u/lonelysadbitch11

Virginity to me represents and defines who i am.

How un desirable I am.

How unlovable I am.

How ugly i am.

How touch starved I am.

How i'm not normal.

How i'm not human.

How i'm unrelatable.

How weird i am.

How unnatural i am.

Virginity is a physical reminder of what lead me to being who I am in this world because how isolated I am from the rest of society.

Whether it's a family gatherings where couples and children are at or media where sex and romance reigns supreme.

And I mourn who I could have been if I started having sex at the normal age lile everyone else.

Would I be confident? More out going? Less shy?

Who knows because at my age it's too late.

Just a pathetic useless pushing 30 year old virgin.

Hate that i see this in mirrors.

Hate being an older virgin.

I'm ruined forever.

Basically one of the major reasons why I like reading dark books with the non con trope is because its takes the pressure off of the fmc to perform in bed.

I know in most romance books the mmc usually doesn't make negative direct comments about the fmc in bed (even if it's his pov), but some comments are stubly there and I do notice it when the mmc makes comments about how good the fmc's skills are in bed.

Which i get it, buuuuuttttt I appreciate the non con trope from a mmc from dark romance because he doesn't give a damn about how she performs in bed, he just wants her.

Her performance is the last thing on his mind, he just wants her.

And I love that so much.

As sick and twisted as that may sound.

I remember dnf- ing a book a while back where the mmc said he was glad the fmc wasn't a virgin and could screw him like a real woman. I just rolled my eyes and moved on. Gave me the biggest ick after that.

I don't care if the fmc is a virgin or not.

But I don't like when the mmc comments that she's better in bed because she isn't one.

Maybe because i've heard this comment before in real life unfortunately.

Maybe I overthink it, but yea, I hated that.

So that's basically one of my major reasons why I like this trope.

Basically one of the major reasons why I like reading dark books with the non con trope is because its takes the pressure off of the fmc to perform in bed.

I know in most romance books the mmc usually doesn't make negative direct comments about the fmc in bed (even if it's his pov), but some comments are stubly there and I do notice it when the mmc makes comments about how good the fmc's skills are in bed.

Which i get it, buuuuuttttt I appreciate the non con trope from a mmc from dark romance because he doesn't give a damn about how she performs in bed, he just wants her.

Her performance is the last thing on his mind, he just wants her.

And I love that so much.

As sick and twisted as that may sound.

I remember dnf- ing a book a while back where the mmc said he was glad the fmc wasn't a virgin and could screw him like a real woman. I just rolled my eyes and moved on. Gave me the biggest ick after that.

I don't care if the fmc is a virgin or not.

But I don't like when the mmc comments that she's better in bed because she isn't one.

Maybe because i've heard this comment before in real life unfortunately.

Maybe I overthink it, but yea, I hated that.

So that's basically one of my major reasons why I like this trope.

Being an almost 30 year old virgin makes feel unworthy of men.

My virginity and no experience feels like a burden.

A burden that I would hate to dispose to someone.

Men my age deserve a real woman in bed, not a awkward uncomfortable mess.

Just find this funny.

I'm the eldest daughter.

I have two younger brothers.

My dad gave them the sex talk when they were teens.

Me?

No sex talk and why would there be.

I was and am still ugly.

My dad didn't bother wasting his breath.

And when I look in the mirror, I understand why.

It's getting to the point where i'm considering getting my uterus taken out.

I can't keep doing this.

I've looked into birth control but every single one has terrible side effects and I honestly don't want to deal with it.

Does this make me selfish and weak?

Also i'm a 28 year old virgin and i've honestly given up wanting kids at my age. I feel too old, to be honest. And it doesn't seem worth it as my periods continue.

As sad as I am to be lonely most days, I am proud that I can handle being alone.

At 28, I see it as an accomplishment.

Celebrating my birthday and holidays by myself.

As a woman, i'm able to live by myself with no fear. (Financially provide for myself, even that means working two jobs!)

I'm slowly getting into solo travel with no fear. (My first solo trip was las vegas during the summer, after my friends canceled on me, next year I have japan planned!)

And when I mean "fear" i mean being able to do stuff without waiting for others or the fear of someone harming me.

Is it sad that i'm still a virgin at this age? Absolutely.

Is it sad not having a friend or a friend group to constantly hang out with? Of course.

But after 3 decades of this, i just have gotten used to it.

If I want to release sexual frustration, I have to do it myself, toys and pillows. (But nothing can replace a real man lol but unfortunately it's happening anytime soon)

If I want to hang out or not be at home then I head to bars and drink. I'm that weirdo who sits by herself in bars or restaurants.

If I want to go see a movie, I don't even bother asking someone to go with, I just go.

When I plan trips now, I only think about myself.

When I plan my future, I only think how it will only effect me.

So basically, 3 decades of being single and loneliness has effectively shown me how to adapt to it just being me and me forever.

And i appreciate that about myself.

Even my own health is about me.

Most women my age have to worry about reproductive health, birth control, std testing, etc.

Me?

No, I only go to the doctors for like really bad headaches, once in a blue moon.

Never been to the obgyn and at this point never will.

Will that effect me in the future?

Probably, but it will only effect me at the end of the day.

Might sound sad and pathetic to most to read this, which is understandable, but for it's just my life.

And i'm used to it.

It's just the truth

From media to real life, sex when you're young is the norm.

Not when your pushing 30 and beyond.

They'll try to comfort by saying being a virgin at your age is normal, knowing they themselves never made to that age with their v card and have been sexual active for years.

Trying to give us fake and un relatable sympathy

I know absolutely nothing about real life sex.

Only from what I read and porn, pathetic.

