream where she is visited by a terrified starclan mother who begs her to return and save her kits.
The kits are now warriors, she died moons ago.

(i’m trying to think of a reason why they didn’t contact her before, help appreciated here lol)

They return home to find a huge storm, flooding the caves and nearly drowning the clan. The rogues help the two cats in getting everybody out. there is three deaths out of the 20 cats.

The clan is devastated and terrified, refusing to move back into their old camp for fear of drowning in their sleep.

The rogues help the cats settle in a new territory,
and they join together to create a stronger clan. The clan cats learning new hunting skills, and the rogues learning medicine.

Anything you think could be added would be really appreciated! Or anything that might not make sense i’d like you to let me know!

I held it together but as soon as he had to leave me at security i broke down. I sobbed so hard the whole way through. I cried until i got onto the first plane.

As soon as i landed at the second airport it hit me even harder because i wasn’t even in his country anymore. I had a few hours and spent the whole time trying not to cry.

I got to my gate and just broke down completely. I couldn’t stop myself from crying and a few people were staring. I couldn’t even feel embarrassed through my tears. I didn’t stop until the plane took off. I fell asleep and slept the duration of the flight. It was only an hour or so.

As soon as i got home i broke down all over again. It’s always the hardest thing ever. We only have a week together at a time and it’s not enough. There’s a six month gap inbetween visits, so we can’t be together until October.

Even now i cry at least once daily. I miss him so badly :( My chest physically aches every day.

I have the comfort in knowing that he’s moving to my country next year, but it just feels so far away.

I can’t handle how ugly i look. I’m actually fucking hideous. I’m sick of mocking comments about how i look, even if not intended to be mean.

I’ve had friends comment on my appearance positively, and then months later admit i looked ugly. Notably when i shaved my head.
I get it’s not suited for everyone, but i wanted to try it for once and see if it had any positive effect on my self confidence.

I actually really liked how it looked when it started to grow out a little, it’s grown out a lot and i’ve been told how awful i looked then. It wasn’t meant to be mean but i’m so genuinely hurt over it.

I want to take it out on my face. I want to punish it for coming out this way. Only reason i haven’t is because obviously those cuts will be visible and there’s no hiding them.

I make content online but never show my face, even though id like to. I can’t. I know i cant handle all the comments i’ll get.

I’m venting here, not fishing for compliments. You have no idea what i look like, so please don’t start with the fake compliments.

Big man himself needs no introduction, but where did his name come from? It’s a really odd name and i’ve never heard it outside minecraft.

I know there was a theory about Notch’s brother, but this was false.

I’ve been wearing pretty much only women’s underwear my whole life.
I bought a pack of boxers to wear instead and hoped it would help with my dysphoria.
It did, but wearing pads absolutely tore them to pieces. I genuinely don’t know how that happened. I was trying to be gentle 😭

Wearing tampons is NOT an option for me. Is there any kind of brand that can hold together even while using pads? I had a pack of primark ones.

This happened four years ago but i still get so upset and angry thinking about it.

I got bullied (it was the sneaky bullying girls do) by a group of girls. It made me completely withdraw from anyone, i wouldn’t speak at all. Which somehow made it worse.

One of them had a boyfriend, he thought extremely highly of himself and so did his friends.

They’d laugh at me outright, and it became a joke to have a ‘crush on me’, joke being i’m awkward and ugly.

I was in the lunch line one day and they were stood behind me.

For context, the line was a squareish U shaped line, with one side being the food and the other blocked by a wall.

I heard them laughing but just ignored them and kept my back turned. The girl’s boyfriend started groping my ass and the rest of them thought it was the funniest fucking thing ever.

I froze up and just tried to edge away from them. They stopped but nobody but me and them knew what had happened.
I can’t describe the feeling i felt afterwards. It was the emptiest i’ve ever felt. I was completely shocked and horrified.

Every time i heard his voice or seen his face my body went into another shock. I felt complete panicked and like i had to run. It was horrible.

I had english with him and actually sat beside his girlfriend. The whole class was absolute torture and i started to skip school on days i had english so avoid him.

I ended up reporting it to my school and they got police involved. They promised to help me sort out something so that i would be away from him.
Guess if they did.

If you guessed they did absolutely fuck all you’d be correct!!

It was listed under their resources for suicidal thoughts. I don’t want anyone to show up but they’re the only place open right now and i’m desperate.

“They’re noisy, messy, and annoying and i don’t want my life to be ruined by them, because that’s how i’d feel if i had any.”

“That’s a stupid reason to not want them, all kids are like that!”

yes?? exactly?? that’s why i don’t want them?? 😭

I got the job yesterday and my training starts monday. I’m worried i may be wasting my time doing this.
Should i even bother showing? They kept talking about how much employees are making and it’s £45 a sale.

I had what was meant to be an interview on wednesday. He barely asked me any questions, didn’t ask if i had any questions and just spoke about how well the company is doing.
Didn’t really tell me much about what i’d be doing either. It was advertised as sales assistant, but didn’t have much info. Never done sales so i didn’t know what to expect.

They invited me and a few others back for a meeting where they spoke more about the company and told us that we’d be doing door to door and spoke about how great the commission is. Didn’t mention a base pay. £45 per sale.

Spoke about how many trips they send employees off to listen to talks about sales abroad.

It kind of felt like he was trying to sell us the job instead of us trying to sell ourselves as good employees if that makes sense.

Again, didn’t ask any questions about me or what i’m like as a worker/past experiences.

Everyone there seemed very nice and genuine but i just have a really off feeling about it. I’ll find out today if i get the job or not.
I’m a broke student so i kind of have to take whatever i can get but i don’t know.

That was easily my favourite out of all the movies so far. TS4 was kinda forgettable, but that was amazing. Maaaybe second favourite to TS2, but love both of them.

I really loved that jessie was the main character and that we got to see more of emily. I actually teared up seeing that she named her daughter jessie.

The buzzes (buzzi?) storyline was hilarious. I loved their collective confusion over why they froze in place.

I really like the conclusion of the movie too. I was expecting it to end with “tech bad” since i knew they were trying to make a point about kids and ipads, but i genuinely enjoyed that they recognised that both have a time and place.

I really loved blaze too, i’m an animation student myself and the face that they finally created a whole new system for perfecting her hair was incredible and such a huge leap in animation technology.

Seeing buzz and jessie get married was amazing too, i really loved how nervous buzz was throughout the film to ask her to marry him.
As a scot, loved the fact they put a kilt on him 😂 The whole cinema collapsed when they seen that lmaoo.

I’m probably going to go and watch it again in cinemas before it releases onto disney+.
I’m really happy that they’ve made so many movies and each one has been amazing so far, it still feels like they have passion for the series.

I have a job interview tomorrow for a decently well paying job. If i get it i’ll be able to start T!!
I’m so excited and i just have to put this somewhere :)))

I know i shouldn’t but i do. It’s so painful that we can only meet every six months for a week at a time. I miss him so badly i feel sick every day.
Whenever i see a couple together holding hands or just being together it makes me so upset. I’m so jealous that they can just be together all the time.