i have met quite a few people who thought i was a cis dude, quite a few people who mistake me for a girl first glance, and a lot a lot of people who have to ask my friends what i am. so im just confused at where im passing. i know im alt and present adrognyously, cuz im a little more non binary but i wanna be seen as like boy first and that second.
i’m gonan like be vague but i work somewhere that promotes itself on inclusion. i went to get a new name tag cuz i broke mine and ive never had issues getting one before. this dude stopped me and was questioning me for almost 30 minutes almost making me late for my shift. he kept insisting he needed to see proof that is the name i can have on that name tag and where the records are that show i can. which, there are people there who have nicknames on their name tags. he just kept pushing and saying he needed proof, asking if it was a middle name, asking where in the records or emails i got approved for that, and etc. saying there was new governance and board on this stuff. which , i handed him a broken already printed out name tag w my name on it so..
his coworker pointed that out said there was probably already records and it was fine and could see my panic cuz like, if he printed it w my deadname i was out of call out hours cuz my dog died the week before. i nervously pointed out i had worked here for almost two years and never had trouble getting it printed but he just kept frantically trying to find proof. i was also not fully paying attention cuz i was fighting w one of my friends same time 😭 and nervous about being late to my shift. so i was like panicked trying to get him to hurry up. his like supervisor ? saw and asked what was going on and he explained and she was like ??? print his name tag.
i left the whole thing rlly shaken cuz i already had so much going on and ended up crying at my shift and the managers are gonna try and talk to their department. i had to go home early cuz i had a massive panic attack and was just non functioning cuz im autistic and already barely handle the environment i work at.
i’m still new to makeup but my friends are having a slasher themed 90s party where we dress as different archetypes and stuff. i’m meant to be the twink who dies first. i have my little outfit but i wanted to do some sort of blood and makeup to make myself look like i got killed. im having ttohble choosing what id want to do tho. i was thinking horse shoe in head and blood down face like someone tossed summer camp horseshoe at my head for the horse theme. but i cant find a foam horse shoe to cut in half and put on a headband
so my dog is getting pur down next week. becuase of how i was raised i tend to feel stuff all at once and then not at all. so my mom told me the news and i was dry heave sob crying but i was like no im gonna complete my morning pick me up ritual and bought my doughnuts and then went to the starbucks for coffee. the barista girl sees me crying and asks me what’s wrong and gives me a free drink. it’s a sweet add on to a rough day
i go back becuase i go here every few days when i miss the leasing house coffee or want a sweet treat and have jsut received my paycheck. she again, gives me a free drink. i’m now nervous. i do not look as sad anymore i don’t think? maybe disheveled cuz im not doing to good but thats it. i take it tho cuz thats so so sweet :)!
i go in back to back cuz i got paycheck yesterday and i had intended to spend a little on drink but got. a free one so im like ok ill go back and ill buy one this time. i see her. i do not make eye contact cuz i do not want her to feel she has to give me another one. i appreciate but people doing kind gestures like that makes me nervous cuz i am not good at showing thankfulness. she sees me anyway and says it on the house 😭. i’m sitting waiting and she brings it directly to me instead and tells me she hopes im doing better. should i bring like a cash tip next time?? how do i show thank u.
my friends also think she is flirting w me but im prettt sure shes just concerned ? if she is she’s barking up wrong tree idk why girls see my twink ass and think i like women. but ig a lot of emo dudes look androgynous and gay and are straight so
i work in a theme park that is extremely people centered and strict about a lot of how i am going be precieved by guests in the park. however working in a theme park is high stress and stimulation already for me, but i am needed to talk to guests and other workers. before i did ok but recently my anxiety has increased and also my need for stimulation.
i don’t think i can get an exception made ? cause they’d probably need direct proof and my insurance has recently lost records of my adhd and autism diagnosis (long long god damn story).
and i can’t just be pockets either. i mean i could maybe use something that i could play w in one pocket and see if they allow it, but i have gotten in trouble for hands in pockets before. because it was cold out. they are yes ussually stricter if a manger is nearby but sometimes it just gets being taken by wrong person to get in trouble. so like maybe a bracelet? it just can’t be bigger then one inch in length i looked in the costume rules.
sorry im rambling im just exhausted after my last shift and just anxiety fried at this point 😭
i need to figure out how the hell to pose for photos. i’m a dude btw cross dressing for fun
legit got asked in the third outfit by a frat boy if i wanted to join and rush the frats. which?? do u see what im wearing
i suddenly got a lot better socially and was going a lot better making friends, and holding conversations with others. a lot of it even started to become more natural to me. a bit ago i noticed it slowly regressing. and now its suddenly rlly difficult to hold conversations i held easily before. this is a struggle because i work a very needed social interaction job. it might just be burn out? but its been going on for months :(. how do i get out of it?
its literally making me feel so slow and stilted in convos and i already am but in a way most find quirky and just a little bit. but i am no longer in that balance and i tend to be almost absolutely quiet around others now
was like broken in some places and like 12 bucks at thrift :P. it had the spikes on the like temple pieces + the single chain. but the chain in the nose part was broken and it had holes for other spikes and i was like waittt. i had the concept of get the screw into hole but… not the expertise so roomate had to help w my drill XD
i wanna do like more then just the shjtty eyeliner i do and im starting to get more comfy presenting fem as a dude. i think girls makeup w all the pretty eyelash stuff is so cool but id love to do that stuff in a way of almost looking like non human. yall have any suggestions based on some of fem and masc outfits on like where i can start that would match my style?
last is how i made myself. idk why half of these are flipped i always grow my emo bangs out left side
so my mama bought me a tarot deck for my 22nd birthday. i really appreciate that :) she doesnt normally get me stuff for my spirtual practices. we ahd a talk ish recently about it where she was like well yes ofc im ok w that even tho we are catholic, we are irish and doing tarot is something in our heritage. so this was so cute!! she even got one with a clown on it cuz she knows i like clowns. small problem, its so clearly ai. i want to use it cuz it connects to like her but idk if the fact its ai is gonna throw its answers off. as an artist it gives me a slight ick T-T but i know she was trying her best and just got duped by amazon marketplace
OK UPDATE i told her and she was like oh no and gave me the scan thing to return it. heart was in the right place but i have to teach her abit to how to scrutinize her purchases. she bought a snoopy bean bag once that says all over it “i love the way ur heart heat tastes” so she’s 😭 fallen for this before