r/bullying

I don’t really know why I’m posting this, but I guess I’m wondering if anyone else feels the same.
I was bullied, and even though a lot of time has passed, there are still certain things that stick with me. Sometimes it’s something obvious, but often it’s the small moments that most people probably wouldn’t even think twice about.

Things someone said once that you never forgot.
Being laughed at.
People whispering when you walked by.
Feeling uncomfortable eating in front of others.
Apologizing for everything.
Avoiding certain places or situations.

I’m curious if anyone else still experiences things like that.
What are the moments, big or small, that have stayed with you? And if you’re comfortable sharing, how do they still affect you today?

You obviously don’t have to share anything you’re not comfortable with. I just want to know if I’m not alone in feeling like some of these things never completely disappear.

Like in games, movies, shows or videos. It's often like the victim does absolutely nothing, she/he is never rude, fighting back or crashing out. In reality are both sides, a victim can do mistakes too, often out of pain or they get bullied for their mistakes. That's why if bullying victims were rude because of it too they are never taken seriously, and people always say they’re partly to blame. Yes, they should take responsibility for their own behavior, but it’s understandable why they reacted that way, and that doesn’t make them the same as the bullies. At some point, enough is enough, but a lot of people don’t understand that because of those stereotypical videos.

A lot of people asked for an update after my last post, so here it is. First off, thank you to everyone who provided guidance and kindness. It really does help.

I’m at my local Starbucks having a coffee and trying to process what just happened. This morning I sat down with my wife and told her I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened at the reunion. I wasn’t even trying to argue. I just wanted to understand why she laughed when he humiliated me and why she stayed on the dance floor with him for so long.

At first she said she’d already apologized and thought we’d moved past it. I told her I hadn’t. I admitted that the whole thing brought back a lot of old feelings and that I felt completely alone that night.

That’s when she got really quiet. After a long pause she admitted she’d been talking to him since the reunion. Apparently he’d messaged her a day or two afterward. She said it started with him apologizing for embarrassing me, then turned into casual conversations. They’d been messaging every day.
I asked why she never mentioned it. She said she knew I’d be upset and didn’t think it was a big deal at first.

Then she said something I honestly wasn’t prepared for. She told me the reunion made her realize we’d grown apart, and talking to him made her think about what she wanted out of life. She said she doesn’t think it’s fair to either of us to pretend everything is okay anymore. She thinks we should separate.

I just sat there. I don’t even remember what I said after that. The craziest part is I went into the conversation expecting to argue about a stupid wedgie. Instead, I walked away wondering if my marriage is over.

I’m still trying to process everything. Part of me feels blindsided. Another part of me wonders if this was building for a long time and the reunion just forced it into the open. In many ways maybe this is all for the best.

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Original post below:

I can’t believe I’m even typing this because it sounds so stupid.
My wife and I went to my high school reunion last weekend. There was one guy there I absolutely dreaded seeing. He was the biggest asshole to me all through high school. I hadn’t seen him in well over a decade.
At one point we were all standing around talking when he suddenly came up behind me, grabbed the back of my jeans and yanked them up into the biggest wedgie imaginable. I yelped, stumbled forward and everyone turned to look. A few people laughed. A few looked awkward. I was just standing there red-faced trying to pull my pants back down while this guy was cracking up like we were 17 again.
The part I can’t get out of my head is my wife’s reaction. She laughed too. Not hysterically or anything, but enough that I noticed. She had this look on her face like she couldn’t believe what she’d just seen.
Then he threw his arm around my shoulder, said something like, “Still can’t take a joke?” and turned to my wife asking if she’d dance with him.
She looked at me first. I don’t know why I said yes. Maybe I didn’t want to look even weaker by making a scene. Maybe I just froze. I told her to go ahead.
They ended up dancing for quite a while while I mostly stood there feeling like I wanted the floor to swallow me. They weren’t being inappropriate or anything, but seeing her laughing and talking with the guy who had literally just humiliated me was rough.
The weird part is that on the drive home, and even the next morning, she kept asking about him. She wanted to know if he’d always been like that, if he’d picked on me a lot in school, whether teachers ever stepped in, and what my life was like back then. She said she hadn’t realized how bad it must have been.
So now I’m conflicted.
Part of me is hurt that her first reaction in the moment was to laugh and then spend so much time dancing with him. Another part of me thinks I’m blaming her because I didn’t do a damn thing to stand up for myself. I’m in my late20s and I reacted exactly like I did in high school—just froze.
She has apologized for laughing and said she honestly thought it was one of those weird “old friends messing around” situations until she saw how quiet I got afterward. She also said she only danced with him because I literally told her it was okay.
I don’t think she’s a bad person, but I also can’t shake how alone I felt standing there after being humiliated.
Am I being unfair for expecting her to have shut it down anyway, even though I was the one who told her to dance?

