r/virgin

Not sure if this is the right place to put this but I’ve been close to having sex but not the actual PIV. I’m wondering if it’s supposed to feel magical or just an overwhelming great sensation feeling or will it just be meh 🫤 and I know women‘s bodies especially down there tend to change on arousal level but when I fingered my girlfriend it kinda felt off, like nothing I expected. it wasn’t really warm, not as tight and not really wet like I though but she said she liked the pressure from it. I want to try to prepare myself so I won’t be as disappointed as I think I will but I might surprise myself. I want to try abstaining from porn and masturbation for two months before it happens and my girlfriend agrees because she doesn’t want me to not like it or not moan and all of that other stuff. So far when we’ve given each other oral sex she’s had sever orgasms and I haven’t and at first I wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth until I had scratch marks and and my hair pulled and “it” all over my face, neck, and back. I just hope it’s a good experience for her at least because she deserves that but I know the first time won’t be ideal.

Hi, I am (17m) and have a girlfriend (17 f) who is bisexual. we are both virgins and were talking about having sex during the summer break. We were talking about our boundaries, kinks, etc. and she proposed an idea of having a threesome with her ex-stepmom (who she's really close to). We both find her stepmom really attractive & think that she can help us make our first time easier. Should I do it?

I guess I just want to not feel alone. I want to have sex a lot, I consider myself to be on the high libido end. But I’m also terrified of it too. Scared of UTI’s, scared of pregnancy, scared of STD’s, and I’m scared of penetration. I know penetration is supposed to feel good but it can also be so uncomfortable too. Like, how do women do it for real? How can they stand their male partners going fast and rough? Does that not hurt for them? It took me three attempts to have my first Pap smear last year and that was deeply unpleasant, I can’t imagine how sex will be even if I’m aroused. Plus I’m scared my body and face isn’t attractive enough to fully give into the pleasure and passion of sex.

I’ve been tempted to just get my virginity out of the way but I know I’ll probably regret it. Even if I find a guy to be in a committed relationship with, I’ll probably still always have anxiety around sex even though I’ll trust him and have a high sex drive. I don’t know, my feelings around this are weird and contradictory. Don’t know how else to explain it.

(26f) Dismissive avoidant here and conquering my biggest fears in recent years!

Never been in a relationship but had a series of casual dates which would involve emotional intimacy but not physical. Met a guy recently and he is very romantic, passionate, sexually open, whilst I am not. I like being with him and my attraction has grown over time, but every time we have kissed I feel absolutely nothing, or even don't like it. Not turned on at all (I can feel it when by myself so I know things are working!). We are also approaching it casually and non exclusive, with intimacy (physically and emotionally) but not relationship and there are no issues of jealousy- this is something which currently suits me and is what has allowed me to feel more open in the dynamic.

I have an avoidant attachment style and some previous trauma which put me off general closeness with people. I want to explore intimacy with him (he is very welcoming about this topic). But I just really dislike the kissing. I thought I was a bit rusty so tried a few more times, but nope, there's no build up at all. Just straight to wet sloppy kisses which devour my face. I get completely in my own head and think I'm doing it wrong, and what techniques I can pull to keep up. We communicated about what we like but things didn't really change. I think he just prefers kissing hard and fast, whereas I want build up and adding tongue gradually and mutually.

I have little kissing experience and wonder if anyone has felt this before.. is it normal to not be going in light at first and instead going straight with tongue. Am I crazy for wanting a little dry kiss at first?! And why do people even like that?!

On top of this, I am good with touching his upper body but I feel so awkward approaching his crotch, I guess out of the fear that it will escalate things when I'm already not feeling the kissing.

I definitely will discuss these concerns with him, in a productive and nice a way as possible. But have others experienced this and it has gotten better? Am I simply not attracted enough to him and should call it quits?

I am a 29 year old virgin who never had a girlfriend. In the end of 2024, I went to another country for a business trip. During my trip, I met a girl there. By coincidence, one week after I came back to my country, that girl had to come to my country for a business trip. When she came, we went to eat dinner one night together. After the dinner, we kissed. I discovered that she had a crush on me.

After that night, she proposed me that we start a long distance relationship (our countries are 6 hours by plane). After thinking for a while, I told her I didn't want to have an LDR so I kinda rejected her. However, we stayed in touch and we are still often texting each other.

Since the night we kissed, she came twice to my country so far and each time she came, we acted like as if we were a couple (holding hands, kissing etc.). But both times she came, I felt extremely guilty for not offering her a relationship and making her sad. We were actually going to have sex when she came but I couldn't perform (probably since I was feeling anxious that I disappointed her).

Now she moved to a country even further (I think it's 12 hours away by plane) but for some reason I can't get her out of my mind. I feel extremely guilty these days for not offering her a relationship.

