u/Firetorrent

Long story short, I’m a 25 year old black male virgin. I’m also a Christian. Despite that fact, I’ve tried my hardest to lose my virginity ever since I was…14. Not because I didn’t want to obey my religion, but because the bullying and constant harassment and name calling I faced in my own community made things terrible. It’s just my personal experience and I’m not saying all of us are usually treated this way for being virgins, but I feel like for me I’ve felt like nothing but an outsider.

Yes I’m nerdy….I play video games and watch anime. But that hasn’t stopped anybody else from losing their virginity. I’m self conscious about my appearance even though I’m 6’4 (I don’t know, I’ve never gotten a single compliment about my height that wasn’t from parents) I’m not fat or anything, kinda a skinny muscular build. And I workout every other day. I dress well, I go outside with friends, I try to keep up with popular interests….but nothing seems to work. I’m probably just ugly. And it sucks because I feel like a lot of the social currency, at least in my life, is centered around getting girls. The music talks about it….all I hear colleagues talk about is what they did over the weekends with a girl. My parents are gettin concerned because I’m the only one in the family who’s still..innocent. Even some other Christian’s have made fun of me for saving myself. I thought that’s what I was supposed to do?! I just don’t know how to feel about it because my only other option is to lie to people and tell them I have so many bodies. But I hate doing that.

Anyways, now to the main issue.. Recently at my job a man and his wife came over and I helped them out. They were very kind and sweet, so I didn’t think much of it. But I did give the man my contact information. A day later he’s unironically asking me to come over to their house by the beach and impregnate her while he watches. No, this is not a damn joke. I wish it was.

I was taken a back and shocked. But I didn’t respond right away. For one, the wife is cute….and I would finally be losing my virginity. Lose a big source of self mental pain that I constantly put myself through. But at the same time, they were using vulgar language. Racial slurs to describe me and my body. I’m just a fetish to them….I don’t even know if the woman is actually attracted to me beyond seeing me as some sort of beast. They talked to me like I was some thug. This is why I hate the BBC….kink. Yes it’s funny sometimes I guess, but I don’t want it to apply to me. Especially when I want something genuine. And I would hate to be cucked or cheated on. I don’t want to contribute to this degeneracy. It feels no different than hiring a prostitute to lose it. I wish there was something genuine for me, but it’s like I have to live up to this “hood” stereotype to even get close to a relationship.

So now I’m at a crossroads. I’ve told the few friends I have about the situation and they’re telling me to just go through with it. It will make me a man in their eyes. Even the one friend I have that’s a girl thinks I should do it. Meanwhile I still want to follow my Christian doctrine somewhat and meet a fellow virgin….but I’m only getting older. I’m tired of people asking me about my sex life….tired of people assuming things about me just because of my skin. So I don’t know what to do. Do I go through with it? Fulfill this stereotype to lose my virginity…Or do I just cope and wait for something that’s likely never going to come? Even though it pains and aches me everyday?