r/AdultSelfHarm

no it wasnt in a threatening way, he said he wouldnt be able to mentally handle it since he already feels responsible for my scars since he wasn't able to stop me. i get his mindset but i'm just so stuck.

we've been together for 5 years and i was self harming for the first 2 without him knowing since i didn't wanna burden him with that. obviously i told him eventually and he was supportive and understanding but i've been clean for 2 years now and it was honestly only for him. i dont want to stop. its my least harmful coping mechanism and since stopping i've only gotten worse in other aspects. we talked about this today and he said that he wouldnt be able to handle it if i relapsed.

i dont even know what advice i'm asking for but im really on the verge of relapsing, things felt so simple back then but now my coping mechanisms are way worse and do more damage than good

edit: im new to this subreddit and just saw the mod announcement, im 19f. not sure if that'll save my post from getting deleted but yea

Hi, so Ive stopped self harming since the start of the year, which means im clean for 5 months. However I can never leave the house without wearing long sleeves. I really need these to fade because wearing hoodies when it's that hot out is really awful. I want to tattoo my entire arm so it's more discreet but if I do it now then it's a bad idea. The scars are not that deep btw, I would post a pic but the community doesn't allow it

I have a history of self harm fantasies but not action. Today I went on a long walk specifically with the intention of finding a private place to hurt myself and went through with it. I wasn't thinking and did it right on my hand where it's extremely visible. It will almost certainly leave a scar, and a pretty distinctly self-inflicted one.

The thing is I was feeling fine today. I was not having any of the emotions or ruminating thoughts I associate with the desire to self harm. During my walk I was actually listening to a podcast that made me really happy and having a nice conversation with a friend. And then just casually burned myself on purpose because I wanted it to hurt.

I've been googling the method I used since getting home and it's sinking in what I actually did. That I'm going to be healing this for weeks and there's a high risk of it getting infected. That if anyone sees it there are very few if any reasonable excuses I can give for where I got it. I'm supposed to be going to bed right now but I kind of feel like throwing up. I don't know what happened and I want to talk about it but I'm just really ashamed of myself and I don't think I have anyone I can admit this to who won't make me feel worse.

I just don't understand. I feel like I can't trust myself.

Basically the title. almost everyone i know that struggled with sh left it in their teens, or it was ‘a phase’ that disappeared when the underlying stressor was addressed. it makes me feel so fucking childish and immature, that it is still an issue for me.

​Hey everyone,

​We’ve been listening to the feedback and discussions happening around the sub lately, and we want to address a major point of frustration that a lot of you have brought up: the uptick in posts from teenagers and minors.

​We completely get it. It is incredibly frustrating to come to a space looking for mature, adult peer support, only to end up sifting through adolescent content and high school dynamics. Adults face entirely different life contexts and challenges with self-harm, and mixing the two helps no one.

​To address this, we have officially updated the sub rules to explicitly state that this is a strictly 18+ space only. (Because apparently, the word Adult being right there in the sub name wasn't quite enough to get the message across... who knew? 🙄) From here on out, minor accounts and posts indicating the user is under 18 will be removed.

How you can help us:

Because this community is so active, the mod team simply cannot see every single post and comment 24/7. **We heavily rely on you guys to be our extra set of eyes.** If you see a post or comment from a minor, please don't just scroll past or get frustrated, hit that report button immediately. That flags it straight to our mod queue so we can review and remove it right away.

On that note, as the sub keeps growing, we could definitely use some extra hands on deck to keep this space safe, supportive, and strictly for adults. If you are passionate about this community, have a level head, and are interested in joining the moderation team, please send us a message via Modmail. We’ll discuss applications among the current team to see about bringing some new folks on board.

​Thank you all for helping us keep this sub what it was always meant to be - a safe, mature space for adults navigating recovery.

This is a sub talking about adults who are addicted to self harm, or at least, it used to be. Nowadays it’s a bunch of teenagers being emo. You can’t talk about anything serious because if you do you’ll get yourself banned.

Recently I realized when I was a child I would bite myself. I never thought of that as sh until recently when I realized I have been doing sh for a long time . Has anyone else done this

I was a regular cutter for most of my adolescence. I was the subject of several intensely embarrassing family interventions because of it, but every time they begged me to stop, I would just find more discreet places to do it (always got caught in the end, though). When I was 16, all the blades in my household were put in lockboxes, and in my desperation to break skin, I just started scratching at the same spot with my nails until it became raw, then re-picking the scabs off that same wound over and over. It began as a deliberate attempt at hurting myself and a replacement for cutting... but as months went by, it became a compulsion that I cannot physically control. I very quickly learned to localize my picking to just the feet because it's the easiest part of myself to keep hidden. I just wear socks at all times until I'm alone. I can't remember the last time I was barefooted in another person's presence because my feet are so scarred and missing most of their toenails. I've never even had sex without keeping my socks on. I've lived my whole adult life so far like this, and I hate it.

