r/Twins

So idk if this counts as a vent but I want to know if it's just me. So I (15F) and my twin (F) are furternal and don't really look alike. I'm just going to be honest, she's conventionally attractive. She's pretty, she's thin, and she has nice hair. While I have mainly dead hair from hair dye (ik kinda my fault), im not very pretty, and I'm fat (she's 120lbs 5'4 and I'm 150lbs 5'1). Plus, she's just genuinly better. She's smart and got certificates for being smart, she has had 2 relationships already, she's more outgoing, and she's just got a better personality. I'm not very smart/unproductive and I got a few c grades, I've had one situationsip and the misogynist kid asked me out after english class, there are scars from self harm littering my body and are generally noticable, and I have a pretty bad personality plus mental health issues that make existing or bathing feel like a chore. I'm gross, im nasty, im perverted, im not good (I sound like en edgelord holy shit). I'm nobody's favorite, nobody even really likes me, she's everyone's favorite and everybody pretends to like me just to get close to her. I'm awful. I wish I was her, genuinly. If I could, I would switch lives with her and just be her. She's good at everything she tries, even some of my Hobbies​ shes better at, so I just stopped showing her my hobbies so she wouldn't be better then me. I just don't fit in anywhere.

Have you ever experienced being bullied or abuse by your twin? e.g. subject to long term abusive behaviours e.g turning people against you, projecting shame onto you and putting you down

I mean there are studies about parents having low percentage of DNA on their kids and it cause so much trouble(doubts of infidelit) and some studies found the mother’s womb or the father’s reproductive organ produces their unborn twin/sibling‘s dna on cells(semen or egg they release) much more than their own… is it possible for twins to have their reproductive cells swapped? I mean… are there cases like this?

I think maybe God knew that retiring together is the only way I would'nt live in remorse if I ended-up as "the survivor".

Marriage was good -- but nobody will care about you like your twin.

I recommend it.

We are 23. Next week my brother starts a new job 10 hours away and I am so proud. However My brother and I have been at separate colleges and lived apart the last 5 years but we have always been able to visit each other at least once a month. He has been living at home the past year only 2 hours away and I frequently visit my parents and him. We have a really small extended family so I’m very close with my immediate family. While we still play games online together it looks like this week is unfortunately the last time I will be able to frequently visit besides maybe Christmas or my summer (I’m a teacher). Kind of just a rant but while distance has never been an issue this is more permanent. I always joked with him about being at home but man is it gonna suck without him. He doesn’t really call anyone it’s like pulling teeth but any advice on long distance stuff is appreciated.

I watched the move the other day and I liked it. I liked how they explored the twin dynamic. The twins were very distinct characters with different personalities and a dominant twin dynamic that I hadn’t seen portrayed before. Usually twins in media are just the same character with minor personality quirks so it was refreshing to see something with more thought put into it.

I think it did certain things really well, like the codependency that they display is something I relate to looking back on my youth with my twin. My brother and I had a similar relationship with a dominance dynamic where he was more outgoing and tended to be the frontline of us as a social unit and this was the first piece of media that displayed that.

It also had some of the usual twin tropes such as finishing each others sentences/talking in unison, and some twin psychic stuff that I think is played out but they opted to portray it as non verbal communication which I thought was fairly well done.

I’m just curious what anyone else thought of this movie if you saw it and if there’s any more twin representation in media that does it particularly well without making them a gimmick?

If you want to see the movie then I will warn you it is very violent and has elements that some may find triggering!

Hard for me to write, think I just need to post in a place where other people might understand and relate. My twin brother and I were super close growing up, all throughout high school and into our 20s. (We are mid 30s now) We were living together about 10 years ago and then I moved to a different state with my then boyfriend. Twin stayed back and ended up getting into a relationship, fast forward to today we are both married and living in different states.

Ive tried really hard to maintain touch with him, but he just goes ghost every couple months with no contact. We have 3 other siblings and Im in touch with everyone else almost everyday, but my twin hardly ever gets back to me, or anyone for that matter. I see his wife’s social media and they are always out and about having adventures and whatnot, it just hurts me to realize he can’t even be bothered to shoot me a text. Trying to let it go but… yeah, it hurts.