I can’t believe I’m even typing this because it sounds so stupid.

My wife and I went to my high school reunion last weekend. There was one guy there I absolutely dreaded seeing. He was the biggest asshole to me all through high school. I hadn’t seen him in well over a decade.

At one point we were all standing around talking when he suddenly came up behind me, grabbed the back of my briefs and yanked them up into the biggest wedgie imaginable. I yelped, stumbled forward and everyone turned to look. A few people laughed. A few looked awkward. I was just standing there red-faced trying to pull my pants back down while this guy was cracking up like we were 17 again.

The part I can’t get out of my head is my wife’s reaction. She laughed too. Not hysterically or anything, but enough that I noticed. She had this look on her face like she couldn’t believe what she’d just seen.

Then he threw his arm around my shoulder, said something like, “Still can’t take a joke?” and turned to my wife asking if she’d dance with him.
She looked at me first. I don’t know why I said yes. Maybe I didn’t want to look even weaker by making a scene. Maybe I just froze. I told her to go ahead.
They ended up dancing for quite a while while I mostly stood there feeling like I wanted the floor to swallow me. They weren’t being inappropriate or anything, but seeing her laughing and talking with the guy who had literally just humiliated me was rough.

The weird part is that on the drive home, and even the next morning, she kept asking about him. She wanted to know if he’d always been like that, if he’d picked on me a lot in school, whether teachers ever stepped in, and what my life was like back then. She said she hadn’t realized how bad it must have been.
So now I’m conflicted.

Part of me is hurt that her first reaction in the moment was to laugh and then spend so much time dancing with him. Another part of me thinks I’m blaming her because I didn’t do a damn thing to stand up for myself. I’m in my late 20s and I reacted exactly like I did in high school—just froze.
She has apologized for laughing and said she honestly thought it was one of those weird “old friends messing around” situations until she saw how quiet I got afterward. She also said she only danced with him because I literally told her it was okay.

I don’t think she’s a bad person, but I also can’t shake how alone I felt standing there after being humiliated.

Am I being unfair for expecting her to have shut it down anyway? Am I in the wrong?

Feel free to dm.

Edit: I saw she followed him back on socials

I’ve been bullied and pushed around my entire life, and because of that I have developed a deep seeded anger and resentment towards other people. I’ve been treated like shit by pretty much everybody. By “friends”, family, acquaintances, and even strangers. I’ve just had enough and I’m nearing my breaking point. And people will find the most dumbest shit to hate me for, even if I’m quiet and didn’t say two words to them. I’m Jewish, so people hate me because of that. I’m autistic and people don’t like neurodivergent people, so I get hated on for that. I am too quiet and people make fun of me for it. I get too loud and opinionated and that’s a problem too. It just feels like I can’t fucking win, no matter what I do! My goal is to move somewhere very remote and far away from people and to hopefully find a job where I don’t have to talk to anybody. I’ve been burned so many times by so many different people. One of these days this kicked dog, that’s been kicked so many times, will bite back! I’ve had enough!

WHO GOES AROUND SENDING NUDES TO 12 YEAR OLDS. I DON’T TALK TO LITTLE KIDS. I’M FUCKING DONE WITH THIS SHIT. I DON’T HAVE FRIENDS AND I DON’T HAVE ANY HELP WITH DEALING WITH THIS.