I feel like my current excoriation habit has some similar underlying emotional drives, but it's still very distinct from cutting to me. Cutting occured only in times of high distress, and it also just generally required more effort to complete. But the picking happens without me even realizing it more often than not. I often enter a trance when I do it and will continue doing it for hours without even thinking. And the pain it causes is something I tolerate but do not enjoy one bit, unlike the pain I got from cutting which usually soothed me. I don't ever remember regretting cutting myself, but I very frequently go too far with the picking and end up trying not to walk funny in public because the sole of my foot is completely raw, and I'm always angry with myself for days or even weeks following. Yet as soon as the skin there becomes peelable again, I take it right off. I can't stop doing it for the life of me!

I sometimes think "at least I'm no longer cutting" to feel better about it, but I know that's me lying to myself. I don't feel proud at all to tell my psychiatrist that I'm clean from cutting because the skin picking still technically counts as self-harm and is honestly a much worse problem for me now than cutting ever was. It's gotten to the point where I've even considered taking up cutting again to stop myself from picking 😭😭🫠

Has anything like this happened to anyone else?

I've been fighting the urge to relapse for days/weeks (edit: "wanting" to relapse - > fighting the urge, it's more accurate). Almost 5 months clean but I have urges every day. Thing is, I kinda just... Don't do it. And I don’t understand why/what it is that keeps me from doing it

Granted, a lot of times the timing of my heaviest urges is super impractical (Eg. at work, partying w/ friends) - I'd quite literally feel insane if I self harmed in those situations so it's probably not gonna happen and I'm fighting hard to not cross those boundaries I've set myself.

But even when I get the chance, idk. Something is holding me back. Idk what it is and even tho I greatly appreciate that there is something that keeps me clean (a win is a win), it isn't quite the same as winning against the urges/100%wanting to stay clean.

It's weird, "wanting" to relapse so badly (idk how to cope most times and just try to sit it out) but just never getting around to actually do it. I think about it, I wanna do it, I want that feeling so badly but I'm gonna (try to) keep listening to the part of me that doesn't want it to happen again.

Has anyone experienced this? How did you handle it? Is it as sign of recovery or should I be worried that the urges are still that permanently present?

I'm 24. I feel like I'm far too old to still be THIS depressed and suicidal 24/7. There are many times when I thought I could imagine it getting better. I've felt like this for over 12 years. I can't remember the last time I existed while not having a plan to kill myself in the back of my mind. At 21 or so I got diagnosed with schizophrenia, but I had symptoms for many years before that. It's weird. Having this disease feels like a confirmation of what I always knew, that I was never meant to live a long or happy life. I live my days in constant paranoia and fear. Some days aren't too bad but I've been self harming more and more because it makes me feel better.

I've always heard that you're not supposed to constantly feel depression, or paranoia, or constantly want to hurt yourself, or constantly have a plan for suicide. I often wonder what it's like to live that way. Every once in a while I become aware of how messed up I am. I know from an outsider's perspective I am sick in the head and completely hopeless. It's weird to realize that this isn't normal. Some people live their lives hardly experiencing this.

I see my psychiatrist very often and I am on a ton of medications to help my psychosis and paranoia. It hardly helps these days. Therapy helps with the small stuff but no amount of talking and coping mechanisms gets rid of the hallucinations and delusions.

What's it like to not feel this way? I'm trying really hard to stop feeling like this but it's not going well. I'm considering inpatient treatment. I dunno.

A few weeks back, I (32F) made the mistake of listening to my therapist when she told me I should let my SO (30F) know about relapsing on SH. At most I’ve made it roughly 2 or 3 months clean at most since this started. In this case, it hadn’t been after much of a stretch of “good behavior”, maybe 2 weeks at most.

When I told her about it, she got loud and angry with me. No appreciation for the honesty, just disappointment in me for relapsing and venting her frustration about not being able to trust me to be alone. She started talking about sending me to some facility. I shut down and just said things that sounded compliant… but it didn’t feel rooted in support… I felt like a bad dog.

