Is it too late?
I remember as a kid playing 'house' with other kids my age (about 6 years old) and I never wanted to be the guy figure, I always wanted to be the mom or the sister and I remember being called out for it as a kid and I think that is where I really started to wonder. I also remember going to book fair and buying the notebook that had a lipgloss with it because I wanted my lips pink and hiding from my parents to put it on (i got caught lol).
Later on in life around age 12 I started to play this game on the computer where I would dress up my girl character and I was obsessed with this game. Every day I would make adjustments to the outfit and it just was so special to me being able to dress the character up how I wanted and longed to dress up.
In High school I didn't really dress up or stick out in any way and I recall being self-conscious about how I dressed even though I had full control over my wardrobe, I guess I was just trying to fit in. It wasn't until college and after college and after that I feel like I have expressed more feminine traits. People always say now that I look androgynous and it brings me comfort in a way.
At one point, at age 20 I asked my (lesbian) sister 'do you ever wish you had just been born a man' to which she responded 'like i guess.' It was mildly comforting to hear her express a similar feeling but I don't think she was as passionate as I was about the subject.
All this to say, I feel like now it would be too late to transition. I know that is probably a common feeling but I just can't get over the hurdle that I have made my life leading up to this point as a guy and I've started my career so it feels like it would be such a challenge to transition at this point. I think the other hurdle is I never want to not be passing which inevitably would be the case in starting treatment. Any advice?