u/Groover97

Looking in your eyes let me forget everything else, there was no pain in this world. Only love and a beautiful girl

The memories follow me in everything I do, I’m unable to escape what’s left of you

I hear your laughter when I close my eyes, I remember what was when I lay down and cry

Your hips, your lips, the feel of your pretty little fingertips

Your smile, your wit, even watching you try to do the splits

the nights spent for the morning after, laying more than we’d admit as the day filled with our laughter

Your warmth, your feel, the way we fit

Your legs between mine, my hands around yours. I can’t believe it’s gone. I can’t believe it wasn’t it

Oh, how I wish for you to latch on one last time, one more hold of your hand in mine

No time can take away the memory of when I knew I’d be just fine

Because this beautiful girl was once mine

My step brother abused me as a kid. I met him when I was 6. I cut him off 6 years ago.

When I was 16, after my dad died, I told my step mum that “something rapey” happened to me as a kid. Her first question was it her son. I said no & she took me to a psychologist who was also seeing my step brother. It didn’t go well.

Now it has been 12 years since. I have told my closest family about the abuse. I am currently questioning to tell my step mother. It would be over text as I left my home country 10 years ago.

My main concern is my little step sister. I haven’t told her. I am worried that she will tell her and it will affect her badly. I am worried that my step brother abused her too. I have wanted to talk to my step sister about this for so long, but I have been a coward, and we don’t live in the same country. It doesn’t feel like the appropriate conversation to have over text or a call. My other concern is her handling it badly; telling me it didn’t happen, saying I’m making it up etc.

But I do just want to send her an angry text about all the times she failed me. She was not a good step mother, and she abandoned me at 18- 2 years after my father died.

Anyway, does anyone have any advice or been in a similar position?

I’ve been self harming for as long as I can remember. Lately it’s been cutting & burning. I guess it gives me a feeling of relief & a way to punish myself.

Posting because I was curious if others have similar or different reasons

Hey, thanks for reading. Will be long. Need to vent.

I’m 28 years old now. From the ages of 6-12, my older step brother sexually abused me. It took me so long to think of it as abuse, and I still struggle sometimes. It is so hard to come to terms with. I never said no.

I met him when I was 6, and he used to ask me for blowjobs and tell me about sex instantly. Then he started taking his penis out & masturbating in front of me. After about a year of this, one day I was left alone with him & dad put him in charge. He had a mobile phone I wanted to play games on. He told me I could play the game if I touched his penis. He showed me how. I can still remember what it felt like. I can still remember crying as I washed his cum off my hands in my dad’s bathroom. It got worse from there, and I never said no.

Many years later, he got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and some other things. We were still in touch and I was his main support as he had lost most closest to him because of his behaviour. One day, he called me up and said something terrible happened. He told me his girlfriend left him, that she threw something at him and he hit her & she went to the police. He told me that he told her what he did to me. He was distraught, and I felt guilty- I hadn’t truly accepted what happened yet. He explained that his own father exposed him to sex at a young age, that he would regularly have women over and he could hear them and sometimes see them have sex. He told me this is where he learnt his behaviour. I forgave him, and told him not to feel bad because it was what “we” did. Looking back now, he was just worried the girlfriend he assaulted would tell people what he did to me.

Years go by, and I finally tell my first girlfriend about what happened- the first person I ever told. It didn’t go well, but it was a start. Then came my next girlfriend. I told her, and she listened. She tried her best, but it didn’t change how I felt. I still felt disgusted with myself, I felt ashamed and I felt guilty. I needed a way to cope with it, but I was too scared to face it.

I got a job labouring, and I started getting massages to help with the stress. I live in an expensive city so I went with cheap options. A lot of these places offered happy endings. I felt disgusted and uncomfortable at first, and I would tell my girlfriend what was happening. She trusted me. And I kept going to get massages, often ending up at these places.

Somewhere along the line, it started to feel good saying no. It made me feel at peace with myself. It helped with the shame and my self hatred. But it was also a form of self harm; one of the things my step brother used to do was have me lie naked in my bed & touch me. When I went to get a massage I was reliving it. But when I said no to the happy ending, I was rewriting the ending and I was getting my power back. I was reclaiming my body. It became an addiction, and I didn’t tell my girlfriend. I started to lie about what I was doing when I went to get a massage. I know this was wrong. I thought she would understand, but I couldn’t tell her I was enjoying reliving it. I was too weak.

Eventually, she questioned where I actually was. I told her. I told her what I had been doing. She broke up with me, and for 6 months we tried to make it work. I became suicidal again. I started self harming again. She tried to be there for me, but she was unable to overcome the breach in trust.

She’s been gone for over 2 months now. I am trying to do it own my own, with the support of my family & therapist. But I am struggling. I am self harming. I am considering suicide again. But I do not have an immediate plan for it, I’m just worried it will only take one bad day for me to make an impulsive choice.

Thanks for reading

Hey, me (28m) and a friend (25f) are planning on forming a small group to go to this gig in a few weeks. We will do pre drinks at a pub nearby, which we haven’t decided on yet. We both don’t have many clubbing friends. Anyone welcome!

We will get the entry before midnight tickets, currently 14 pounds

link: https://ra.co/events/2430616

Feeling particularly heartbroken the last few days. Prior to this I had been feeling great, and feeling like I had a new lease on life; I thought I did most of the grieving during the last few months of the relationship.

I guess I am aware that it’s natural to feel sad, missing someone you still loved and thought you’d spend your life with, but also the relationship became/was incredibly toxic and it hurt both of us a lot. We both tried our best, and it sucks.

I guess I am asking advice/opinions on what a “healthy“ balance of feeling heartbroken is? I am trying my best not to dwell and to cry, but I also don’t want to ignore these feelings.

Thank you 💔