u/SavingsEbb3833

As a little girl, I was taught all the usual things about staying safe. Don’t go up to strangers. If I get lost, find a safe adult, often a woman, to ask for help. If an adult tells me to keep a secret from my parents, tell them immediately. If a man I don’t know asks me to get into his car, don’t go, and tell someone what happened.

As I got older, the list only got longer: don’t walk alone at night, stay in well-lit areas, dress modestly, don’t accept rides from strangers, be careful about who you let into your home, keep your location shared with someone you trust, stay with your friends, and trust your instincts if a man is making you uncomfortable.

And let’s be honest about why girls are taught these things in the first place. A large majority of people who commit sexual violence against women and girls are male. That does NOT mean all men are predators, and it does NOT mean women cannot be predators themselves. and that does not mean men and boys cannot also be sexually assaulted. It means there is a documented sex difference in who perpetrates sexual violence, and pretending that difference doesn’t exist doesn’t make anyone safer.

Personally, I don’t know whether boys are taught similar things growing up. I’d assume they are. But if a boy grows up being taught to be cautious around women, I don’t understand why that should be treated as some horrible injustice. If I know I’m not a rapist and would never hurt someone, I’m not going to take it personally if anyone doesn’t want to be alone with me. they’re caution isn’t an accusation against me. and honestly I think everyone should live life being cautious to protect themselves, our most dangerous enemy is other humans.

But somewhere along the way, the message changes. and I noticed this around 15 years old, when I was developing as a woman. As little girls, we’re taught how to protect ourselves from men. As women, we’re told that actually being cautious around men is sexist.

Suddenly it’s,,“Not all men.”, “You can’t judge every man based on the actions of a few.”, “That’s sexist.”, “Why are you assuming he’s dangerous?”, “he’s just being friendly.”, “You’re being paranoid.”’ “You’re making innocent men feel uncomfortable.”

But I never said all men. I never said every man is a rapist. I said that I am aware of the reality we live in, and therefore I may sometimes take precautions around men that I wouldn’t take around most women.

And the frustrating part is that the same society telling women to “trust their instincts” can turn around and shame them for actually doing it.

Because then, if a woman is sexually assaulted, suddenly the questions change, “What were you wearing?”, “Why were you alone with him?”, “Why didn’t you leave?”, “Why were you drinking?”, “Why didn’t you fight back?”, “Why didn’t you scream?”, “Why were you wearing that?”’ “Why did you go to that party?”, “Why were you out that late?”, “Why did you trust him?”, “Why didn’t you take more precautions?”

So which is it? We’re taught from childhood to be cautious of danger from men, but when we actually behave cautiously, we’re told we’re being unfair to innocent men. Then, when something does happen, we’re asked why we weren’t cautious enough.

Women shouldn’t have to live in fear of men. But women also shouldn’t have to pretend that the risk doesn’t exist just to protect men’s feelings.

Being cautious isn’t the same thing as accusing every man of being dangerous. And a woman’s safety should matter more than whether a stranger feels offended that she chose to keep her distance.

I believe everyone has the right to be cautious of anyone, even if they aren’t dangerous, it’s to stay safe. and for women, we usually have to be more cautious around men than women.

I’m curious if anyone else has experienced this because it feels so weird to me 😭

I’m a virgin, but I’ve still had people make slut-shame me, based on how I dress and look. I’ve gotten called a slut, a hoe, a whore, a thot, a skank, and loose, ice been shamed for being a single mom even though I don’t have kids, and i constantly get DM’s from guys saying outlandish things in an attempt to slut-shame me, It’s especially annoying because they literally don’t know anything about my actual life.

Has anyone else experienced being slut-shamed despite being a virgin? What did people say or assume about you?

It’s like a horror story dude, just imagine you’re stripped into nothing but a gown, in a cold room sitting on a cold metal chair with your feet strapped down in metal stirrups, legs splayed wide open while you stare at a drop ceiling with fluorescent lights blinding you, then a cold metal tube gets shoved into your vagina and stretches you open while the doctor tells you to calm down and says it’s not that painful, even while your crying.

i’m terrified

I’m genuinely so tired of a new derogatory term for women popping up every other week, foid, hiplet, titlet, makeupcel, etc. They’re overused, unoriginal, and even predatory sometimes. Literally on all of my posts, every single one of my posts on instagram is filled with guys calling me one of those 4 stupid ass names and they don’t even make sense, or are just straight up predatory.

“Foid” literally means “female humanoid.” The whole point of the term is to strip women of their humanity and reduce them to objects. It’s dehumanizing by design. Imagine looking at a picture of a teenage girl smiling at the camera and your first instinct is to tell her she’s nothing but an object.

“Hiplet” is supposed to mock women for having hip dips, which is one of the weirdest things to turn into an insult. Hip dips are a completely normal result of bone structure and fat distribution. Most people have them to some degree, men and women, and they aren’t a flaw that needs to be “fixed.” Creating an insult around a normal anatomical feature just encourages people (especially young girls), to become insecure about something they probably never would have thought twice about otherwise.

“Titlet” is another one I get constantly, and honestly it’s just predatory. If you see a completely innocent picture of a teenage girl’s face and your immediate thought is to get upset about the size of her chest, that’s incredibly inappropriate. Why are you thinking about a minor’s body in the first place? It’s not clever, it’s not funny, it’s creepy.

“Makeupcel” doesn’t make much sense either. The idea of it, is that women only wear makeup because they’re supposedly ugly without it. But people wear makeup for all kinds of reasons, self-expression, creativity, confidence, special occasions, or simply because they enjoy it. Assuming every woman who wears makeup is trying to “hide” something is a weird projection. And even the word itself doesn’t really work. The suffix “-cel” comes from “involuntary celibate,” so attaching it to makeup to then shame women who wear makeup makes no sense, how can you wear makeup and be a makeup celibate at the same time?

The thing that annoys me the most is what happens when I call this behavior out. Without fail, someone responds with, “Well, men can’t control their height.”

What does that have to do with me?

I’ve never mocked a guy for being short. I’ve dated multiple guys who were shorter than me, including some under 5’6”. I don’t care about height. Even if some women do judge men for it, that still wouldn’t justify harassing random girls who have nothing to do with those experiences.

If someone has been treated unfairly because of their height, that’s unfortunate, and they deserve empathy. But sexualizing, dehumanizing, and dragging teenage girls on the internet isn’t a solution. It just creates more negativity and really isn’t helping your case.