u/Elegant_Heat_4020

Me ftm(19) and my cis girlfriend (18) have been together for 1 year and 10 months. We are doing okay, but when we moved together last november i started feeling bad, because my dysphoria got a lot worse. Especially this year has been even worse. In march, I started T, so that helps a lot but Ive started to feel very dysphoric in our relationship. I just feel so fucking different because I am trans. She is bisexual, which is alright, but sometimes makes me feel very dysphoric and scared she sees me as a trans man and not just a man. I'm the first trans person she's has been with. Also, I'm not conventionally attractive atleast in my opinion, also have been bullied in childhood because of my weight. It doesnt help that my girlfriend never compliments me. I didnt really think much of it when we started dating, because I was feeling good with myself at that point. It makes me feel so so so bad that shes never called me good looking or anything. Only if I have asked her that "do you think I am attractive" or something she just says yes, but like in a weird tone, like its obvious that I am, but like its not obvious because no one has ever told me if I am. Ive struggled with depression and sh in my teenage years, and also have been always a bit overweight which makes me feel awful. I dont look like other men, and I am scared she thinks when looking at them that she wishes I was like that. She has also sometimes complimented random men when im wuth her, like once we were in a hockey game together (im a big hockey fan) she just said something like "omg thats good looking" about some hockey player that walked by, after she saw i kinda got hurt by it, she said something like "you are good looking too", but i know she just said it because I felt kinda bad. I know its okay to find people good looking, but i wish she didnt say it outloud to me and would compliment me more. And when we were scrolling tiktok once and there was a trans man without a shirt she just said "damn" about him. I just feel so fucking god damn ugly and it doesnt help that no one says otherwise. Ive told her that i feel bad because she doesnt compliment me and shes said that she doesnt know how to. But why is she complimenting other people. It feels bad.

One thing that makes me feel awful sometimes is that I know she sometimes watched porn. Its alright other ways, but what makes me feel bad is that we dont really have sex often and i feel like thats because i am just not attractive to her. Especially after I started T. We used to have sex like once a month maybe, but after I started T Ive told her about bottom growth and she has always been like jokingly disgusted, but told me she loves me either way. We had sex once when i was around a month on T. I wouldve wanted to have sex with her more because of my libido rose but obviously I wont force her to do anything. Sometimes it went to a moment where i was confident that this night would be when we would have sex, but when i tried things she would always just start saying "im tired" and like that and then we stopped. Im scared she feels disgusted of my bottom growth and wont want to touch me because of it. Few days ago, I was excited we would be having sex, and I did do things to her, but when it got to me, she just said "im tired im sorry". I dont know what to do. And about the porn, i just feel like she just wants to do it alone and watch cis guys because i dont make her feel good and she doesnt want to touch me. I have asked her that does she think i am disgusting but she always says no. Im embarrased to ask her straight that if she doesnt want to touch me because of my bottom. Im scared she is scared to tell me the real answer. Then i dont have a dick and cant do things a cis guy could its just awful i dont know what the fuck to do. Even if i get phallo its not the same as having a real penis atleast to me. I dont know if i can ever be happy with my own body. Also, I know I need therapy, but i cant go yet, because i dont have money and also will be thrown out of public trans healthcare where i would get my T a lot cheaper in the future (and surgeries), but it will take more than 1,5 years to get out of there.

If you read all this I really appreciate it. I dont need advice necessarily but rather peer support. Thanks.

any trans men on weight loss journey that would want to connect and share experiences?

Käyttääkö kukaan tota apteekista saatavaa minoxidil rogaine vaahtoa naamakarvoituksen lisäämiseen? toimiiko hyvin? kuinka usein sitä kannattas käyttää? mitä jos sen lopettaa, tippuuko karvat naamalta? :D

Mulla ja iskällä on siis synttärit ens viikolla (samana päivänä haha) ja halyaisi ostaa jotai iskälle mut en tiiä mitä. Oon opiskelija joten budjetti ei ois mikää kovin iso, tyylii max 30€. Iskä tykkää lätkästä ja urheilusta, tykkää käyä salilla, tykkää pelata pleikalla. En halua ostaa alkoholia, joten se pois! jos ois vinkkejä nii otan mielellää vastaan!! mietin et ostaisin hockeybasesta jonku lempijoukkueen tpaidan ehkä

Tyttöystävä täyttää siis 18 ja kyselisin vinkkejä lahjaan. Vaikka täyttää 18, hän ei siis juo tai muutenkaan käytä päihteitä joten ei mtn sellasta. Hän tykkää pelata koneella, virkata, neuloa ja muita käsitöitä

Mietin et ostaisin sille uudet pinkit pelikuulokkeet koska sillä on atm vaa sellaset huonot :D Ideoita? Budjetti ehkä noin 100€

Sain syksylle vihdoin lääkäriajan joka on siis tää mikä on elämänkaarihaastattelun jälkeen. Mitä tuolla käynnillä siis tarkalleen ottaen tehdään?

