r/transmanlifehacks

this argument is so disingenuous, even ignoring the fact that we're on a sub meant for passing tips. when you have gone through female puberty, masculinity is inherently harder to reach for most people. sure, a lot of men have things that are considered typically feminine - long hair, jewellery, certain types of clothing. but they are also undeniably male. they have never had their bodies and faces changed by estrogen.

i am saying this as someone who has long hair, and dresses alt, and has piercings. i pass 100% of the time, because i'm 5 years on T, have a visibly masculine frame, beard, deep voice etc. but it wasn't always this way, especially early on T, i had to sacrifice some aspects of my style in order to pass consistently.

honestly, i think gendered expectations when it comes to personal style are bullshit (skirts used to be worn by men far more often, for example). but it's simply the truth of it. certain style choices, combined with a generally feminine or androgynous appearance, are going to read female to the general public unless you have other things to make up for it.

also, style and accessories are the easiest things to change when it comes to passing, which is why you see so many people mentioning them. it wouldn't be very productive to tell people that they should get jaw surgery or wait 5 more years on T, because that isn't accessible immediately or easily.

(of course this varies depending on location, who you interact with, and each person is different, etc. i just don't see the point of getting mad about this when you're literally on a sub meant for passing tips...)

im transmasc & have been out for 7 years. passed most of my transition, and usually while not on T. im saying this both from that position & as someone whose in the punk scene where i live: being alt, having dyed hair, having piercings, or having jewelry, or whatever else yall will say doesnt stop ppl from passing.

maybe if you live in a christian conservative town with less than 1000 ppl, yeah sure, i can see it. however most ppl posting on here are living in cities as a statistical fact, which means there are plenty of alt ppl, which means that there are ALT CIS MEN. most of which arent being mistaken as women.

the issue 99% of the time ive seen both on here & irl is one of the following:

• slouching
• loose clothing and/or thin fabric
• jeans/pants arent straight fit. are usually either too big or too skinny
• piercing set up itself is feminizing

or they pass fine, and likely arent passing bc they havent done social transition steps we cant see (voice training, male body language, general guyisms) and THATS WHY.

ITS NEVER BC THEYRE ALT. this advice fucking sucks, and yall need to stop giving it. yall will be getting my downvote everytime. make it end.

I have ignored the wellbeing of my body all my life due to dysphoria and haven’t worked out in a long time. I’m short (5’0”💔) and fat (~170lbs💔) and have been wanting to get a more masculine build but never got the motivation until recently, partially from being afraid that looking thin would make me more feminine, especially since I’m so short. Are there any general tips for how to work out without feeling like I’m going to look more feminine? Especially since haven’t started going on T yet… I plan to go on T and eventually get surgery once I’m financially stable enough (I’m only 19 and not with the most supportive family), but I would like to feel okay in my body in the meantime. Also are there any specific workouts that can specifically make your chest or hips seem smaller? I have access to a gym through my school but have never been to one before… any help is appreciated.

I have this huge mental block that I'm sure many other people lurking this sub also have, but I haven't yet happened to see any trans person articulate it (And it's not a particularly novel way to think and has definitely been expressed many times before, but truth be told I absolutely hate talking to other trans men most of the time, which I know is a failing on my part.), and it's that seeking any sort of passing advice without wanting to kill myself (for a lack of a better term) is incredibly difficult. I see a man that looks like he could be my uncle asking if he passes, the consensus in the comments is that he looks like a drag king, and me, who would rank as medium-clocky if you were to make a scale of this sub, sees that and thinks, "It's like, so over, isn't it?" (Is the real problem that I'm not as sensitive to what makes someone masculine vs what makes someone feminine?)

I'm two years on T, I'm not very happy with how my transition is going, and while I know there are some things I could be doing better, I find it hard to see it amounting to anything. If I were to post myself here, I know I'd get torn to shreds, so maybe the issue is really that I'm just a little sensitive. This isn't (entirely) to vent, but rather to ask how you guys got over this mental block. Am I ever going to get better? Do I just have to accept the possibility that I might always look at the very least a little "off" despite my best efforts?

Also, I would never post myself here anyways, since I don't like to post myself anywhere (I say it's for privacy reasons, but I know that all our faces have already been fed into AI models and that it's already over, so it's really just for dysphoria reasons), but sometimes I wonder if you can even get the full picture in a place like this anyways. There's several trans men I met where they pass more or less in photos, but their mannerisms and speech IRL gives them away, to me at least. The issue with me is that the pool of people I interact with on a day to day basis is very limited, and most of them are people who knew me as a child and still consistently misgender me as a result, and my few friends, all of whom will not give me actual commentary or advice. Getting new people in my life is difficult since I've become selectively mute, and I'm also pretty sure I'm slowly losing my mind. Is there a way I can force the little friends I have to be honest with me? I know some of them don't tell me anything because they have nothing nice to say but don't want to feel awkward telling me, but it's really important that they be honest. Should I emphasize how important it is for me? I think they care about me.

Also also: Does this post come off as feminine? Are my thoughts and way of expressing myself feminine, and if so, how can I change it? Would someone be able to clock me if I were complaining about a completely different neuroticism by the way that I write? I was told recently that my willingness to take accountability for harm I've committed points to past female-socialization and now I'm wondering if I just have it all wrong.

Fellas we gotta be realistic here. Unless you're starting from an already masc-leaning face or build, you are probably not magically going to pass within your first 1-6 months on T.

And yes, I know everyone is unique and changes will happen at different rates. I say this with love as someone who is 5 years on T/almost 4 years post top surg. I didn't really start consistently passing until about a year and a half ago (for me I think it was my medium to long hair that I had a hard time letting go of. I was also EXTREMELY femme before transition which gave me very they them vibes for a long time.)

Think about cis boys going through puberty-- most of them don't sprout a full beard overnight. A lot of boys I went to middle school with still had baby faces through high school graduation. I'm almost 30 and have seen some of my old classmates who still have patchy facial hair/baby faces.

As frustrating as it is to hear "just wait" that's unfortunately the reality for a lot of us. I see a lot of posts in transmasc subs where guys will be like 2.5 weeks on gel or a month of injections absolutely crashing out bc they "don't have any changes yet am I cooked??"

If you're newly on T and have already changed what you have control over (hair, clothes, gym routine), my genuine best advice is to let the T do its job.