u/Silo_Woof

I see so many reels of tucutes saying things like,”I love my boypussy!” Or “I use old spice deodorant now”. Or they talk about how they first associated themselves with being male through yaoi.

Other than fetishes & little aesthetic obsessions over “boyhood”, what are things in life you attribute to your masculinity &/or manhood?

I was on T from 18-20 years old, so about 2 years. Pre-T, I passed about 75% of the time (as a 14 year old boy… but I passed) I grew a beard very fast.. within 6 months, because my beard genetics are very good.
I went off due to medical concerns (I was on so many medications at the time so I went off of all of them to get clarity on what was going on with my body & to let it recover). I ended up getting vaginal atrophy around the end of my T journey that led to a 3 day hospitalization. I had gotten sepsis. This was really scary, but I think if I was more on top of vaginal health & estradiol cream that it could have been prevented. Im not sure though, and that has definitely scared me from going back on T. I also am not and will never consider bottom surgery for a multitude of reasons, personally.

Currently, I’m 24. So I’ve been off T for a few years now. I’ve already gotten top surgery. My body fat distribution is feminized again (bigger hips & a bit more fat in the face) but I’m the most fit I’ve ever been in my life. I’ve been hitting the gym and it’s definitely helping. I use minoxidil & derma rolling to keep my beard as much as possible but it’s not perfect… it has thinned out a lot. But I have the facial hair most trans guys have at 2-3 years on T.

I feel very conflicted on starting T again. If I already pass and I’m not considering bottom surgery, it seems that I would only be on T for another 5 years or so until I go off again because I don’t want to damage my AFAB sex organs. I just want to get past the 2 year mark to get my beard back in shape, maybe allow more follicle development & growth that will be irreversible later on. Build muscle. Get a bigger Adam’s apple. Hell, more T dick growth would be amazing. But I don’t know if these are surface level reasons that are not worth risking more health issues over going back on T… I try to ignore my dysphoria every day because I hate that I still have it even though I already pass. I look completely like a dude. So why is this still fucking with me?

I don’t want to be on T my whole life because I’m very Anti-Big pharma. I don’t trust them and I don’t want to be on ANY medication unless I absolutely have to. I have been on & off homeless for most of my life and never had stable or consistent healthcare. So I don’t really want to be clinging to the healthcare system trying to get my T and end up on inconsistent dosages because of it. But I’m confident that for the next few years that I’ll have access to it consistently at least.

Despite top surgery scars & dog ears, I completely pass. I’m mostly happy? But I can’t shake the feeling that something in my body is not right.
I don’t hate my body. It’s just not mine, and I feel like a disabled man without a penis when I know I should have one. But I don’t want bottom surgery. And I don’t want to risk atrophy again, liver problems, or any other health problems that occur. Not to mention I may have an ovarian cyst that I’m struggling to get looked at because OBGYN care is so difficult (especially as a trans guy).
When I started on T, I was put on 200mg, 1ml every 14 days. I was also given Depo-Provera at the same time. It was a pretty bad time in my life and I got SEVERE cramping that I felt like was going to kill me. Thankfully, I’m not on Depo anymore and never will be again. I heard about the lawsuits. I’m also dating a woman now who is definitely my life partner. so that’s not a concern anymore lol

I just want to hear about anybody’s else’s experience with going through phases like this of going on T. Have you guys ever done T for a few years, then stopped for a few, then started again for another few years and stopped again? Any trans guys who have experienced atrophy even when using estrogen cream? What was that like for you? Any trans men here who wish they could be on T, but can’t due to health issues? Why? Will my beard disappear no matter what, or is it really permanent? Will my voice reverse?
Is there more research on the effects this could have?
Obviously the hormonal shift will likely be overwhelming. But I really want to hit the further development that other trans guys hit. I feel like I did not go far enough the first time to get the max amount of permanent effects. I just also want to know if anybody else has had a similar experience with T, vaginal atrophy, or has any advice/research articles they could pass along to give more context on how this process would affect my body on a biological scale. I want to treat my dysphoria but I’m very scared of causing more damage to my body.

So, some important info first:
- I am an adult and owner of this cat, from the US
- The cat is a 6 y/o neutered male
- He was taken to the emergency vet yesterday night
- I just spent the last of my savings last night

My cat’s symptoms started two days ago. He was having bad allergies for a few days and then started puking up hairballs. I started brushing his fur a little more, assuming he was just shedding more due to the summer weather and it was getting to be a bit much for him when grooming himself. I tried giving him some hemp treats specifically for allergies but then he started throwing up yellow bile with no hairballs… weird, I just assumed the treats were bugging him because he has IBD, very sensitive to any food changes so I discontinued use of that.

The next day, as I was cleaning out his litter box I noticed his pees were getting smaller and smaller. Then, after I fed him last night, he started crying (he usually does when he’s bored or wants to play) but this time I watched & listened and he seemed like he was complaining about litter box problems. I followed him over to the litter box because he kept going back and forth from it. I watched him and clearly saw him getting into a position to pee, trying to pee, and then nothing coming out. We urgently rushed him to a 24/7 emergency vet and dropped $1k for an ultrasound, blood testing (everything looked great there), urine testing (still waiting on those results), physical exam, and pain & anxiety meds. We also brought home some cans of the urinary prescription food that they gave us (I gave him a tiny bit of that this morning alongside his usual food, it’s royal canin urinary s/o I think)

The thing is,, they did the ultrasound and there is not much collection of crystals, especially compared to other cats with blockages. When we took him to the vet, they said right now he has a partial obstruction.
What should I do? It’s now been almost 12 hours since the vet visit last night… they did manage to empty out his bladder a little and got a urine sample… but he hasn’t peed since. He’s not even trying to use the litter box. I’m going to take him back to the emergency vet if he doesn’t pee by 5pm tonight. Anything else I can do to help him or keep in mind?