She is objectively a pretty girl but there is something about her that makes her look just "cute" and not "attractive". I actually find almost all the girls in my country very attractive but I can't get any glimpse of interest from women living in my country. This girl has a lot of acne, a bad breath sometimes and very dry lips, which gave me an ick. However, I think these are easily fixable things.

Quite frankly I really don't know if I would get into a relationship with her if she was living in the same country as me. On one hand, she is quite cute, my icks are easily fixable and we really get along very well. But on the other hand there's a huge distance between us and she is not my dream girl physically. However, I feel like we would really match each other very well if we were a couple. I feel like if I find another girl one day (which is very unlikely as I mentioned before), she would be completely devastated. I am so confused about this situation. Normally I am very pissed off about being an almost 30 year old virgin but my guilt in the situation with this girl completely erased my frustration about being a virgin.

Did your parents wait for marriage? Did they have prior sexual partners? Did they engage in hookups or casual sex? How did their marriage/relationship end up, and how did it shape your views on sexuality and why you're here today?

For me, my mom was fairly attractive in her youth and had tons of hot romantic "bad boys" who would chase after her but she rejected them all, as they would be fun boyfriends but terrible husbands. My dad was a socially awkward nerd who was intelligent and highly educated, but very introverted and unromantic. They met through mutual acquaintances, who played recommended them to each other. My parents married as virgins, and abstinence was the expected norm where they lived.

My mom thought my dad would have well-paying job and provide a good, stable life for his family. However, my dad struggled a lot career-wise and made little money, my parents would argue and fight all the time, often over money, we were always tight on money and my parents wanted me to focus on studying hard and getting a high-paying job so I don't end up like them. My mom was not sexually attracted to my dad, she was hoping for financial stability, and they had a dead bedroom after having kids. However, they stayed together through hard times, poverty, and conflicts, never cheating on each other or divorcing.

I thus never had a romantic view of marriage, I never saw romance with my parents, they never hugged or kissed each other or said they loved each other, they had a dead bedroom, they were together because of commitment and duty and self-sacrifice, not love. Which I supposed can be stronger than love, but also sadder.

However, I do see the opposite dynamic in my peers' parents, the cheating, the divorces, the single parenthood, the stepparents, not knowing who your "real" (biological) parents are, etc. So I was under no illusion that the opposite dynamic was better. I guess I grew up kinda jaded, not knowing what a healthy relationship looks like, only different flavors of unhealthy relationships.

What about you? What were your parents like growing up, and how did that shape your views and why you are still a virgin?

I'm 27 years old male and sadly still a virgin without never having any oportunity to lose it.

That I'm later than the vast majority of people, I already know very well. I also know that the percentage of virgins my age is painfully low (idk if the statistics are true or not, but still hurts me a lot).

If by some miracle I lose my virginity this year, did I lose it still in young adulthood, or did I lose it in full-on adulthood?

I know a couple of guys/girls of my age that already got married (one of them is a childhood friend of mine, I went to his wedding), a very few even has children. It's kind of a minority people already marrying at this age at least here in Portugal in 2026, but I know very well that being a virgin is a much lower minority. People also always consider the young adulthood ending at early 20s, while others consider ending it a 30 so idk.

It isn't necessarily the shame of being a late virgin that saddens me, in itself. Other people don't know that I'm a virgin (at this age, that's not even something people wonder about other people). What saddens me is thinking that I didn't experience sex in my youth, and now I can never have that experience. Thinking that the best years for experiencing sex are already long gone and sex now is much more meaningless because my hormones/horniness are way lower that during people's youth.

I'm 26F and I have been struggling with dating ever since I started doing it at 20. I'm from Eastern Europe, raised mostly by my grandparents, they engraved strong moral values in me and this is where I mostly clash with other people. I do not like vulgarity and I do not tolerate in my close circle people that I know are not good people. I volunteer a lot and participate in charity and I struggle to find people, especially men with simmilar values (at least people who really do what they preach, not just sit on a couch playing a good person.) Ever since I started dating I end things just as soon as a guy uses words like "slut, bitch, fucker" in regards to other people or when he demands any sexual stuff that I stated from the beggining I am not comfortable with. My mom says I am superficial and that I should lower my standards and please men on just dating stage bc they will never stick to marriage stage if they don't get what they want.

I think it's sad and I would rather not, I would hate myself if I "served" my ass to someone I think is not a good person. At this point I would rather live like a nun for the rest of my life than to be in relationship with someone I am not on the same moral level.

Has anyone felt the same?

Just smoked a marlboro gold and start to overthink about life. I'm gonna complete my diploma and start internship soon, yet I'm still a virgin loser. How do I level up my game in KL? Most of the KL girls are just open minded people, and yet here I am, just going on with my life and feel like a total loser. Should I maybe start participating myself in more of the activities conducted in the Meetup app? Should I be in a good physique? What tf should I do to explore the wildlife and enjoy my life ?? Dah la enough yapping, I wanna go j3rk 0ff for now.

