This is stupid I’m stupid I can’t fucking stop I don’t know why. I’m already running out of fucking medical supplies AGAIN this really is a never ending cycle. I’m done trying I’m done working up the courage to get help I’m too tired to keep doing this shit right now I’m so done.
This is stupid I’m stupid I can’t fucking stop I don’t know why. I’m already running out of fucking medical supplies AGAIN this really is a never ending cycle. I’m done trying I’m done working up the courage to get help I’m too tired to keep doing this shit right now I’m so done.
Does anyone have suggestions for an alternative to sh? I’ve used sh in various forms my whole life as something grounding and sensory seeking, plus I have OCD and that makes it almost compulsive. Is there anything specifically pain inducing but not super harmful obviously that I could try? TIA
I’m in a fucking hospital all night sitting with my grandma. A fucking hospital man. And I brought everything with me my whole kit everything. I’m already thinking of the best time to step away and cut, where to hide away and how long I need to bandage and hide the evidence. I can’t believe it’s gotten to the point where I can’t hold off long enough not to cut in a fucking hospital man. Fuck.
I want to tell someone I relapsed. I want to tell someone I’m struggling and I think I might be just a little suicidal. I don’t know if it should be my friends or 988. I’m so scared I’ve never been vulnerable like this but I’m cutting every day multiple times a day and I can’t stop.
I’m so frustrated. I literally just cut and want to cut again but my arm is legit covered in bandages right now I don’t even have the fuckin room to. Plus I’m running out of gauze and big bandaids so I have to go to the fuckin store on my break. God I’m so over this stupid habit I wish I could just stop. I keep telling myself I can stop whenever I want and I don’t actually need this and I’m making everything up then I go and cut again. Anyways rant over I’m just pissed cause I bought bandages literally like five days ago. Rant over thanks for listening.
How long were you all clean for before you relapsed? I feel horrible for relapsing after three years and so bad at that.
Is there even a threshold for bad enough to seek help? Do I have to actively be suicidal in the I have a plan and intent way? I don’t even consider myself suicidal but apparently I am?? Ami the only one that feels the cuts aren’t valid enough to seek help, the thoughts aren’t that big of a deal? Lmao I dunno what to do 🫠
Long story short I created drama in my family and tension and it’s all my fault I’m sure. I should’ve kept my mouth shut but I didn’t and now I screwed up the whole dynamic. I’m honestly probably gonna cut. A lot. First time in a while I’ve done it because of shame but honestly I feel like this is safer. I wanna blow my shit smooth off and not deal with this, I won’t though I did hold my gun to my head for the first time curiously to see if I’d feel any fear about the idea, I don’t know how to fix any of this. Fuck I’m so tired.
I can’t stop myself. Ive tried like everything, tried a whole ‘safety plan’ for the first time and I swear to god im just gonna go home and cut the moment I’m alone. What the fuck do I do now I tried so many things I tried putting it off I’m thinking of sucking it up and texting 988 if I really can’t stop myself but like what realistically could they do or offer?? I dunno I feel like its fucking inevitable at this point and I tried hanging out with my friends for as long as possible but it’s one in the morning and I have to go home but I’ll be alone again and what’s stopping me??
What is a safety plan and do any of you guys have one? I don’t wanna spiral to how I was before when I used to do this plus I just learned passive SI is not that great to have and maybe could spiral to active? Lmao I am learning quite a bit and am very confused, I don’t really have any education nor have I been to therapy or this.
What happens if I text the crisis line? Do they help with just self harm? I feel like a fucking loser but I’m chatting with a stupid chatbot (ChatGPT) because I have no idea what to do and I’ve never reached out for help before and I’m scared to talk to a real person. But. I’m sitting here on the floor staring at my fucking knife and I already cut today but I wanna do it again and I dunno what to do. I feel like a fucking failure.
So, I know Styros and so on are a high risk of infection, I take care to clean my styros and just recently got butterfly closures. How should I be cleaning the little ones? I try not to go too deep on my arm but never really thought to clean them like I do my leg and now they’re really itchy, can they get infected? Also should I be using rubbing alcohol to clean the cuts like I use to sterilize my knife?
I just went to the bathroom at my fuckin job just to cut. They wouldn’t stop bleeding either and I panicked and spent too long in there and didn’t bandage them properly or put anything like Neosporin on it. My friend texted me out of the blue that they are pulling back (their going thru a manic episode rn) and my family went on a vacation without my side of the family and I can only assume it’s my fault cause they don’t like me so by proxy my family has to suffer. And now my arm stings like a bitch and I might get in trouble and today sucks and I’m gonna fuckin go home and do it again I just know it.
Repost because I forgot to add a flair.
I was just curious, maybe I’m leaving myself too much easy access here but I was wondering if anyone else carries a ‘kit’ on them? I started doing that a while back, it had bandages and stuff to clean the tool and wound, after I just kept using my pocket knife on a whim. I’ll use whatever blade I have access to really, I just figured this made it safer? Or should I stop carrying that?
I don’t even know if I’m angry. I haven’t cut in three years, though I’ll be honest I never stopped various methods of self harm. I just. I dunno I got bored or something?? Everything’s going great and I just relapsed for what??? Guess I’m just ranting or whatever, I dunno what to do really. I’ve never really done the whole therapy thing nor does anyone know I relapsed. Everyone that knows I’ve cut only found out after I stopped, I don’t think I can tell anyone but I dunno what to do. Oh well rant over, I guess I’ll never be able to stop.
I’m curious if anyone has a support system where they’ve told someone close to them they self harm? My parents and friends know I used to, though only after I stopped never during, but I’ve been VERY careful to make sure they don’t know I relapsed a while ago. I’ve never had anyone actually know about it while I was actively struggling with cutting, what’s it like if y’all do? Should I bite the bullet and tell someone or is that like the wrong thing to do??
So, if I need to go to a hospital to get help with treating a cut what would they do? This is like my biggest fear but I’m more worried of not being able to fix my arm myself. I’m rather skinny and I’m worried they’re gonna think I’m trying off myself which I’m not, I have no SI really, should I risk waiting it out for the healing?
Listen, I am NOT one to complain but I’m starting to lose it here. Is anyone else’s boys weirdly freaky and constantly trying to kiss their characters?? Like, I’m being so serious it’s every swipe. The bot wants in my characters pants so bad. My bot is a FATHER FIGURE and my character is a MINOR like please at this point it feels like intentional assault with how persistent it’s being 😭😭
So, I was just curious if anyone else has to do something not typical with their food to stimulate interest in eating. I was sitting here thinking about it and I still ‘play’ in my food as a grown ass adult. I’m talking squish things between my hand and feel the texture to encourage wanting to eat whatever it is. Just curious if I’m like mad weird or if this is a common weird thing with ARFID.