u/cinnamonglaze17

I myself am NOT a twin however my girlfriend has an identical twin sister and they’re super attached to each other (her twin is a little more attached) . They live together but still call each other every single day when my gf is sleeping over at my place. Her sister gets sad when she’s sleeping over at my place for more than 1 night. My gf is always bringing her up. It honestly intrigues me at the way twins work. I asked my mom (who also has a twin sister) if it was common, she laughed and said yes LOL. How is your dynamic with your twin??

First off, this is my first relationship with a woman, as I’ve dated men throughout my entire life, so it’s (obviously) been a different experience for me. My lady (23) and I (22) have been dating for 9 months and I truly love this woman, but I’m trying to figure out whether I’m expecting too much from her or whether our conflict style is genuinely unhealthy.
We argue like any normal couple, but my issue is how we argue. She tends to go from 0-100 really quickly when I’m simply trying to address something that bothered or concerned me. For example, I could say, “Hey, when you did XYZ, that bothered me,” and she’ll immediately start crying, defending herself, cussing/yelling, and saying things like “You think I’m a terrible girlfriend,” “You always have an issue with me,” or “You’re always telling me what I’m doing wrong.” She’ll also threaten to go home, even though I’ve never asked her to leave and she never actually does.
For context, I never tell her she’s a terrible girlfriend,… in fact, I regularly reassure her about how grateful I am to have her. And I’m not telling her what she’s “doing wrong”; I’m communicating what I need more or less of, and I’d expect her to do the same with me.
Also, i’m not the most perfect peach in the tree either, i’ve definitely had my ugly moments during an argument but I don’t personally resort to disrespecting or belittling her during arguments. What bothers me is that when she gets angry, she’ll bring up unrelated things, make assumptions about what I mean, put words in my mouth, and say things that feel intentionally hurtful.
I’m a very communicative person and need to talk things through so we can understand each other. She’s more of a “give me a minute” person, which I completely respect—taking space is fine. What I struggle with is what happens before she takes that space….
So I’m genuinely wondering: Is this something that can improve with time, patience, and better communication, or is this an unhealthy conflict pattern that I shouldn’t normalize?