u/Over_Discount_4880

I really haven’t felt happy in so long all because of this. i just want someone to talk to. i wish my parents cared

I used to be good playing the snare drum. i used to be competent at it at least. now i can barely fucking play it. even my band director told me that my ability “degraded”. i sobbed in front of my drum teacher a few minutes ago because i was so embarrassed at how bad i was. my dysphoria has completely distracted me from everything i love. i am utterly talentless now and everything i worked for went to waste. i just want to disappear.

help me please i hate this all so much

i’m 16 in the us. i constantly find myself staring at cis boys in my grade or in my classes. i feel like i just can’t help but compare every single one of our features. every time i see my reflection in any reflective surface i feel sick. i’m fat and feminine and only 5’6 or 5’7 and it makes me so upset. i wish i never had to see myself and nobody could see me either. i have no idea how my girlfriend is attracted to me when i feel all of my attributes are disgusting. i fall into spirals of thinking because i know that even after years of t or after top surgery i will never feel male and i will never be born male. that thought just kills me. i dont know why everyone expects so much of me when i can barely hold on with the issue of being trans, let alone all the other shit i have to do. i’m so mad at my band director for saying that my drumming skills have “devolved” since marching band off season. OBVIOUSLY they did, i wasn’t playing the fucking drum because i’ve been trying to stay afloat in my classes and mental health and balancing all of this. they’re so fucking stuck up. i also resent them because they figured out they where trans when they were an adult and didn’t have to wait for treatment, but i have to wait until 18 IF our president doesn’t do shit to take even that away. i’m so upset and angry and disgusted and nauseous 24/7. having male friends makes me mad because i know they don’t truly think of me as one of them. they see me as either a girl or some kind of third option even if they’re not transphobic and they are supportive. i can just feel it. i don’t know why i have to deal with this. it makes me so fucking angry i want to break things. i don’t know why the world is so cruel and why i had to figure this out about myself so young. why couldn’t i just be like my band director and find out in my late 20s or mid 30’s? everything is fucked. i’m inherently wrong and nothing will fix it.

i am in highschool at the choir concert. i got dragged into by my band director to play percussion during one of the songs. im sitting in the back row of the audience and i wish i could just disappear. my voice does not and will never sound like the boy’s who are singing. i sound feminine. even today a teacher mistook my voice for a female teacher’s voice. concert attire looks good on them, it extenuates their already masculine bodies. On me, it clings to my hips and chest and the pants are too long. I look at my percussion mates. they are both boys. i stare at their arms and their necks and their faces. i feel so angry that they have what i dont.

at least i played basketball with them and a choir member earlier and felt like a boy, but i know they think of me differently because they still accidentally misgender me sometimes. i just wish things were different. i just want to be 18

i hate feeling powerless like this. i just want to fucking transition. i hate getting out of bed every day. this all feels so useless. i don’t want to wait. i’ve waited 5 years. i’m tired. i just want help. my life was stolen from me. help

i’m 16, in a blue state, pre everything. my parents say they’re supportive but refuse to let me start t. i’ve gone more in depth about that in other posts on here. i’m sorry that im always posting in here, nobody listens to me anywhere else except my girlfriend, and she doesn’t have the trans experience

i cry every night because of how much i hate my body. i constantly compare my weight to others in the room. i constantly stare at my cis male classmates and how their arm muscles flex when they play drum kit or how their legs look when walking. i think about how i look and get nauseous because they have what i want and i never will. i can’t even get lost in the fantasy of my future anymore because everything just feels like too much. i try my best to pass and i do half of the time, but the other half just kills me. nothing i can do will fix me. i feel like a truly lost cause.

i see trans men on tiktok, specifically this one guy who is 2 years older than me (i’m 16, he’s almost 18) and i want to die. he is not only on t but essentially steroids and works out so much and he’s huge. i know i shouldn’t feel jealous because steroids are terrible for you, but i cant help it. he even passed pre t, and on the normal dose, and his boobs are so small. i’m too depressed to have much motivation to do my schoolwork let alone workout. i’m awful. i hate myself. i hate my parents for withholding t from me.

i’m 5’7” and probably 190 pounds. i haven’t weighed myself since i went to the doctor so probably way more. i’m insulin resistant due to PCOS so im fat as hell. my legs and arms are fine, they are muscular, especially legs, but my torso kills me. i’m on a medication to try to help me lose weight (metformin) but im losing hope

i look at pictures of myself from a year or two ago and i feel so angry. at least then i used to be like 160 even if i was shorter.

i feel fat and disgusting.

i have no idea how my girlfriend is attracted to me. i constantly look around the room to see if anyone is bigger than me to make me feel better. i am pathetic.