u/aflightlessvulture

To put it simply my voice averages between the ranges of (Lowest Median) 220- 255 (Highest possible pitch I go, I go this high almost every time I’ve tested my pitch). Aka. I have the voice of a Pre-Pubescent CHILD. I am 20. I HATE IT. This is why everybody treats me as a child. This is why everyone misgenders me. I don’t know why I’m this way. Why?? I don’t know. I went to speech therapy up until I graduated high school and my teacher couldn’t help me. Is this hormonal?? I thought I had high testosterone since I have more body hair than average + period issues but I’m wondering if the hair might just be genetics.

I hate it though. And I have no idea how to fix it. If it is hormonal (like low testosterone) I wonder if I can convince my parents to let me go on Testosterone this way. I have no idea. I think I’m going crazy due to my dysphoria at this point. I just keep complaining and complaining and trying to find solutions and answers and I keep getting things wrong. Idk. I just need to find something to help.

Edit: Sorry quick edit, realised I wrote 200 not 220.

[TRIGGER WARNING: All of the Above (Most importantly implications of CSA, mentions of organised abuse)]

I am so insanely done with my parents. Today, I was talking to my parents and told them that I don’t want to see my nibling once they are born until my sister has had at least 4 hours of sleep in the last 24 hours. I don’t care if I have to wait a year.

My reasoning is because my sister is abusive. She has been since before we were pre teens, including PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE. My parents know this. They’ve known since it started. They’d reprimand her. They’d try to get her to stop half heartedly. She’s only stopped hitting me within the past few years.

Parents told me I need to “get over myself” like my sister does. That I need to “get over” her abuse.
Aunt said the SAME thing. Because “Eventually she’ll be the only family [that you grew up with]”.

I want to scream so badly.

No one in my family has ever sided with me. They haven’t sided with me when they found out my parents hit me, when my sister hit me, and I doubt they’d even side with me if they were to find out that my parents allowed me to be/were involved with me being trafficked as a kid.

I don’t see these people as my family. They are not my family. The only family I have is my paternal grandparents, maternal grandfather, paternal cousin, and maternal cousin (who out of 5, 3 are dead and one is unfortunately likely to pass soon).

And even then I’m not able to talk much with them. The only reason I haven’t legally disowned my parents and sister is because I would get kicked out and I have no where to go.

I just want to move out, I’m 20. But I can’t get a regular job due to my disabilities. So all I can do is push through until I’m out or I’m dead.

Sometimes I’d rather be dead but then I wouldn’t get the funeral according to my religious beliefs, nor would I get my ACTUAL name on my grave.
So until I can find a way to ensure I got those, I have to live. And maybe even then things will be a lot better.

Hi, so I’m going to be getting a procedure sometime within the next few months and I’m going to be put under for it. This means I can’t drive myself home afterwards.

I don’t know where to get a ride that would be safe.

I’m AFAB (Trans Masc, not very well passing unfortunately), so it’s especially scary. I know there’s that Uber Woman’s only thing but A. even if I was assigned female at birth I’m still a man and B. I have gynophobia and way too many bad experiences with women that I don’t know if I could trust one that I do not know since I will absolutely be vulnerable.

The only family I have in my state is my parents, sister, and sister’s husband. Sister’s husband will be busy with work, I limit my contact with my sister due to several horrible things she’s done to me in the past, and my mom is… let’s just say she’s one of the women I have had horrible experiences with.

I could ask my dad but he has a habit of telling my mom everything even if I beg him not to. I do NOT want my mom to know. She will absolutely be creepy about this procedure I’m getting (she gets weird and creepy about some of my medical stuff. It’s like multiple different types, idk why but I avoid bringing it up with her). She does not need to know about it (I’m an adult, 20 yo), and I don’t want her to.

But my dad is the only option I’m seeing so I’d thought I’d see if anyone has any other ideas.

Also no, I don’t have any friends who could take me. I haven’t had friends since 2024 for specific reasons. I could possibly see about acquaintances taking me home though.

I hate it. I literally am diagnosed with two Intersex conditions!!! (I have PMOS + a Müllerian duct abnormality) I might have a fucking THIRD that means I don’t have two fucking ovaries and that I don’t have stupid fucking XX CHROMOSOMES.

