r/selfharm

i'm too much of a bitch to cut myself, so i ask my partners to. my girlfriend happily obliges. my boyfriend finds it a bit intense, but holds my hand. they both have zero qualms beating me and engaging in CNC whenever i ask.

i hold on tapping out as long as i can. i just take it, because i deserve to hurt. that's the sole motivator sometimes. i find it hot sometimes, and the headrush is decent. but i'm mostly chasing self pity, especially during cutting sessions.

anytime they give me pain, i fall into a sad little hole where i deserve everything i'm feeling. i don't even think about what they're getting out of it at the moment. i think about it before and after sometimes. just not during.

i love them both dearly, and i don't want to hurt them.

i feel like i'm going to ruin things and just hurt more people like i've done in the past.

my dad saw my cuts. they are kind of? fresh it has formed a scab but still squishy on the edges. he only saw for a second and proceeded to say goodnight to me normally. but he DID see it, for he questioned "are those scratches on your leg" and "are they deep"? Im so scared pls idk what to do my mom already saw a few months ago and i promised her i wont do it again but now i have and i really dont know what to do

i usually don’t curse but what the hell. i just relapsed after like a month and it only stings a tiny bit. as the title suggests: am i fucking immune? maybe just because i did cat scratches but those used to hurt like hell and now ugh idk. is this normal?

I am trying so hard and I am still so proud of my little accomplishment of staying clean for a short amount of time but it’s getting harder again.
Anybody got advice, please? I don’t want to relapse, I really don’t

uh so i struggle with sh and so does my friend, i barely ever mention it but they know ive done it at some point. i go through periods where i dont cut for a long time and then eventually relapse but during that time i distract myself with shows or games or videos or smth and try not to think about sh for as long as i can (which is what im trying to do right now). both of us kinda have bad depression and stuff and they talk to me alot about it and i try to help them but i dont think i rlly do enough cuz i never know what to say to help, i just try my hardest to be a good friend. recently they relapsed and ever since then they constantly talk about cutting and send pictures of cuts without giving me a heads up or anything. at first i tried to stay supportive and positive (though it did put me off a bit) but its been about 2 months and its rlly started to affect me, its been rlly triggering and genuinely ruins my day. i dont want to ask them to stop because i feel like an asshole already for not knowing how to help/ what to say and i dont want them to feel like they cant talk to me. ik its rlly dumb but 90% of the things they takl to me about is vent/ sh related and i rlly care abt them and dont want them to leave me or be scared to tlak to me cuz it already feels like theyve become more dry with me. idk what to do cuz i seriously cant handle the mention of sh literally multiple times a day. im so tired but too scared to communicate

edit: they just sent me 5 pictures in a row and i fel so nauseous

Hi all, I relapsed about 3 days ago (Friday night) and I think I went a bit too deep with one of the cuts. It’s still the dermis layer I believe, but even after 3 days there’s still some blood coming off and it doesn’t look like plasma, but actual blood. It’s not much and staying in the wound itself, but shouldn’t it at least stop bleeding by now? Yellowish fluid would be plasma, but this is red. I might be a bit paranoid but hoping someone has answers and if I need to seek medical attention. Thanks in advance

All jokes obviously please be safe everyone and do proper aftercare

I was clean for 80 days until yesterday. One of the cuts was admittedly deeper than I meant for it to be and it even squirted and it honestly really scared me loll but anyways. I didn't dress it properly because I hate myself and I regret that reallyyyy bad

Sooo I go to pee and my boxers snag said wound and. It's just everywhere. I'm freaking out and I'm so glad our bathrooms are single stall but I'm texting my manager like can you bring me some gauze please maybe. She doesn't reply and 10 minutes pass and the blood isn't stopping

One of the sideworks is cleaning the bathrooms and my coworker had been trying to get in every 5 minutes or so not knowing I'm in there and there's another knock so. I open it so I can ask him if He can bring me some bandaids but he's not the one at the door😂😂😂 I'm very awkwardly like "ohh haha sorry I need to get back in there I'll be right back.." to the guy and he says nothing

I head for the first aid cabinet my belt lowkey undone I feel the blood dripping down my leg and my crush and my friend are like dude are you good. I'm shaking so bad but I'm like yeahhh haha just a little blood

I run back in the bathroom and I have to push on it for like another 10 minutes and I'm really trying to make it stop but I didn't get enough bandaids. So I hesitantly call my crush and I'm like can you pleaaase slide some more bandaids under the door. He's like yeah and I'm finally getting the bleeding under control then he texts me like. "Are you still in there?" I say yeah. He's like let me in I wanna help

I get as much of the blood out of sight as I can it's seeped through my pants a bit which are luckily black but I open the door and he's like let me see what happened are you okayyy and I'm literally lightheaded like fuckkkkkk. I didn't show him the wound or tell him exactly why I was bleeding but he knows me very well and. It was just a bit obvious. I'm so embarrassed god

to stop myself from cutting myself, i took a blade to a post it note and it sort of calmed the urge for me. is there anything else that calms that urge for you guys when you cut it? like would cardboard be a good one to try?