I 24f connected with this guy 25m two weeks ago. At first we both were just looking for friends and long term connections. I am fairly new to the state I live in and he works a lot so he doesn't have much time to hang with his friends. Found out we live about 3 hours away from each other which is pretty cool, and we hit it off very quickly. Ever since we have connected we've talked everyday morning to night, and about three days in we exchanged photos and realized there was mutual attraction. After that, the dynamic shifted a bit from purely platonic to something more flirtatious. The issue is that things started moving much faster than I’m comfortable with.

After only a few days of talking, he was already discussing driving to see me and booking a hotel this week. While I was/am genuinely flattered by the effort, I’ve never met him in person and would have preferred more time getting to know each other through phone calls (we hadn't and never had a phone call), video calls, and deeper conversations before making plans to meet. In the past I have rushed and got caught up in attraction, etc.

Yellow flag #2 Im older now and ive grown into someone who likes to take my time when dating i genuinely enjoy the early stages of getting to know someone, building an emotional connection and figuring out compatibility. I’m a virgin. I didn't make that decision for religious reasons and I don’t judge people who are sexually active. I’ve simply always wanted to wait until I’m in a committed relationship (Not waiting for marriage) and feel fully comfortable. (to clarify this does not mean I do not consider the other person's time)

At one point, he introduced sexual energy into the conversation by mentioning that he was turned on by our flirting. Keep in mind the flirting was very innocent though I didn’t shame him for it, but I did explain that I wasn’t comfortable going too far into sexual conversations and reiterated my preferences

The problem is that even after those conversations, it felt like the sexual energy kept finding its way back into the conversation. We eventually talked about what we look for in relationships, and I explained that I enjoy dating slowly and getting to know someone before sex becomes part of the equation. he says he understands, He essentially said that casually dating without sex sounds more like friendship to him. I found myself second-guessing bc he seems like a good person and we've connected well. 

I eventually told him I just wanted to be friends because we had two different dating styles and I didn't want things to feel one sided one either party. He originally agreed then later said he couldn't because he'd always want more and would also want to have sex. We ended things yesterday and while I feel relieved because I felt some form of pressure. I am saddened because I felt like I had actually connected with someone. I also feel so small because what's so wrong with just getting to know me as a person before having access to my body? it hurts. I continue to get reduced to my looks. I just want to meet someone who'll actually love me for who I am. Not this Idealized, fantasied version of me. This is probably dumb to be sad over such a short connection but yeah. All I ask is to please be kind if you decide to comment. Thanks

The amount of people who wait for marriage has steadily declined over time, around 5% of couples marry as virgins. Given it is difficult to find a partner who is also a virgin, who shares your values, is there an age which you would stop waiting and change your mind, or would you hold fast to your beliefs even if it means dying alone and dying a virgin?

1. If you want to wait until marriage yourself, is there an age at which you would settle for a non-virgin partner?
2. Is there an age at which you are tired of missing out on sexual experiences and you would stop waiting for marriage yourself?

I honestly feel so torn nowadays between losing my virginity or not like I feel like everyone has lost it nowadays and it isn’t as special but then I’m thinking of waiting cuz I don’t want to regret it. BRUHHH IT FUCKING SUCKS like I’ve got my own ideology and perception but do I really sacrifice it idk damn I’m rambling

I’ve seen a guy for 4 months and I’m super inexperienced. He’s my first kiss. He’s pushing a lot for the physical stuff but I’ve also had to ask what are we or where this is going. And I’m like usually the guys do that? He forgets details about me and he’s living with women and then only one? Like the story doesn’t make sense. I have to ask for more communicating and he said ok and then he subtly asks me to his house like 3 times under different guises: come watch this show, come to cook, come to hug me. And I don’t know what to trust.

I confronted that and he said he wants intimacy but how much time is it gonna take. And I told him I need him to communicate. Sometimes he barely texts me or I feel like I need emotional connection and he said he feels like his connection grows through sex basically…

I don’t know if he can see I’m inexperienced. We’re in our 20s though he’s late 20s. I want to feel like someone is connecting with me or remembers stuff about me. He said he didn’t ask me to be his gf and I had to push it a bit because he’s had bad experiences before.

But that doesn’t add up because he’s been escalating the physical side for so long? My friends bf asked her to be in a relationship in a really sweet way, and another friend and her bf do hang out at his place or hers but they talked about taking things slow or they communicate: yet here I feel like he doesn’t. It’s all real surface level or jokes with him. And now idk how much of what he says is him and how much is because I asked for more. I had to bring this up whereas he’s just trying to keep throwing invites

I told him I need more emotionally to connect before that and I think he’s lying. He said how am I lying I wouldn’t hang out with you and spend so much of my limited time with you if I didn’t like you. Idk?