I hope I don’t have XX chromosomes. I don’t think I do, and I’ve noticed that there’s some things that I seem to weirdly intuitively know about myself that turns out to be right. No idea why but it’s happened so many times that I know it’s not just always a coincidence when I’m so sure I’m right and everyone is unsure/denies that I’m right and I turn out I’m right. So I hope I’m right and I don’t.

I hate that everyone around me thinks I’m a woman. I’m not. Whenever I said I was female as younger it was because I was either closeted, due to legal reasons (still have to do this and I HATE it), or because I didn’t know that there was a fucking difference. My parents say “We taught you what trans people were” THEN WHY DID I ONLY FIND OUT THEY EXISTED WHEN MY SISTERS FRIEND CAME OUT?? I literally was jealous and STILL am jealous of him. HE GOT TO TRANSITION. AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE.

I’m still only able to use a packer that I had to SECRETLY buy because my parents would fucking murder me if they found out I had and bind my chest which I can’t do all the fucking time because I have to use trans tape and I have to use a specific kind due to sensory reasons so it costs like $30 for a singular fucking roll (that includes shipping and tax though). And I can’t even openly buy that! My parents HATE me binding. But I have to. I hate the stares at my chest. The ones my MOTHER will do. And most of the time it’s fucking women. I hate it. I already have gynophobia from childhood SA I don’t need them to fucking stare!!!

I don’t even like referring to myself as “trans” because it feels as if I’m saying that I ever was anything but a man. But I’ve ALWAYS been a man. And I’m fine if people say I’m intersex too! But I’m an intersex man! NOT a woman. Not an intersex woman either. A MAN.

Everyone around me refuses to use my preferred pronouns, my preferred NAME. Even the ones who are actually semi supportive. My parents hate it when I even mention trans people, and especially me being trans even though they’re “so supportive” of trans people! Literally they’ve said that while they support trans people they’d never openly say trans kids deserve protection. Which honestly makes sense since I’m never trans and the DIRECTLY put me into the situation where I got SAed and abused and they participated in some of the abuse.

I just hate it so much. IM A MAN. Why can’t anyone understand that??? I LOOK MASCULINE!! I LOOK LIKE A MAN!!! Sure my body’s a bit feminine but my face is masculine, if a bit chubby. But I look like a man! I wear mens clothes, I have mens glasses, a mens haircut, I don’t wear makeup (not even to masculinise myself), I wear a packer and bind, EVERYTHING!!! Even if I don’t speak in my stupid fucking high pitched voice people will still look at me looking like a man and call me fucking “Miss” I WANT TO SCREAM. I’ve had people call me “sir” in the past, when I really didn’t pass well. BUT THEY THOUGHT I WAS A CIS GUY. And somehow that never happens anymore! Literally they could only see me and have no prior information and most people assume I’m a woman. I’m NOT. I’m a man. I have fucking chest hair even though I’m not on T! It’s fucking natural! Sure it’s really sparse and some of it is lighter in colour but I have it!

So why can’t people understand. I hate being viewed as a woman too. Because when people view me as a woman they almost always turn into creeps around me. Stare at me for too long in uncomfortable places, get too close to me, try to talk to me, TAKE FUCKING PICTURES OF ME. I hate it.

I just want to be viewed as a man and look more masculine. I want a boyfriend who views me as a man and calls me by my name and stupid nicknames that actually fucking match me and aren’t fucking feminine. I want to be introduced as someone’s fucking HUSBAND, as their FATHER in the future. I want to go and have kids and foster kids and be there for them as their father who supports and loves them.

Edit: The title is meant to say “I have to take another class because I suddenly need 3 more points”, sorry I’m dyslexic as fuck

Hi so I’m almost finished with my AS degree but for some reason I suddenly have to take another class. Before I applied for graduation it said that I was fine and now it’s saying I need another class but I can’t get another class without changing my fucking major??? I’m going in tomorrow to talk to a guidance counselor but I had a massive freak out because I’m literally constantly breaking down from stress and overload with how much I’ve been doing the past year, doing 4 classes a semester and everything. Like maybe one semester I did 3 but every other I’ve done 4. I’m so tired and burnt out and I just cannot stand doing anymore but my portal changed to tell me I need to do more. What do I do??? Is there any reason it changed??? Also I don’t feel comfortable saying my college but it is a local Florida college.