Obviously, I stopped telling her about new incidents. I’ve actually started going deeper than ever and even become less open with my therapist about it. I’ve started logging the catalyst for each new mark, turning one thigh into a tally board of disagreements and re-tracing older ones like the “NE” on my other thigh for “Not Enough”

When we have any conflict now, it’s hard enough not to grab the nearest thing and turn it into a weapon against myself there in the moment. I can’t risk letting her find out about my slipping further but I also don’t have anyone else I trust enough to tell… I’m not sure what to do. Keeping these to myself feels like a recipe for uncontested relapse…

One of my closest friends died and it doesn't feel like I'm grieving properly without self harming. It doesn't make sense, I feel like I didn't love her enough and I'm not doing right by her.

I'm really trying hard not to relapse - I've been told to access the therapy I want I need to stay clean from self harming. I've also seen a specialist plastics doctor who has said that my nerve damage is too bad to repair but she can do surgery to reduce sensation. So I really need to not relapse.

I know this doesn't make sense and people say to me that she wouldn't want me to but it just doesn't feel valid without and I don't feel like I can access the emotions properly. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

22(f). ive been self harming for 10 years now and its gotten better and easier over the years so I hadnt been cutting much at all and I was super proud of myself. however i recently went through a very traumatic event that has caused me to get into it more regularly, and so ive been doing it more to cope. i used to be able to cut deep and most of my scars are at least styros and lately I find myself getting super angry when all I accomplish is cat scratches no matter how hard I press or try. I was wondering if anyone else feels this way. sometimes I want to get deeper cuts because they last longer and I can take care of them more. ive been so frustrated and then it makes me want to do it again to see if I can go deeper. anyone have some advice on how to control my frustrations?

Hi, does anyone else here cant seem to sleep fast if they dont sh?

Atp I dont really want to kms but I just want to sleep and to peacefully sleep, I need to sh otherwise Ill be staring at the ceiling for minutes even with meds.

Just want to know if someone had did and what you did to stop or redirect it

**Hey Guys I just wanna tell that I keep cutting myself but somehow I want to stop that shit so m asking u out for the alternative of that shit ( say some real shit )**

1. Shame on them for not being informed in their line of work. 2. It was awkward and embarrassing as hell to explain biting. 3. Their completely mind boggled expression.

Sigh.

You know, it was my first form of self harm, therefore it the most reactive. Even worse to be an adult still doing it.

I have an upcoming gallbladder removal surgery. I have lots of very visible sh scars on my stomach, I'm afraid of the nurses/surgeon seeing them, making notes of them or bringing it up.

Secondly I'm scared of my family seeing my scars, especially my mom as I still live with her and she will probably help take care of me or ask to see the surgery area.

Is there anyway I can avoid this or deal with it ?

I 22F have a long history of cutting. (About 10 years on and off). It’s been about 3 years since I’ve actually acted on my urges. Relapsed today over some dumb shit and now I feel stupid and like I’m back in middle school. Am I “too old” to have this coping mechanism?

I just got 50 days on I Am Sober (yay ig). I know I should be happy, but I just feel scared. Like, was it all for nothing? Is this it fr? I never got to do a big deep cut or use the sharpest tools yet.

I have noticeable scars yeah, but they're not shockingly bad or anything. There's only 2 that could be considered bad (one got stitches and the other should've). And it makes me feel as kind of a poser in a way

It also feels like this is me growing up and becoming an actual adult, with my scars fading and my clean streaks going up exponentially. It's really scary for some reason

I miss when I was a teen stuck in my room just not even caring about being clean. I was comfortable inside all of that darkness, I felt alive. Now I just feel so hollow inside because I don't get the intense feelings cutting used to give me

Hi, so I’m 2,5 months clean atm and I intend to keep it that way BUT I think about it every single day I want to sh so badly and knowing myself and my borderline impulsivity I’ll snap any day so how do I.. not?
I’m going through a rough and toxic as situationship and it makes me want to Frankenstein myself all over again honestly the only thing stopping me right now is the fact that I promised myself I would never cut myself because of this man ever again and even though it’s just a promise made in my head it would go against my own morals to break that promise. The thing is now I’m just looking for excuses to sh that’s not because of that relationship so that I can blame it on something else instead. What do I do? I been doing this sh shit since I was 12 , I’m 21 now idk how to cope without seeing my damn blood and I don’t feel satisfied until I sit with stitches that will ruin my summer. At least people can understand it when I drink and shit but no one understands how addictive sh really is.
This turned into a rant honestly.