r/selfharm

Im having urges rn, and i just want to rant to someone.

I thought no one would notice the blood on my clothes like I’m so embarrassed like I want to die omfg #fml

Not personal sh related but given that I’ve used this community for a while I thought it was quite funny that it took this long for me to notice.

Account I had lying around, basically throwaway

I'm 16. I noticed scars on my sisters left arm yesterday. She has a sibling, but there were no scars on her arm. First, I pointed them out loud (with my parents in vicinity) but nobody really said anything. I only then realized she might be self-harming.

Initially, it felt surreal and like I was imagining things, but when I looked at her arm again, they were there again, and when I had talked to her, she was secretive.

She mostly tried to change the topic via jokes and gossip type stuff, she's on the internet a lot, irony poisoned behaviour basically.

I promised not to tell our parents and I havent. They're not negligent and we don't have financial issues, however they can be verbally and emotionally abusive to me and them (it feels wrong saying it, like I'm seeking for attention, but I need full context here), and my sister explicitly told me she didn't want them to know.

My mom had stated it would be hard to get a therapist for me in my country, we have enough money but even the private ones have too many clients

I don't know if there's priority queue for sh and for younger people, I kinda of doubt it, maybe I should look that up.

When talking to her and her siblings, we talked mostly about their life and had friend-like conversation. I told her I loved her and didn't want her to do it, and I told her that I cried in the bathroom that day (true). I pleaded with her to stop, but she wouldn't promise it.

They told me they don't have friends at their school and are frequently bullied, and that the other kids are homophobic, call her anorexic, constantly have popularity contests in which they lose, just the fucking worst, cartoonishly bad.

When I asked her when she last did sh, she first wanted me to guess, but then admitted to doing it two days ago. She can't do it now because she "doesn't have anything to do it with" (were on vacation).

She said she'd want my parents to find out naturally, as in spot them, because "telling them is embarrassing". But she also said she wouldn't want them to know at all.

She also said she wouldn't want a therapist talking to her, she would prefer people her age or slightly older.

I have tried to confront her using love and care and I am ready to do everything it takes to get her well again. I don't know if my parents would know how to approach this, I mean I barely do, but I fear they'll be hostile and "overreact". I don't know. I find it hard to judge them.

I have no fucking idea what to do and I need help and I have nowhere else to turn.

Further context in comments if anyone needs it.

At my job at a teaching center, an autistic child I worked with yesterday saw the scars on my forearm and began hyperfixating on them. She yelled it for the entire center to hear, including my boss, coworkers, and other kids. I couldn’t even get her to detach when I explained that it was a booboo until I gave her some time to let out her stress. Not her fault at all btw, I actually appreciate that a child cared so much to mention it, but it just awakened such a deep sense of shame and embarrassment.

My response later that night: let’s add some new booboos to my arm that are actually visible and fresh. Better yet, I don’t have long sleeves and it’s around 95 F where I live so now the kids are going to have a whole circus of booboos to look at. And the best part, I’m going back home to visit my parents for the weekend, who don’t let me wear long sleeves in the house and are constantly looking at my wrists. What a fuckup I am.

I tried to cut myself and I did, but it was very minor, not enough to draw blood. I also engaged in starving and restricting food intake. Nothing left a permanent mark and it makes me feel fake, like I never really struggled. I see people being proud of their scars as a sign of recovery, and I feel like I should’ve left a mark as something to be proud of. I’ve always struggled with feeling not real enough, not valid, etc. and it just sucks.

Like the title says!...

Please help me find a different way to cope

Yesterday I made 2 cuts on my chest. One baby beans and the other styro. After making the second cut(styro) I felt light headed and like I wanted to throw up. I sat down to keep blood flowing into my brain. I didn't faint but this is the first time this happened. Has anyone else experienced this?

I had a session with my therapist today. She's a woman I very much hate. I spoke with my mother and she won't do anything in that matter. She's very supportive of me but all she said to the fact that it's not working with my therapist is that "she knows what she's doing.". So today we were talking, I was rather arogant and rude, as I tend to be with her. I'm not proud of it but I don't feel bad. One time she said "you're all cut up." Without any context, later after me crying she said. "What's going on? I said a fact." After that I said I can state facts too and declared that she's ugly.