I spend most of my time alone, my husband works full time and Im only part time for my own business. Lots of down time with my dog. I went from being in a full house all the time with my built in best friend to… just being quite isolated. Just wanted to vent, and see if anyone else has gone through anything like this. Its not easy at all.

I’m hoping to hear from people who recognize themselves more in my sister than in me.
My twin sister and I are adults (F27) now, but our relationship changed a lot in late high school. Before then we were as close as you can get, but something shifted, and it’s never really gone back to how it was.

Since then, she’s often put me down, told me I was “dumb”, and made comments that led me to believe other people secretly thought I was “dumb” too. Looking back, I don’t think those things were true, but I believed them for years.

What confuses me is that, in many ways, she has the life she always wanted. She has a successful career, owns a home, is engaged, and has always been very driven.
Our personalities are also really different. She’s more reserved, serious, and tends to care a lot about appearances and doing things the “right” way. I’m much more laid-back, outgoing, silly, and kind of a happy-go-lucky person. I have ADHD, took a much less traditional path, and generally prioritize authenticity and my mental health over trying to fit a certain mold. Socially, I’ve often found it easier to connect with people, which has made me wonder if that plays into our dynamic.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand what happened instead of just deciding she’s a bad person. I know twins can compare themselves to each other constantly, and I know people sometimes project their own insecurities onto the people closest to them.
If you’ve ever been the sibling who felt competitive, resentful, or jealous of your brother or sister, I’d really like to understand your perspective.

What were you feeling at the time?

Did you realize you were putting your sibling down, or did it feel justified?

Was there something about your sibling that made you feel threatened, even if your own life looked more successful?

Looking back, do you understand why you acted that way?

I’ve gotten much better at setting healthy boundaries, so I’m not really looking for advice about that. I know I can’t change her.

I’m more curious whether there’s anything else I can do to better understand this dynamic or navigate it in a healthy way. I’d especially love to hear from people who’ve been in my sister’s shoes and can explain what was going on in their head.

When I think of her I often think “we used to be best buddies, but now we’re not.” it’s so sad to me.

TL;DR: My twin sister and I became distant in late high school, and since then she’s often put me down despite being successful in many areas of life. I’ve worked hard on setting healthy boundaries, but I’m trying to understand why someone would treat a sibling this way. If you’ve been the jealous, competitive, or resentful sibling, what was going through your own mind? What drives this kind of behavior, and is there anything I can do beyond maintaining boundaries to better understand or navigate this dynamic?

In respect of rule three of this forum - please don't provide technical advice on the basics of raising a child.

Yesterday my wife and I went in for what we thought was a standard 10 week ultrasound. We found out that we are having twins. Still in shock from that news - but mostly excited. In about 5 weeks we will find out the genders.

I would love to hear from twins about what it is like to be a twin in general. It would also be great to hear any "do's and don'ts" that you might have to recommend for parents.

Thanks in advance for any contributions :)

Hi! I'm currently working on a story where the main characters are twins, so I wanted to know if anyone had any tips on what to do and what to avoid.

(The characters are 10 years old at the part of the story I'm currently writing but they will get older, so if that affects anything there's that)

Edit: Context. They are fraternal twins, a boy and a girl. The story is a fantasy story. In it, they go through a lot of upheaval with their only constant basically being the other one, so they're pretty clingy to each other at first. One of them begins to make her own friends and spends less time with her brother, which upsets him, but he doesn't tell her that, and instead just stews for like several months while insisting everything is fine. She gives him space because she assumes that's what he wants (she can tell she's done something to upset him) but this, y'know, has the opposite of the intended effect.

They also both think the other is dead from the ages of like 26 to 39.

Hi all. Hoping I can get some advice from fellow twins. Those who understand the life that comes with it.

I know there are twins that get along, those that are in between, and those that don’t get along and are estranged.

I feel like my relationship with mine is the latter, and I know comparison is the thief of joy, but if I could ask for words that might help me know how I can try to navigate this feeling I have of being the lesser twin, I really would appreciate it a lot.