I am soon 19 years old, and im hitting 4 months on t tomorrow. Im gonna write here my changes and at what points they started happening. I'm on gel, testavan 2 pumps a day, total of 46mg

1st week:

- sensitive down there

- throat a bit hoarse

- muscle pain without doing anything

- oilier skin and some pimples

2nd week:

- very oily skin, pimples

- sweat more easily

- throat hoarse

- tummy hair

- a bit more hungrier

- bottom growth getting noticeable

- few upper lip hairs and peach fluzz on chin and jaw

- voice 150hz

3rd week:

- more pimples and a very oily skin

- libido HIGH

- a lot sweatier

- body odor stronger

- throat hurting and hoarse, here is when i noticed my voice a bit lower

- headaches

1month on t:

- libido very very high

- arm hair

- muscle growth easier

- pimples and oily face

- voice cracks and throat hoarse

- bottom growth was a lot bigger and more noticeable

- BO stronger

2months on t:

- voice drop noticable

- pooping more

- pimples

- facial hair, arm hair, tummy hair and thigh hair growing

- libido still very high

3months on t:

- oily skin and pimples

- adams apple getting visible

- voice dropping

- libido still high

- a$$ hair

- face is clearly more masculine and squarish, not as soft

- eyebrows filling

4 months on t:

- voice keeps dropping and its now cis passing, around 85-95hz

- upper lip hair getting visible to others

- skin is very very oily and getting a lot more pimples now, had to start using actual products for my face

- libido maybe going a bit down but is still apparent (finally)

- neck area hair

I often binge/eat a lot because i just think: does it matter, i will die anyways so lets just eat all this good food

how can i get over this??? what can i replace this with?? i just eat and eat and always just wait so that i can eat more

is it really clocky if you dont pack while using grey sweatpants? do cis people really focus on that?

Voiko transpolilta saada lähetteen kelan tukemaan terapiaan ja onkoha niil suositella terapeutteja joilla ois kokemusta transihmisistä? Ja onko tällästä mahollista saada jo siinä vaiheessa ku on saanut diagnoosin polilta?

i feel weird, dysphoric and uncomforable that my girlfriend writes mlm books to Wattpad? i dont even know how to talk about this with her, i never talk to her about my dysphoria because i feel ashamed and embarrased about it. i also dont want to remind her that im not a cis guy, im scared she will see me less a man if i talk about my dysphoria...

has anyone else noticed that in transteenspassing and transmanlifehacks subreddits people are literally hugboxing all the time?? i see the most feminine person asking if they pass as cis male and the comments are full of yesses. like no, you look like a woman. 🤦‍♂️

​

FTMpassing subreddit is not as bad

Looking for gaming friends aged around 16-21

I actively play:

- Valorant

- Stardew valley

- Minecraft

- Dead by daylight

I have/own and am up to play these too:

- Cs2

- Overwatch

- Fragpunk

- Gta5

I would first want to get to know each other a little in discord! :)

3 months on T yesterday and wabted to update here!

My dose is testavan 2 pumps

Changes ive gotten:

-bottom growth (on the first week)

- libido higher (on the second week)

- facial hair (noticed around 3 weeks in)

- voice drop (at 1 month)

- arm hair growth (at 1 month)

- stomach hair ( at 1 month)

- thigh hair ( at 2,5 months)

- oilier skin and some pimples ( on the first week)

- sweating more easily (2nd week)

- body odor a bit stronger (at 3 weeks)

- pooping more (1,5 months in)

- hair growing on my upper arms where i apply the gel ( 2,5 months)

- adams apple getting more noticable (2,5 months)

If you have any questions ill gladly answer them :)

Mulla oli siis maaliskuussa vika elämänkaarihaastatteluaika ja siel sanottiin et mut pistetään lääkärin jonoon. Mikä tää seuraava lääkäriaika siis on ja mitä sen jälkeen seuraa? En tiiä yhtään pistetäänkö mua psykologin tutkimuksiin yms, varmaan pistetään. Mut jos jollain on kokemusta niin arvostaisin vastausta! :)

So, 2 weeks ago I noticed a small dark spot/floater in my vision, at that point I didnt think about it that much but when I started to google it I found out it could be a posterior vitreous detachment symptom. Thats why I booked an eye doctor appointment which was last week, just before the appointment I noticed that when I looked at bright lights there was floaters and some smaller dark spots/floaters. The eye doctor did an fundus examination and didnt find anything significant reasonings there. The eye doctor diagnosed me with "Other vitreous opacities". But now under a week after the appointment I feel like there is somewhat more floaters and dark spots. I also have -5 myopia in this specific eye that I have the symptoms in. So I was wondering after some googling is there a possibility that my HRT could have caused this or is it just a coincidence? Could it be caused if my testosterone dose is too high? I saw that it is possible that HRT can cause eye symptoms. Could it be if I started with a too high dose?

My dose is 2 pumps of testavan (46mg everyday), been on it for almost 3 months. My through level after 2 months was around 11 nmol/L (test was taken 28 hours before next dose). I'm almost 19 years old.