I 16M am currently in 11th grade. There is a guy from our class who is friends with all seniors even in 10th grade. So this story is from my 10th grade. The seniors and they have a big group they all sit together and pick one by one kids and ig trouble them. One day they tried to call me saying "oye idhar aa" I ignored them and went and then a senior came and personally came to take me there. There they made me sit in the middle of all of them and started calling for the the biggest guy they said "tu bhot chota he, xyz(the biggest guy) ko bulao" but then suddenly the bell rung aur me Bach Gaya. Now in 11th grade those seniors are gone but we still have 12th graders and the guy from my class is friends with them too. They were calling me over yesterday I ignored them again. I am a really introverted, shy, nerdy guy but I have plenty of friends and this is being done while I'm with my friends and like 60-100 students(in the ground). What should I do I'm worried, it might not seem like a big deal but to me it is.

This guy keeps creating new accounts and finding all my old comments replying to them calling me incel loser / to k1ll myself etc. My inbox keeps filling with it it's very annoying.

I see many people say the reason bullies are more successful and move on with their lives is because they dont get stuck in the past. I’ll tell you this is pure bullshit. The reason why bullies are more successful in life is because capitalism as an economic system that affects everything in our society, rewards these people. Capitalism rewards people who exploit, manipulate, abuse the others. That’s the reason why everywhere you go, there’s at least one bully that gets away with everything. Nobody even says that because that would require a deeper analysis. Instead, we have people that say how the bullied ones are on the wrong bcs we are overdramatic and stuck in the past

so for background info: my ex boyfriend was talking to me and another girl and he ended things with the other girl because he wanted to date me. it wasn’t a big deal to me since we were just talking and there wasn’t any commitment. The other girl was not happy about it. She showed up to his house and tried to convince him to end things with me and pulled out my instagram and started talking about how ugly she thinks i am. Then her friends started calling me and my boyfriend and would scream about how im ugly fat and a homewrecker. then she posted him on the tea app and her and her friends would comment about how i was a downgrade and stole him away from her.

During all of this i had gained about 20 lbs so i alr didnt feel very beautiful and all of this just made me so insecure. I have never been so anxious and self conscious in my life. I’m scared to go out in public in case i see her or her friends and they start calling me ugly. ive been wearing sweatshirts in 90 degree weather cause i don’t want anyone to see me and think im fat. I ran into the girls sister one time and her friends all stared me down and laughed at me. every couple months a girl will request me on instagram. i’ll accept the request and then see on their account that they have pictures w her and they are friends with her. (i blocked her so her friends are requesting to see my account.) i deactivated my instagram because i just don’t want anyone seeing me anymore. i broke up with my boyfriend because even though he didn’t do anything directly, i resented him because he was the reason she was attacking me.

what makes me so sad is that i used to be so confident and that is something i rly loved about myself. i was recently cleaning out my room at my parents house and i found a bunch of old birthday and graduation cards and so many of my friends wrote about how much they love my confidence and the energy i bring into the room. I haven’t felt like this in a really long time and i miss the person i used to be. I just hate how i look and i hate the pathetic person this girl has turned me into and i don’t know how to fix myself.

So there's this certain type of bullying that just irks me, and it's the whole "my friend likes you" thing, basically getting asked out as a joke and it’s genuinely so ANNOYING. I could literally just be standing there, and here comes some random boy talking about some, "My friend thinks you're cute." Now, it may seem like a compliment, but I can always tell they’re joking because they’re either, laughing or the friend looks annoyed so ik they're basically calling me chopped. Then the friend is always like, "Ew," or, "Hell no." So that really seals the deal. They usually do this to people they don't find attractive so they can make some sort of "joke" out of the person for a quick laugh even though it’s not even funny 💔

DESTROYS SOMEONES LIFE, SAFETY AND WELL BEING FOR ACCUSATIONS THAT AREN’T TRUE? FUCK BULLIES

I was bulled as a child from approximately 8-14. The large majority of it was vocal but some physical stuff too. But what hurts to think about the most is that I never did anything to defend myself. I was so desperate to fit in and have the 'cool' guys like me that I'd voluntarily sit at the same primary school table as these 5 guys who just constantly made fun of me, occasionally punch my arm etc. One of the most annoying things they did was break the tip of my pencil over and over. If I got up for just a few moments and left my pencil there they'd break it. Literally one time I did it back to one of them who had just done it to me, he got up and told the teacher and I got shouted at. I wish I was kidding. What sucks is that I did actually think they were my friends but clearly they weren't. I was just so socially unaware to understand what was really even happening.

