r/asktransgender

28M. After my supervisor resigned, all her direct reports got assigned to me. She did mention to me about a new person joining the team which she hired before leaving. 4 days back I got to know from the HR in a meeting that the new hire is a transfem and someone older than me in terms of age (around 34-35).

As someone who is still new to leading a team, I want to know how can I ensure an unbiased and an inclusive environment?

I currently have a team of 2, both guys still in their early 20s. I never tried understanding their views on personal or social issues as I always feel employees should only be judged on their work and not their personal views on political or social issues.

My organisation has LGBT friendly policies in place but just because an organisation claims to be LGBT friendly doesn't mean all the employees are as well.

Personally, I have been supportive of LGBT rights but directly managing is a different thing altogether.

Will love to get some advice on this.

Let me preempt this with, I dont mean all drag. Just the people on rupauls drag race seem to increasingly every season, to be more sexist, and talking about how oppressed they are, while also just pushing more weird offensive ideas about women. Do we agree or disagree? Maybe im just reading things that arent there?

Im a trans woman and i am now seeing more of our internal words and phrases coopted by that type of drag and thats very odd too.

Not sure if this is something you guys hear a lot, but I've just been wondering about this. I've been feeling extremely gender dysphoric for the past few years. it got so bad that my parents realised something was wrong and i had to tell them all about it. My mom has talked to me about this in depth, and she says she thinks im still developing and that my autism might be causing dysphoric symptoms. now obviously there are some things i disagree on, but i think she's coming from a valid place. She's said that she will support me if i still feel the same way when im older (not sure how old, somewhere between 18-25 im guessing). the thing is i just feel like im missing out on so many experiences because i cant be my preferred gender, and it feels like i will never be able to get that time back. I would really appreciate it if some of you guys could share your experiences

I'm going list out some sentances from articles about trans DPDR.

"Having an ongoing and coherent dialog with yourself."

"It felt like my mind was constantly talking to itself without any interruption, and it was overanalyzing everything around me. Some second, parallel existence seemed to be running alongside my direct experience of consciousness: an inner monologue of sorts, but a very toxic one. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything – it was as though this loud voice in my head kept me from simply existing in the moment."

Do normal people unable to have coherent dialogue with eachother???

edit: to people saying this isn't a trans thing, DPDR itself isn't trans but being trans has a high chance of causing DPDR, they are ver related and it's a type of dyphoria (bio-chemical) refer the gender dyphoria bible for context

So I know the title sound strange obviously but I am really kind of contemplating with myself about this

So I am a young what I would consider, trans fem and today for the very first time I got full fem and went on a walk, it wasn't anything crazy it was women's jeans, a cropped t shirt and a cropped sweater thing and makeup, it was cute and I felt really comfortable and happy and uncomfortable at the same time but yk that's just kind of euphoria for me

So yk I was just looking at myself or walking and I got...excited? And like I was ignoring it but then I got really excited and I'm really embarrassed and grossed out by myself like ik it's supposed to be a myth but I can like only relate it to agp shit yk?

I have dysphoria and gender envy and euphoria and all of that but I just subconsciously get exited ig with myself specifically? I was very normally excited and happy and scared just going on a walk like that but I feel this is weird and I just want opinions...help?

I'm so sorry if this is too weird or inappropriate for this sub

(Edit) Thank you, even with the few comments I have felt much better and a little less ashamed, I'm mainly glad I was faced with kindness rather than being condemned like I expected lol

Also on a fun note or funny, while i was walking home from that within one minute I got what I believe was cat called twice, peak euphoria right there unfortunately 😭

Let me start off by saying I love my cat with all my heart but after the first month of hormones, he has become quite the asshole towards me.

He'll sniff me and rarely want me to pet him anymore, sometimes he will sleep with me and like earlier today he did cuddle up right next to me.

I guess I just wanna know if this is normal? I love my cat but I also kind of miss him getting up in my wheelchair and dirty clothes, I miss him when he would look at me full of love.

I started my HRT treatment on April 21st 2026 if that helps any, he is still my little Jasper and I would do anything to keep him safe.

Sometimes I feel weird getting euphoric about my gender identity being confirmed, cuz what feels good for me and plenty of us is just a casual experience for a cis person, right? Do they feel good being seen as masculine or feminine in the same way?

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Hi,

I've created the first Reddit community for trans people in Quebec.

