u/benreilly08

I’m 18 ftm.

My desire to go on T isn’t 100% consistent. Not as in I don’t want to go on it, but as in: some days I don’t really care much, but some days it’s stronger and I wish I looked more like a man and not this androgynous in between where people look at me and question what the hell my gender is. I feel like I would take care of myself a lot better if I went on T and that I would feel so much more comfortable in my own skin. The only thing stopping me from going on it is this fear that if I go on T, I might end up regretting it and won’t be able to reverse some of the effects.

I’m not sure how to go about this, has anyone else had this struggle? Advice is appreciated.

I’m 18 and I came out to my parents as a trans man almost a year ago.

My mother’s (62) reaction when I came out to her was very jarring. She yelled at me and was in denial for a while. After months of knowing I was trans, I asked her if she’d refer to me as my preferred name and pronouns. She started crying, said “No, I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”
She has become more open minded since then, but it’s these initial reactions that have me uneasy. According to my dad, she has still not fully processed the fact I like girls (I came out to her as lesbian when I was 13).

My dad (64) grew up in an area that was more open minded and has always been that way compared to my mom. Since I came out to him, we’ve had a few discussions on what my plan is for transitioning and what I feel as a trans man. He’s told me that my mom had this fantasy of me having a ‘traditional lifestyle’ and growing up as a woman, being the mother of the bride, married to a man, having kids, etc, and that she’s had a hard time accepting that she won’t get that.

They do their best to use my preferred name and pronouns: my dad especially feels guilty when he deadnames or misgenders me and I have to correct him.

I never really “hated” being a girl, the concept and people using she/her for me didn’t piss me off or anything, I always just felt neutral. But it’s become frustrating that I have the same conversation with my dad almost every day: he deadnames/misgenders, I correct, dad apologizes, then immediately says something along the lines of “You know me and your (mother/father) grew up in a time when trans people weren’t around” or “it will take us a long time to get used to” or “we had you as a daughter for X amount of years”

Note: he says ‘us’ as in him and my mom, but 95% of the time it is him misgendering or deadnaming me.

I know that my parents love me and are doing their best to support me as people that didn’t grow up in a time where trans people were no where near as open as they are today, but with how often I have this conversation with my dad it honestly has started to feel like he’s just making up excuses for not seeing me as a guy.

By the way, I have asked my dad if he genuinely sees me as a guy. He does not. He clearly does his best to treat me like one and validates me as much as he can (i.e, calls me his son, that I’m a man) but knowing that he doesn’t fully see me as one (at least not yet), is still discouraging and honestly exhausting to hear his defence all the time. I’d rather he just correct himself and move on.

I’m talking more specifically in books, but any kind of media (TV, movies) counts too.

I feel like I already know the answers I’m gonna get.

I’m 18. Most of my friends have had some sort of sexual experience by now, starting at the age of 16. The only ones that haven’t just have no interest in it. I find myself getting all awkward whenever a friend’s experience seems to come up in conversation. Which I find strange, because I’m not usually the shy type when sex happens to come up in a conversation for whatever reason. I’ll feel happy for them of course, but jealous because I haven’t had those kind of experiences yet. I’ve been told I’m a physically affectionate person, I usually have an arm around a friend but I’m not overly touchy. I often associate certain kinds of physical touch in a romantic sense when they can be fine with a friend (i.e, holding hands, cuddling).

I know I’m likely one of the younger people on this subreddit, but with my social circle it feels like I’m behind. The jealousy kinda flares up a little when I’m around one of my friends that’s actually in a relationship because they’re PDA heavy. I don’t wanna badmouth them, I care for both of them a lot, but whenever we’re in a group setting or I happen to be third wheeling them, it’s just a constant reminder that I’ve never had what they do.