Now, what's important, today she said that all she sees for me is a psychiatric hospital/closed branch(translated from polish). I told her I will not cooperate the same as I'm not cooperate in normal therapy. We went back and forth and every time I tried to speak more she interrupted me. I began getting mad, tried explaining that I dislike her interrupting me, and mid way she did it again. That pissed me off. I was crying by now, so I tried again. You will never guess what. SHE DID IT AGAIN. I got pissed off shouted something. And told her once again. "I will not cooperate there not will I cooperate here." I know it's stupid but I was getting better when I had a 2 month break from therapy, then a steady decline once I got to know I was going back, and all low once I met that woman I utterly hate. I believe I can get better if I just try by myself. Adults don't believe me (I'm 13) and I do understand that they are on my side and are trying to help yet I know myself and I know this isn't helping me. I tried to cooperate a couple of times. Every single time that woman said something to tick me off. Such as, after me stating, multiple times on various occasions I don't want to speak about my self harm at the moment and I am not ready for it, she started talking about it. I told her I don't want to talk about it and she asked things that just made me feel small and pathetic, like I was treated as a toddler that didn't get a lollipop and now was crying. "Why are you feeling this way?" "This is bringing out some strong emotions on you" "You are behaving inappropriately to the situation  " . I hate when people speak to me like that. I don't know how else I'd like it. I do not care. That's why I'd prefer to be taken out of therapy for like 6 months, and if I get better if like that to never come back.

16F

I first self harmed about a year ago just I liked how it looks and I like sliding my fingers over the scabs and scars as a 'stim'. For example I have a scar on my arm that my cat made and I just love it so I thought why not just do that myself and I can have multiple. I also like looking at other people's scars. I know that's kind of word but I think they look so beautiful.

Since then, I keep getting the urge top do it more but I don't particularly like to be in any type of pain so if you guys know of a way to kind of simulate that feeling and look that would be very helpful pls

I´ve kinda recently been asked about my scars from two people that I was in some way acquainted with, and they had absolutely no idea that it was SH, I dont think they would even ask if they knew, cuz some people dont ask.

One of them legit went "Woah dude, what happened to your arm??" with great concern, and when I responded with "Oh this is self harm" they went totally silent after going oh.. and its situations like these where I have to awkwardly pretend that Im doing fine, because now it feels like I have to console them about my scars lol

I wanna mention that I dont care that people ask, I am aware walking around with my arms free will get looks and questions, but I honestly thought it was VERY obvious that the scars on my arms are from SH, and apparently its not, because the people who asked me about it genuinely seemed shocked when I tell them its not from some bear attack lol

Is it really not obvious to most people?

TW: explicit descriptions of self-harm.

First of all, I want to apologize if this question sounds stupid, but I'm seriously really upset with myself. M (19) here.

I want to start by talking a little about my history and why it's so hard to stop when I practically grew up with this. From a very young age, because I couldn't properly express my emotions due to the painful punishments from my parents, I used to hurt myself. I started hitting my legs and then cutting myself with broken glass.

In my teens, it got much worse. I would use pencil sharpener blades. Nobody knows about this because I always do it in places where it can't be seen since I'm ashamed of the marks (my stomach, chest, and hips; sometimes, if I run out of space, my back).

I never went beyond scratches or cuts that didn't leave scars, but I'm starting to escalate it into more deep, and I'm really scared. I can't stop because it's the only thing that keeps me really calm, even if I don't cut myself, I usually hit or bite myself. I'm scared, I don't want to have scars, I'm tired of never being able to take my shirt off.

parents found out abt my SH

i fainted at school one month ago due to malnutrition and dehydration so i was taken to the counsellors office for sum reason and whilst the counsellor was checking my body and my arms she saw my cuts. i had to wait for like more than an hr cus she ws talking to my parents. she told my parents abt what she saw. the day i went back to school the counsellor wanted to talk to me but i rejected her impulsively after talking to her i lowk regret it now. and yesterday my aunt caught me in the act but she told my mom to check on me and she also caught me i promised her id never do it again. seeing my mom cry while helping me clean up was lowk sad. today she caught me breaking the promise too she ws more mad than sad. im still trying to understand what is so bad abt it and why be mad

I want to get better. I wanted to prove something in the moment when leaving a star-shaped mark on myself, but now I'm regretting it because the shape of it is so obviously deliberate that anything I say is unbelievable (I told my much younger cousin, when he asked, that a heated star-shaped cookie cutter fell onto me and I got burnt, even someone of his age seemed skeptical LOL). I really need help trying to get it to heal. It's dark brown and all searches say it's hyperpigmentation. I use scar cream and sunscreen when I go out so that it doesn't darken, but it's still there!! I'm so sad and feel like I can't explain myself. It's tough now for me so there's even more scars popping up and it's embarrassing as hell LOL. I also hate when my friends treat me really gently once they find out I engage actively in SH. I know it's because they care bur I just want them to feel free to joke around with me again iygwim. So overall I just want a way to excuse my scars especially the fresh ones when they ask, I'm running out of ideas, and I can't keep saying I dropped hot metal on myself (they are kinda wide and dark so I can't exactly say cat scratched me. also I dont have a cat HAHA). Or maybe you have ways to help me remove them? Or make them less obvious? They are on my upper left arm, lower right arm and thighs. Please help me!! I really really want to get better!