I find it weird there wasn't one already but now it's done 😊

https://www.reddit.com/r/QuebecTransgenre/s/Amd0RyZke1

So for context I’m 22 AMAB (too afraid to call myself a trans woman) and I have pretty much spent the past year in a nightmare realm where I can’t decide whether or not I should transition. Some days I’m completely ashamed of myself for even tolerating the idea that I could be a woman, and other days I can barely function out of fear that I will never be one. I desperately want to be a girl and take HRT and change my name and all that stuff, I’ve known this since I was like 13… but I just have no idea how anybody has ever had the courage or conviction to actually act upon this kind of desire. I don’t feel like being a woman is something I could ever be allowed to access. For example: I’ve wanted to shave my body hair for YEARS, but anytime I almost do it I’m afraid of being too exposed! I don’t know what to do! A lot of this is probably due to my transphobic state and family… but I don’t feel like that’s an obstacle I could ever overcome. I kind of just want to hide away forever. Does anybody have any advice or suggestions? (Yes I’m going to see a therapist.)
Sorry if I’m being silly.

I think I was around 12 or 13 years old. Until then, I’d lived like any ordinary boy. But back then, “femboy” (or more precisely, “男の娘”) was all the rage at my school. It could have been a sexual thing, and maybe it wasn’t. The other kids just laughed it off, but after that, I started thinking about it a bit. I wanted to try wearing girls’ clothes. Compared to typical boys’ clothes, they looked prettier and more attractive. I also wanted to grow my hair long like a girl. I tried to sound like a girl (even though I failed) and even tried dressing up as one. I always failed and got scolded by my parents, though. Gradually, I started to hate being a boy. Every night, I’d lie in bed, sighing and agonizing. Why wasn’t I a girl? I wondered if I just hated myself, or if I hated myself because I was a boy.

Was this a sign that I was transgender? Or was it just a sexual issue typical of a teenage boy? I’m a 17-year-old high school student now, and no matter how much I think about it, I don’t feel like a man. I hate my facial hair, and I hate everything that identifies me as a man. I live in a country in Northeast Asia that’s quite sexually conservative, so I know neither my family nor my friends will support me. And even if I had surgery or took hormone therapy, I wouldn’t actually become a woman.

Soooo I started E four days ago, and my mood changed very quickly... I was really depressed, I bearly ate and couldn't get myself to do anything, this has been going on for months.

Then I started E: I noticed that my mood got better on the first day, but it really hit on the second day. I was so exited to get out of bed and do stuff. I feel so alive now. I'm so much more motivated to do stuff. Eating doesn't isn't as exhausting anymore. And most importantly I don't feel like being tortured from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep again.

This really feels like day and night. And this was so unexpected, I was really pessimistic and didn't expect her to help at all actually. So my question is: is it really the estrogen?? Is it just placebo???

Either way I hope this lasts.

Hi, I'm a cis bi woman and I recently started dating a trans lesbian. We actually knew each other before she came out but it was many many years ago and never spoke more than once or twice in school. We connected online when she followed a bunch of alumni and I messaged her because I thought she was cute. We became really good friends, she didn't tell me she was trans, and I may be in the wrong here but I never mentioned I knew already. It was mostly because I never really thought about it. Most of my friends are trans or genderqueer so I just genuinely don't think about anyone's assigned sex at birth. What I didn't know is she was terrified to tell me, she didn't tell me until many months into our friendship and I let her know that I knew because we met in school and that it's never affected how I see her.

Anyway, fast forward to 7 months of friendship later, I finally confessed to her, we immediately started dating. We've been dating for about a month and a half now, not a crazy amount of time, but because we were such incredible friends before hand and I had such a huge crush on her for so long, I'm already very far gone haha. She's told me before she doesn't feel valid as a trans woman because she didn't ever have any physical dysphoria, she doesn't get triggered by her dead name and likes to joke about it, she doesn't get triggered by being misgendered by old people, she said to me, and these are her words, that she's a bad transgender person. She's been on estrogen for 5 years, had bottom surgery 2 years ago, and has been out for probably 6 or 7 years.

Now despite her telling me she didnt ever experience any physical gender dysphoria, i feel like I've noticed some sort of dysphoria and I don't know how to comfort her or persuade her she's beautiful. She hasn't wanted me to go down on her yet, she's said she thinks she's disgusting and foul and hasn't had anyone go down on her since surgery, she's had only a string of really crappy sexual partners who refused to touch her completely and now I can't convince her I want her. I am happy to wait as long as she wants for anything, but I worry that the only reason she doesn't want reciprocation is because of this view of herself. She often says she feels like she tricked me into finding her attractive because I saw her in photos for months before in person. Or that she's misrepresented herself to me.

She also says she doesn't deserve to call herself a woman or a lesbian. I reassure her the best I can, tell her ever since we reconnected, I haven't seen her as anything but a woman, that I think she's stunning and incredible and I thought that before I had feelings for her. She claims it was all good angles. I have seen her, touched her, I know she's incredible, I also know it's impossible to see that yourself sometimes, I try to walk the line of letting her know how I see her but also not invalidating her feelings. I know it's not the same at all but I used to have an ED so I have experienced some sort of dysphoria and know what it feels like to not be able to see yourself the way others do, so I don't want to invalidate her feelings or make her feel like she has to agree that she's pretty but still want to let her know how I see her.

