u/fawnmiiiz

Like the title says!...

Please help me find a different way to cope

I've been trying to quit but just a few months ago, I did it again... I'm so ashamed of myself, I was doing so well. I just HAD to ruin it for myself.

I know it's not my fault but now, I can't worry about that. It's been 5 months now, all of my scars are closed now and I'm left with dark marks and raised scars on my arms...

My parents have noticed, even our school nurse. I don't want my parents to find out, I know how they handle things and I'll just get no help from them.

I'm trying to find things to help reduce their appearance but so far... I have no progress. Please help.

I don't know how to start this properly but I don't think it matters, does it?

I have had no friends since my childhood, I struggle a lot with trying to be my own person, and I suck at talking to people...

I've been trying to get out of my comfort zone and talk to more people, but the more I reach out, the more I realize I still have a lot to work on. I used to think that if someone was going to be my friend, they had to be as lonely as me, or at least never have had a genuine friendship before. I think a lot of people dream of having a friendship where you get to experience everything together for the first time. I get jealous of friendships like that.

But if I really want to make friends and get out of my comfort zone, I can't keep thinking this way forever. It's unrealistic, and I don't want to keep being miserable or unreasonable about what I expect from people.

I don't really know how to form healthy friendships. Maybe I'm just confused about what I actually want?...