My twin has always been exceptional. Lots of people have acknowledged her abilities, have praised her, and have supported her. I don’t think I don’t come with my own strengths, but it feels like these days, every time I’m seen with her, I take the identity of being the lesser.

There are many things I like that she likes, many things I want to be, to do, and to have that she has. But a lot of the time, I feel like I’ve had to downplay my interests, make myself into the funny silly twin who’s dumb for entertainment around others, and stay the way I am to make way for her, since it would be unnatural for me to be more than that since it’s associated to her identity. And even if I tried, I have this fear that my twin will become jealous and competitive, as she has shown in the past. My relationship with her isn’t good because of this insecurity, and while she doesn’t show it to those around her, she has a habit of talking me down, making me feel like I’m not as good as her, that I’m mediocre because everyone around her tells her how amazing she is and how unlikable or pathetic I am, also that I’m a bum like the rest of our family members (whom she thinks are also lesser) for not being able to be better like her and catch up or become as good as her or those around her.

I know by the sound of it that I really shouldn’t listen to those words she says. But it’s hard when you’re a twin, and everyone around you knows who you both are, and have a set image (and therefore expectations) in their minds about both of you. I want to be happy and successful and my own person too, but I feel like because she is there, I’ll always be seen as lesser. And it’s a hard feeling to take. I don’t want to believe I am, and I don’t want loved ones to make me believe I am either. It just feels hard to step out of my twins shadow, because just by her being there it’s hard just to be myself without my whole life and others shifting their perspective of who I am because of who she is.

I have just always wanted a supportive twin, but that’s not what I have. Since we were little, my twin has always made everything a competition—who wins in an argument, who’s leading a better more successful life, who’s got more people backing and supporting her in her life, all of this feels like something I just want to run from because I was born a twin, so everything I do will always be compared to her. I want to live calmly and be successful quietly, but she wants to make a scene and become someone great, and if I do anything that will make her look little, the toxicity comes. I don’t want this anymore! It’s come to the point where I’ve recently been finding myself withdrawing from all our shared friends, not being there for all the important occasions because I find out things like how she’s helping organize events for these important milestones in their lives, or how close I hear their friendship is. I fear trying to put in effort in my friendships with those I share with her because I don’t want to compete and try to make myself feel like I’m just like her. It just really sucks!

I know it’s an unpleasant and very negative way of thinking, but I want to come to terms with being okay with who I am, and not fearing that I’m the lesser. I know I feel flat in life because it’s probably something I feel I have to be to keep this up. How do I get through this? I just want to not have to compete, or do things and make decisions in my life that seek to prove I’m not the lesser.

That’s all, sorry this is so negative. I really do just want some help trying to break free from this cycle I keep finding myself in. I appreciate anyone who has advice to share on this.

Identical twins means that we were once 1 egg split into 2. Not the fact we look the same. Yea?

Im an identical twin and thats what I've learned.

Edit- they deleted their comments. Was a 13 year old "ragebaiting". If you want to delete this post lmk. But i appreciate the comments, I learned some things I didn't know about myself(how twins are made).

Don’t want to disrespect anyone or making it weird, I have never met twins in my life, except as kid, and all I heard about twins were always things filtrated by medias, so my knowledge is basically based on what I saw online. My question is what would happen if the male twin gets in a relationship with a girl and the female twin is bisexual and has feelings for her as well, how do you resolve this situation? I don’t have siblings so I can’t understand what would it be like, but I think that would be a little different for twins because they have a different bond compared to other siblings?

I (23M) recently lost my twin brother in a car accident. It has me shaken to my core, as it was my biggest fear throughout my entire life. Frankly, I don’t know what to do. It even hurts to look in a mirror (while we are fraternal, we are almost identical in facial appearance).

I know time heals all wounds, but frankly I don’t know what to do. If anyone here has experienced losing their twin early in life, how have yall dealt with that. It’s hard to explain to others who aren’t twins, even if they have lost loved ones before, so I figured why not ask people who would understand it the most.

Our mother is tired of the petty quarrelling that we frequently engage in and I and my twin are both upset that we seem to do this more often. I tend to want to cut things off and forgive quickly while they want to talk things out longer and I feel it's just them wanting to get the last word in. But I also know I need to listen more.