Have any of you experienced a similar dysphoria to this? Is this dysphoria? I've tried to talk about it with her before but she's just said that she's not a real woman and that she's disgusting and that she's tricked me when we bring it up. Sometimes she jokes that she's a man or not a real woman and I never know how to respond. She also has had some mental health struggles we've been working through and that's been the top priority (BD) but she just sees herself as inhuman and not worthy of love or affection.

I can tell she's making a conscious effort with this, she's in therapy but her therapist is a cis woman too, I just I would kill for any advice. I would do anything for her. I can't seem to convince her she's worthy of being with me. She tells me I'm the most beautiful woman she's seen and that she's not worthy of being with me but she's my most beautiful woman in the world. She thinks because I've only had partners that ended up treating me poorly in the past that I'm settling for her and not realizing it. She's the most incredible woman in the world. I feel so fucking lucky to have found her. I could listen to her talk about her interests for hours, she's the most creative, hilarious, hard working, kind, and intelligent woman and I wish she could see herself the way I see her. She's been surrounded by people who've put her down for so long that's the only way she sees herself. I just want to know if there's anything I could do better or different for her or if I just keep on keeping with the support I'm giving her.

Hello! Sorry, I can imagine questions about bottom surgery get asked a BUNCH but I couldn't find anything on this.

I'm mtf and 18, and just about to graduate from high school (where I live school years end at the end of the year, not the middle!). I'm planning on getting vaginoplasty and recovery for that takes a while, which has led me to wonder like when in my life is there even time for me to get it? As in like, I was planning on going to do medicine for university next year, but do I just postpone this? Do I wait till I graduate university? Once I've got a fulltime job? I just can't think of a point in my life where I'm gonna have a free 6-12 months that I can just happen to slot a vaginoplasty into 😭

Sorry if I didn't word this great but I hope the general vibe of what I'm asking makes sense!!

What would you change if you could make any part of you more feminine or masculine

Im a Transgender male of 21 years old and wish to know what it was like for others. It was suggested by my mother who somewhat supports me but I want to know both sides of the equation. I've been trans since I was 16 and have struggled since it started. I want to have the surgeries but my mother wanted me to ask others who've transitioned before I do it myself. So, backstory out of the way; what was transitioning like and did you regret it and why?

(Edited: added the question)

I don't know where to start. I'm so jealous of her. It's fucking me over. I don't even know what do I see in her that made me feel this way, I don't even know is it me wanting to be a woman or just her. The being of her, everything she does is messing with me in ways I can't explain. I'm imitating her appearance, her persona, her emotions. I want her name I want her life even though it's by no means fantastic. I know it's creepy, it's disrespectful, I'm sorry. It's not a fetish or sexual thing anymore, I'm literally crying. But holy moly. Is this love or something, is this so called gender envy, is this AGP, what is it? Have anyone felt this way?

I’m a trans male (23) I’ve been with my partner (22) for 5 years. When we first got together, I found out he had a porn addiction. I wasn’t angry and offered support.

Over the last five years, I keep catching him watching porn of cisgender women who look nothing like me. I’m a midsized (more on the skinny side) guy, and his interests seem to be larger women with big breasts. I am on testosterone but have not gotten top surgery but I feel very dysphoric with both my genitalia and breasts.

As time went on I got angrier because of how secretive he was about it. Every time I talk to him about being open and not hiding it, it’s the same thing. He apologises and then does the exact same thing with little regard to how I feel about it.

I don’t particularly care that he’s watching porn or what he’s into, and I am also aware fantasies don’t always mean that’s what a person wants. I’m upset that he hides it from me even though we’ve been together for a long time. I’m at my limit to be honest, and I feel insanely insecure and disrespected. Our sex life is not great either, he doesn’t really care about getting me off during or after sex, it’s almost as if he’s not even interested.

I want to leave him but I’m a student and I live in student accommodation with him, if I end the tenancy I’ll have to leave university. I feel quite stuck to be honest, and I have nobody to turn to. I don’t even know if it’s worth saying anything to him because I have had the same conversation with him about twenty times now. I am aware this makes me look pathetic.

To start things off I’m a transgender man (24) who began transitioning age 14, hormones at 16. I’m very much stealth. Have lived that way for years now. I’ve still had weird experiences with managers who knew my birth name but other than that, nobody knows.

My fiancé (MTF 23, very fem on hormones) works a retail job and she’s a coordinator there. She’s the most positive person I’ve ever met. She lifts me up constantly, and does the same to friends. She likes to talk a lot lol. She never means harm. I know that in my heart.