I’ve found that poetry helps with harm reduction and wanted to show you a poem I wrote TW

Red Lines

You resist the urge 

Then remember the soothing pain

The sharp embrace 

As you feel your heartbeat race

You contemplate

You grab the blade

As you think to yourself 

I swore I wouldn’t do this anymore 

Now you sit there arms sore

Wondering what they’ll say

What they’ll think of you

You’ve done something you cannot undo

You call your friend and tell her

She rushes to your house

You feel trapped like a mouse

So small and fragile 

Before she can arrive 

You start barely feeling alive

Where’s my vision going 

Is my life fading

Your mind is racing

You’re up and pacing

Contemplating

You stop the fighting 

Your mind is slipping

Blood is pouring

Heart rate is flooring

Is this the end

You sit there blood leaking to the floor

Wondering, how do I hide the truth

What should I do

Why does life hurt worse than the blade ever could 

I have found that I am turned on by things that harm me. One form of self harm would be destroying my health. I have gained a considerable amount of weight and really ruined my fitness level. But other things that I know are bad for me also turn me on. Does anyone know what is up with me? I know this isn’t conventional self harm.

So I may or may not have found a new to do sh but I’m not sure is it is. I know that anything you do with intent to harm is self harm but I feel like this isn’t i guess. I’ve started to intentionally put an elastic on my pinky but have it tight so it like stops the blood. I feel like this is sh but I have no idea risks or anything. So I guess what I’m asking is this sh and what are the risks?

Im digonsed with bpd and ptsd (my psychiatrist is checking if I fit the criteria better for cptsd) and I genuinely feel like all of my skills have gotten worse with time,at 20 and turning 21 i feel much dumber than my peers and much more childish, even physically my body feels like its constantly heavy and falling apart even when tests show nothing is wrong and even when I was at the gym 4 times a week. I feel like a child who cant do anything. I just sleep all the time and cant study or foucs. Ive suffered from mental health issues since Jan 2019 and got dignosed last year and put on meds and i am in therapy but it feels like I am falling apart at the seams,can anyone genuinely relate ?

I am suicidal,but I self harm unrelated to that.

I really want to overdose,not to die but to hurt myself. I don't know why. I really really want to. But I am terrified of a seizure.

What are the possible outcomes? Would I be sent to a ward or something?

My gf and I got together around 6 months ago (been talking longer). she got a tattoo on her inner lower arm and I noticed some old looking sh scars when she sent me pictures of the tattoo. Back then I was abroad for a while so I didn't really want to talk about it from afar I guess but now I'm back. I didn't show any signs that I've noticed it. I also never had anyone in my close circle that sh. I don't really want to mention it if she doesn't want to talk about it but I also don't want her to think that I feel uncomfortable about the topic if she does.
Any advice on what to do?

Idk how exactly to word it

I don't cut for pain I do it to see blood, for the scars, because for some reason seeing my imperfect skin makes me happy knowing that it'll never go back, and to punish myself. Idk, sometimes I feel like it isn't sh because it isn't for pain, and that it isn't bad (idk any other way of putting it) because it isn't for pain.

I also hate the fact that I'm weak, as soon as it starts to hurt I have to stop, then I get mad when I don't cut deep enough and I can't handle the pain. It just makes me feel even more like a failure that I even fail at hurting myself.

I also get mad when there isn't enough blood, or if the scars aren't noticeable enough. Idk, maybe the reasons why I sh aren't right.

When I hear other people close to me self harm or even think about it I entirely blame myself for that and just become so upset that I cut more. Am I the only one that feels like that?

particularly with a knife since I have childhood trauma. does it really hurt that much? Need some inside.
I can't even convince myself if I even have any pain of I'm an edge asshole teen.

I have been clean for like 10 weeks but I feel like hurting myself.

But the thing is I'm on tag so got a curfew 9pm-7am

So can't go to hospital

I'm a college going girl, second semester recently completed. For one subject, my mother helps me. Continuations will be included the coming 3 semesters as well. Studying was okay. But the day before the exam, she sat me down for a revision. Every time she asked me a question or told me to do something, anxiety would rise up inside me. My mind eventually kind of went blank and she had to repeat a question thrice before I registered it, and then it took me a couple more minutes to start working on it. By the end of it, I was resisting the urge to cry, anxiety clouding muy mind, shaking and basically craving pain. Drinking coffee helped a little, but not much. I don't want my head getting this bad every time she calls me to study. Regressing badly, too - which my parents hate. So there was that.

I've thought about telling her that I don't want her assistance, but that would be responded to with 'Why?', Me: 'You teaching me brings back bad memories that I don't even clearly remember, but my subconscious apparently hasn't forgotten.', Her: 'Why do you feel like this? We're not abusing you or anything, are we?'

Been there, done that. I'm half telling myself I should just suck it up and get the fuck over it.