I don't how to suck a guy off or how to deep throat.

I don't know how to ride a man.

I don't know how to do reverse cowgirl.

I don't know how to twerk on it.

I don't know how to do 69.

I don't know how to do doggystyle.

I don't know how to do anal.

I don't know how to circle my hips correctly.

I don't know how to moan sexual like.

My biggest fear is being the worst he's ever had because i'll just lay there in boring missionary vanilla position scared, nervous, and awkward.

😭🫠

I'm so jealous of women who have years of experience and can have sex effortlessly.

Might sound childish idc

But if i ever get a partner and we decide to breakup for whatever reason, I want a 100% clean break from them.

The thought of seeing my ex or still being in communication with them for whatever reason would piss me off.

Like imagine if your ex cheated on you and you have a child together, instead just completely blocking them out your life, you basically have to see them and being nice to them for the sake of the child 👎

Naaaahhhhhh ☠️🤨

I'm not mature enough for that

Even if that said partner decides to become a deadbeat and leave for years, they can just decide to just pop up one day and try to be in the child's life and by default yours 😮‍💨😑

I've blocked friends and family from my life for doing me wrong, I want to be able to do the same for an ex partner.

And being childfree makes it easier

Because the thought of someone betraying my trust by cheating on me and ME HAVING TO BE NICE TO THEM FOR THE CHILD AFTERWARDS, would send me on a damn spiral

Haven't gotten my nails done in years because I prices kept increasing.

Saw on tiktok about going to beauty schools services and found one near me and decided to give it a shot.

$35 for a full set acrylic glitter French tip. And I absolutely love the results, the student was awesome.

The downside is that it took her almost 4 hours 😅 she messed up and had to restart a few times, also the teacher was instructing her.

But I didn't mind, I had the day off plus it is a school.

Happy the didn't let me leave with messed up nails.

Also did the waxing there!

Underarm, Arms, Full Face, and Legs in total for $75!

The students did amazing job on me.

If I had went to a place like European wax center these 4 services would run me almost $200.

So if you have cosmetology schools near you, look into them and see what they have to offer.

Just remember that they are students so mistakes can happen.

This seems to be super rare in dark romance, so I want to see if there are any.

Really doesn't matter what genre (mafia, alien, sports, etc.)as long as it's dark romance.

Went to vegas this past 4th of july weekend and while men were approaching me at the club, even giving hints to be with them, I chicken out because I'm a virgin.

I honestly feel like if was sexually active at a young age, i would have no problems with one night stands.

But of course being a 28 year old virgin leaves me hesitant to participate in hookup culture.

I'm so jealous of women who've been sexually for years and have no problems with one night stands.

I wish I wasn't scared of men and sex like non virgin women are.

The envy I feel to part of that side of womanhood is indescribable.

Now i'm using fingers and a damn rose to satisfy something that can only be satisfy by a man.

Went for the 4th of july weekend, July 2nd to the 5th, and had a blast!

It was originally supposed to be a girls trip that I started planning in December with six of my friends, but life happens and by July 1st, I realized I was doing a solo trip.

Stay at the Linq hotel, mostly because of the location. Had a room in district 3 at the end of the hallway and loved how quiet it was.

Didn't like the $21 shot from the purple zerba lol 😆 learned my lesson.

Drinks from either Fat Tuesdays or the Breeze Daiquiri Bar!

Went clubbing at Tao and Hakkasan!

Got in for free using a promoters guest list that I found on tiktok and got free drinks! Absolutely loved it.

Missed out on seeing Steve Aoki at Omnia because I got there too late and they were charging $100 at the door.

Saw Tyga at Hakkasan and got there almost an hour early and there was still a long line before they even open. Luckily I was able to get a wrist band for free drinks.

Felt completely safe while on the strip, there was a lot of security and police everywhere. Even at 4 am when I was back to my hotel.

I mostly used the Duece bus to get me everywhere and I didn't mind it. $20 for 3 days was worth it then using an uber. When i went to las vegas last year on a girls trip, I got stuck with paying for all the ubers and taxis, spent almost $300 for 3 days until I finally put my foot down and told my friends they had to start paying for the ubers and taxis on our last day.

They had a lot of the Duece buses running at the same time and I think the longest I waited for a bus was like 20 minutes. And the buses had the AC blasting which I was thankful for.

Saw Fantasy at the Luxor and the performance was nice, but the crowd could have been more hyped. The ladies were beautiful and talented.

My favorite spot to eat at was at the place by the Horseshoe hotel called the Grand Bazaar Shops 😍

The food and drinks were way more affordable, planning on staying at the Horseshoe on my next trip.

Unfortunately I couldn't really do dayclubs, it was too hot for me 😭 even with free entry and drinks, without a Cabana I just couldn't do it. I went to omnia dayclub and tap out after 30 minutes.

Went to Fremont street during the day time and had a fun time there also. Love the atmosphere and cheap souvenirs to buy.

I think because I was by myself a lot more guys approach me. Whether it was in the club, the strip, or Fremont, daytime or nighttime, i kept getting approached by men.

I honestly didn't mind, I like the attention.

But I followed the basic rules of safety protocol of female solo traveling: not telling them it's was traveling alone, staying in a central busy location, not accepting drinks from strangers, watching my drink, not going back to their hotel rooms or inviting them back to mine, etc.

Anyway, I had an amazing time in vegas solo and I can't wait to go back and do more!

Going to try more shows, be on fremont street more, and try the table shares at night clubs next time.

Seriously though, i get that it's a holiday weekend but damn so many kids, babies, and strollers it's basically Disneyland.

First time traveling alone here and i'm shocked by all the children, definitely when i'm walking the strip at 1AM.