One of the most pathetic stories I have from when I was in secondary school was my 'friends' would punch me on my arm multiple times a day, almost every day, for at least 6 months. Not once did I ever punch them back. I know now how different things could have been if I genuinely just punched a few people in the nose if they were bullying me. But I was TERRIFIED of getting in any sort of trouble from say a teacher or my parents. Getting shouted at was my worst nightmare as a child.

Here are a few things I can remember vividly

I know this might seem silly but one thing which sucked was if we were playing something like catch in the playground, so many of them would pretend I never touched them when I had - that only happened to me. They wouldn't ignore each others. A few times I can remember them all running around laughing all in on the joke that I was actually catching people but it was funny to just lie and make fun of me.

Quite often I got bulled for being a geek or a 'swat' as we called it where I grew up. I was a relatively smart kid and one of my first proper interests was science, particularly space - I did a 'show and tell' on the solar system when I was around 8-9 and I remember feeling proud and thinking it was pretty cool that I was able to memorise all of them in order haha. I did well in school up until I started pretending I was ill a lot so I could avoid going to school. Normally it wasn't even the bullying it was because I regularly didn't do my homework. I'd feel so anxious to go to class and face my teacher and potentially be shouted at. My attendance was much better the first couple years but particularly in my last 3 years of secondary school it was kinda bad likely somewhere around 80%. But there was the odd day I'd take off because I was too anxious to be in that environment. I took my birthday off for a couple years because I was egged one time and had my lip burst open. Maybe explains why I actively dislike my birthday now actually. Also I've now got some weird complex surrounding my intelligence. For so long being smart was a part of my inner identity. I would quite often get called smart as a child by my parents, teachers and classmates. I was called a nerd/swat so often it was impossible for my to think otherwise. Looking back I wish I could see that some of them were probably calling me a nerd because they felt I was smarter than me and it made them feel bad. I should mention, I was and am absolutely not some kind of genius I don't way it to come across that way. I was above average as a child but nothing more than that, and now my brain is completely shot after years of drug abuse and not challenging myself.

Had chewing gum put in my hair and had to cut some of my hair off. Once someone put something called 'tipex' in my hair, its a whitener you use to cover a mistake on a piece of paper. My teacher asked me how it happened and I said I got it on my hand without realising and leaned my head on to my hand. I could tell by his body language he knew it wasn't true and that he was sympathetic towards me but not much a teacher can do if the victim covers for the perpetrator. For so many years I lived entirely inside my head desperately trying not to react because I was always told back then not to hit back, be the bigger person etc. But also, I would feel so anxious and things would feel so intense inside my head I was scared to lose control of myself. Or maybe I just developed a type of freeze reaction, I don't know. What I do know is I let myself go through years of torment and it shaped me so fundamentally as a person. My life could have been so different if I just ONCE had some balls and retaliated to the point they wouldn't feel like its worth it to do it again.

Was pushed under a running shower with my clothes and schoolbag on during P.E class. Genuinely picture a small shower room, a bunch of guys blocking my way out and thinking it was absolutely hilarious to get me soaking wet just all laughing at me like I'm on a pantomime stage. My shoes were thrown over that same building once, quite like how it happened in the UK office.

Something which is still with me today emotionally but seems pretty innocuous really is one time during science class (12 years old) I asked the teacher if an assumption I had made was correct based on something she had said. She reacted by loudly exclaiming, "Yes (my name), that's brilliant!". Immediately I was called a swat by a few guys. But this one guy who said it had this genuine sense of disgust on his face, and again embarrassingly this was one of the same guys who bulled me in primary school, and I viewed him as above me and I still seeked out his approval. I know she was being a genuinely good and supportive teacher but man I hated that she did that. It was something about Argon is all I remember. Anytime I did particularly well in class bad things happened to me. I think over time my desperate need to be accepted made it so I stopped caring about school altogether and just hated it. When I went to university (twice and dropped out twice) I felt so uncomfortable even being on campus I think its related to how my previous experiences of education went, Now, I'm 28 and extremely insecure about my intelligence because life hasn't gone great for me, I've never been not broke and the only jobs I've worked have been hospitality and retail so no career at all. 2 different courses at university I've dropped out off with nothing to show for it, both times as a result of myself just not being able to push myself to care about my future and so I stop attending and submitting work. My first attempt I lasted a month before I just didn't hand in an essay and so just spent the year in my room (Moving away to dorms in a different city was a terrible idea to do as a 17 year old, if not for the reason that you need your flat mates to buy you alcohol). I managed to pass one year of college but only after having a panic attack and then frantically emailing all my teachers for extensions on work that was already supposed to have been submitted weeks ago. The following year I got to around the same time of the year and was in the same situation, but this time the head of the department wasn't as forgiving as some teachers and made me feel so shameful in the two meetings I had with him I was almost too embarrassed to go back even if I could push myself to do the work. He wasn't unfair at all either, I'm just sensitive and deal with a lot of shame.

