u/miale_e

16F

I first self harmed about a year ago just I liked how it looks and I like sliding my fingers over the scabs and scars as a 'stim'. For example I have a scar on my arm that my cat made and I just love it so I thought why not just do that myself and I can have multiple. I also like looking at other people's scars. I know that's kind of word but I think they look so beautiful.

Since then, I keep getting the urge top do it more but I don't particularly like to be in any type of pain so if you guys know of a way to kind of simulate that feeling and look that would be very helpful pls

My native language is French and I am sixteen years old. My mom has been trying to get me help and I've been mostly letting her do the talking and while I'm fine with that, the people there to help me don't seem to actually understand my situation.

I think I am burnt out but I don't know how to communicate that in French and they keep insisting it's anxiety even though I keep telling them it's not. I already have trouble with wording my thoughts so this has become a big problem. Most of the media I consume is in English and I've done my research in English so I don't feel like I have the appropriate words in French to explain myself well.

I am not fluent in English at all and feel very uncomfortable speaking it because I was made fun of because of my accent before. I feel too self conscious to go to someone who speaks English. I just feel stuck in my head since my thoughts are in English but I cannot speak it.

I'm mostly bedridden and so incredibly bored so if anyone knows what I could do in bed (preferably laying down) and doesn't cost too much that would be great!

I feel so tired every day even though I do nothing and I WANT to do something but I can't get myself to because I feel like I need to stock up on 'rest'.

I am not lacking sleep and I don't feel physically tired but I can't even get myself to watch a show because even those are too 'tiring'. I can't get myself to play video games either and I'm so bored I can't go this anymore. I don't know why I'm like this but I want it to stop.

(If this is badly said don't hesitate to correct me, my first language isn't English)I was diagnosed a year and a half ago and I've been interacting with other autistic people more since.

I noticed I don't stim or have breakdowns like they do, so I wonder if that is just how I am or maybe I just repressed those symptoms so much I forgot I even had the options of doing those things. I don't fidget or have any vocal stims, the most I do is suck my thumb but that's a habit I haven't broken yet. I haven't had many breakdowns and I stay calm most of the time and can regulate myself well.

What do you guys think and have you had similar experiences?

The title is pretty self explanatory. I just want to make bricks and I want to know how and where I can do that for not too expensive. I'm not going to use them to build anything if that helps.

I don't like being isolated but I don't want to be part of society or see people either

All I can get myself to do is lay in bed because of that one outing every week. I feel like I'm running out of time until I have to go out again so I better rest and do nothing. I want to do other things but I can't