r/selfharm

I’m almost 26 and completely inexperienced in sex and dating, and especially the past year or so that has resulted in extreme self hatred. Every day I wake up and think “I’m still a virgin” and it’s like it plays over and over in my mind all day, along with thoughts like “I’m worthless, a loser, ugly, repulsive” etc. Thoughts of all I’ve missed out on and the experiences I should’ve had by now. The thoughts don’t stop. It’s like the default way my brain operates now.

Because of my insecurities and extremely low self esteem, I’ve been getting the urge to “punish” myself through sex. I feel I don’t deserve a good first experience since I’m a loser. So I’ve been thinking of looking online for a guy that’s into extreme BDSM, or just a guy that wants to be rough during sex. It’ll be all consensual, but I want it to hurt. I want to be slapped, degraded. I want the penetration to hurt. Because I feel I deserve pain due to being a failure of a woman.

I know this is intense, but this is just the reality of my life and feelings right now. I’m terrified to bring this up with my therapist because I’m embarrassed and also wouldn’t even know where to begin. And I’m also scared that this will be beyond her specialty. My mind is a war zone and it’s torture daily.

I'm posting here because I need to type it out and I'm wondering if anybody else had similar experiences. I have very severe self harm scars (6 very thick and long ones layered on thinner, smaller raised ones and everything's very purple) and I had to get wisdom tooth surgery today. they're only on my right arm, so at first I only gave them the left one but they couldn't find my vein. I had an old nurse who seemed quite experienced so I thought that she had seen it all, but as she put the needle (into my hand, there's like no skin left on my arm lol), every time the blanket lifted, I heard a gasp or an "oh my goodness". i could tell that it was unintentional, but I felt so, so bad.

also i'm 15 and live in australia. do you guys think she told my parents?? and would she have put it on my medical record? one of them was still scabbing over a LITTLE bit (otherwise healed) but everything else was fully healed.

I mean how do y'all clean them before cutting and after cutting? I use antiseptic to clean them both before and after but it's a pain in the neck to do that (I'm lazy), I have to use cotton and stuff to clean etc. How do y'all do it?

I want to start by saying I’m also self harming since I was 10 to my actual age and keep doing it, but not as often as I did before. And sorry if my English isn’t perfect this isn’t my first language.

Soo yeah, I got to know her I went to highschool, and we became friends cause she once ate with me and my friend cause she was alone and didn’t had anyone to eat with. Then we started talk and said I forgot to take my medicines in the morning and she asked why do have I to take some, I’m open-minded to the fact that I‘m taking medications for my depression, so I told her why and she said ouhhh I think I have depression too but I’m too scared to ask my parents for a therapist. I answered that if she needed to talk to me about anything I had no problem with that. She started confessing that she scratch her arms and shoulders since she was approximately the same age when I started self harming. And I was happy that she trusted me enough to tell me that. And I shared that I‘m also self harming.

When summer came I started wearing shorts sleeves so yeah people saw my scars but I knew that if it triggered someone it wasn’t my fault cause I always make sure the fresh ones are covere, because I know it can easily trigger and it’s 100% normal after all. But my friend also saw them and I didn’t tell her how I do this, so I guess that maybe she started cutting with blades cause she saw that mine are also from blades. I’m not sure about that? But I think it’s at least one of the factors that made her start using blades over her nails.

okay sooo one year later (so right now) she started to do it a lot, and what’s annoying me, not making me angry just triggers me, is that she do not wear long sleeves or bandages to not expose her fresh cuts, and it makes me so uncomfortable to see this like really I get triggered easily by small things, which in this situation isn’t, I know.

One day, like a 3 weeks ago she sent me a picture of her scars. She didn’t ask if I was okay seeing it she just sent it.

Then there were some days when she would ask me if it’s deep and I know damn well I can’t say anythin, because if I say no she would try to do it deeper and if I say yes same, she will keep going.

I talked about it with my therapist next week and she gave me a technic to tell my friends kindly how she can say Heyy can we talk about…? And if I say yes, well it’s my problem if I get trigger but if I say no I’m protecting myself

I’m writing this tonight cause she just called me, she was crying and saying she was sorry then hung up. Then she started asking how to do it like I do, and I’m like noooo I can’t tell you and I will never tell you, I just won’t.

Soo yeah right now she is no longer answering me. I’m really worried and I don’t know what to do. I can’t just tell her right now or next week to ask me if I’m okay talking about it, I know she will cut herself because of me. I’m so scared I feel like it’s all my fault.

So I started SH myself this Tuesday until this Friday and no one has noticed my cuts. And today I went to school and someone saw them and I think they told the administration. And the principal called me over and I had to talk about this stuff with him. And because what I did, they assumed I was doing drugs or something because like cutting yourself hurts. So yeah, on my way back home, they called my mom and she came and I think they are talking about it right now. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to face my mom and tell her everything

Yesterday during class, I was casually speaking to a few of my friends and we were laughing ad normal stuff.
For context, i have sturggled with sh, but it is much reduced and better now. I still have some pretty bad scars on my shoulders which are covered by my sleeves, but if i raise my hand too high or extend it too forward u can see them.

So I was reaching for my pen and my friend said "hey are you ok? you have scars on your arm" and (btw this friend also has a history of sh and the other day had posted a 2 months clean post.). I honeslty froze up and didnt know what to say so i just akwardly laughed and didnt say anything and she mouthed the words "S H" and i just nodded. She texted me abt it at home and i told her its much better now and im ok.

The next day we show up at school and she has fresh, like fresh cuts on her forearm. I noticed it because it was quite obvious but i didnt say anything. At lunch she had a glove covering it, and im assuming the school counscelor gave it to her because she told me she was going and well having fresh cuts out in school cannot be good for anyone.
And shes not like trying to hide the fact that she did it to me, she told me about how itchy it was and i was like "yeahh i can imagine u should put moisturizer on it"

Honestly, im kind of at a loss of what to do. the timing of all this scares me into thinking she did it because she got triggered by my scars and i want to ask her or apologize or something, but i just dont know what to do. help!

I hate that I always do this to myself. I know the outcome. I know it doesn't fix anything. I know all it does is make me feel guilty. And this time, even the guilt is barely breaking through this wall of numbness. I know the regret I'll feel tomorrow when I see people who'll inevitably see the bandages and know what I did. And yet, knowing all of this, I do it again anyways. I wish my brain would rationalize more when I know this isnt the solution but its only getting worse overtime instead of better like it should be. Im just sick of it

Hi everyone !! This is not something I would’ve thought I would be doing, I’m a bit lost on what I should do as an older sister.
Earlier today I saw my 13 year old sisters leg as she was wearing shorts and there were cuts on her thigh. As someone who has self harmed in the past, I’m a bit conflicted on what I should do or if I should say anything to her or if I should tell our mum. But I do know that I don’t want to just leave it.
She hasn’t shown any signs of depression or anxiety, (not that i know of) and I’m just worried about her.
I don’t want to embarrass or make her upset her in any way, I just want to try and understand why she’s doing it.
When our mum found I was self harming, she didn’t take it well. She cried and hugged me, but then didn’t speak to me for 2 weeks, which was heartbreaking because I just wanted my mum to comfort me. Mine and my mums relationship has never really felt the same after that happened. I don’t want that for my sister. I want to be there for her, but I struggle with my emotions and talking to people and I don’t want to mess up and say the wrong thing to her and make it worse.

Please let me know if any of you have had a similar situation. I’m just stuck in what i should do.