It is a very clear pattern I’ve noticed with many (many as in a large amount; NOT ALL) men behaving as if they think virginity raises a woman’s “value” in the dating world. some men will say they’ll only get with a virgin(while not being virgins themselves), fetishize virgins, or act like men go absolutely crazy over virgin girls. It has been totally incongruent with my real life experience. in the modern dating world sex is generally expected, especially by many men, sooner rather than later. I would wager that many of these men who claim to prefer virgins would leave a girl if she doesn’t sleep with him early on in the relationship, or pressure her into having sex as if reluctance/unwillingness/inability to have sex isn’t the very reason she is a virgin in the first place. the truth is that the dating market simply does not reward virginity in EITHER gender. I have found that many even view virginity, prudishness, and sexlessneas in a woman as a turnoff, the same way many women do in men. I just wish people could be honest. whenever I hear someone talking about how prized virgins are I just assume they are terminally online.

Pessoal tenho 30 anos e por questões do destino e por morar numa cidade de interior de merda tive pouca interação com a galera, sou virgem até hj e tô pensando em perder a virgindade com gp quando viajar pra alguma capital do país, já passei em 3 concursos e estou esperando algum deles chamar pra eu vazar daqui, ainda moro com meus pais e isso atrapalhou minha autonomia durante todo esse tempo, sou introvertido mas não tão tímido, sofri bullying na minha adolescência e tive problemas emocionais mas hj já tô bem melhor e faço academia há 12 anos então tenho um shape legal até, mas preciso perder logo isso (com mulher) e quero tirar esse peso das minhas costas, quero transar logo pra pelo menos dar uma destravada nesse aspecto pessoal meu, qual a opinião de vcs ? Quero apenas transar, sentir como é enfiar o pau na buceta e não quero morrer virgem, esse negócio de romance deixa pros livros

I’ve been holding myself for 12 years.
I experienced nothing.
I dunno when can I marry…
I have religious background and conscience to resist.
And im a shy guy.

Any recommendations? Tips? Anyone understands me?

I’ve been dating a guy for months now. I knew something felt off but couldn’t put my finger on it, he was kissing then French kissing me but he wasn’t deepening the topics we talked about until way later. He was mainly kissing me. And we both said we wanted relationships in our profiles. He was asking to see me once a week, just really slow or even texting he didn’t do much of that. But he stuck around here or there.

I wish I didn’t ask him how he feels about us. Because we went exclusive and got off the apps but he went on a roadtrip with a woman friend. And then he also has this housing situation where he had one female friend stay and now it’s another one? I don’t know. And had I not pushed the exclusive talk maybe I could’ve just observed what he did or if he would’ve asked me to be his girlfriend.

When he returned I did bring up the topic kind of. And he said ok wanna be my girlfriend. But again, if I didn’t I wish I would’ve just not been anxious and said that. Because the words didn’t help. After the girlfriend talk it’s like he instantly began asking me to his place. He said there’s this puzzle he has. And he knows I like those.

and then I got him posters for his birthday. He said wanna see where I put them? And then the same day he asked me to just come over (when I work really early) and he left very abruptly when I said no. I didn’t even have anything to stay the night.

So I brought up how this hurt my feelings. Since idk if his invites are partly genuine and which parts are “come over to have sex” and he said he connects through sex. Or he connects better that way. Idk what he said exactly. And he asked how long until I’m ready. This made me feel so weird. Because I get couples have sex but he looked at me after kissing me by the bus stop… and I thought he’d say something cute. Instead he said come over. When I have to work early and he lives far. I had zero things to even stay over. What did he expect?

Everyone I know is saying break up with him. They’re telling me he’s only gonna use me. But I somehow can’t. Idk why I can’t. I know they’re right?

Wherever I go, guys bring up the topic about women and I feel a bit uncomfortable talking about it but that might be their way to do ice breakers.

Anyways, once they find out I am a virgin and haven't had any girlfriends in the past I'm on the bottom of the hierarchy. They have no respect for virgins.

If I have an argument with somebody, They pull up "That's why you're a virgin.", "But who's the virgin here?" and boom, I lose. My opinions don't matter.

Part 2 update.

So as some are aware iv gotten talking to someone who I met through a source online, not online dating. Since then we have spoken on the phone and video called. All going well.

Came up in conversation about when was the last time iv been with a girl. And i admitted that I was indeed a virgin, and never been in a relationship and all.

She understood why, and was not dismissive of it at all, which i really like.

I really do hope it goes well, and something may happen. Just have to wait and see.

Thanks all for your input on previous post!!!!