I don't expect anyone to read this ridiculously long post and I imagine it sounds like extreme self pity, but this is the first time I've ever taken these ideas outside my head and into the real world. The shame I feel at how I didn't ever stand up for myself is so strong I think I intentionally avoided making it real, even though its been tormenting me so for so many years. My life isn't completely gloom and doom of course. I have a wonderful girlfriend, have made a decent amount of friends over the years who treated me like an actual human being. Some of my friend group back starting around 15 I'm still friends with and I sometimes play games with them and once in a blue moon see them in real life. Sadly over the last probably 3 years I distanced myself from them because of how my annoying brain is. To the point where maybe I'll never be as good of friends with them as they are with each other. Sadly I've realised I struggle to balance the mental load of having a girlfriend and a social life as ridiculous as that may sound. I need a lot of solitude or I end up having some sort of meltdown/burnout and because I live with my GF I have less mental space available for friends. That's not even considering maintaining relationships with my family because I'm just seemingly not capable of keeping regular contact with them and being around them makes me on edge so I rarely seem them either. One of the most shameful things I've ever done wasn't too long ago, I didn't go to my uncle's funeral. I am so deeply ashamed, he was a good man and part of my family and I couldn't force myself to go. At the the time internally I realised on the day that I didn't have a suit to wear (I know how stupid that is) and ended up having a bit of a breakdown emotionally and felt like I just couldn't go for some insane reason. The thing is I don't know if its as simple as not having the appropriate clothing or if I just don't deal with death well and it makes me super neurotic. Or it could just be I'm so lazy I couldn't be bothered to go and somehow made up an excuse for me to believe. I didn't go to my grandfather on his deathbed. He had dementia/Alzheimer's and so for quite a while before he actually passed he wasn't really alive, and then spent a lot of time unconscious before dying. But even if he wasn't, humans do things like this out of respect, to honour them. Even if they don't know it, they weren't alone when they truly died. He was a 30 minute bus ride from me and I genuinely do not know if I just couldn't be fucking bothered to leave the house or if there is a deeper reason which I can't identify because I've never been able to process how I feel very well.

Sorry for the numerous typos

The next profile to slander me and make old falsified claims that I never did. u/CAnderson_99 got banned five hours after creation of the account and after I reported it. Anyone who sees screenshots of a new account from a new username, that person is a bully. They target me specifically with screenshots of me and a falsifying claim that I send nudes to LITTLE BOYS. FOR ME, I DON’T. I HAVE NO CONTACT WITH MALE MINORS OF ANY AGE. Any user that posts under this post is a coward and won’t admit to who they are. From here on out, you will be reported to the police. At least this shit is on Reddit

I considered writing about the bullying and abuse I face and publishing it under a pseudonym once I left the province but I realized that it would come across as a hate rant to people so I decided to publish it under a non-violent cartoon fanfiction (once it's written) online instead. That way I can get out incidents that happened and shame those involved.

I already did it to a man named Peter (he was a doctor when I saw him, I heard he switched careers so I don't know or care to know what he does now, as long as he stays away from me) who took me to court for publishing online how nasty he was to me. The judge saw this and I won the case, because all I did was tell the truth, I didn't say anything nasty, bash, or mock him in the fanfiction. I just told the truth, which is what I'll be doing in my fanfiction if I write it regarding my experiences in this province.

Has anyone else written a fanfiction and included bullying incidents they experienced as a way to "call out" the bullies?