She has a sales floor coworker who’s new, tell a higher up manager she was making her uncomfortable. My fiancé just wants to be positive and shit, they don’t see what her friends, family and I do. The sales floor coworker does pretty awesome makeup looks and dresses cool. Everyone is burnt out at her job due to low payroll and pushing a credit card. It’s not the same when she started that’s for sure.

My fiancé mentioned a couple times she likes her outfit, or her makeup looks cool. Her coworker told the manager she stares at her on the floor! They are understaffed and she has to call people up to help, it’s her job to see who’s available. She learned today other coworkers went and talked shit about her to the one who complained first. Saying she makes them uncomfortable too.

I don’t even know if this fits fully in the sub but, my heart is broken for her. It’s not like that. I know her. She isn’t even attracted to women, never has been. I wonder if she was a cis woman this wouldn’t be an issue?

She said to me that she’s going to remain completely professional now. She knows should have in the start but I know it isn’t that bad!! How can I help her right now? She’s the strongest person I know but today has been rough.

Have you experienced unexpected transphobia at the workplace? They have bullied her before. I would prefer to maintain a considerate tone in this conversation, I know I’m speaking to strangers but. Believe me lmfao.

Hello! I’m a closeted trans woman trying to find her way out of the closet. I’m almost entirely sure that I’m trans, but the possibility of ROGD kinda freaks me out and I want to nip it in the bud before the worrying gets worse.

For background, I grew up in a pretty conservative household with my Dad in particular being a staunch Trump supporter. I followed in his line of thinking all the way through my teenage years and didn’t start deconstructing my previously held beliefs until I moved out on my own for college and had the space to think for myself.

I found out what a trans person was when I was 13, and as much as I was afraid to admit it to myself back then, I pretty much knew I was trans at that time. I think I had just repressed and built a wall of internalized transphobia strong enough to push it away for a while.

Then back in May of this year, the dam completely burst and there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by since where I haven’t thought at length about being trans. I just feel freaked out about how quickly things seem to have fallen into place this year and am worried about the possibility that I’m not really trans and I’ve just fallen head first into a rabbit hole convincing myself that I am.

I know that’s how my parents are gonna react too. They’re going to say how there were never any signs and that this must be the result of going to college and being surrounded by liberal peers who trans’d me. I don’t think they’re ever going to actually listen to me, they’ll just see me as some ROGD victim and mourn the loss of their son :/

not really sure how to write this, but I feel like I can't keep everything inside anymore. I'm posting here because I genuinely need someone to talk to, and maybe someone who has experienced something similar can understand me.

I'm struggling badly with gender dysphoria. Being a girl inside while watching my body go through male puberty has been one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. I keep thinking about all the changes that have happened to my body, the things that might be irreversible, and the things I can never get back. Sometimes I feel like I'm grieving a life I should have been able to experience but didn't.

What scares me most is that time keeps passing. I'm terrified that my body will continue changing while I struggle to figure out what to do. I think about my voice, my face, my body structure, and all the other changes, and sometimes I feel completely trapped. I wish I could have experienced growing up as a girl. It hurts knowing that I can't go back and change those years.

And it's not just gender dysphoria. I'm also struggling with depression, OCD, anxiety, family problems, financial difficulties, and academic failure. Everything seems to be happening at once, and I honestly don't know how much longer I can keep carrying all of it.

My mental health has gotten so bad that I've been having suicidal thoughts and making attempts. I used to be able to go months without attempting, but lately it's become a daily struggle. Yesterday, things went further than they should have, and I'm still trying to understand how I got to this point.

Sometimes I get a little motivation to live, to recover, to study, and to build a future for myself. I start believing that maybe I can come back from all of this. But then the depression pulls me back into the same darkness, and I feel trapped all over again.

I'm exhausted from constantly fighting my own mind. I want to get better. I want to have a future. I want to feel comfortable in my body, have some peace in my mind, and live a life that feels like mine. But right now, I don't know how to get there.

I'm also struggling with my faith and wondering why I have to go through this. I don't want to lose hope, but sometimes it's incredibly difficult to hold on to it.

I'm not posting this for attention, and I don't expect strangers on the internet to solve my life. I just don't want to feel so alone in this anymore.

If you've experienced gender dysphoria, gone through puberty that felt wrong for you, struggled with suicidal thoughts, or managed to rebuild your life after reaching a really dark place, I'd genuinely appreciate hearing from you.

I'd especially appreciate advice about dealing with the irreversible changes from male puberty, what options might still be available, and how to cope with the grief and fear surrounding those changes.

If you've been in a similar position and found a way forward, I would like to hear your story. Even if you don't have advice, a few kind words would mean something to me right now.

I'm trying to find a reason to keep going and a way to build a future for myself. I don't need someone to tell me that everything is perfect. I just need some hope, understanding, and honest advice from people who won't judge me for what I'm going through.