Does anyone know what the actual physical side effects of SH is? Other than potentially hurting danger zones?

This might sound stupid, I know that. But doesn't doing it over long periods of time...challenge your immune system or does it weaken it?

I'm not worried about scars or anything like that. But can it Kickstart an autoimmune diease the same way anxiety does/a cold/virus?

I'm asking about side effects that don't get caused by infection, as that's more like a instant issue rather than a "later down the line" issue.

Hello, I cut, and have been doing so for... around seven years? It has become incredibly stressful for me to go places without my blades, though I very very rarely hurt myself outside of my home. I'm not quite sure why... but I'm more likely to do something harmful and very stupid if I don't have them, ironically.

I used to keep them in my phone case but they kept on rusting and I started getting infections. Boo. I've tried cleaning the case and my phone multiple times. Rust always appears in like a day.

So, yes, it will be safer for me to have a solution to this problem. Because my other options are distress (which will cause more self harm/harm when I wouldn't otherwise done so) or a rusty blade. Which will infect me.

Right now they're in a small tin/metal box I take everywhere but it's actually terrifying. A lot of the time, especially when I move, it will start sounding like metal shaking around together in my pocket and I'm scared it's too obvious or that somebody's going to ask.

Are there any other portable places I can keep them safe or ways I can soundproof my box?

this is a throwaway account.

i need help with something. im an active cutter, and everytime i have fresh cuts i cant help but feel like theyre pretty to look at?? i started cutting to help regain my autonomy and im sure thats why theyre pleasing to look at, but i feel so gross knowing i feel like this. is this normal?? does anyone else suffer with this? how do i stop seeing my cuts like this

anyone feeling the same and wanna talk through it?

i wish i could be a cis boy. i will never be a boy the way cis boys are because i’ll always just be a girl playing dress-up with her ‘girl-parts’. i hate being a girl. i hate being sexualized. i hate looking feminine. i went to a birthday party a few days ago and i was wearing a dress (as im terrified to present myself as masc irl). when i looked back at the photos of myself in that dress, i didnt feel like myself at all. i think im trans, but a part of me doesnt want to be trans. i wish i wasnt queer. i wish i could be the daughter my mom wants me to be. ive grown up around people who see queers as freaks and it doesnt help that ive been treated as an outcast my entire life just because im insufferably shy with selective mutism and self-conscious asf. if im trans or express myself in the way i want to, im scared it’ll just make the bullying worse. i want to cut. i want to cut so bad. ive never cut myself before but i frequent shedrtwt as im on edrtwt myself for my eating disorder. i think the saying of “you are the 5 people you surround yourself with” or something of the like is finally coming true, because why do i suddenly wanna smoke and cut myself? in the past ive told myself that i will never ever disfigure my body with scars or drink alcohol or vape but lately ive had my thoughts start considering it more, and its all because the only people i talk to online are my ‘oomfs’ who struggle with these exact things. but i dont want to ruin my life or accidentally cause permanent brain damage. i just think the scars are pretty and they convey that im mentally unwell and they also unleash the hatred and anger i have festering inside me and i just want to see those pretty pretty marks on my skin. i wish i had someone to talk to about this. anyone. i wish i didnt have to play a fake persona online just to be liked. i wish i could just be myself and people would like me. i mask everywhere, even online. a part of me thinks id be better off dead. i hate when people say my name out in public or be kind to me because i will always feel like im being made fun of. is it normal to hate hearing your name? are people actually happy when they hear their name? i would change it, but i actually do like my name. i think it’s pretty. i just hate hearing it in regards to me. i wish i could be invisible forever. i wish i didnt have a body or a voice or a mind and i was just apart of the gusts of wind in the sky. im so lonely i managed to get one person to become obsessed with me and i leech off their attention like a parasite. i dont even love them but they love me, and i feel bad for telling them all these lies like “i will never leave you,” or “youre the only person who’s ever understood me”. asuhghgj as of this moment theyve sent me a few texts telling me how they want me to tell them “i love you” more and how they think theyre splitting on me (they have bpd) and uughgghfhfh i dont know what to do. i am just a horrible person. why do all my online friendships have to turn out romantic? i have this cool musician friend and he wants me to sing in a song for him but he gave me the lyrics and theyre so obviously a thinly-veiled love confession, but what makes it worse is that it portrays ME as the one obsessed with him and it disgusts me so much. i hate relationships. i might be aroace or something. bleh

i’ve been SHing recently on my wrist and i keep doing it